Newbies Nest

[See the Light]

Resolve- Yes.. you did this, and it is a plus you take ownership and reponsibility. And it is good that it hurts, believe it or not..because you are less likely to forget it. Since you have lurked on these boards since I 1st did as well, you must have seen the many discussions already on relapses and those on moderating. Now your very impactful post may motivate others...it will surely motivate you for the future. You had the tools and skills to go 11 weeks, but the question of whether you were "all better" still lingered ..we all have that question from time to time...and now you may have your answer.
Now you have to do whatever you can to make it better. Now that you recognize the dangers of few drinks becoming many...be honest and tell your family..you fucked up, you know that and you are truly sorry. Tell your son you love him and it pains you to see him upset and you never want that again. And you are going to get help..however that is you decide. Your life is not over, but this is ground zero...the day you decide you are never going to drink again. Luckily, no one got physcially hurt, nothing was destroyed...except what was inside of you. Make this your day to change your life forever..you did this...what are you going to do to undo this and not make it happen again or even worse next time...ask your wife to keep your family togather and give you one more chance...then work hard at this like nothing else in the world...save your family...save yourself..you are not alone, stay with us and rebuild your life...starting right now. Best wishes...let us know how things are going.

[KENSHO]

Eloise, I was going to say the same thing; we didn't change until we decided we needed to and I doubt very much anything you say would make much difference in her state.

Resolve, I feel for you. Please remember that being an alcoholic doesn't make us bad people. It's alcohol that's bad - and its effect on us. I hope the best for you tonight. You posted with such honesty and I hope that fairs well for you. Honesty and acceptance are a great place to begin the journey again.

Byrdie, I've done the drink water, expel water thing. You'll be clean as a whistle tomorrow, which is actually kind of a nice feeling! Light as air! Hope it goes quickly!

Lav, I love how much you post about your grandchildren and family. It's clear how much they mean to you and I love that you value the people in your life so much - the most important thing! Well, that and chickens

I am so glad to be sober. I am tired. But I am sober. Good night!

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

I was moved to tears by so many of these posts today. F#*K alcohol!

Resolve - I can't really add to the great advice. I am a mom, too, and nearly 50 as well. I most certainly had some embarrassing nights, and then it got like Ava said - something turned and I knew that more than just embarrassing myself, I was killing myself. I got drunk more easily, and I felt worse after. I drank hungrily, in desperation in a way I never had before.

I really, really like STL's advice - talk with your family, apologize, and tell them your plan to get sober. I used MWO, but also saw an individual counselor in person. That was the push I needed - once I confessed everything to her, and once I formed connections here, there was no going back. Print your post from today and look at it if you are ever feeling weak.

El - I agree that your SiL sounds very toxic and that you should stay away from her when you can. You are not a bad person - people can only get help when they want it and ask for it. You CAN be the example.

Ican - Sorry. Alcohol depressed me, too. Can you possibly get in-person help? Can you get to a meeting of any kind, or see a doctor?

One day at a time, folks. One hour or one minute at a time if you need that. You can refrain from drinking right now.

My first day here I felt a wreck - I was ashamed, afraid, anxious and very, very sad. I drank Gatorade, took short walks, and lounged in Epsom salt/lavender baths all day. I read as much as I could here, and stayed in bed the next day as well (ironically, the only day I called in sick from alcohol since I was a waitress in college). You all WILL feel better - getting that beast off my back was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time.

Thanks everyone for your incredibly kind, thoughtful and inspiring posts. Lest you think I'm going soft, Matt, I'll end by saying---

Stay hard, nest.
Pav

[narilly]

El, sorry about your wacky SIL. That is a tough one. Like everyone says, you can't control her so just stay away. I think you are doing a good job. Your hubby probably is too scared to say anything to her because of what happened last time. Good you didn't go to her party.

Resolve, your story made me cringe. We have all put ourselves in bad situations like that because of drinking. Now you have a second chance. Grab onto that chance and don't let it go. Now is the time to be grateful for being sober. You/we cannot moderate, no matter how much our AL brain tells us we can.

Good luck tomorrow Byrdie. Fun stuff.

Goodnight everyone.

[Matt M.]

Resolve~ I too was moved by your story, as I read I began living it. It made me uncomfortable, at no fault to you, but at the thought of how I too humiliated myself, put my family in jeopardy. I felt your sincerity and pain and I honestly feel for you.
You definitely have a bit of a mess to clean up, but this mess can be cleaned! No one was physically hurt so this can be a success story. I'm my opinion for what it's worth, I would pull the family together and have a self initiated intervention. In all my attempts to quit in the past, I would swear Al off, and beg, plead, cry to my loved ones that this was by god it! Truth be told, when I said " I'm SORRY" what that really meant to my family was" watch out because he's about to do this again" My words meant shit. What is needed is ACTION! Action will speak louder than words, especially in our cases.

What has worked for me this time and has given me a whole new outlook, theory etc, about Alcohol.
1. it's fucking poison! It harms our most vital organs. There is ZERO benefit.
2. I know I can not ever drink again, not a drop. I could have written a book on failed ways to moderate, I officially ran out of ways to moderate.
3. God/higher power~ not going to cram religion down anyone's throat. There is someone it something out there bigger than me, I call him God. I go to my knees often.
4. MWO~ I thank my god for leading me to this place, in 90 days I feel I have met life long friends, I look forward to logging in here daily.

Your story really did move me and i appreciate you sharing it. If you ever need or would like to chat I'm here for you brother.

Love you guys!
PAV~ I would never doubt Your hardness!

[Roadside]

abcowboy, your diligence in posting with concerns on others and your empathy is more help than you know. You now deserve the highest kudos for getting through the weekend!

~*KUDOS for ABCOWBOY*~

[MossRose]

Resolve - your post hurt my heart. I'm sure things aren't pleasant right now, but I hear true remorse in your post. It sounds like you intend to own this, and that will be extremely important going forward. Guilt and shame are more about us, and can be useful reminders in the beginning, but remorse is feeling badly about hurting others and wanting to make amends. I know from experience how hard it is to repair relationships with loved ones, but it can be done. It takes time, and effort. As Matt said - our words mean nothing after awhile. It's our actions that speak volumes. You will certainly face some difficult days ahead, so lean on us, and stay strong.

Ican - worried about you. It's true that each quit gets much harder, so please stick close to us, and give AL the boot. It sounds like it's starting to greatly affect your family life. Don't do what I did and wait until it's too late. You know you are strong enough. Hope to hear from you very soon.

Hello to everyone else. No time for a lengthy post this morning, but just wanted to check in and stay accountable. I've been fighting a bug the last couple of days, but feeling much better finally. Will check in later after work.

edit to add: Kensho, I too am horrified when I think of all the people in this world battling life-threatening illnesses who are desperately seeking a cure, while I continued to down one glass of wine after another, harming my body without thought or care. Like Ava - I too have a brother who is an end-stage AL and watching the quality of his life slip away, piece by piece over the years, should have been enough to make me quit. But it didn't. The only thing that made me finally say enough was that I didn't want my sons' legacy to be a mother who drank herself to death. I was getting close.

[Eloise]

Just seeing this, thanks Byrdie. I thought I was being selfish by avoiding her. I feel better.

Resolve, I am so sorry about what happened and cannot thank you enough for posting all the gory details. That too took courage.
Many of us are just like you with our sobriety hanging by a thread. I do not think you needed (or deserved) such an event to understand it all, but now I am sure you got the message loud and clear. No drinking for you (and me I might add). Not a drop, not ever. You are in our thoughts and hope things shape up faster than you can imagine. Bless you. Say it's over and you won't walk that path again and it will indeed be over.

Hey Resolve, and welcome to the Nest. I can't add much to what NS so eloquently wrote...I have a tale of my last night of being drunk.

On the night of Jan 19, 2011, my hubs delivered an ultimatum to me....HIM or AL. Actually, he just said he was leaving because he didn't want to be married to a drunk. I had to find a way to stop drinking for good, and HOPE I would earn his trust back enough to give me a final chance. I also didn't know if he was just sick of me altogether, or the drunk version. I am happy to say it was the latter. Our marriage has never been stronger than it is now. I know I am ONE drink away from losing all of that now. It's a chance that I'm not willing to take. I am done with AL. It did me NO favors and just make me act like an ass. I know the future is uncertain for you now, and tonight is going to be difficult, but you CAN beat this thing. It won't make last night go away, but time heals a lot of things. If you use the experience for good, then all is not lost. Wishing you strength!!

Eloise, as we see over and over here in the nest, nobody can stop an addict until he/she is ready to stop. Even when they come in here of their own volition, some are just not ready to admit and take action to reverse this disease. All I can say is lead by example. If/when she is ready to confront her demons, maybe she will seek you out and then you can talk to her. Until that time, I would avoid her. She sounds toxic. Who needs/wants that? When your hubs gets sick enough of it, he will say something to her. You can control your relationship with her, and your relationship with him, but you can't control their relationship with each other. Good luck to you, that's a tough one. As you know, my whole family is nucking futs! I'm the most normal one of the lot and I'm a flipping alcoholic!!!!!! Unfortunately, we cant choose our kin!!

Spoiler alert, I'm going to be cranky tomorrow....clear liquid diet and colon cleanse day!! :toilet:

Hugs to all! Byrdie

[Eloise]

Brydie- how are you feeling today?!!

[See the Light]

way to go Cowboy..not giving in just saved your hard, tiring day from turning into a total disaster... you keep on fighting the good fight man

[Icanwithoutacan]

Good hangover free morning! I am working at the voting polls. The depression has lifted and I feel more optimistic. Thanks MR! Matt M I am really enjoying your posts. Resolve I hope you feel a little more hopeful today as well. I cannot drink! I cannot drink....I must "know" this deep down in my soul- working on it

[Byrdlady]

ALCOHOL is the problem.

Over the years, as I have perused these boards, I am flabbergasted by the situations that we, as Alkies, get ourselves into. Speaking for myself, I was willing to look the other way when family and friends started making snide comments about my drinking. I ignored the red flags that went down at the dr's office when my blood readings started coming back abnormal. Not once, but on 4 occasions I had to have blood removed because my ferritin was too high (because my liver wasn't functioning properly) , do you think THAT stopped me from drinking when I got home? I was on anti depressants, 3 blood pressure meds, I was getting to the point where I was resigned to the fact I was going to die young (if 50 is young to you). Not until I looked my hubs of (then) 24 years into the eye and he told me he would NOT be married to a drunk, did it finally sink in. I finally GOT IT. I was going to have to do the impossible....give up AL. That was a really scary day for a lot of reasons. Coming face to face with this problem wasn't easy. I was a master at denial and rationalizing what I was doing. I see this all over our site here and it makes me so sad. I see people doing things and saying things that they would NEVER do if AL weren't involved. Excusing inexcusable behaviors. Rationalizing a medical problem instead of blaming the very thing that is causing the problem. Since I quit AL, everything in my life has IMPROVED! I am off the AD's, off all the BP meds, my depression is GONE. My marriage is STRONG. My weight is down (something I blamed on metabolism for years). My skin is clear, my hair is fuller and thicker, no acid reflux, my outlook on life is brighter in every way. Not drinking is now normal for me. I would have never thought this 4 years ago. At this time 4 years ago, I was at the height of my addiction.

If you are here, YOU have a problem with AL. If AL is involved in your life right now let me say this to you....ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM. It's not your EX, it's not Daylight Saving Time, it's not menopause....or Manopause, it's not stress at work, it's not your family, it's not that medical issue you might be using to rationalize a drink (or 12).....the problem in YOUR life is ALCOHOL. Alcohol.

You don't have to believe me, it's fine if you don't. But give us 30 days AF and you tell us if your life doesn't turn around. All you have to do is check out our Tool Box and you'll see for yourself how many lives have turned around in such a short amount of time. From the time of your last haircut to the next one....see what a difference going without this mind-altering poison can make in your life. You won't find one of us WORSE off after 30 days. Before you go blaming life for your troubles, give us this time. You can always go back if it hasn't changed for you....there is always that option. See for yourself and do this experiment. Remove the ONE variable you've never removed before. You will be amazed.

ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM.

Hope everyone has an easy day! XO, Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Brydie- how are you feeling today?!!

Today is colon cleanse day.....I feel CRAPPY!!! bahahahaha....(get it?) There are 1000 jokes for today's events! It's a pain in the arse, but I will survive! Thank you for asking!!! XXOO, B

[See the Light]

GMAE everyone....Great post Byrdie on AL being the problem (and thus clearly not the solution to any other problems).. oh, and best wishes on your...umm...big day (not exactly what you say here..my 1st thoughts were "go break a leg" and "gettem' tiger", but I'm pretty sure those aren't right)..anyway, thanks for always putting it in perspective .

And I hope everyone else (especially those struggling hard again) is having a good day, staying strong and AF

[NoSugar]

This is one for the Toolbox, Byrdie. Great post! It's crazy how we'll blame anything and everything for our problems and insist that those problems can be solved only by the very thing that is causing many if not all of them! What a hopeless loop. The only solution that seems to work is to cut it. Stop drinking. Many of the problems will resolve themselves and those that don't can actually be dealt with.

ALCOHOL is the problem.

Over the years, as I have perused these boards, I am flabbergasted by the situations that we, as Alkies, get ourselves into. Speaking for myself, I was willing to look the other way when family and friends started making snide comments about my drinking. I ignored the red flags that went down at the dr's office when my blood readings started coming back abnormal. Not once, but on 4 occasions I had to have blood removed because my ferritin was too high (because my liver wasn't functioning properly) , do you think THAT stopped me from drinking when I got home? I was on anti depressants, 3 blood pressure meds, I was getting to the point where I was resigned to the fact I was going to die young (if 50 is young to you). Not until I looked my hubs of (then) 24 years into the eye and he told me he would NOT be married to a drunk, did it finally sink in. I finally GOT IT. I was going to have to do the impossible....give up AL. That was a really scary day for a lot of reasons. Coming face to face with this problem wasn't easy. I was a master at denial and rationalizing what I was doing. I see this all over our site here and it makes me so sad. I see people doing things and saying things that they would NEVER do if AL weren't involved. Excusing inexcusable behaviors. Rationalizing a medical problem instead of blaming the very thing that is causing the problem. Since I quit AL, everything in my life has IMPROVED! I am off the AD's, off all the BP meds, my depression is GONE. My marriage is STRONG. My weight is down (something I blamed on metabolism for years). My skin is clear, my hair is fuller and thicker, no acid reflux, my outlook on life is brighter in every way. Not drinking is now normal for me. I would have never thought this 4 years ago. At this time 4 years ago, I was at the height of my addiction.

If you are here, YOU have a problem with AL. If AL is involved in your life right now let me say this to you....ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM. It's not your EX, it's not Daylight Saving Time, it's not menopause....or Manopause, it's not stress at work, it's not your family, it's not that medical issue you might be using to rationalize a drink (or 12).....the problem in YOUR life is ALCOHOL. Alcohol.

You don't have to believe me, it's fine if you don't. But give us 30 days AF and you tell us if your life doesn't turn around. All you have to do is check out our Tool Box and you'll see for yourself how many lives have turned around in such a short amount of time. From the time of your last haircut to the next one....see what a difference going without this mind-altering poison can make in your life. You won't find one of us WORSE off after 30 days. Before you go blaming life for your troubles, give us this time. You can always go back if it hasn't changed for you....there is always that option. See for yourself and do this experiment. Remove the ONE variable you've never removed before. You will be amazed.

ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM.

Hope everyone has an easy day! XO, Byrdie