Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Thanks Pavati. GREAT thoughts ABCowboy! It really does shut it down to think of only being able to have one or two drinks. That wouldn't be enough and I would be left wanting - unsatisfied.

I just stumbled upon some Facebook "List of top cancer-causing foods" (while procrastinating). I ran through them, screen by screen, and said, "Yep, I eat that, and that. I eat that too". But then it got to alcohol. And I did a little happy dance. I DON'T consume that! Victory! Made me feel good.

[daisy45]

12.40am.' So annoyed. Go downstairs u sleeping. Window wide open. Fire on no guard. Plate on your leg with a cigarette burnt the whole way down to the bottom bcz u fell asleep while smoking. Tried wakin u up but no. Couldnt wake u? I left your plate there which will attract the mice! Wasnt going into kitchen on my own.'

Just woke up. It is 6am.
This is as real as it gets for me. This is the text I just read from my daughter. I think it speaks for itself. Ashamed? Yes. Been a tough week..... Excuses, excuses, excuses, nothing to say. Not going away......day 1.

[available]

Great post cowboy, i think that is the main reason i wont moderate as really at the end of the day i want to get shitfaced to forget and cope with life. The taste of al is foul unless gulped in copious quantities and i dont enjoy a couple of drinks, i stopped enjoying a couple of drinks every week or two a long long time ago. I would like to be sociable in situations where i go out and i can be for sure but its when i stand with those one or two drinks planning which bottleshop i can stop at on the way home to fill me up. Normal people dont do that, alcoholics do.

Resolve, i dont regret my life now, i have done some crass and embarrassing things which i used to regret but now the longer time i am sober i have forgiven myself for my years of drinking. I didnt realise i was drinking myself to death, i thought i was normal, we will use any excuse to be normal and continue to drink. I just became very sly with my drinking. I called myself a functioning alcoholic as i was functioning "just" but there came a day when i realised i was losing the functioning aspect and just becoming an alcoholic. I then had to make a very very hard choice/decision. Do i live with the "fark its" or do i live and love life again. Thank god i chose to live and love. I have no regrets today. If i drank again then i would.

Its Friday here thank god, its been another stressful week but at no time did i even think about a drink to solve my problems. That is a massive advance to me in my af life. It may have taken nie on a year and a lot of determination and strength but it has been my choice to stay sober as i am the only one that can do this. Time has done this, time has made it easier.

Off i go to sip on my sparkling iced lemon tea. Its hot today but i dont think a wine would be nice anymore, an iced tea and chocolate is more the way to live life.

Take care everyone

[Guitarista]

'It's never too late to be what you might have been' Daisy. Take care of yourself.

G'day Ava. Take care this weekend. Hope you get some rest and can recharge a bit.

Just a quick check in from me. All good here. A gig sat. night. Yay!

Take it easy out there. G

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Friday

Daisy, you can get out of this cycle by doing one thing ~ remove AL as an option for comforting yourself. That's what we all have to do. Make a list of comforting things & choose from the list when life gets tough. I did it & I know you can do it too!

Ava, your non-AL list sounds good - that's what I'm talking about

Enjoy your weekend gig G!

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a great AF Friday!

Lav

[MossRose]

GMAE everyone and thanks for the kind words. I'm very excited about this new challenge at work.

I drank to get drunk.

cowboy - loved your thoughtful post. We can make a ton of excuses, but in the end, this quote pretty much sums it up for most of us. That's why moderation always ends in disaster.

Ava - "functioning alcoholic" - aarrgh, I used that one for years until I realized it was an oxymoron. Good advice, as always.

Daisy - things are only going to get better when you say enough is enough. And it sounds like that day is here. You can do this. xx

I need to get moving this morning, so short post. Will check in tonight.

[Eloise]

Checking in guys- i am going to meet a nee friend for a chat after work.
This is my first social occassion since I stopped drinking.
Listening to the Bubble Hour and have my plan in place, more or less, as to why I dont drink anymore.
Will check in when I get home.

[daisy45]

Enough is enough MossRose!
Lav, I normally do have lots of ways to wind down...the situation in my house this week took those away. Stuff packed away and the house in chaos.....
I should have paid attention...HALT! Tiredness was my main weakness here, but the fact that I did not come here or ask for help....denial?

[NoSugar]

Daisy,
Coming back within hours of drinking and reading that heart-breaking text from your daughters is progress. You wrote just the other day that in the past, you've stayed away and continued to drink. You've just broken another of the chains AL has had on you! Maybe you could save that text from your daughter and read it if you're again tempted to go out and buy wine. And don't forget to use MWO. Taking the time to post how you were feeling might have been enough to stop you. That drive to drink is our survival mode malfunctioning. If you can give yourself time to calm down, you'll know you're safe and don't need a drink. I'm sorry you drank but so glad you came right back.

ABCowboy, I love your logical, play-it-forward post and also hope you add it to the toolbox.


Xpost Daisy - you already realized that you should have come here :hug:,

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters! Lots of great posts overnight. Since the subject of moderation came up....I can't help myself! If you will indulge an old lady for a moment....

I signed up to MWO in Feb 2010, but had lurked for a few months on and off before that. So I am right at 5 years into this gig (G man, were you impressed at how I worked that into the sentence?). When I first signed up, I knew I needed to quit. But after I got on here and read around the boards, I decided to moderate. What a novel idea!!! CONTROL ALCOHOL! The ALLURE of this site was, after all....MODERATION. But as an alkie, I left out some key parts to this puzzle....on this site moderation is done using those high powered (RX) drugs (along with their side effects). I began reading what I wanted to read and seeing the results I WANTED to see in others. After all, if THEY could do it, I should be able to as well! All it takes is a little self control, right? I never drank harder than the year I tried to moderate. When I finally 'allowed' myself to drink, it was as if I were reaching for a life preserver instead of a drink. I NEVER seemed to get enough! It was a downward spiral that nearly cost me everything I'd worked so hard for! Since that time, I have paid close attention to the subject of moderation and I have been a student to 1000's of people trying it right here on our site and in real life. Here's what I have learned: A person with an AL addiction/problem/______(fill in the blank to make ourselves feel better) cannot moderate. Moderation is not possible. Put another way, Moderation never works. Let me put it yet another way...Moderation don't work...ever. As in NEVER. Zero percent of the time! Those are not good odds. I have checked and I have never seen ONE PERSON successfully moderate alcohol. Many times I have gotten PM's from folks who have done a good stint of AF time....they tell me, 'I'm capable of this, I know what I need to do and I'm going to go off and live my life, I will NEVER get as bad as I was again'. Famous last words. They ALWAYS get as bad as they were and WORSE! It's mind-boggling. If you think you've hit bottom BEFORE you got here, trust me, there is a bargain basement below it. AL wins every time. If you want to conduct your own study, it's easy to do....but BEFORE you take that drink, look over the moderation threads...it's tricky to do because they change every month, but if you look at one person and really follow them, you will see that they aren't moderating at all, they are fooling (AKA bullshitting) themselves. Moderation defined by the propeller-headed folks is 14 UNITS /week for a man and 7 units/ week for a woman. These units are NOT our slugs either, they are Barbee glasses of wine! As Cowboy so eloquently put it, we are not after a Barbee Buzz we are after the Godzilla Buzz! If you think you feel deprived having NO AL, wait til you can't have but a sip and then it's taken away for another day. THAT sucks. It's insulting to an alkie! If I hadn't tried it myself (repeatedly) and then followed it all these years, I'd say, heck, give it a try! But I can tell you and I'd bet my last red cent on it, you will fail....BAD. (badly). If 999 people walk off a cliff and die and I'm #1000, count me out, I'll take a pass. Live and learn....and I've learned. The only people who can moderate are the ones who don't realize they are doing it.

Here we are on Friday....hope everyone has a strong plan for the weekend! It's just Friday, not a ticket to Boozeville! We will all be right here with you! Have a happy Friday, all! Byrdie

[See the Light]

Daisy- Enough Is always enough…but has enough stuff changed/ improved in your current situation (and more specifically your view of it) that you are ready for Day 1 again? (this is a rhetorical question more for you to ask yourself, than to answer here publically). I’m not necessarily discouraging you from trying, but I would hate to see you have 3 more “Day 1s” in the next week or so because that becomes an even more tiring and more demoralizing process. “Day 1” is a BIG DEAL if you are taking it seriously…it could (and should) be the last day you ever drank the REST of YOUR LIFE. You think about it, visualize it in your head and be ready for it…is your plan in place? You have enough resources? (snacks, water, vitamins, etc.), enough distractions (well, positives ones- like fun or engaging things to do, not ones that are going to create more stress and trigger a drinking reflex)…have enough support? (your daughter seems like she cares, but now is a little upset…you have someone to call or text if you “need” a drink later today?) ..you have a good eating plan, and a time to get some exercise to relieve your stress? These things will all make this Day 1 easier and possible …..There is Never a perfect time to quit for good, as life always is going to throw a million curveballs your way, but it should be something you really believe you can do…and do for the last time this time so you can be mentally (and physically) committed to the process….. I’m not saying you should drink today, I just recommend you be REALLY ready not to, as it may be one of the hardest things to start and have it stick that you will ever do… Best wishes and full support no matter what though…let us know if you need help.

[Elvis]

I will share a lesson that I learned early on, that when life gets tough, drinking does not make problems go away. You might temporarily forget about the problem while you are drinking, but when you wake the next morning, feeling hungover, ashamed, and miserable, the problem is still there, and you are no closer to resolving it. You will need to address the issue and only then can you move on from it. Would you rather deal with the problem while you are hungover, foggy-headed, and not thinking straight, or while you are sober, clear-headed, and thinking rationally?

Got the whole weekend to myself as the wife is out of town. I have a lot of little projects around the house to get done, and drinking isn't a part of any of them. I got a little annoyed last night when my wife opened a new bottle of wine knowing she was leaving for a few days and it would just sit there opened in the fridge for the next few days. I don't think it was intentional or a test or anything like that, she just doesn't think the same as us when it comes to open bottles being around. When I get home I will throw a dish towel over it so I do not to need see it every time I open the fridge. Have a great day everyone!

[daisy45]

SeetheLight, thank you! You have really made me think....you have touched on a few things that I have not got in place but always intend to.....these I can sort out tomorrow....need to go shopping!
I get what you mean and it us my main reason for straying from here....I say day 1 and when it doesn't happen I cannot handle coming back here...I feel stupid.
I am not looking for an 'out' but I need to stay here no matter what. It is my only hope of getting there...and I am telling you now that I will!
I have 2 books en route which have been recommended....I know I need my head to be in the right place to really keep my resolve. Have had 2 periods of 7 days and one of 10 days AF since I broke my quit in August.
Something is holding me back from real commitment...I do not know what, because I am aware of all the damage Al is doing in my life. I understand that it must be frustrating to read my posts and sometimes that is why I run.

[NoSugar]

It is frustrating sometimes, Daisy, but not because you are stupid or weak or bad or any of the many things you're probably feeling right now. It is frustrating that it is so difficult to communicate as clearly as we want to that it is absolutely worth doing whatever you have to do to climb over this mountain. And that it really is much easier than it looks like when you're standing at the bottom.

I guess it also frustrates me when people who need to quit can't see the huge risks they are taking. I don't mean to be picking on you, Daisy, but this is just an example: Your house could have caught on fire last night and if you were so deeply passed out, perhaps you would not have awakened. Or perhaps your daughters wouldn't have, either. This really can be a life or death matter.

I'm frustrated that a chemical that can so easily ruin lives is legal, condoned, and actually promoted in our society.

It's frustrating that an addiction is keeping you from living the life you need, want, and deserve, especially when I know that with the right tools and support, you can have that life. Perhaps you could consider adding in some in-person support or something like that.

Please don't ever not come back because you think a bunch of people just like you will be frustrated or annoyed that you're on day 1. What frustrates and saddens me the most is when people who I know want to be free just disappear.

[MossRose]

Daisy - I have disappeared from MWO a few times, always because I had chosen to drink again, and was too ashamed to admit it. Every single time, I ended up back where I started, usually much worse off, until I would finally swallow my pride and come back to MWO. I always expected people to be angry or annoyed with me. I certainly was angry and annoyed with myself. However, it never worked like that - I was always welcomed back with love and support.

I think most of us have had multiple Day 1s, so no one is going to judge you. It took me several starts to finally get to the point where I made a true commitment to sobriety, so I know what you mean. These days, I have made the commitment, and don't ever want to drink again. But I know how seductive AL can be, so I stick very close to MWO. I now know that I can't do this alone. So please, keep leaning on us. We get it.

NS makes a good point. Maybe support IRL would be helpful. I reached out to a couple of close friends, and they have been so supportive. Take care, and hang in there.