Newbies Nest

[See the Light]

Daisy- Sorry if that sounded like I was riding a high horse..I only suggested that because I had been on the “1 day on , 1 day off thing” for a while before I quit this time, but I never considered it Day 1 because I wasn’t ready yet (and that was not successful moderating by the way)… It actually sounds like you have put some things together (like the books) to make a real change, and that is great ..It should not be that you are “trying to quit” but that you want to be Sober (NoSugar put out a good post about "giving up" alcohol a few days back..I think it’s in the Toolbox..have a read or re-read)..they are different ..It’s a lifestyle change and it is a complicated process. “Will Power” is a start, but it’s not enough. If you’re only tool in quitting is “will power” than very likely you “will” drink again next time there is a major trigger and then you “will” end up back where you started. No one wants that. I hope you find that you can remove what stops you from real commitment. You should not stop coming here or run away no matter what, but I think everyone here wants to see you succeed in moving on.

[Resolve]

Daisy, I feel for you and hear through your words how disappointed you are. Someone said this week that this is hard sh*t and it is. To post immediately though shows your determination and you've already lined up a plan. Today is my new day 5 after a disastrous fall off the wagon so we're in the same place. Let's do this together and never have another morning where you don't like yourself due to drinking. Keep that text from your daughter as a reminder that you never want to feel that low again. Be strong this weekend.

You mentioned that maybe something is holding you back from real commitment to this, and I've often wondered about that myself. Apparently being a responsible adult, a good father and a better husband weren't enough motivation for me, so there had to be an answer. I don't in any way minimize that there are factors such as genetics, chemistry and some pre-disposition for many. Everyone has their issues, certainly here, and I don't believe anybody here judges or lives in a glass house. I have a sister-in-law who told me she just likes having that artificial feeling as she describes it. I don't believe she has a drinking problem, and I used to find that comment funny. Until I finally realized that's exactly what I did. As many here have said, they drink to get drunk, and that is me. Well, the former me, not anymore.

Kensho - I appreciate how you are very open and honest when you post. You sound like you're burning the candle at both ends so please give yourself some you time. Mental fatigue opens that door ever so slightly for the negotiation and internal debate that we don't want to have.

Moss - I'm not really any of those things but more so a work in progress. I am determined though, and it's this kind of support here that's helping me. And seeing posts about good things such as your promotion and how rewarding that feels sober is very inspiring. Congratulations to you.

Ava - wow, I too was highly functional! Such a blessing to be a drunk who can hold a good job, have a loving family and nobody else knows, right. Who knew that I was really highly dishonest (well, my wife but that's a different post). You touched on forgiveness and that is something that I am struggling with most. I've got a long road ahead but on my way and hope, really hope to hit that destination.

Have a great weekend all.

[Eloise]

Okay, back home. No problems, I wasnt 100 percent comfortable but I wasnt tempted either.
Ah.
Tired, long day. Will spend some much needed time here tomorrow reading.
Kind if relieved to have the first social occassion over, I hope it gets easiera. I think it will.

[Guitarista]

Hiya Nesters near and not so far,

Right on Elvis. Booze magnifies my perception of problems too, along with increasing negative feelings.

Hey Daisy,

Keep it going. You will start to feel better again real soon. The reason i kept going back to booze so frequently? I don't know, probably a few reasons i could come up with, BUT, i do know that it is really helpful for me to understand what is happening to me biologically. To get an understanding of what is happening to my body and mind chemically when i drink, or when i have booze in my system/recent memory. We know booze is a depressant and will magnify any negative thoughts we are having, and it will magnify any negative beliefs we have about ourselves. Whilst we are drinking, or obsessed with getting the next fix, we are not thinking clearly at all. It is the booze in our system that kept me negative and not able to think clearly enough to understand that there is a better life just over the hill waiting for me to take it.

Push through the fog friend, rack up the AF days, and just know you will be okay.

Good on ya Eloise!

Have a great weekend y'all. G

[j-vo]

Lost a post! It froze...

Oh well, Daisy, I said I'm feeling for you now. I hope you're doing ok tonight. Hang in there, and like NS said, you came right back. That's progress. And keep the text. Even though it'll hurt to reread, it will help when you wan to drink again.

Going to freeze at the high school football game tonight. Will pack lots of blankets. Not my favorite thing to do, but we're in the playoffs.

Have a great night all.

[Pinecone]

Hi Friends,

STL, I really liked your "Day one is a big deal post." Maybe you would consider putting it in the toolbox? I think you covered the bases for what is generally needed to get off to a good start.

Daisy, sending you support! Walk away and never look back. Everyone here wants you on this side of this thing, not the other! We genuinely care because we have all been there. I'm pulling for you!

Resolve, I have really enjoyed your posts so far. The disconnect between who we are meant to be as humans, and who we are as drinkers is a painful gap. Drinking reduces us to a pretty base collection of substance seeking and body functions. During this, we are aware of the need others have for our human side. The present and mindful parent, spouse, employee, neighbor who acts swiftly from a heart in the right place; this is a role that is out of our reach when drinking. I really, really remember the pain of that disharmony in my life. The really great news is that it is possible to crawl out of that hell-hole and be the person we are meant to be. It just means for us here on this forum that we don't have any place in our lives for alcohol. We can have our health, relationships, self respect etc. and the only thing we have to do is stop consuming a substance derived from the metabolic waste of single celled organisms. Where is the freakin' catch?!? Everything in life has a catch, why doesn't AF life seem to? I'm just wondering out loud, but thank you for making me think!

[daisy45]

Thank you all and I know you want what is best for me, just as I feel about each and every one of you.
I am going to spend this next few days or a week if need be to set myself up for success....I promise you all I am not just sitting here doing nothing....Im determined to beat this and I will.
I am not posting on the roll call until I feel truly ready. As much as I kept thinking I was, when I look at it now there were a lot of 'I must do this and that...' and because I was doing ok and getting a good stretch AF, I left it and the inevitable happened.
I will be getting any supplements and vitamins in tomorrow so I would be grateful if anyone can suggest what I should get.
The 2 books hopefully will be here tomorrow or Monday so I will be reading.
Please do not lose faith in me....I will take tis time so that my proper start date is one with conviction.
I am grateful for your posts and also embarrassed that it has come to this. This is my running away time but not this time....please bear with me while I get this right once and for all.

[daisy45]

When I woke I read that text from my daughter, then went up to sleep beside her. I got up later and told my youngest about the text. She knew as her sister had told her. She also told her that she felt so bad about sending it that she got up before me and deleted it from my phone in the hope that I hadn't read it.
She still doesn't know I seen it and that's ok. I know and of course so do you all. I am so glad I copied it here when I found it.....it is not like me to leave myself so open by revealing this but I am pulling out all the stops here......

[NoSugar]

The disconnect between who we are meant to be as humans, and who we are as drinkers is a painful gap. Drinking reduces us to a pretty base collection of substance seeking and body functions.

Oh, man, Pinecone, this really captures it. An addict is much like a wild animal - controlled by the non-human parts of our brains.

The really great news is that it is possible to crawl out of that hell-hole and be the person we are meant to be. It just means for us here on this forum that we don't have any place in our lives for alcohol. We can have our health, relationships, self respect etc. and the only thing we have to do is stop consuming a substance derived from the metabolic waste of single celled organisms. Where is the freakin' catch?!? Everything in life has a catch, why doesn't AF life seem to? I'm just wondering out loud, but thank you for making me think!

I think the catch is that we don't get to take the quick and easy way out when we're H, A, L, or T. To me, that's a trivial price to pay for the fabulous things you wrote that we gain.

I will be getting any supplements and vitamins in tomorrow so I would be grateful if anyone can suggest what I should get.

It seems like the L-glutamine is helpful for many people. Supplements to bolster your general nutritional health are a good idea, especially if you aren't consuming a diet that provides them. B-vitamins are very important as are vitamin D and several minerals. STL started a great thread on this: https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...=1#post1575287

Please do not lose faith in me....I will take tis time so that my proper start date is one with conviction.
I am grateful for your posts and also embarrassed that it has come to this. This is my running away time but not this time....please bear with me while I get this right once and for all.

You are amazing, Daisy. Let us know how we can help :hug: . NS

[KENSHO]

Hiya Nesties.

Moss & Cowboy - hit the nail on the head with "I drink to get drunk". That's truly the problem with moderation - it's never satisfying. I thought it would be for me, but alas, I went right back to sneaking shots from the middle console in my car, late at night because one glass of wine sucked.

Thanks for the stellar post BYRDIE.

STL, I think you made a good point that to have perpetual day 1's with no reflection is not making progress. However, I think we've all had several day 1's. DAISY, no one will shame you for coming back and back and back - no matter how long it takes. Good on you for coming here and sharing your experience! That's great motivation, as painful as it was.

Before my first quit, I read here a lot. I kept right on drinking, until I felt I had a good plan in place, and then I picked a day - and stopped. I had to repeat that a couple times - tweaking the plan along the way. I can't predict the future and I wouldn't be so cocky to say I have this thing beat, but I have arrived at a different mindset about my ability to consume alcohol responsibly (which is that I can't). It took me experimenting with moderation to learn and re-learn that AL only makes me feel like shit, it drags me away from the life I want.

What I mean to say is that I think we all have to go through our own process to arrive at that aha moment. And part of that process for me was going backward long enough to come to the conclusion that the only direction I want to go now is forward.

I have only the highest respect for EVERYONE here - trying to better their lives.

EDIT: I am at 16 days AF. I am not an authority and I know I have a long way to go. Just sharing how I feel. Please take my words with a grain of salt!

[available]

Hi Nesters

MR i forgot to congratulate you on your promotion. So proud of you girl, you have come such a long long way. I remember reading some of your past posts and they were heart wrenching to read but look at you go. You are a total inspiration to me MR. I sometimes forget the early days, weeks and months. I just forget how hard they were, the internal struggles, the al voice, the moods, the sadness and grief of losing my best friend. I forget how bad i actually was drinking and then a post or a memory pops up and i totally remember what i was like and how bad my life was and how low i felt. This is why i log onto MWO twice daily, actually i leave it permanently open at work and on my laptop at home. It is my safety net, my place where i feel secure and needed and if i ever have an inkling for al, MWO is where i come first and foremost.

I stopped drinking on the 1st December 2013. A fellow nester said they were amazed (kindly said of course) that i stuck to it as it was high season for us alkies and i did wonder why i picked December of all months. I still wonder how i have not drank but i was at my bottom. I had no tools or plan, all i knew was that al was killing me and i had to stop. I initially used MWO as my base for stopping. I figured if fellow alkies, my kindred spirits could do it then i could try or die. Lunatic Linda was born that day and each day i would log on hoping someone mentioned my name, someone read a post, someone was there to egg me on and they did. They were there to give posts i wanted to ignore and made me angry but they were here to give me love and support and confidence. The ones that made me angry i chose to read at a latter time as i found these posts were hitting a nerve and i needed to figure out why. The why was that they were noticing i was becoming weak and al was trying to get in and they did their job in getting me to think about the choices i had with al. Oh i didnt like some posts, i had the "fark you" what would you know, its my life, blah blah blah, you dont understand. But at the end of the day they knew the signs of someone that will drink, maybe not today but soon. Its their job to try and diffuse the situation as they care. These people are 90% of where i am today and i have the support of my children and myself. I also found a plan that worked for me and has worked thus far. It is not a big plan as i refuse to overwhelm myself with al. I know why i drank and i choose now to not drink for those reasons but i do know i will stay on here and i wont run away. My priority is myself, this is my life i am fighting for daily. I was never a priority when i was drinking.

Its Saturday here and another hot day, i have made Saturday my day to go shopping and buy something for myself, its my reward for a week of being sober and i can afford it now. No hangovers, no more buying wine at 4pm to hit the repeat button on life.

Enjoy your sober life nesters, you dont need to hit that repeat button.

[Byrdlady]

Wow, Ava....THAT post belongs in the Tool Box! That nail has been hit many times today, and you struck it again..... .the best day to start is right now. If you wait til the perfect day, you will NEVER start. As alkies, we can always find a reason NOT to start. That's why Day 1 is so hard. Jump in and start today....for us, tomorrow never comes.
I had a year full of Day 1's, and a lifetime of them before that.... I was sick of myself, but Lav never gave up on me. Fool Proof your Plan, and make it happen. Don't give yourself the choice to fail. You MUST win this battle...there isn't a second place...it's winner take all. We are pulling for you. Byrdie

[See the Light]

With all due respect Byrdie..I don't understand that....I would suspect statistically that most folks here going a full year of day 1s don't come back..that seems like an epic battle where not only to people fall off that proverbial "wagon" but they hit their head when they fall, roll down a hill and don't come back. You are amazingly strong and inspirational, but I think after multiple fails, many people start to quit...I hope no one here quits, but I just hope the realization of we are going through is not easy and should be considered like it is sacrifice (because we give up something we miss) because we gain so much more. I wish that no one here hits rock bottom before they see the change that is needed because I'll never forget what got me here, so getting rid of it is so incredibly important..and its important that we all realize how hard it will be, especially at the beginning

[KENSHO]

It seems true that the more nonchelant Day 1's / quits we throw out there, the less meaningful and powerful they become. A quit should mean something - a real commitment. Doesn't mean we won't stumble, but it means we will give it our all. But I also think that we need more than a wing and a prayer to make it last - to STL's point - a solid plan. To Byrdie's point, faith that she and other long-timers aren't lying that it is a truly better life without alcohol only helps - and no better day than today to MAKE THAT PLAN and start living sober.

I'll be quiet now.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a LONG day with my grandson but we both survived
This day would not have been possible if I was still doing what I was doing six years ago - hugging the wine bottle in a most pathetic & depressed state. I deliberately choose to give up drinking to pursue my latest career - Grandmom. I am grateful every day, honestly. Once you finally accept that you can no longer drink AL safely it does indeed get easier, honestly

Daisy, we all want you to succeed! I made a solemn vow to myself that I would never touch another drop & to this date I have not! I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head & gave the negative people in my life a good push as well. I had forgotten how to respect myself & defend my boundaries. Once the fog cleared out of my head it was relatively easy to be kind to myself once again. You can do all that as well ~ I know you can

Kensho, I managed to convince Byrdie to give it a go & I'm still here to try to convince everyone else
Just set a goal of 3, 4 or 5 AF days & see how quickly things start to improve. You start out counting days, then weeks & on to months - it feels good, it feels empowering!!!

Sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav