Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
WONDERFUL conversations! Sharing what works and what doesn't is what this place is all about....we ALL agree on one thing: Drinking AL doesn't work any more. I feel like I've been given a second chance at life...if I can help ONE person NOT do it the way I did it, then my work is done! There are 2 ways to do this....the hard way and the HARDER way. Because I thought I had a better grasp on this thing than most, I didn't listen. Perhaps we should offer hearing tests as a prerequisite!!! What THESE people were saying couldn't possibly apply to me! Newsflash: It did. I thank my lucky stars for LAV....what she said in her second paragraph above should be tattooed on my fannie. THOSE are the words that finally sunk in. THOSE are the words that helped me save MYSELF!
Lav wrote:
Daisy, we all want you to succeed! I made a solemn vow to myself that I would never touch another drop & to this date I have not! I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head & gave the negative people in my life a good push as well. I had forgotten how to respect myself & defend my boundaries. Once the fog cleared out of my head it was relatively easy to be kind to myself once again. You can do all that as well ~ I know you can End Quote.

This life-changing event takes ACTION, and it's hard, but man, is it worth it.

Pav, like NS, I hope you'll put that post in the Tool Box.

Frances, your post reminded me of a Thanksgiving post I wrote a couple years ago....thought I'd pull it out of mothballs to drive the point home!

Byrdie:"Belle...when you hear me refering to going down the rabbit hole...I am talking about the thoughts that make you want to drink. One thought leads to another, until finally, thoughts are actions and you are sucked in. I noticed it when you mentioned that your 30 days would be up the day beforeThanksgiving...and that a glass of wine with the meal would be grand. This will get you in the hole in a hurry....Take the wine off the table (figuratively and literally) and you will be glad you did. It puts you in a state of turmoil.

You want Peace, right? Let us go down the rabbit hole together...shall we?There's the family....all gathered, giving thanks. That one glass of wine in front of you. What are you thankful for? blah, blah, blah.....and it goes around.

Before you know it the solitary glass of wine is gone. Someone pours you another....(oh you shouldn't, but it IS Thanksgiving, after all). If you are able to stop at 2 you are a better person than I am. I would dare to say that even if you didn't have any more....the next day you'd feel the GSRbrothers...(Guilt/Shame/Remorse). And alas...this is FRIDAY....the best drinking day of the week! And a day off from work...I bet you go to the store and get some of your old favorites...

Then it's the weekend...and then you've blown it totally and why not drink...everyone else is??? The whole holiday thing sucks...all this wine around, why shouldn't I be able to drink like everyone else?

The next thing you know, the holidays have come and gone...and you don't even know where they went.

You find yourself feeling anxious, alone and depressed....because here you are right back where you started....Day Freakin 1. If you are me, it's was this point I didn't care if I lived or died...everything I had worked for had gone to hell in a basket.

BUT, let us back up for a second, and relive this whole thing of my rabbit hole theory. Your 30 day anniversary is celebrated by your friends in the nest! And day 31 is Thanksgiving. You wake up with a clear head and are able to enjoy your food and the people. You are sober now, you don't drink. You don't so much RESIST the drink as you do REFUSE IT...you actually remember the day (what people said) and you are FREE of the demon that wants so badly to live in you.The next day you feel like you've won a victory!! YOU HAVE DONE IT! You'vegotten thru your first Turkey Day without AL! On to day 32, and girl I'll tellyou, no drink tastes better than being sober feels.

By Christmas, instead of being a blurry mess, you will be in control!! No guilt! No Shame! No Remorse! You will never regret being sober. You know how the story ends...make it happen!!! When you feel your thoughts going there....tell yourself NO! HELL NO! And recite the Pledge of Allegience, or name the 7 Dwarfs or Dwarves....google whether it's Dwarfs or Dwarves.....do anything you have to do to get that thought out of your head. Don't go down the rabbit hole. I've been there and trust me, there's no good to be had down there. Keep your quit no matter what or no matter who!!! I'll be perched up onyour shoulder and I will knock you up side the head if you think of having a glass of wine!!! Deal??? Love you all!! Byrdie"
__________________

[KENSHO]

I will never get over how great it us to wake up sober. I don't remember ever appreciating the morning air or giggling with my kids after a night of drinking! And that feeling of self respect is worth every time it feels hard.

[See the Light]

GMAE all. Ultra-inspiring posts in the last day or so here. I believe lives were changed just by reading the heart-felt, intelligent and well thought-out posts here. I am equally saddened and happy that we have so many experiences in common.. and that even if we have been darker places in our lives, like Byrdie said, if it helps 1 or a thousand people by what we share here, its is totally worth it. Sorry if what I posted recently sounded controversial...I said it because I worry about the people here, and I wish the best for anyone who turns to MWO for an answer to what they are going through...

[NoSugar]

Sorry if what I posted recently sounded controversial...I said it because I worry about the people here, and I wish the best for anyone who turns to MWO for an answer to what they are going through...

I think what you wrote fostered a great discussion, STL. It is a controversial topic. We're walking a fine line between being as tough as possible while being as compassionate as necessary. My honest inclination is to be a bit tougher - the risks of repeatedly giving up a quit are too great to mess around with and the rewards of quitting too great to miss - but I'm afraid that tougher talk might alienate or hurt some people and perhaps drive them away.

[abcowboy]

^^^ I concur with NS^^^

[MossRose]

STL - I believe your post was exactly what was needed. We need to keep the conversation open and honest. The thing I have always loved the most about MWO is the ability to say what we think without fear. I have made some very controversial posts in the past, but I have learned so much from all the replies - even those I may not agree with completely. There is no agenda here, except that we quit drinking, but no hard and fast rules about how we get there. So everyone's opinion is welcomed and appreciated. My quit plan has evolved since I first joined, and finally is working. Much of that is due to thoughtful posts such as yours. They keep me from getting complacent.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend. I am doing a week-long cooking session today. It smells wonderful in here. I will check back later.

[Guitarista]

Morning, Nesters!
WONDERFUL conversations! Sharing what works and what doesn't is what this place is all about....we ALL agree on one thing: Drinking AL doesn't work any more. I feel like I've been given a second chance at life...if I can help ONE person NOT do it the way I did it, then my work is done! There are 2 ways to do this....the hard way and the HARDER way. Because I thought I had a better grasp on this thing than most, I didn't listen. Perhaps we should offer hearing tests as a prerequisite!!! What THESE people were saying couldn't possibly apply to me! Newsflash: It did. I thank my lucky stars for LAV....what she said in her second paragraph above should be tattooed on my fannie. THOSE are the words that finally sunk in. THOSE are the words that helped me save MYSELF!
Lav wrote:
Daisy, we all want you to succeed! I made a solemn vow to myself that I would never touch another drop & to this date I have not! I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head & gave the negative people in my life a good push as well. I had forgotten how to respect myself & defend my boundaries. Once the fog cleared out of my head it was relatively easy to be kind to myself once again. You can do all that as well ~ I know you can End Quote.

This life-changing event takes ACTION, and it's hard, but man, is it worth it.

Pav, like NS, I hope you'll put that post in the Tool Box.

Frances, your post reminded me of a Thanksgiving post I wrote a couple years ago....thought I'd pull it out of mothballs to drive the point home!

Byrdie:"Belle...when you hear me refering to going down the rabbit hole...I am talking about the thoughts that make you want to drink. One thought leads to another, until finally, thoughts are actions and you are sucked in. I noticed it when you mentioned that your 30 days would be up the day beforeThanksgiving...and that a glass of wine with the meal would be grand. This will get you in the hole in a hurry....Take the wine off the table (figuratively and literally) and you will be glad you did. It puts you in a state of turmoil.

You want Peace, right? Let us go down the rabbit hole together...shall we?There's the family....all gathered, giving thanks. That one glass of wine in front of you. What are you thankful for? blah, blah, blah.....and it goes around.

Before you know it the solitary glass of wine is gone. Someone pours you another....(oh you shouldn't, but it IS Thanksgiving, after all). If you are able to stop at 2 you are a better person than I am. I would dare to say that even if you didn't have any more....the next day you'd feel the GSRbrothers...(Guilt/Shame/Remorse). And alas...this is FRIDAY....the best drinking day of the week! And a day off from work...I bet you go to the store and get some of your old favorites...

Then it's the weekend...and then you've blown it totally and why not drink...everyone else is??? The whole holiday thing sucks...all this wine around, why shouldn't I be able to drink like everyone else?

The next thing you know, the holidays have come and gone...and you don't even know where they went.

You find yourself feeling anxious, alone and depressed....because here you are right back where you started....Day Freakin 1. If you are me, it's was this point I didn't care if I lived or died...everything I had worked for had gone to hell in a basket.

BUT, let us back up for a second, and relive this whole thing of my rabbit hole theory. Your 30 day anniversary is celebrated by your friends in the nest! And day 31 is Thanksgiving. You wake up with a clear head and are able to enjoy your food and the people. You are sober now, you don't drink. You don't so much RESIST the drink as you do REFUSE IT...you actually remember the day (what people said) and you are FREE of the demon that wants so badly to live in you.The next day you feel like you've won a victory!! YOU HAVE DONE IT! You'vegotten thru your first Turkey Day without AL! On to day 32, and girl I'll tellyou, no drink tastes better than being sober feels.

By Christmas, instead of being a blurry mess, you will be in control!! No guilt! No Shame! No Remorse! You will never regret being sober. You know how the story ends...make it happen!!! When you feel your thoughts going there....tell yourself NO! HELL NO! And recite the Pledge of Allegience, or name the 7 Dwarfs or Dwarves....google whether it's Dwarfs or Dwarves.....do anything you have to do to get that thought out of your head. Don't go down the rabbit hole. I've been there and trust me, there's no good to be had down there. Keep your quit no matter what or no matter who!!! I'll be perched up onyour shoulder and I will knock you up side the head if you think of having a glass of wine!!! Deal??? Love you all!! Byrdie"
__________________

Happy sunday morning from Oz y'all.

I thought this post was worth requoting (like so many). Thanks again Byrdy, you are a gem.

Happy cooking Mossy. Smells gr8 from here too!

Take it easy out there. G

[KENSHO]

Heading to our old margarita digs. Muscle memory wants to partake. Reminding myself it's not an option. Looking forward to watching a movie later instead if falling asleep. Brain is saying "One little drink..." but I know better. Sigh.

[Pavati]

Hi, Folks:

Amazing post, Byrdie.

Be careful out there, Kensho. Make sure you eat well. Maybe even eat something before you go.

Thanks, STL - I liked your post. We have to be real here, for sure.

The Bubble Hour just did a show called "I relapsed: Now what." Is is a very interesting look into one "chronic relapser" and one woman who had five years sober, was a sober advocate, showed signs of a mental relapse that people told her about (and she ignored), and then her very bad relapse. The message is about self care, self love, and accepting help. I HIGHLY recommend it, especially in light of our current conversation.

I am feeling a tad lonely tonight. I have many great friends, but in my town I don't really have that go-to person to hang out with. Many friends and my husband are going to see a local band, but I haven't been sleeping well and don't want to START my night at 9pm. I know if I went I'd have fun, but I think I'll stay home. Need some good sleep and I'll feel better.

I'll probably check in later!
Pav

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Had a good day & I even ended up having my son & his family here for dinner. Have to grab him when I can - his work schedule is insane

Pav, I have had sleep problems for nearly 20 years
All I can say is I know how you feel & I sure as hell don't feel like going out at 9 pm either. I keep switching between different herbal sleep aids, add in some Benadryl, stay away from caffeine as much as possible. I like a lot of the guided meditations too. Eliminating AL was helpful but not the total answer for me. I hope you can catch some restorative zzzz's.

Kensho, tell that AV to shut up! You do not need 'just one'

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Matt M.]

Been enjoying reading the last few days.
Some powerful stuff and exactly what I needed.
Pav~ Excellent post earlier today or yesterday, I lost track. I'll be around If you get bored and need to chat.
The sleep/insomnia thing is apparently common among us. I still feel more rested sober and sleeping like shit, than I did passed out drunk on my ass all night. There is a silver lining!

I leave you with with one last nugget I thought as fitting in regards to relapse.

My demons though quiet,
are never quite silenced.

Calm as they may be,
they wait patiently for a reason to wake
take an overdue breath,
and crawl back to my ear.

Have a great evening my friends!

[peppersnow]

Hey Nesters – I was in a no-service zone in the most northern part of MN most of last week (literally 5 miles from the Canadian border) and have just caught up a bit. I was struck by the many powerful posts over the past few days, and especially how compassionate, sensitive and intelligent everyone’s responses have been. This is a truly amazing community. I hope if there are any lurkers out there, you’ve seen what a safe and supportive space this is and decided to dive in. One thing I know for a fact is that I need to be with others who’ve been where I’ve been, who know exactly what it feels like to be me when I was at my worst, what it takes to overcome the challenges of climbing out, and what it takes to stay alcohol free once you’re out. There is nothing quite like getting personal support from people who are so passionate about wanting to support you! “The protective wall of human community” is a phrase I came across about a month ago by Carl Jung, in a letter he wrote to Bill Wilson, the founder of AA. Regardless of whether AA is your thing, I know for certain that I can’t stay sober alone. And I’m not alone, and neither are any of you. When I was able to get on-line again, I had an email from NS checking in, as I’d been quiet for awhile. That’s the kind of place this is…people who care about one another even though most of us have never met in person.

At the end of our last meeting at this hotel, I was walking with 2 other women whom I don’t know well at all. As we walked past the bar, one woman said, “I can’t drink tonight. Actually, I could. The problem is I’d never get up in time to exercise.” Without missing a beat or even thinking about it first (and if I’d thought about it first I probably wouldn’t have said this) I replied, “I can’t drink tonight, either. Actually, I could. But MY problem is I’d never stop once I start.” So I don’t actually recommend that approach, necessarily, unless you’re prepared for that bit of awkward silence that follows…but actually, writing that now is making me laugh because you should have seen the look of surprise on the face of one of them! But for me, no words were ever more true.
There’s a cold snap coming, apparently, for a large part of the U.S. If you’re in my neck of the woods, apparently we will be needing our shovels soon. I’m NOT looking forward to that again. But shoveling will be much easier this year without a hangover!

Goodnight all and stay warm (or cool, if you’re entering summer like Ava!)

[available]

Pepper thanks for the laugh, i bet that could have been a "kodak moment" with the looks on their faces. It sounds to me like you have just accepted what you are and being honest with ourselves and others is a huge step forward. Its nice not to hide even if others dont get it. I always say i used to like wine way too much than is good for me. It doesnt garner much of a response i have found.

Matt i like your nugget. Even now that voice enters my sober mind enticing me and inviting me to imbibe in just the one. I know when i am really stressed as i have been that it seems louder than usual but I wont let it win, i cant let it win and how could i possibly come on here and say i have drank. I know you would be stalking me way before that happened as well as others so my sobriety is in safe hands.

A busy productive day for me, housework that has accumulated over some weeks and i managed to get the 21 year old to discover that he has carpet in his room. A huge achievement in itself. My other son is away for the weekend and it is nice to spend some quality time with just one.

Have a great one nesters.

[KENSHO]

So, for what its worth, that craving had me on my toes, but only lasted an hour. ONE LITTLE HOUR. Once I ordered an AF drink, I was thankful to be sober. I enjoyed my family at dinner instead of obsessing about getting another drink, I drove home enjoying the music, I watched a movie and remember it, and I'm going to bed clear and looking forward to a great sleep.

Cravings never last.

Love your words Matt.

Good to see you Pepper - I often say things before thinking, but I think there's something wonderful about honesty! Who knows? Maybe that was just her line, and she too is an alcoholic.

[narilly]

Kensho's, way to fight the craving. I know how hard that is, sometimes the craving is so strong I just feel like saying F' it and having one. That's when I get on MWO and start reading. That usually works.
NS and Ava you both have kicked my ass (gently) a few times when I relapsed and I am glad you did. At the time I might not have been very receptive but I think it helped me to quit eventually. I have had so many day 1's I don't know how many but I don't plan to have any more. They totally suck. I do not want to be sick because of AL ever again! I have been hungover so many times in my life, it is just ridiculous. I love waking up and feeling good.
It is the best feeling ever.

Thank you for all the great posts. Such great insight from you wonderful Alkies

Goodnight
Xo