Newbies Nest

[narilly]

Kensho's, that is really interesting, it is amazing how AL can get in the way of success like that.

Lav, I wish you and your family all the best. Hope to hear from you soon.

El, so good to hear from you. Your SIL is sure having AL trouble, poor lady.

Well, it's -11C here right now and still snowing. It's going to -17 , I have my warm sweater on and brought my Canada Goose jacket out. I'm all set!
Pav, you would be fine up here in the cold, it's not so bad.

Have a great day everyone.

[Byrdlady]

Kensho,
WOW, that artist will look back and see what an opportunity he drank away....You are so right, normal people just don't get the fact that there no 'cutting back' for us. In real life, I have heard folks say this, but as the ball of string unwinds it becomes clear that they didn't cut back, they kept right on going! My hairdresser's dad was a diabetic and alcoholic (what a deadly combo), she took his car keys away, and he promised to cut back. When she was satisfied that he had, she gave him the keys back and he ended up in a car accident (yes, he was driving drunk)...she went by the house to clean it while he was in the hospital and she said she found booze hidden all over the place! She didn't understand how he could lie to her like that....(but I could). He had to protect his supply. It is sad what AL makes us do.

I'm so happy to hear that you hate AL! Getting that distance from it really allows you to see it for what it is! (A dirty, rotten, lying, Son of a Muther). YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!! B

[available]

Lav sending love and hugs to you, I hope you are all ok.

Tuesday here and mum has her biopsy today, so its going to be a long day but we will deal with whatever the results are when we hear. My friend Robert still has not heard about when his operation is so i've had enough of them fecking him around. Going in with both barrels today to get answers. He is not well enough to take in what they say and they keep fobbing him off. To me his life is worth fighting for.

I was speaking to a fellow MWOer about accepting "never" in the equation of drinking and they said they were "doomed" as they cant accept it. Its such a hard word in the equation of an alcoholic and al but a i told them "i havent accepted forever either but i get why i dont drink and why i cant." Al does me no favours and never has and i do know i cant moderate, i could not cut down and i cant have a couple. I accept that.

Have a happy day everyone.

[narilly]

Brodie, that is interesting about your hairdressers dad. My manager always talks about his sugar being high and is in the preliminary stages of diabetes. He always talks about drinking scotch. He drinks every night. I can't say he is an alcoholic but if you have diabetes and you drink every night, chances are...

Ava, please keep us posted on your mom. And Robert.
Hang in there, what a tough time for you. I could not say 'never' at the beginning but I am really starting to warm up to the word. If i 'never' have another hangover that would be something to be SO grateful for.

I have the day off so I am posting away!

[Resolve]

Good Monday all. A lot of great posts and much to process. I'm far too much a novice at this to offer much insight but read and re-read often here. I took some weekend time to focus on family, rebuilding and keeping busy while taking some time to reflect on where I am and why. Looking back when I sat down my drink of choice in August, I went into what I viewed as a break or much needed time-out. I didn't approach it then as a long-term quit, and in hindsight, probably had been planning when it would be long enough to get back with my program. That program being abstain most of the week and drink to the mother of all excess throughout the weekend. Only weekends began to bleed into the following week leading to jags and my eventual acknowledgment that this was escalating into far more than even what I thought I could control. I hadn't approached a quit before so viewing this as hitting the pause button and having some indeterminable break seemed manageable. However, after my miserable attempt at re-emerging into the drinking world last weekend, I ended up here. Thankfully I did.

What is different now for me? Well, I really dislike myself for one. And I mean that. I won't drone on anymore about this but at present I don't want to drink at all due to feeling like shit personified in the non-suicidal mental state sort of way with a continual gut-punch kind of ache. Ok, that's out. The differences for me now are about redemption and atonement. Someone wrote that guilt and shame are powerful motivators, but why didn't anybody tell me this when I was lurking around here?!?! I only wish. But I needed a reason to get it and stop fooling myself, so off my bucket list this has come.

The primary most important difference though is I do get it now. This is the quit for me because there is no other choice. I can't begin to move forward and repair some of the damage, rebuild trust and stop feeling embarrassingly sheepish at every turn with this in my life. It's probably not a stretch to say that we all have felt some varying degree of guilt and shame as part of the cycle of drinking, but my recent self-imposed escalation of these feelings has been that switch that switched for me and is now deeply embedded in my psyche. I'm soldiering on because that is all I can do, and I want to feel good again.

I spent some bonding time with my son over the weekend which we both needed. We talked some more about everything and are traveling this coming weekend so we'll get a lot of time together. The past weekend had its roller-coaster moments but I'm feeling ever so slightly on the uptick, at least with my kids. I'm fairly certain that my wife wants to secretly, or not, slowly stab me to death or smother me in my sleep. Truthfully I'd like that too, but we both know that's the easy way out. I continue to apologize and know that her anger, disappointment and lack of trust are thanks to yours truly.

Sometimes the end justifies the means, and regardless of how you got there, you're glad you did. As we all have found, find or contemplate our quit, what little I've learned is to try your best to do it on your terms. What matters is that we all get there.

[Eloise]

hey guys!

oh my gosh I am shocking myself tonight!! i have a short fuse, my husband has pissed me off completely twice in less than 2 hours! I am scaring myself. He broke a mirror in my studio by letting the door slam and I yelled at him! I NEVER act like this. If I got angry every time my students did something like this I would have yelled all the time.
oh boy oh boy.
What is my PROBLEM?!!
trouble coping it seems! I have been feeling like I cannot cope for a few weeks now. I should be happy to be so busy.

does anybody else feel this way? You wouldn't think it would be the alcohol as I am coming up on six months but I am suspicious it might be a PAWS symptom?

I am going to bed (I have been naughty). :eek-new:

[NoSugar]

I was speaking to a fellow MWOer about accepting "never" in the equation of drinking and they said they were "doomed" as they cant accept it. Its such a hard word in the equation of an alcoholic and al but a i told them "i havent accepted forever either but i get why i dont drink and why i cant."

I found freedom in 'never' and 'forever'. I guess I like the simple equations :wink:.
NoSugar + Alcohol = NEVER
NoSugar x AF = FOREVER

[See the Light]

hey guys!

oh my gosh I am shocking myself tonight!! i have a short fuse, my husband has pissed me off completely twice in less than 2 hours! I am scaring myself. He broke a mirror in my studio by letting the door slam and I yelled at him! I NEVER act like this. If I got angry every time my students did something like this I would have yelled all the time.
oh boy oh boy.
What is my PROBLEM?!!
trouble coping it seems! I have been feeling like I cannot cope for a few weeks now. I should be happy to be so busy.

does anybody else feel this way? You wouldn't think it would be the alcohol as I am coming up on six months but I am suspicious it might be a PAWS symptom?

I am going to bed (I have been naughty). :eek-new:

Maybe..Post-acute withdrawal can last for up to 2 years..and can be a a trigger for relapse so be on guard. Definitely try to relax how ever you usually do and see if it passes..be aware of your moods because they are often related to something else going on

...or maybe you just hate people breaking things! :happy2:

[See the Light]

Best thoughts to Lav and her family

[Byrdlady]

Eloise, sober people have shitty days, too!

My hubs has systematically broken, chipped or cracked every glass I collected. We now have better living thru plastic! I don't know it it's his 'bull in the china shop' enthusiasm or that he's clumsy but I fretted over many a stem or plate he broke. He may have done it to get out of washing the dishes, but two can play at that game....PLASTIC is the answer!

I'm sorry that you are having a crappy mood....I hope it passes quickly! Try and turn it around with gratitude if you can!

I had trouble with the NEVER aspect, too, until I turned THAT around and said 'I NEVER have to see that look of fear and disappointment on my husband's face again'. ' I NEVER have to wake up with the Guilt/Shame/Remorse of what I did/said/didn't do/didn't say'. 'I NEVER have to worry about what AL is going to do to me ever again, because I am DONE!' What a relief to NEVER have to experience these awful things again!!

xo, Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Hi Everyone! Sorry to hear you're having hard times LAV. Sending lots of support and well wishes.

Eloise, I'm glad you post even if you haven't read back through everything. WE understand when others don't - so post!

I was watching a reality show about people in an artistic field last night.

I thought to myself... He drinks all day and through an opportunity that could be life changing and you think he can just "slow down"? Non-alcoholics really just don't grasp the NEED that ALKs have to drink. This guy will piss this opportunity away for booze. I only hope he doesn't fall deeper in once he's cut - but someday looks back while sober and regrets it. Another thing is that he is brilliant - top of his class. Alcoholics aren't stupid, lazy, no-good, scuzzy people (well I'm sure there are those too), but many, many very bright and talented people fall into the grasp of addiction. So much talent and life wasted - I HATE AL!

This was me. It has taken many years to come to grips with my addiction and turn it around. I have wasted many years i know. But, now i am making music and picking up my dreams again where i left off. Where they really wasted years? Yes, some were, but i also wouldn't change what i've become because of those rich and sometimes painful experiences.

Lav, my thoughts are with you. Wishing you and family all the best. Hope you're okay.

Take it easy out there y'all. G

[daisy45]

Hi all....just popping in to say hello. Another meesey yesterday...hope its the last! Got both my books and halfway through first one....told my daughters to give me reading time as it will benefit me.
My sisters brother-in-law was found dead yesterday....another unfortunate casualty of alcohol. He was only 46.
When I get back I will be more prepared and ready. Stocked up on supps and vits which I started today.
Night all....be in touch soon!

[Byrdlady]

Daisy, are you drinking tonight?

Hi all....just popping in to say hello. Another meesey yesterday...hope its the last! Got both my books and halfway through first one....told my daughters to give me reading time as it will benefit me.
My sisters brother-in-law was found dead yesterday....another unfortunate casualty of alcohol. He was only 46.
When I get back I will be more prepared and ready. Stocked up on supps and vits which I started today.
Night all....be in touch soon!

[MossRose]

That's a horror show, Kensho. Well, he'll never be able to fool himself that he "wasn't that bad," since it was captured on tape, in real time, for the whole world to see. Ouch. And I thought my drunken public humiliations were bad!! Let's hope it inspires him to quit drinking, rather than be used as an excuse to continue his downward slide.

Daisy, so sorry to hear about your sister's BIL. That's very sad.

Nice to see you, Resolve. The part about guilt and shame being powerful motivators is true. However, in my experience, there comes a time when they stop being of use, and can actually cause harm. In the beginning, it's good to use those powerful emotions to keep you on track. I actually wrote down a list of my most disgraceful memories, and would read them when I felt weak. It hurt, but it worked. I felt sufficient shame to keep me sober. But there comes a point, where the guilt/shame needs to dealt with or it can cause further harm. I got stuck there for a long time. I just couldn't forgive myself for my past behavior. Unfortunately, it led to one of my relapses. Now I work very hard to walk a fine line. I can't afford to ever forget those feeling (see Byrdes's post above), but I also have to forgive myself enough to move forward and make true amends to those I hurt. You sound like you have a good plan. Hang in there. It will get better.

Lav, sending all my love. Hope everything turns out ok for you and your family.

Looking forward to a quiet night. I have a new obsession - dark chocolate. I have never really liked chocolate, but that's because I grew up eating milk chocolate. Not a fan--way to sweet, and I don't like sweets. But I keep reading how good dark chocolate is for you (in moderation), so I thought I would give it a try. It really was love at first bite. I know sugar shouldn't be on the agenda, but it's just so good.

Wishing you all peace tonight.

edit: SF, Thanksgiving is Thursday, Nov. 27th.

[blackflag]

Hello everyone, back to give this another shot. The site looks so different. I'll read back on the thread to get to know you all.