Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

I hate to sound preachy but I DONT want anyone feeling like I do today on day 2 when I should be on 10 or even more sadly almost at 1 year!!!!

I'm sorry you've got those regrets, Ican, but this can be the last time.

Someone here used to have a signature line that said something like "A year from now you'll not regret having quit drinking today". I think that is so true.

If you've joined MWO and aren't on the moderation side of the forum, you pretty much know you need to quit at some point. I wish there was some way to communicate how much easier on yourself you can make it if you just do it. Next Monday or next month or January 1 or a year from now are not going to be any better and very possibly could be worse times to quit. Spare yourself the agony and just be done. The tools and support you'll need are here for the taking and asking.

[Eloise]

Oh, drat. Just lost a long post.

Brief recap - Ican and Red - Time for a serious plan to stay sober. Visit the toolbox to see what a good plan can look like. I quit on Dec. 2 and told everyone that I had quit for December because the dark made me feel sad and depressed and I was trying to see if going without alcohol could make me feel better. Not exactly a party conversation, but everyone was impressed with my resolve.

Blackflag - EXERCISE is key - I can't overstate how much it has meant to my sobriety. When I REALLY don't feel like going, I tell myself to put on my shoes and walk to the corner and back at least. Once I am out I always keep going. Exercise helps me clear mind and body, and releases those great endorphins. I appreciate drumming for both the exercise and the endorphin release. I just found Tommy Igoe this weekend. Here is a cool video you might enjoy (the GoPro makes me nauseated, but the first part of this is awesome). http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...rce=opensearch


Pav

Listen carefully guys, she knows what she is talking about!

[Eloise]

Kensho I'm worried because that's the same chatter that goes on in my head about not wanting to disappointy husband and being around drinkers - maybe you should do the CDs like Lav suggests - there are also non drinking meditation apps I found . I am not the greatest example of this (or maybe I am since I relapsed) but if you do not get that "fight" out of your mind, AL WILL slip in through the cracks . I feel stronger right now because I have decided "not now not ever" to borrow from Byrdie whereas last week I was more "well I'm not drinking for now" -----it can't be both for us ---it's one or the other ---- and the other usually involves drinking to excess and lots of regret. Stay strong my friend ---- day 1 and 2 sucked over here.
Resolve - please go back and read your first post here....it was a game changer for many here and you need to fill in the cracks AL is trying to slip through
I hate to sound preachy but I DONT want anyone feeling like I do today on day 2 when I should be on 10 or even more sadly almost at 1 year!!!!

You know when I decided to quit I also decided that if I had to isolate myself until I was strong enough to be in tempting situations, so be it.

Why not set yourself up to succeed by doing everything in your power to avoid drinking?

[Eloise]

Thank you Lav. Deal Byrd. Thank you so much Ican for reminding me that I will not be happy with any decision to drink. I think for now, I'm safe. It's that week amid drinkers. It feels like an ultimate test. And I realize its because I'm feeling weak. I'm feeling weak because I'm not taking care of myself (sleep, exercise, down time are my big3). I know that "just not drinking" may not be enough down there, so I need a stronger plan - and it has to be in place before I get there:

1. I'm going to pull out some of my old posts from when I slipped previously and read them
2. I am going to develop a before-bedtime and upon-wakening meditation that visualizes me as the drunk (ouch!) and the self-assured, clean,clear & sober me.
3. I will also tell my husband before we leave that I'm on an indefinite leave of absence from AL, and make sure he's on board. I will tell him that this is the ultimate test for me - being stuck in a house with drinkers and no transportation away, and that I need his help and acceptance (this is hard for me because when we first started dating (early 20's), he said he could never date someone who didn't drink. I think he has evolved, but this has stuck with me). This part will feel really hard for me because I am afraid of his response.
4. I am going to get some exercise daily (which we usually do down there) - lots of walks and some trips to their local gym with a steam room (my FAVORITE!)
5. I am going to post like mad, so be ready y'all - I'm going to need the support!!
6. I'm going to do a lot of cooking. I miss having the time to be a good cook - and if I can focus on that while others are drinking, I think it will help.
7. I'm going to get some good non-al drinks.

I think others' discomfort around non-drinkers is partly due to them imagining we are going through some harsh struggle and that there is something terribly wrong with us - because drinking is so widespread and accepted. I will be in whatever mood I am in, but if I show less struggle with the issue and project self-acceptance and happiness, I think others are less likely to be put-off. SO I will focus on how grateful I am to be sober.

Also, just yesterday I was sitting with a couple of my design assistants and we were talking about Thanksgiving. One of them said, "I will be going to my brother's, but not for long. He's AA, and if I want any wine, I will have to go elsewhere." She laughed and rolled her eyes like, "isn't that the pitts?". I didn't say anything.

Thanks for listening.

Kensho, this sounds so hard.
I feel for you. My husband was initially shocked that I was thinking about not drinking at all 'why not the occasional glass of wine?'
Guess what? Six months later he now says it is the best thing I ever did.
Imagine that! AND he has cut way back on his drinking too, although he rarely drank close to what I could put away.
He even said the other night 'maybe I should stop too?'

So, take heed my friend and stay your course.
Do it for yourself, you are worth it and he will agree. :heartbeat:

[Eloise]

And your list looks good! You can do this, after about 3 months I started to feel more and more confident about my decision.
Now, after only six months, I wonder what the hell I was thinking drinking like a sailor all those years? My skin looks better and my short term memory is now starting to improve.
It happens that quickly, really.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Soaking up all that encouragement Eloise! Thx

[blackflag]

Pav, I loved that Tommy igoe video, but I see what you mean about the go pro!

The worst of day 8 is over with now. Just relaxing a bit before an early night. Had some monster cravings before but now I've had some tea and a bit of a chill after work, I feel OK. I've also been worrying about how I'm going to deal with certain things in the future (sometimes way in the future) without that crutch of al. I guess I'll deal with it when I get there, a day at a time, but it's still playing on my mind. After an OK day yesterday, the way I've been feeling today has reminded me how fragile my quit is, but also how important it is to me.
And it's horrible to think there are situations I'm worried about coming up against without a bit of a buzz to pep me up.
It's like I've forgotten how to deal with them sober, but then again I've been drinking like this my entire adult life I guess, so its no wonder.

Introspective rant over! Haha

[Byrdlady]

I was thinking this afternoon about how I could possibly communicate to my fellow nesters how much BETTER life is without the torture of the AL Decision. I have tried to LIVE it day to day....but to be DONE with those thoughts is like being let of prison after 30 years of hard labor. Of course we are going to be traveling next week for Thanksgiving, and there is no trigger for me like my family! But my thought process today really NAILED it for me. Drinking is NOT an option. Do I want to die of this disease? No. Do I want to crawl back to the nest saying I've fallen and eating ALL of the words I have preached daily for nearly 4 years? NO. Do I want to destroy my life and my home and lose my dear husband of 27 years just for the sake of a dam drink? NO. Am I willing to lose everything for AL? NO, HELL NO!!! ALCOHOL will not take one more day of my precious life! Therefore, it's NOT an option! For me, to drink is to die. No thanks, I've been down that hole. Whatever thoughts you are having about romanticizing what AL does to us, get them OUT of your brain or they will take root. Push them out and do NOT let them creep in. Not ONE, NOT EVER! That's the way it HAS to be for me. I am an alcoholic. I can never drink AL safely. After seeing what AL strips from all of us....I hope you will join me in the chant...I HATE ALCOHOL for what it has done to me and all of my friends here. Get the HELL OUT and stay out!

My signature line below would be a full year longer if I had listened to LAV! All I did was prolong the agony. Get all of those 'WHAT IF' thoughts out of your head because they only serve to derail you. We CANNOT drink WE ARE ALCOHOLICS. This stuff is out to kill us. Take the option of drinking off the table it will be the best decision you've ever made. You will have peace in your head. MindPeace. That alone is worth the price of admission. There are some hard times to be experienced, but I've never seen anyone's spouse leave them for NOT drinking....but I've seen plenty that have left because of it. (mine included)

Stay the course, no matter what....I promise it is worth it. Lav, NS, Pav, Pinecone, Ava, none of us are any stronger than anyone else, we just made and decision and we stuck it out. WE KNEW THE ENDING IF WE DIDN'T. Don't hit that repeat button one more time! Ride it out and you will be so glad you did!!

Hugs to all! Welcome Twinkle!! Byrdie

[available]

Well said Byrd. We all will be put into situations where there is al, where we used to get blind drunk, where we used to think we were smart, witty, cute, adorable, intelligent and full of life. Oh wake up call, we were drunks and nothing else. Did we have fun at the time, sure but the aftermath for us was a killer of guilt, shame and remorse. If you have that one to be sociable, it wont end there, it never does for us ALCOHOLICS. Accept that is what we all are and it makes life so much easier. You dont need to tell everyone, find an excuse and stick to it. your on antibiotics and cant drink, you have stomach problems, you are on a health kick, you lost your homework, your dog is sick. Who cares what the excuse, use it.

I went to Thailand in my early af journey, i told my mother at the airport that i was not drinking (who a few will know i detested and called dragon lady) when she wanted to get duty free al (being accountable), she replied very negatively (totally deservedly by her). I flew 8+ hours with no al and i hate flying and my mother beside me, who i felt the same about! As soon as i reached the hotel i spent $30 on a 24 hour internet card and i logged on here, i was on here every single time i wanted/felt/craved a drink. I didnt even tell my mum who i was online with but i needed that contact or else i would give in.

I could have used my book of 1,00000000000000000000 excuses to drink but i chose not to. I chose to pull out every bit of arsenal i had in my toolbox to say no. I didnt want to come back onto mwo yet again and say i was at day 1. I wanted everyone to be proud of me, these cyber buddies of mine who had and still do give me guidance and support for free. I could not let NS, Byrd or Lav down again, it was time for me to "man up" and just do it and i have. I am now the "one less to worry about" and by the posts on mwo its a wobbly time of year for us alkies but its doable, day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute.

Dont be a follower, be a leader!

[MossRose]

I think others' discomfort around non-drinkers is partly due to them imagining we are going through some harsh struggle and that there is something terribly wrong with us - because drinking is so widespread and accepted. I will be in whatever mood I am in, but if I show less struggle with the issue and project self-acceptance and happiness, I think others are less likely to be put-off. SO I will focus on how grateful I am to be sober.

This is good. I like the idea of showing others that life goes on - in a much better fashion - without AL dragging us down. But I think there is another, more hidden reason, that people get so antsy around someone who has decided to quit drinking. I am qualifying that because I think we all know someone who has never been a drinker. They don't seem to have the same effect on people. They are non-threatening and sadly, barely noticeable. But when someone makes the decision to stop drinking AL - others take notice. Too much notice at times, as we all agree. However, I think that while some may be pitying us for our inability to "join the party," I really think others are envious. They know that it's time to do the same damn thing, but are too afraid, not ready, in denial, etc. But deep down inside, they know. It's like putting a mirror up to their face. It's uncomfortable. So go Kensho, show 'em how sexy, fun and vibrant sobriety can be!!

I went shopping tonight. uh-oh. Ava, good thing you don't live in the States. We would go broke together. LOL. Anyway, I figured it was time for a small reward, so I bought a selenite crystal lamp for my cube at work. It's supposed to guard against negativity. hahaha - it will certainly come in handy. Plus, it's just pretty. I also replenished my stock of essential oils. I got some very nice ones tonight - frankincense, neroli, and chamomile. ahhhh...I feel more relaxed just thinking about them.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful night. I see that some are struggling. I know how hard it is, but the point is that you are winning!!. Stay strong. xx

[abcowboy]

MAE fellow Nestor's! Thank you all for getting me through a rough time! If it wasn't for you guys I'd probably be in the bottom of a case of beer! But I got through it okay, there are still some tough decisions to make, but I'll make them clear headed! So, while I was working today, I thought about me, am I the monster my ex makes me out to be? I know I can be miserable at times, but so is everyone else. Then I thought, I must have some good qualities to make Bubba stand by and support me through all this, so, what are they? A challenge to you all, what 5 good qualities do you think you have? For me...

1. I am always willing to help those in need without always thinking about compensation
2. I usually put other's needs ahead of my own (not always a good thing)
3. I am dedicated to my family and to those that are close to me
4. I am not greedy, I have what I have, and it's good enough for me
5. My faith in God to get me through another 24 hours if I am sincere about it

So, guess what, no matter how disappointed you are in yourself, I bet you have at least 5 good qualities that you are proud of! Why not concentrate on them, grow that list, and feel good about yourself! And remember, no drinkin' or druggin' eh!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,
Looks like it's been a busy & productive day around here,that's great!

Hello & welcome Twinkle. Glad you decided to join us, we're a nice group! Congrats on your decision to kick AL out of your life for good. It's definitely something uou won't regret doing, promise

Cowboy, you sound much better. Glad You are here too!

I'm pretty beat so I'll just wish everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Icanwithoutacan]

Good job Cowboy! You sound good. I like your list. It is very hard for me to come up with good things about myself. Is that strange? I mean I know I have good qualities, but it is harder for me to be positive than negative. So, I am going to try:
1. I am a very good friend in that I am compassionate without being judgmental of my friends.
2. I never give up. I may waiver or wander, but I never give up.
3. I am constantly trying to be a better person (this might me bad???)
4. I am committed to my husband and kids. I am a good wife and mother.
5. I am true to my word (in all things but drinking-up to now).

[narilly]

Hello nesters, well Cowboy here are some good things:
1. I am a hard worker, tenacious, don't give up easily.
2. I am a good mom and care deeply for my family
3. I am active and live a healthy lifestyle
4. I am a good friend
5. I don't drink

Whew! I hope you are all having a good night. Mossy, Im comin over to enjoy the essential oils with you. I am getting relaxed just thinking about it!

Goodnight

[See the Light]

Great lists ABC, Narilly and Ican..I'm particularly impressed on how selfless those lists are. AL sometimes makes people selfish and withdrawn..it's our problem and no one else's... except...that is 500% not true..there are studies out there about the impacts of Second Hand Drinking (kinda like second hand smoking) that show for every person who is an alcoholic, 5 more people are negatively impacted ...a worsening effect of 500%...meaning family members feel symptoms related to dealing with a person with an AL issue, then they negatively impact someone else, and the chain continues....when you have great SELFLESS qualities, you can stop focusing on the impact of just yourself, but then see the world around you that you impact..so think about it..when you quit drinking, you make the world around you 500% better...those are stats I think we can all live with...let's break that chain together, and allow those around you enjoy your success as much as you do