Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Pav, I loved that Tommy igoe video, but I see what you mean about the go pro!

The worst of day 8 is over with now. Just relaxing a bit before an early night. Had some monster cravings before but now I've had some tea and a bit of a chill after work, I feel OK. I've also been worrying about how I'm going to deal with certain things in the future (sometimes way in the future) without that crutch of al. I guess I'll deal with it when I get there, a day at a time, but it's still playing on my mind. After an OK day yesterday, the way I've been feeling today has reminded me how fragile my quit is, but also how important it is to me.
And it's horrible to think there are situations I'm worried about coming up against without a bit of a buzz to pep me up.
It's like I've forgotten how to deal with them sober, but then again I've been drinking like this my entire adult life I guess, so its no wonder.

Introspective rant over! Haha

Hi, Nest:

Blackflag - this is EXACTLY how I felt. I have a yearly trip with friends (this year was Sept.) and from Day 1, 8 months before the trip, that was what I was worried about. How could I possibly enjoy this trip, adult, outdoors and plenty of cocktails and beer? The advice I was given all along was just focus on today. Just don't drink today. Well, that's what I did. As time went on, I worried about it less and less, until it was about three weeks away. By then I was pretty securely 7 months sober, but I still worried. I worried that I would be no fun, or that people would think I was no fun and it would be awkward. But wait. What's that? Not worrying about drinking! I wasn't worrying about actually drinking myself. Ok, the rest I can get through. Turned out to be a completely amazing weekend with great friends who love me no matter what.

It is a weird paradox. To remain sober a) you have to take the choice OFF the table (see Byrdie and Ava's posts - a totally freeing decision) which means believing that you will not drink ever again, but also b) you have to keep it real and in the moment by focusing on one day at a time. Believe it or not, somehow it all works.

Welcome, Twinkle - you've come to a great place to get and stay sober.

Kensho - Have that talk with your husband. Whatever he is going to say, he will say, and if it turns out to be unsupportive you will be dealing with it BEFORE you go away. I hope he is supportive - I have seen spouses be disappointed with sobriety, but only until they realize the benefits of having a sober spouse and realize that there is no downside (unless they themselves are addicted and they lose a co-dependent).

Ican - No regret. Learning from mistakes is the way we humans do it. Be careful to not repeat the steps that led to your relapse.

Cowboy - I love your challenge.

1. I am a good mom. I have a lot of fun with my kids, and am helping guide them to become great people.
2. I am passionate about my work and very good at what I do.
3. I have a good sense of humor.
4. I am family oriented and very supportive of my husband, parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and all extended non-blood "family" that I have collected over the years.
5. I am empathic and sensitive - I truly understand the feelings of others and can help problem solve and support people.

Phew - that was hard. I recommend it to everyone!

Good night, nest. Take care of yourselves, and stay sober, no matter what!

Pav

[Eloise]

Me too Brydie, me too.

There is no stronger trigger than family!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters on this frosty Wednesday!!!!!
15 degrees at the moment, Brrrr!

Wishing everyone a good AF Hump day. I need to go check on my poor chickens, bless their little hearts

Lav

[Byrdlady]

A sad morning as I head out of town this morning. My neighbor on the next street has died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 42. He was a tri-athlete and active as could be. He leaves a wife and 10 year old son. Unbelievable.

I tell you, life is precious. Don't waste another second of it with AL. We are in the fight of our lives and we HAVE to win, either WE win or IT wins....

I am so sad....I just saw him on Monday! Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.

I'll check in when I get to my hotel tonight. xo, B

[See the Light]

Sorry to hear that Byrdie-..life is precious indeed...
Last night in my town they had funeral services for a 13 year old boy who was accidentally shot in the head this weekend by a repeat felon in a hotel room while on a soccer tournament….he played in the same league as my son..local kid. Tragically unnecessary..

[KENSHO]

Morning Nesties. Attitude adjustment here for Kensho. I'm VERY glad to not be drinking. I am stressed, overworked and exhausted BUT these hard days would be 1000% harder if I was drinking. I'm happy to wake up sober and be here for my friends and family!

Love your #5 Narily!

STL, your post was a great reminder to me why I am staying AF. In addition to improving my life, I am improving the lives of my husband and even more important to me, my kids. They are learning that mom and dad don't always reach for wine, that you can go out and have fun without drinking, and that mom reads stories at night SOOO much better when she doesn't drink. I have to keep this in mind in Arizona over Thanksgiving. I think it's one of the greatest gifts I could give them - not only to be a better parent sober, but to show them that they don't have to go down the alcohol abuse path too.

Byrdie - 42 is too young. Sorry

A lot of tragic events posted, but I thought I'd update on my 38 yr. old friend who had a hysterectomy and found cancer... they revised the pathology and found that the "spot" wasn't yet cancer but just the pre-cursor that comes from the gene marker she has. It would have become cancer, but as of right now - she is CANCER FREE!!!

List:
1. I am creative and am wiling to think outside the box
2. I am a good mom and am teaching my kids to be kind, responsible and to follow their hearts
3. I value the environment and have worked to improve it so our kids' kids have a clean place to live
4. I am brave
5. I see all sides to a situation (makes decision-making hard, but I tend to empathize well with others!)

I kept thinking that it would be much easier to write the list of what I could improve upon - so this was a good exercise. Thanks ABC.

Think positive everyone, and have a great day!

[Fin]

A sad morning as I head out of town this morning. My neighbor on the next street has died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 42. He was a tri-athlete and active as could be. He leaves a wife and 10 year old son. Unbelievable.

I tell you, life is precious. Don't waste another second of it with AL. We are in the fight of our lives and we HAVE to win, either WE win or IT wins....

I am so sad....I just saw him on Monday! Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.

I'll check in when I get to my hotel tonight. xo, B

Wow. What an eye opener. I consider myself very fit as well (it's a priority for an active outdoor lifestyle), but how many years has AL already taken off my life...my wonderful life, our collective wonderful lives? So sorry to hear this news, Byrd. Safe travels...

-Fin

[blackflag]

Sorry to hear that Byrd.
In feeling OK today, been looking for a new job for a while, and one that I applied for on Monday got back to me for an interview tomorrow.
Im nervous but still pretty happy. Be lovely and a little unexpected to get out of retail before Christmas.
I'll check back in later on.

Bf

[Resolve]

Byrd - I'm sorry to hear about your neighbor. I don't get it sometimes, well most times, and I really hate stories like that because it's hard to make sense of it and it leaves you shaking your head. Your post yesterday was quite strong as usual, and the message you're sending couldn't be clearer. We can control our decisions related to alcohol and have to tough it out at all costs and at all times.

Ava - of course you then followed with an equally strong post and the one-two punch of both was exactly what I wanted and needed in my wobblyness. I also saw your post on Red's thread about your daughter and the "...oh my farking god..." comment - that gave me a moment of brevity and LOLness last night (during a heavy SOA episode no less), so thank you for that too. And Red keep at, hang in there. You're in good hands around here.

ICan - you know, I took your advice and went back and read my early posts. I hadn't done that before and that also worked (and...ouch, cringe). It's taken me the past few weeks to get to a point of acceptance, and I never quite had an experience that drove home what this in and of itself means. It's far from forgiveness, but I had to get to a point of not beating myself up daily at every possible moment with any hope of ever retrieving my man card. This in turn has allowed my focus to move ahead towards betterment on all fronts, making amends and achieving why it is that I'm here (as are we all). I hope you're also feeling better about where you are and looking forward too.

Diligence isn't fun or easy but I'm sensing the payoff will be great.

[available]

Byrd its tragic isnt it when someone so young dies and one that is doing everything to live it to the fullest.

Resolve you will get to the place that the old timers are at, one day at a time and never forget what you were. It doesnt mean that you have to dwell on the past but i always remember what i was like as a drunk when i have an urge or a thought. Its a place i dont want to visit again. Its hard to think of being sober for a long length of time but god if i can get there anyone can and all of us will say that one. Never did i think i would be giving advice. I cant find my old posts but i am definitely sure they were exactly the same as everyone elses on here in their context. "I dont think i can do this, i am scared, i am going on holidays, i have a family party, im stressed, im tired, someone i know is sick, work sucks, its hot, its cold". All excuses to get our al brain into action. Take out the excuses and accept this is our life to be sober and take it day by day and eventually the days are easier and fun. We learn to live our lives sober and that takes time.

[Rahulthesweet]

Byrdlady,

This is indeed a big tragedy for your neighbour.

[Guitarista]

Hello Nesters near and not so far,

Tragic news Byrdy. My condolences. I have known a couple of folks around that age who have had heart attacks. Often it runs in the family, but geez, that is unlucky either way. Take it easy and safe travels.

Sobriety, the gift that keeps on giving.

This is what i am thinking here at the beach pad on a balmy thursday morning. 24/7 sober living is simply the best. There are NO negatives in being sober. None. Sobriety is a gift we give to ourselves (and all around us) that somehow magically keeps on giving. I see this theme ties into a couple of recent posts. It is a theme, a feeling that never gits old.

Take it easy out there. Here's an extra strength brand new roll of butt velcro from Narelle's hardware down the road. Pull up a twig and strap in. Passing it to the.................................left. G

[Twinkle79]

Well, I did not make it back here last night but I did make it through another sober day, feeling very grateful. And now I am approaching the end of Day 6 - it has been a very long time since I have achieved this (and not been lying about it!!). I was feeling very negative yesterday, and I was dreading going back to work today - I am treading a very fine line there, one more strike and I'm out and I knew I had a meeting about that today. But I woke up feeling more "fighty" and I took my new positive attitude in there, made promises I hope to God I can keep, and had one of the most efficient days I've had in months! And now I have another 2 days off, yay!! My boyfriend walked out on me and my daughter about 10 days ago and I expected to be drowning myself in pinot grigio by now but I am, miraculously, coping. I am eating a ton of chocolate biscuits but hey, who cares! Going to do some more reading here now and get to know you guys a bit better. And maybe eat a bit more chocolate........

[Guitarista]

Fab work Twinkle.

Keep it going friend. A bit of turbulence around you, but you are taking control. Keep control of what you can control, and that is your sobriety and mental state of mind. Take good care of yourself daily. Maybe some after work treats (chocolate etc) as you are doing, and movies to distract you, get you out of your head and help this early healing time pass and do it's thing.

Stay strong, keep your hand on the wheel, and stick with us here if it helps, along with any healthy face to face support you might need.

You are a great parent, and you are worthy of the endless treasure and jewels that await you when we take our lives back and live sober.

Keep us posted. G

[Byrdlady]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts.
With a 4 hour drive this morning, I had lots of time to think about it and I am still as dumbfounded as I was. I have had 3 deaths this year that rocked me to my core (my Son in law, my best friend growing up and this one). Last year I lost my dad. July, two years ago, I was with a high school classmate when she lost her hubs of 30 years while they were on vacation. All I can say is, thank God my quit was in place and I KNEW that drinking was not an option, otherwise I would not be far behind the departed.
The time is now. Get quit and stay quit no matter what! There are no more tomorrows! Dont waste another day of your life on this stupid substance! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Tragedies will come in all of our lives, we must learn the coping skills to get thru them, I employ the very same ones that I do with my quit...I take it one small chunk at a time.
Thank you all, its been a tough day. Xxoo, B