Newbies Nest

[blackflag]

Hey guys, quick update, interview went well, and got a face to face one next week. Best dig out my suit!
Going to make the effort to go do something today, maybe check out a museum or something. I'll be back later.

Bf

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Thursday to all!

That's great news Bf - good for you
Keep the momentum going!

Still chilly this morning but not quite as bad as yesterday & no snow - yay!
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday!

Lav

[Icanwithoutacan]

Morning all. Blackflag, congrats and good luck next week.
KENSHO - get some rest. Stay strong. I am thinking of you.
Pavati. Great idea on the Serenity Prayer. I am saying it now.

[Lizann]

Lavande, that is my plan. Feeling a bit weepy today, not sure I can do this today. I will check back on later. Appreciate so much the support I'm getting here!

[See the Light]

GMAE all- Good luck on your new opportunity blackflag....and Pav ..great idea for the Serenity Prayer...always a "go to" in times of crisis especially this time of year:

Acceptance as the Key to Happiness
The serenity prayer reminds the individual of the importance of acceptance. Humans have the ability to exert an influence on the world, but there are many things that they have no power over. For example, there may be very little that a person can do to alter the way other people think. This inability to change some aspects of life can leave people feeling frustrated and full of self pity. The individual may have used to justification that life is not fair to justify their alcohol or drug abuse. Trying to fight against the way things are is a waste of energy and it can only ever lead to suffering. People find happiness by just accepting and working with those things that they cannot change.

The Serenity Prayer Gives Comfort When Times Are Hard
When people give up an addiction it doesn’t mean that they will get a free ride in life going forward. The sober person still has to face day to day reality, and this means dealing with the bad times as well as the good. When times are hard the individual can begin to question things. They may even begin to wonder if staying sober is worth the effort. By thinking about the serenity prayer the individual can find inner strength. They can accept the current situation as what they have to work with and take it from there.

Hope everyone is ready for a positive AF day today...enjoy

[briseus]

How do you deal with the fear Byrdie? I am sorry for all the losses you have endured...I have never gone through tragedies like that before. Just the death of my partners Father a few years ago...and I am not even sure how I handled that...
There are so many things going on right now in my life that frighten the hell out of me...I was doing well and then slipped up again...I damn well know that the AL isn't there to help me. Just need to try again today...

Oh and hello everyone...finally got my butt over to the NN.

[KENSHO]

Hi Bresius, and MAE All! Fear is a big stopper of dreams. Everyone who's made it a long way on the sobriety path has said that, though there is short term discomfort in this life change, sustained abstinence is one million times better! Fear will only keep us in a place we don't want to be!

Placing furniture orders for four impatient clients today, as well as attending a public hearing this evening to voice some concerns I have. 2 minutes to talk! My first go at it was 3:15! Talk about concise, short statements. I know for certain that I would not be getting through this week with alcohol in my system. It sounds terrible - as I am enjoying my clear thinking and responsiveness in discussions.

Just today... I will not drink. I'm only worrying about today. We can do it, as Byrdie would say!

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello anyone,

It's been a pretty boring week. Boring as staying home, back to routine and work from morning to evening seems not so exciting as travelling to new places. In office time flies, at home it's kids.

I am wearing a fitness band since quite a few months now. And it gives a data of how much I walked or took steps in a day. On an average day of home + office I make about 6000. It I do a job or so I reach 10,000. On a day of travel I do 20'000 plus. Last one week I feel fat already !!

Had an argument with the wife, does spoils the mood. But I should not do complain we started off at such a good not after marriage and basically the gap increased and increased as years went by. She got engaged with kids and I with Al, work and travels. Can those wounds heal ! I don't wonder. But living and being alone for so long I too myself feel uncomfortable sharing things. Then with no AL around I anyways feel so venerable sometimes in situations.

On work front life's feel repetitive and dull. It's not that work is that ways, I feel that ways. Sometimes I do feel life was so simple not so long ago when it was all about work and drinking nothing else mattered. Now life seems more complicated.

Today in one of those moments while eating some junk food I did feel ... What would be like escaping from reality and taking a drink ... It was a thought which came for a few seconds before it died its own death.

The positive thing I see is that there is no AL in my life and my life is no longer debated by AL. There are many other positives but I don't feel proud of my life staye (food, travel, health etc)

Take care

[Byrdlady]

How do you deal with the fear Byrdie? I am sorry for all the losses you have endured...I have never gone through tragedies like that before. Just the death of my partners Father a few years ago...and I am not even sure how I handled that...
There are so many things going on right now in my life that frighten the hell out of me...I was doing well and then slipped up again...I damn well know that the AL isn't there to help me. Just need to try again today...

Oh and hello everyone...finally got my butt over to the NN.

Hey Bris, I am so glad you finally made it over to the nest!

Fear of the future and regret for the past are the twin thieves of the present. I should have paid attention to who wrote that, but it's good enough to steal, so I did. There are no truer words.
I let FEAR drive me for years. Let's get specific about what you are asking, tho...are you asking how did/do I deal with the fear of NOT having AL as my crutch? If that is the case, then it boils down to this....the lesser of TWO FEARS. In my case, the FEAR of what AL was doing to me was WORSE than the fear of giving it up. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see what effect AL was having on me, my blood work was coming back bad, I had gained weight, my marriage all but gone....I was on the brink of losing everything I had worked all my life for. That made the alternative of going AF much more attractive. I HAD to quit, and I had to find a way to make it stick. I was really down to 2 choices....give totally in to AL and let it take me down, or fight like hell and take my life back. As I see it, by the time a person gets to MWO, this is pretty much where we all are. Two choices. That's it. Life or....no life.

I have realized that MOST of what I worried about has never happened (it's true what they say). I also realize that an awful lot of WHAT I feared was AL talking....it was AL telling me I couldn't do something....in reality, I can do everything better without AL. Everything! You quit before for 8 months, you faced those fears then....nothing has changed....you can face them again. I bet you'll find that it was AL telling you that you couldn't do something. There is NOTHING to fear in quitting, but there is EVERYTHING to fear if we don't. This stuff is out to kill us.

If you look back over the years, I imagine that your drinking has gotten progressively worse (just like that little animation Black Flag posted for us). The highs aren't as high and the lows are really bad. We look and feel like hell all the time. Our world is centered on our next drink....We are never happy with the drink we have....we are anxious about the NEXT one. If you quit drinking today....next year when we are talking, I'll be sending you a cake for your one year anniversary!! If you don't quit, we'll still be having this same conversation. This doesn't go away, it gets worse. It takes a big effort to jump off the hamster wheel. I always read your posts during your 8 months, and I was so glad that you sounded upbeat, hopeful and happy. AL takes all that away. For us, AL is no fun anymore, we are just addicts getting a fix.

AL is the problem.

Remove AL and you will be amazed at what else falls into place. I know you can do this....I've seen you! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF.

We've got two choices. XXOO, Byrdie

[Icanwithoutacan]

Rahul- feeling for you. I think it sounds like PAWS. There are some great podcasts on PAWS on the Bubble Hour available on iTunes. Sounds like maybe work took the place of alcohol for you and now that you have some downtime, those AL thoughts are sneaking in.
Go back and read some of your early posts. The ones where you were traveling and drinking. You didn't sound like you were having fun, and like me, you had great difficulty putting any sober time together which left you depressed and disappointed. I think you even mentioned in one that you wanted to be able to just relax and enjoy the kids without alcohol. Thinking of you my friend and hoping you stay the path as your great number of sober days is an inspiration to me.

[See the Light]

Great job on the exercise Rahul- keeping track keeps us motivated! You should also keep busy in other entertaining ways when you’re not traveling because boredom can bring back the idea that somehow AL is fun. It’s not…it depends on the person underneath to balance their lives. And I think your wounds with the wife will heal….especially since you have been so strong for so long. Remember, It is often claimed that dependence on alcohol is a family disease. This refers to the fact that the addiction impacts more than just the individual addict. . Your family and friends also likely suffered because of AL. These wounds take time to heal, you have to respect that…you have already done so much better than a majority of people in recovery. Let your strength continue to guide you past those venerable times and let the world around heal with you. This is on-going recovery, so everyone once in a while, the old thoughts can come back…. Keep busy and keep posting and you will drown them out ….best wishes…

[Matt M.]

Just a check in for me, just off of another busy tour at work, which means very little sleep.
Even at home my sleep has been jacked. Trying to at least be still and rest as much as I can.
I know from past history that the F! It's come full throttle when I'm tired.
I had a very brief thought of Al this morning when I got home. After being up most of the night, I get home and could not unwind/ relax. Muscle memory was to knock back a few stiff ones to "help" me relax. Which I know is utter bullshit.
Even though the thought was brief and I promptly
Cursed my inner al demon, I still went through the motions and played that drink out in my head for the next 24hrs, which really helps solidify and reinforce my quit.
That's it, thanks

[blackflag]

Hey everyone, day 10 over and done with here.
Not been too bad really, but after practice with one of my bands, I had to all of a sudden get a serious head ache to avoid the guys coming back to mine with some beers etc.
I'll have to tell them eventually, but I'm really putting it off, especially as not seeing them isn't really an option.
They're my drinking friends, but all my friends are my drinking friends. Seems to be like that when you're a drinker. I don't really know anyone who doesn't use alcohol. I'll just have to limit the situations I socialise in, like ava said.

Also, it's my birthday this weekend, and normally I'd have a big session to celebrate, so everyone is asking what I'm doing this year. I'll probably just go see my parents, and hide out there for the evening.

[available]

BF tell your friends when you are ready. Taking medications works a treat. My dog was sick a lot and i was at the vets a lot. Well i wasnt but.......

Happy birthday for this weekend. I celebrated my 50th in April sober and of course i wanted a drink but of course i didnt. Those mod thoughts hit me and i did say i was going to stop drinking till my 50th but i felt so much better sober that i resisted that temptation and look at me now!

Matt oh that drink would have done wonders wouldnt it? I have those thoughts too when i am tired, or stressed and like you i think, yeah fark, right! Then i rewind and think that it will only work for a moment and that is all. Much better to deal with it sober. I listen to an app on my iphone. The guy bores me so much he puts me to sleep in a couple of minutes.

[Guitarista]

Quick check in Nesters.

All good here. Hope all are as well as can be.

Take it easy out there. G