Newbies Nest

[Eloise]

Hang on Matt, you have been doing just amazing!
Is what you are fighting about really worth it? Maybe let her have her say and then you go take a walk. Talk about it all once the emotions have settled.
I just feel that yelling never gets anyone very far.
I always walk away, talk later when you both might actually make some sense?

Whatever you decide drinking will just make matters worse, so very true.

He all,
Just checking in, been a rough few days. The wife and I have been at each other's throats, mostly over bullshit that has been building and has come to a head. Our fights are few and far between with a sober me. I have had some pretty intense cravings, that's it, and I'm not going to cave in.
I had the thought that, " If we are going to argue like this I might well make the best of it and drink, and at least deserve to get bitched at"
I'm not acting in these feelings, Im not going to succumb to Al. I can't,
Just scares me, I don't think I have another quit in me.
I'll keep checking in, and I have been communicating with Ava via email.
Thanks

[Matt M.]

KENSHO
I like myself more now. Sure, there are days I want a drink, and days that suck beyond sucking, and many things I need to work on, but I'm being true to myself - good or bad; I'm making good decisions for myself. I'm not lying to myself or others any more and what that has done for me and for my relationships is nothing short of amazing. Life feels more full and rich and REAL.

SO, to all of you wondering if not drinking will ever be any fun, or how you could possibly be happy without alcohol, I will tell you that being sober has opened doors that I never knew were there. It's impossible to imagine life without alcohol - it just must be experienced.

Great overall post, that part could not have been said better. You sound great Ken.

I appreciate the words of encouragement from you all.
As bad as I felt yesterday, I was 10x more elated waking with a clear sober mind. My wife and I have been married a long time, we have been through Hell and back. The majority of that Hell, was a result of my addiction. I'm a hard headed MF, but getting mad and angry with my wife creates a trigger. I have control over that particular trigger. Pick my battles, stop overreacting, and when things start getting tough just step back and chill the Fuck out.
Yesterday I did a few things I would never do in prior attempts.
1. Reach out to other drunks, swallow my type A personality, macho, manly pride and ego, and let someone know I'm struggling.

2. For me~ find a quiet place( at my house it's the bathroom 3 mini me's raising Hell) go to my knees and let go to my higher power, which I call God)

3 Went out for a walk in the cold peaceful air and clear my head.

4. then go home and sucker punch my wife.
JUST KIDDING, stop judging me:thatswhack:

All BS side all 3 of the things I mentioned, I did not do on my own or by myself,~ shared with one of us, shared with my higher power, and followed many people's advice on her about exercising.
These tools mentioned are proven success resources, only If I utilize them.

Which just solidifies my statement in my signature.

[MossRose]

Oh Ava. I am sending all my love to you and Robert. Praying for the best possible outcome. Mo matter what happens, he will know that you have been by his side and loved him through it all. You have such a good heart. xx

Hi Sam. It's been a long time since I've seen you post in the nest. But I have only been back regularly as of late, so I may have missed a few posts. Hope all is well in your world. I think of you often. You offered me so much support in the early days. Since I never got a chance to say it before - thank you.

Mstall - glad you are here. I tried the twofer thing myself...and didn't make it. I had to get AL out of my life first, then concentrate on smoking. I'm proud to say, they are both gone now, but I had to do it in steps. Go easy on yourself. One thing at a time.

I'm sorry for what you are going through right now, Mr. B. Stay close.

It's been a good day. I spent several hours with my SIL. She was in high spirits. She had me laughing. So she heads back to the hospital on Wednesday morning for the final leg of this cancer journey. More chemo and a stem cell transplant. Scary, but encouraging considering her progress so far. My money's on her. When I first heard AML, I was devastated. I figured game over. But she has proven to me that it ain't over till it's over.

Yes, there's an analogy coming No matter how many relapses it takes, it can be done as long as you keep trying.

[MossRose]

Matt, x-post. Sounds like you are doing better, and have regained your sense of humor (always a good sign). Stay strong.

[MossRose]

ok - last time I'm going to poke my nose in the nest tonight, but I forgot to reply to Soft Focus. Just reword the anthem to..."You'll never quit quitting." That works. I like your name.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

MrB, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your Dad is proud of you & wishing you smooth sailing on your AF journey.

Ava, thoughts & prayers for you & Robert. I hope is as comfortable as possible.

Matt, sounds like you're making some real emotional progress on your AF journey & that's great. Keep growing & stay in the light

Greetings to everyone & wishes for a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

[Pavati]

Good night, Nest (or morning or afternoon).

Matt - I find my fights with my husband are few and far-between since I quit drinking. Another positive result. Good on you for coming here. Your number 2 is 3 for me - getting out to nature is my higher power.

Mossy - Good news for your SiL. She is lucky to have you around - and laughter is such good medicine.

Ava - Positive thoughts to you and Robert - HE is lucky to have YOU around. I hope it all goes well.

Off to bed. Stay strong, folks. MStall, you still around? Here's the butt velcro that G passed around. Triple strength.

xo
Pav

[narilly]

Just stopping in for a sec. I have been reading your posts.
I'm thinking of you Ava, Robert is lucky to have you there and I wish him all the best.

Byrdie, thanks for the serenade, it is quite fitting to our AF life.

Mr B and Lil, you two are lucky to have each other, I am thinking about you both.

Moss, glad you had a good visit with your SIL.

I had a great sober weekend.
Goodnight!

[Icanwithoutacan]

Hi all. Day 7 done and dusted.
Ava and Mr. B - thinking of you both
Matt M. - good job hanging in there
Kensho- so far so good on the trip it sounds like

I can't remember who sat in the parking lot and drove away, but you are to only reason I didn't drink today. I kept thinking if they can do it I can do it.
Had a total irrational breakdown this morning with my husband. I think I am trying to fight with him...It's really weird. Anyway, I had the thought of drinking because I felt weak and exposed and I don't know just too many feelings.

[available]

Thanks you everyone for your kind words. The scheduled his surgery early but the worlds were aligned and i made it to walk him to theatre. Hug and tears and lots of "i love you's" and off he went, scared but safe in the hands of the surgeons. I just heard from his boyfriend and he is still in surgery, they told him to go home. I dont think so, so may be going back in. I did spend a lovely day with my girls, spent too much money of course but i needed to be close to the ones i loved.

MR i hope your SIL is okay. I always laugh with Robert, we only have deep and meaningfuls if he wants to, laughter is the best medicine that we can share.

Ican, it takes awhile for us to emotionally mature to our real age when we are sober. Go easy on yourself, it is miracle enough that you dont drink. Its a bloody miracle i have given up for the amount of time i have! Not only do you have to adjust to being sober but so do our loved ones.

At home now and having a coffee, feel exhausted, long day today and tomorrow mum gets her test results.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Having a day or two of oddly warm weather after freezing our tails off for several days. Confusing but OK I guess

Ava, I hope you are OK, thinking about you & Robert today.

Ican, avoiding conflict right now is the best choice. Remove yourself & tune in to a guided meditation ~ it worked for me, honestly. Congrats on your 7 AF days. Now you have to protect them like any newborn

Wishing everyone a good AF Monday!

Lav

[Lizann]

Back from Boston. Had a fabulous weekend. Feeling somewhat let down this morning with strong cravings this morning. Hoping once I make my list and get moving this will pass. I'll check back later.

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Crazy weather here, too, Lav, we had 45 MPH winds last night??? Thunder and rain, too. Nuts! \
Ican, great job on your 7 days!!! WoootieHooot!

Hang tight this week, everyone...the AL Voices are going to pull out every dirty trick they know...in the end they are all just excuses! Don't be fooled! You will have a whole nest of people to support you right here! Dig your heels in and stand firm! There is NO good reason for us to drink! Don't make me pull out all my clichés! ehehehe.....

Everyone with loved ones who need you, we are sending extra strength your way. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Matt M.]

Matt, x-post. Sounds like you are doing better, and have regained your sense of humor (always a good sign). Stay strong.

Thanks MR, wishing you and your family all the best during this trying time.

Good evening Nesters,

MrB, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your Dad is proud of you & wishing you smooth sailing on your AF journey.

Ava, thoughts & prayers for you & Robert. I hope is as comfortable as possible.

Matt, sounds like you're making some real emotional progress on your AF journey & that's great. Keep growing & stay in the light

Greetings to everyone & wishes for a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

I Always look forward to your post, you have an uncanny ability to speak volumes with so few words. I'm pretty sure I hear amazing Grace playing in the background, are you dubbing that in subliminal? :wings:

Good night, Nest (or morning or afternoon).

Matt - I find my fights with my husband are few and far-between since I quit drinking. Another positive result. Good on you for coming here. Your number 2 is 3 for me - getting out to nature is my higher power.

Mossy - Good news for your SiL. She is lucky to have you around - and laughter is such good medicine.

Ava - Positive thoughts to you and Robert - HE is lucky to have YOU around. I hope it all goes well.

Off to bed. Stay strong, folks. MStall, you still around? Here's the butt velcro that G passed around. Triple strength.

xo
Pav

Pav~ Thanks it is amazing how therapeutic it is to become one with nature. ( Sorta sounds like a thought from yoda? )

Hi all. Day 7 done and dusted.
Ava and Mr. B - thinking of you both
Matt M. - good job hanging in there
Kensho- so far so good on the trip it sounds like

I can't remember who sat in the parking lot and drove away, but you are to only reason I didn't drink today. I kept thinking if they can do it I can do it.
Had a total irrational breakdown this morning with my husband. I think I am trying to fight with him...It's really weird. Anyway, I had the thought of drinking because I felt weak and exposed and I don't know just too many feelings.

ICan~ Thank's, I totally understand the irritability and mental mind Fuck that goes on with this battle, especially in the beginning. I've been going through a little of that myself. When drinking, guilt was one of my most dreaded emotions. Sober me doesn't want or NEED guilt and remorse. This last little bump in the road with the wife, after I cleared my head, I approached her and owned up to my faults and simply apologized. Although I could tell she was very thankful and pleased, I'm pretty sure her mind was thinking an exorcism was in order :egad: this may come as a surprise, but booze really intensified my irrationality..
Stay Hard and keep up the good work

Thanks you everyone for your kind words. The scheduled his surgery early but the worlds were aligned and i made it to walk him to theatre. Hug and tears and lots of "i love you's" and off he went, scared but safe in the hands of the surgeons. I just heard from his boyfriend and he is still in surgery, they told him to go home. I dont think so, so may be going back in. I did spend a lovely day with my girls, spent too much money of course but i needed to be close to the ones i loved.

MR i hope your SIL is okay. I always laugh with Robert, we only have deep and meaningfuls if he wants to, laughter is the best medicine that we can share.

Ican, it takes awhile for us to emotionally mature to our real age when we are sober. Go easy on yourself, it is miracle enough that you dont drink. Its a bloody miracle i have given up for the amount of time i have! Not only do you have to adjust to being sober but so do our loved ones.

At home now and having a coffee, feel exhausted, long day today and tomorrow mum gets her test results.

My friend thanks for being there for me, behind the scenes, means allot, Thanks for stalking me!
Wishing you the best with your friend and mom!

P.S. I noticed you have letters in your signature something like Ava~ S,H ???? Special, honest~ I can't remember the rest. I'm thinking of adding my own.

MATT~ STFU! because you speak before you think.!
You like?


Stay Hard all!

[KENSHO]

We arrived in AZ late last night after a 14 hr. drive.... Which we decided to not do again in the near future! The sun and colors down here are warm and inviting. I have been looking for that right moment to tell the in laws that I'm not drinking. I don't want it to be forced in the conversation, but it needs to be soon.

Matt, I've been thinking about you. I don't know if I have words if wisdom but I know the spouse stuff is hard. There's a new dynamic when we stop drinking, and the newness is compounded by the lingering "shit" we created while drinking. I feel my Hubs and I have finally reached the other side if it a bit, but the process was painful and consuming. One thing I'm sure if is that to drink is to go backwards and void any progress made. I don't know your particular situation but please keep moving forward even though it's hard! I am here beside you, like so many others!!

Keep moving FORWARD everyone, even if it's hard. Hard doesn't last, but backward is forever.

I have limited keyboard access here. Will check in as often as I cans! love to all!