GMAE, nesters! I've done a ton of long road trips over the past few weeks and have listened to several Bubble Hour shows. I really liked the one about getting through the Holidays. I'm at 8 months and this will be my first holiday season sober.
I just read back and saw a reference to a tool discussed on the Bubble Hour, so maybe it's been brought up already, but am going to toss this thought out there in case it's helpful to anyone who might be hosting (like me): When you catch your brain telling yourself, "I HAVE to roast chestnuts over the open fire for those brussell sprouts [INSERT your version of roasted chestnuts here]", catch yourself and change that to, "I COULD do that, but I'm using these 2 year old pecans in my freezer".
I'm someone who put ridiculous expectations on myself that I'm fairly certain nobody else really cared about. I delivered dinners as close to Martha Stewart-status as I possibly could. Apparently, this is incredibly common among women, in particular, who are alcoholics. And as one of the women said on that show, all I was really doing was putting on a performance. If my dinner was the best anyone had ever had, and I could make it seem effortless, then nobody would know how messed up I really was on the inside. I was putting on a giant performance. I couldn't be an alcoholic if I delivered a perfect dinner. Alcoholics don't have tidy houses when company arrives. I love to cook, but that perfection thing with entertaining was my way of covering up my drinking.
We don't HAVE to do anything. And when we find ourselves putting all this pressure on ourselves and making up all these insane requirements, we're getting sucked back into participating in a charade that our lives are perfect. For people in recovery, any kind of effort to put on a charade so as to impress others so they think we're awesome can trigger a relapse, so just don't do it. I'm working very hard at that this week.
Flaws are okay. Mashed potatos from the refrigerator section taste great. Nobody in my family likes brussell sprouts anyway! Breathe deep, take short cuts, and protect your quit by embracing imperfection.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I just read back and saw a reference to a tool discussed on the Bubble Hour, so maybe it's been brought up already, but am going to toss this thought out there in case it's helpful to anyone who might be hosting (like me): When you catch your brain telling yourself, "I HAVE to roast chestnuts over the open fire for those brussell sprouts [INSERT your version of roasted chestnuts here]", catch yourself and change that to, "I COULD do that, but I'm using these 2 year old pecans in my freezer".
I'm someone who put ridiculous expectations on myself that I'm fairly certain nobody else really cared about. I delivered dinners as close to Martha Stewart-status as I possibly could. Apparently, this is incredibly common among women, in particular, who are alcoholics. And as one of the women said on that show, all I was really doing was putting on a performance. If my dinner was the best anyone had ever had, and I could make it seem effortless, then nobody would know how messed up I really was on the inside. I was putting on a giant performance. I couldn't be an alcoholic if I delivered a perfect dinner. Alcoholics don't have tidy houses when company arrives. I love to cook, but that perfection thing with entertaining was my way of covering up my drinking.
We don't HAVE to do anything. And when we find ourselves putting all this pressure on ourselves and making up all these insane requirements, we're getting sucked back into participating in a charade that our lives are perfect. For people in recovery, any kind of effort to put on a charade so as to impress others so they think we're awesome can trigger a relapse, so just don't do it. I'm working very hard at that this week.
Flaws are okay. Mashed potatos from the refrigerator section taste great. Nobody in my family likes brussell sprouts anyway! Breathe deep, take short cuts, and protect your quit by embracing imperfection.
Happy Thanksgiving!
inkele: :applause2: :yay:
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