Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Yo y'all!

AL is cunning and baffling indeed. It is in fact overwhelming and very powerful for us. When i have a glass, it reminds me of a scene from the 'Hellraiser' film series. Time stands still for a moment, then the portal unlocks, and there i am walikng through the gates of hell, weaker than the last time, with less strength and will to fight, and no guarantee of returning. The only way out is to starve it. And we get stronger and more powerful each day, especially after each battle/temptation we win.

Kensho, love your words....'i wanted to bask in my pain and feel ALIVE'. I admit i had a little chuckle cause it's a full on line, but i understand and i think it's an important thing to do. Bravo!

Twinkle, how are you doing there? If you're worried about what to say on the phone, don't stress, how about letting the other person start the convo off? :happy2:

Stick close Nesters. Take it easy out there and enjoy your weekend. Just do your best and you'll be ok. Passing the butt velcro to the.......................left!

(Crikey, the neighbour's playing Boy George at 120 decibels. Lucky i've got some spare butt velcro for me ears! Remember him? lol)

[available]

Wow arent you lucky Mr G. My neighbours play Kareoke (?) till all hours on a weekend. There were some benefits to being pissed and that was passing out and not hearing it! Now i plug in headphones and watch my laptop. Sending you earphones..... to the left of course

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Saturday!

No sun & 19 frosty degrees here at the moment. I'm getting the feeling that it's going to be a long winter around these parts!

Welcome home Kensho, you had quite an adventure! Isn't it awesome when you learn things about yourself once AL is removed? So, it turns out that feeling our feelings won't kill us after all. Who knew?

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a fabulous AF Saturday for all!

Lav

[NoSugar]

I know one glass would not do it for me-so I see no point annoying myself with one glass. I think you posted about that very thing last week ?

I did write exactly that recently, Satz - and meant it! I thought about that while I was considering how "interesting" it would be to try the little experiment. Maybe that is part of why it wasn't too hard to march downstairs and dump out the rest of the wine. For one thing, I've regained enough self-respect that I don't want to be hypocritical (or drunk!). Another is, I've come to truly believe all the "stuff" I've read and written here, making the choice to ignore the really bad idea the obvious one.

The important lesson for me is that my involvement here was key in many ways for not having chosen to drink yesterday. What if I hadn't recently pointed out to someone (and so, myself!), that a single drink would be irritating? What if there was no one, like all of you, I would have felt compelled to report to? What if every day I didn't read about the pain of trying to quit for the first time or the despair of someone who relapsed and just can't get it going again? Maybe I wouldn't have been alert to what I was thinking and why and would eventually have chosen to just "have one and see what it is like now".

[Twinkle79]

Thank you everyone for your support last night. I had a good sleep, got up early, did the food shopping, then went to a really good AA meeting. Sometimes they are just "too" positive and I find it hard to relate (the 2 main ones I go to restrict time on sharing, don't allow you to talk about problems until one-to-one at the end if you want to, and it can sometimes seem a bit cult-like), but this was a good one. I made myself sit in the middle and not at the edge, said a few hellos and felt like I belonged. Now my daughter is back from her dad's a couple of hours earlier than usual Saturdays which is of course, lovely. She wants the laptop now for youtube though - what do 7 year olds need to look at on youtube?!!

[abcowboy]

Hello Nestor's! Well, another week has flow by! Almost the end of November and we already have close to 2 feet of snow, and it's -28C here this morning! Can someone please remind me why I live where I live lol. It's been mostly a good week, daughter dearie and I had a heart to heart over her mom. I think she understands where I'm coming from, and knows she put a lot of stress on Bubba and I over the past 2 years. For a person with a Master's in Forensic Psychology, she sometimes has no idea what's going on around her. She came over for supper last night, and when she left, I hugged her, told her how much I loved her, and how proud I was of her. I'm not sure when I'll see her again as this morning she is leaving to start her new life in Hastings, Nebraska. Being a parent is not always easy, just like quitting drinking, you have to be in it for the long haul to enjoy the good things that come regardless of the hard times!

I haven't had time to say hello to the new people on the board, Twinkle, R4L, Evan, and all the rest! December is usually when I start gearing down my workload for the winter, so I'll have more time to read and post....just wanted to check in, give thanks, and remind everyone, no drinkin' or druggin' eh!

IMG_2805.jpg

[KENSHO]

Guitarista, it's true that "basking" and "pain" don't go together But there's something good and real about pain that reminds me that I'm in the here and now.
We're leaving for home today and splitting the drive into two days (a different kind of pain!) The kids love staying at a hotel, and 7 hours is an easier number in the car. Back to cold and wind!

Have a sober Saturday/Sunday everyone!

[Matt M.]

The important lesson for me is that my involvement here was key in many ways for not having chosen to drink yesterday. What if I hadn't recently pointed out to someone (and so, myself!), that a single drink would be irritating? What if there was no one, like all of you, I would have felt compelled to report to? What if every day I didn't read about the pain of trying to quit for the first time or the despair of someone who relapsed and just can't get it going again? Maybe I wouldn't have been alert to what I was thinking and why and would eventually have chosen to just "have one and see what it is like now".

Can I get an Amen on that paragraph of brilliance!
NS~ So glad your in these rooms! You so accurately described benefits and rewards of support groups like MWO, being true to ourselves and others, being held accountable, and sharing our experiences ( good or bad) our strengths and hopes!
I have seen many of long term sober people fall. No matter the amount of time we are still Alcoholics and that crafty MF! can sneak in, you did what I hope to be able to do.

Turn~ It is only by the Grace of God that poor woman stumbled in your house, had it been mine, I don't startle very good, and I shoot a very tight group a handgun, which is near me most of the time. :horse:

Pine~ I have always Loved the description alcohol Cunning, baffling and powerful.

Who have I missed?
Kensho~ your a champion
Cowboy loved what you had to say about raising kids, so true! I'm starting to think you and Narilly may have brain damage from drinking, living in that kind of cold weather is not normal. :blowkiss: I guess that goes for others as well, Lav

Mr G~ always good to hear from you

Linda~ Rockstar!

If I missed you, sorry I'm sleep deprived.
Welcome to all the newer than me people, and yes I have issues.

[Byrdlady]

Morning, all!
NS, I am convinced that drifting away from one's support is THE #1 road to relapse. BECAUSE you are engaged here, you KNOW the outcome of that ONE drink or sip. Because you stay active in the nest, you value your quit and know how hard fought this battle has been. You KNOW it isn't worth it. Time DOES heal most wounds and we quickly forget just how bad that life was. You are doing all the right things and what happened to you will happen to all of us, our reaction to it what makes ALL the difference. Knowledge is power, and you've got both!
Pinecone, you are amazing, thank you for that post! This is a battle of wills, and I am in awe of the power of addiction. We cannot give it an inch of consideration! Xxoo, B

[okoren1]

The important lesson for me is that my involvement here was key in many ways for not having chosen to drink yesterday. What if I hadn't recently pointed out to someone (and so, myself!), that a single drink would be irritating? What if there was no one, like all of you, I would have felt compelled to report to? What if every day I didn't read about the pain of trying to quit for the first time or the despair of someone who relapsed and just can't get it going again? Maybe I wouldn't have been alert to what I was thinking and why and would eventually have chosen to just "have one and see what it is like now".

Thanks to mstall, STL, Little Beagle, Byrdie, Moss, NS and AVA for all your thoughtful and helpful comments, regarding my temptation the other night. Many excellent points were made and when added together comprise a good lesson in what could have been (or still lurks) as a potentially disastrous judgement error on my part. As I thought about it more, I would throw in a couple more: I may have gotten a bit cocky, arrogant and somewhat complacent. All VERY dangerous traits in early recovery.

In doing some look-back research here in MWO, there is (not surprisingly) a wealth of data and posts that corroborate what you all have stated. Man, I love this place! What a great resource.

Further, this seems to tie in with what NS stated above. One thing I saw in here words was the "accountability" that she, and probably all of us feel by being active members here. In her words "What if there was no one, like all of you, I would have felt compelled to report to?". That's one of the key things that makes this place special for me... the high degree of integrity of the people who are active and committed here. As we all know, we could "fake it" if we wanted to. Have a drink or two, and continue to post here as if everything was just fine and AF. But I don't think that happens. It would be not only dishonest, but also pointless.

[Matt M.]

We're leaving for home today and splitting the drive into two days (a different kind of pain!) The kids love staying at a hotel, and 7 hours is an easier number in the car.

So true! Which reminds me that I would rather have bad things done to me physically than travel with my children! I love my children's guts, but let's keep it real up in here!

[Byrdlady]

Thanks to mstall, STL, Little Beagle, Byrdie, Moss, NS and AVA for all your thoughtful and helpful comments, regarding my temptation the other night. Many excellent points were made and when added together comprise a good lesson in what could have been (or still lurks) as a potentially disastrous judgement error on my part. As I thought about it more, I would throw in a couple more: I may have gotten a bit cocky, arrogant and somewhat complacent. All VERY dangerous traits in early recovery.

In doing some look-back research here in MWO, there is (not surprisingly) a wealth of data and posts that corroborate what you all have stated. Man, I love this place! What a great resource.

Further, this seems to tie in with what NS stated above. One thing I saw in here words was the "accountability" that she, and probably all of us feel by being active members here. In her words "What if there was no one, like all of you, I would have felt compelled to report to?". That's one of the key things that makes this place special for me... the high degree of integrity of the people who are active and committed here. As we all know, we could "fake it" if we wanted to. Have a drink or two, and continue to post here as if everything was just fine and AF. But I don't think that happens. It would be not only dishonest, but also pointless.

OKO,
did you see the movie Flight? Regarding Al, I don't have one more lie in me ... B

[NoSugar]

As we all know, we could "fake it" if we wanted to. Have a drink or two, and continue to post here as if everything was just fine and AF. But I don't think that happens. It would be not only dishonest, but also pointless.

My drinking career was one big dance of deception, OK, and in almost everything else, I'm a very straightforward, direct, honest person. The internal conflict and guilt was killing me.

A major part of the plan I developed when I joined MWO was to always post before I drank and to tell the truth. Otherwise, as you pointed out, this is all meaningless. Since I have no back-up plan, I am committed to making MWO work.

At first the thought of telling people who had helped me so much such as Byrdie, FallenAngel, and Kuya kept me on track - I couldn't bear letting them (and myself) down after all that I'd been so generously given. But now the binds are tighter because the only thing worse now than hurting those who came before me would be not living up to words that some people after me actually seem to have listened to. As Pav and Ava approach their one year anniversary, how could I possibly betray their trust and do something that would totally undermine the very meaningful milestone they are about to accomplish?

It is something of a trap but one - unlike that of addiction - that I am grateful to be in.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

There is no doubt that accountability is key for me. After I signed on here with my tail between my legs, I told my counselor my whole story last year, and she said, "you know where this ends, don't you?" I said...er...um..."I have to quit drinking." She said "yes. You, my dear, are an alcoholic." OUCH that hurt. But there it was all bloody and messy on the floor in front of me. I had finally said out loud what I had been thinking for a long time, and now I had told other people about it. I couldn't take it back. I could lie to myself, but I couldn't lie to these people here.

Honestly, the struggle of some people to come back here after a relapse (you can call it a slip if you want), is part of what keeps me honest as well. I followed some people when I was lurking here and grasping desperately at the "I can moderate" straws. They had many, many months sober, and have been trying off and on to come back ever since. I KNOW that would be me. I was able to "rationalize" my drinking for so long, that I know if I gave the beast an inch he would take a mile. I want so badly for them to come back and be ok (I worry a lot about people I have met here who aren't around any more), and I take theirs as cautionary tales as well. Everyone here has helped me with their struggles - articulating something I've felt, giving me a resource, just supporting my own struggle.

There is no way I was ready for an in person meeting when I came here, so I am certain if I didn't find MWO I would still be drinking, or things would have gotten much worse. I wish I could let someone deciding whether or not to take the plunge sit in my skin for a day - see the much better relationships, attitude and state of mind I am in since I quit. I thought I was a depressed, moody and anxious person with high blood pressure. Turns out moody is appropriate, but the rest was all caused by alcohol. Not in a million years did I think alcohol was the cause of all that.

Ok, that's it for my Saturday morning waffle.

Sorry for all you brain damaged northerners. It was 63F here yesterday and I got my thick coat out. I think we're brain damaged from lack of rain and maybe a few other things out here, but that's another story.

Kensho - that wonderful pain of a good workout - glad you survived your ride. Good luck surviving the ride home.

Oko - good on you for keeping an eye on complacency.

Stay warm everyone (and G and Ava and all you upside downers - stay cool).

xo
Pav

[Pavati]

x post, NS. Thanks as always for your words of wisdom.