Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Pav, that was a pretty lame Acceptance Speech! Bwahahaha!!! I know the speech writers have been busy so I will be patient!
No, Pavati is not an Opera Singer or an Italian Pasta dish....she is MUCH more than that! Thank you for all you do around here! We spotted you as a winner the day you flew in! Looking forward to your speech!!

SueK, GREAT JOB on those 24 days!!! I'm so proud of you!! Every day you put between you and AL is a win!!!

What a wonderful debate!! It is a debate among winners!! So keep it going, it all helps us to see where we fall in the mix! I have been on both sides of this battle....when I came here and tried to stop drinking, I would cave at the least bit of temptation or peer pressure. I didn't listen to Lav, thought I had all the answers (like a teen!!!) I didn't get all the AL out of my house (I fell), I went to gatherings where it was being served (I fell), I went out with other drinkers thinking that I could be strong (I fell). When it came about that I had to stop and stop for good, I had to put some absolutes into place. I WILL NOT DRINK AL NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care if your uncle got a raise, and I don't care if your daughter is getting married. AL was killing me and unless/until I quit drinking it, IT was going to win. It came down to 2 choices. So I can honestly say speaking for myself: People will do what they WANT to do. Before I was handed an ultimatum, I wanted to drink MORE than I wanted sobriety. Sure I WANTED it, but I still wanted to drink, too. Maybe I could do both???? AFTERWARDS, I wanted my husband/life/home/nice car/job/self respect MORE. It was a choice between the two, and they are mutually exclusive. At least, that's the way it was for me. If you want this bad enough, you will FIND a way to do it. We have living proof!

Evan, keep up the great work! You will find that your fear of this whole thing is worse than the reality of it. Being sober is the greatest gift of all!

Kensho, I am so happy for you!! You are such a wonderful example of all this!!

Hope every one has a wonderful day. Byrdie

[Fin]

Rarely, have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly wanted to be AF. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely accept who they are, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

But then again, who am I to say? It took me a long while to admit that I was an alcoholic, that alcohol controlled me. I admitted to a couple of slips, then the old timers here made me realize, no such thing as a slip! You are in it for real, or you wish... Wish you can be a normie? Not in my life! Wish you can moderate? Not in my life! So where does that leave us? Come back over and over again asking for another day 1? Hoping it will be the last? No, you have to commit, you need to want it! Available and Pavati (pavailable) have shown us the way, like so many before them, so, what's holding us back? I'm here, one day at time, just praying that I get through another 24 hours!

I can't help but feel like this is at least partially directed at me. I've had about 10 day 1's, maybe more over the past couple years. Here I am again day 2. Each time I gain a little more perspective. Each cave is a little less extreme. What is constant is the amount of time and energy that goes into the struggle and that's getting old and why I keep coming back. I will keep coming back and back and back until I get this right. It takes alignment on so many fronts to be able to get a successful start. That said, I've seen some incredible accomplishments posted lately under Roll Call. I too will make it to the podium, but we all have to do it on our own terms. Please don't give up on me.

[NoSugar]

No one is giving up on anyone who is willing to try, Fin. You need to try just one more time than you fail - this can be that time for you! Let us know how we can help. All the best, NS

[Fin]

No one is giving up on anyone who is willing to try, Fin. You need to try just one more time than you fail - this can be that time for you! Let us know how we can help. All the best, NS

Thanks. Right now I'm mostly really pissed about the whole thing. Stage one?

[NoSugar]

Thanks. Right now I'm mostly really pissed about the whole thing. Stage one?

Never again hating yourself (and so, the world and everyone in it) is one of the best things that comes from putting this behind you once and for all. That self-loathing diminishes everything in life! I know I write this often, but I really encourage you to write down how you feel right now - exactly why you are so pissed of. Then, when these bad feelings fade, as they almost inevitably do, you can read back and remind yourself why you must not drink. You may not even need to read it again - just the writing might make the feelings and thoughts that you need to have permanent. I know Pav wrote out her Thanksgiving Massacre Tale and just look where she is today!

[MossRose]

Fin - as long as you don't give up on yourself, no one here will give up on you. That's a promise. It took me forever to climb out of the abyss. My first year here was riddled with Day 1s. Yet every time I limped back into the nest with my tail between my legs, I was welcomed and supported. In some ways that made it worse. Like you, I was pissed at myself. How could I have let myself and others down yet again? But I was looking at it wrong, and until I changed my thinking, I kept failing. Like NS says, you only have to give it one more try than you fail. On my final quit, I had a really good plan in place, lots of support here and in my real life, and most of all, I was ready. Really, really ready. I took the advice of others and wrote down some really uncomfortable memories (I have a head full of them), and when I felt weak, I would pull out my list and remember all the reasons I couldn't go back to that hell. Right now, you feel raw and the thought of revisiting these awful experiences seems overwhelming. But with time and distance, you begin to realize that without AL, those things never would have happened in the first place. Then you get pissed at the real enemy - AL.

Hang in there. We're going to stand with you all the way through to the end...a brand new, sober, and happier life for you. xx

[Rahulthesweet]

We climb we climb ..
We march march .. ahead
We hold hold .. each others hand
We pray pray ... to the one true GOD
We stay stay ... On path of sobriety ..

We plan plan ... All the good days ahead
We stay strong strong ... By sharing our strength
We march march ....ahead
We look back back ... And say goodbye to past
We see sky sky ... And see infinite possibilities

We bring along along ... All those want to go with us
We see each other other ... And see ourselves in them
We face challenge challenge ... every step ahead
We promise promise ... So to embrase sobriety

We finally love love ... The people we care about
We act act ... With sence of responsibility
We cry cry ... but we say goodbye bye to the drink
We laugh aloud ... and feel the gift of sobriety

We thank thank ... MWO and its wonderful team
We march march ... Towards sobriety .....
We thank LAV, EVA, BYR, PAV, Jane and many fine folks ...
Who showed the path of sobriety ...

[KENSHO]

Hi Fin

[Resolve]

Pav - as has been said here before, WOO effin HOO for you! Congratulations on such a huge mega-accomplishment! Seriously, a year of sobriety seems impossible and elusive early on, but to achieve it is an amazing feat. There have been more than a few times where you've been the last post in the Nest for the day, and your thoughtful words have rattled around in my head late at night when things seem to make more sense. I've always appreciated your kind tone and how introspective and calming your comments come across.

So a mighty high five to you for this life-changing year now behind you! Savor what you made happen, and thank you for your example that inspires the rest of us :welldone:

[MossRose]

Pav - so happy for you. Congrats on making it to one year. Wishing you many more. xx

[narilly]

Fin, I have had SO MANY day 1's. Even when I said I was not drinking I was. I was on here everyday talking about being AL free and I was still drinking. It took me years to quit. Just keep trying, one day at a time. Don't drink today, that's all you can do. Be grateful to really be aware of what you are doing tonight and wake up feeling good tomorrow.
YOU can do it!
Look for progress NOT perfection.

xx

[Turnagain]

Pav - Way to go on getting that first sober year under your belt! Your example gives so many here hope of finding their way free of addiction.

Surrounding you with feelings of gratitude and pride...Laura

[Turnagain]

Hi Fin and Daisy -

It's a relief to see both of you back! While you may feel like you're coming back with your tail between your legs, the fact that you have come here ready to find your way free from addiction is quite courageous and ultimately - exceptionally 'honest'.

Be encouraged, too, that every day, we are learning more about the underlying mechanisms of addiction. Alcohol addiction is not the result of being weak-willed or dishonest with one's self or being born with some sort of demon gene. If I put sugar water in my car every time I filled up, it shouldn't be a surprise when the rig stops running right, right?

I cannot say this enough: YOU are not the problem. ALCOHOL is. It is toxic, carcinogenic and addictive. And some people are more vulnerable to becoming addicted more rapidly than others because they lack the enzymes to metabolize the toxin efficiently and/or their dopamine neurotransmission system has been down-regulated, disregulated or otherwise discombobulated by chronic stress.

Here is a fmri scan of how alcohol affects the brain of even so-called "normal" drinkers. In this sample, green represents healthy brain activity with no alcohol. The blue shows a marked absence of activity once alcohol is introduced. What many of us are unaware of is that alcohol's effects are not transitory - they are cumulative.

drunk-brain.jpg

I was finally able to overcome addiction once and for all by accepting the irrefutable physiological facts about how alcohol damages every body, every time on a cellular level. The realization that alcohol alters and damages our brains with every drink helped me understand that I could no longer put that toxic, addictive carcinogen in my body - that is - IF I was going to survive.

I wanted to survive. You do, too. That is why you are here. Breaking the acute hold of addiction isn't for sissies. It's a tough process - there's a lot of systemic damage to repair and that takes time and a systematic effort. There are a lot of myths and misperceptions to bushwhack through when it comes to addiction recovery. There is also a lot of well-meaning advice that just isn't based on fact that you'll need to filter through.

This is a fight for your life. And you CAN succeed. Arm yourself with facts, gird yourself with a commitment and seek out reinforcements when you need them. The reward is worth every bit of discomfort you'll experience and you will not only survive - you will thrive. Guaranteed.

[NoSugar]

Turnagain, I listened to a couple more of the McCauley talks you directed me to. I think anyone who is trying to understand addiction and how both our limbic and rational brains ultimately get involved in the whole mess might like the "Going to the Edge" audio or video talks available here (# 5 is the same speaker and also is an interesting, similar talk):

1	ExplicitDr. Boone's Lecture to the Family	Dr. Boone's Lecture to the Family	11/5/12	Free	View In iTunes
2	ExplicitVideoGoing to the Edge of Current Neuroscience of Addiction(Video)	Going to the Edge of Current Neuroscience of Addiction - Dr. Kevin McCauley(Video)	4/28/09	Free	View In iTunes
3	ExplicitGoing to the Edge of Current Neuroscience of Addiction(Audio Only)	Going to the Edge of Current Neuroscience of Addiction - Dr. Kevin McCauley(Audio Only)	4/27/09	Free	View In iTunes
4	ExplicitChris R. from Ingram, TX - La Hacienda Family Lecture	Chris R. from Ingram, TX - "La Hacienda Family Lecture" - From Hunt, TX	3/6/09	Free	View In iTunes
5	ExplicitDr. McCauley, MD - Addiction: Is it really a Disease?	Dr. McCauley, MD - "Addiction: Is it really a Disease?" - From Corona del Mar, CA 9/18/2004	10/16/08	Free	View In iTunes

Unfortunately the sound quality isn't great on either the audio or video but worth the effort, I think.

[abcowboy]

Hi Fin, my comments were definitely not directed at anyone in particular, just to all of us in general, I've been on the Day 1 merry-go-round myself, and got angrier at myself each time! Not anymore, this quit is the last one I have in me....I know that, so I'm sticking with it...