Newbies Nest

[Suek]

Happy Anniversary Pav! One year is awesome!


first anniversary.jpg

[Byrdlady]

Evening, Nesters!
Fin, great to see you! It only takes a couple of Af days to lift your entire outlook on yourself. THAT said, it makes NS's advice all the kore pertinent. Write down what AL has done to you so this will he the last time you ever feel Guilt/Shame/Remorse about it.
I am not going to tell you that it will always be smooth sailing, because life has peaks and valleys. Sometimes life gets hard, just be sure that you are anchored to something that is strong enough to stand up to the whipping wind and waves. Keep your eyes above the waves and hold on. Stay anchored to us here, let us know what you need and when you need it, and together, we can get thru it. We believe in you. I believe in you. I KNOW you can do this. Byrdie.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Looks like we've dodged the weather bullet here after all & I did NOT have to round up escaped chickens in the cold rain today - yay!!!

Glad to see these honest & to the point conversations here lately. That's what helps us all succeed. Attitude certainly is everything along with total honesty. Finally getting to the point where I was so sick & tired of disappointing myself is what got me going on the AF path. There's no turning back for me, I just couldn't do it again. I am 100% sure of that too

Great to see everyone, great to see Pav earn her 1 year prize. Everyone will get theirs too just taking it one day at a time!
Wishing a safe & comfy night in the nest for all!

Lav

[daisy45]

Thanks for the support guys!
Fin, coming back and feeling you are failing continually also leaves us open to being a little paranoid about how those on here feel about our efforts to get sober......don't worry about it...this too will pass. That is one thing I have learned this year more than the other 3 I have been here. I have been on this site more this year on day 1s than any other year......that is because I am determined to get it! I know exactly how you feel.
The past 3 years when I felt I wasn't able to get past day 1, I ran for the hills and drank for months without continuing in my pursuit of sobriety....no reading, just back to the way things were. So, which is the better option? Coming back! Again and again until we get where we want to be!
Even through drinking, this time I have continued in my efforts to read about it, talk, maintain contact in some way.....but I have kept coming back like a bad smell! Each time welcomed and supported....everyone here knows that for some it takes months, in my case years, to finally commit 100%.
So I am with you on day 2 Fin....praying this is it for both of us!

[daisy45]

Pav, sooooo happy for your first AF birthday! So well earned and deserved. Well done to you and Ava. That will be Fin and I this time next year!

[Lizann]

Wow a lot of really positive, valuable info and advice here tonight! I really needed a pick me up tonight thanks!

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

I know I promised a waffle, but honestly I have started one about five different times, and they all just seem too much. You don't need my whole story here today. Suffice to say a LONG and storied career as a drinker finally came to an end. I spent the last two years in particular in a cycle of despair, anger, depression, frustration, anxiety and fear. When I was particularly hung over, I would write in my journal, just a list of how I was feeling in the hope that I would remember it and avoid it again, and the most often occurring word is fear. I was so afraid of having to quit drinking, and I was also afraid of the shame I would feel if I had to admit I was an alcoholic.

STILL in denial, (and to paraphrase Robin Williams), I broke rules faster than I could lower the bar. I finally decided that I had to give serious effort to moderating, as I couldn't sustain things the way they were - and fark if that didn't make me drink harder and with MORE desperation between periods of not drinking. I remember being in the shower and writing "I am an alcoholic" on the tiles as it was the only way I could let out what I knew to be true but was too afraid to think or say. A very good friend had told me about MWO, and I lurked, watching NoSugar get sober, and reading each of her logical, reasoned posts with interest. I lurked with the belief that I would be one of the ones you all didn't know about - the successful moderators who DIDN'T post here about their success because they didn't need to. I thought I could reap the benefits of MWO without participating and posting myself - again, I was afraid!

Finally I joined. I was only going to use MWO for 90 days while I didn't drink, and then be one of the successful moderators who DIDN'T post here about their success because they didn't need to. I posted for a short time (20 days?), and then just decided that I "needed" to drink because I was so depressed and stressed. Then I had a concert, and then Thanksgiving. I thought, I'll wait until after the holidays...

Well, what came next has become known as The Thanksgiving Massacre. I drank for a week, some days moderately, some days heavily, and got what I can only call (thanks to the Bubble Hour ladies), full body anxiety. I have never felt that awful in my life. I was sure I was going to die or have to check myself into a mental hospital because of a breakdown. I cried and cried, limped from my bed to the bathtub to a walk around the block. I drank beer in the morning to hope to feel better, to no avail. I crossed that line.

And FINALLY, I gave up. There was NO denying it any more. I would HAVE to quit. No more messing around. I have two kids, a husband, and a job I love. I had a hell of a lot to lose if I continued the way I was going. And due to my lurking around here, I had enough information to know that I was WELL past the point of being a moderate drinker.

The first post I made was such a load off my shoulders. I felt afraid, but hopeful, optimistic and determined that I could do this.

I just posted and posted, read and read, watched links, read blogs, and posted some more. I found some threads that I could relate to and posted there regularly, but as many can attest, I posted on nearly every thread at some point.

All of the rest I feel like I have said here a million times. My advice? Read and post. Ask for help. Get a quick buddy with a keen sense of humor and absolute honesty who you don't want to disappoint. Exercise. Be mindful. Take care of yourselves. Take care of others. Pay attention to being sober every day. Accept what is, and take the choice off the table, but take it one day at a time.

From the bottom of my heart I thank all of you for the support I have gotten here. To quote a fellow nester, I am 100% sure that I couldn’t have done this alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Right now one son is missing his basketball shoes; one son is “trying’ to do his homework but watching YouTube; my boss called with a personnel crisis at work (yes, at 6:45pm); my leg is injured from a weekend football game. AND I won’t drink. I don’t drink. Phew.

I guess that was a waffle after all.

Xo
Pav

[daisy45]

Pav, that brought tears to my eyes! Probably a bit of which was happiness for you and, for me, recognising myself in the sadness and desperation you were feeling at the end.
I think that is good....I know my drinking days are over.......
Thank you for that heartfelt post.....you give me hope!

[narilly]

Pav, what a great post. So glad you got through the darkness and are here sober.

Daisy, great to see you here. I am happy your drinking days are over. We can do this!

Lav, good you did not have to deal with bad weather. ITa cold here but not worth complaining about. I'm in my warm bed with my big down duvet. Life is good, oh, did I mention I'm sober! Oh yeah, love that!

Night

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy hump day!

Wonderful speech Pav! I am so happy for you & wish you a beautiful future

Daisy, I know you can get the job done as well!

Just a chilly rain here today Narilly so I won't complain either

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Wednesday! I'm watching my grandsons today, before & after school, oh boy LOL

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Pav, what a wonderful speech....I know you are a very private person, but would you consider putting that one in the Tool Box for us? Those testimonials speak volumes!! It CAN be done you are showing us how! So happy for you and PAva! The Pava Twins!

Narilly, you said it....what do I have to complain about, really? That I can't DRINK? Pish posh, that is so not important anymore. That is what the gift of TIME will do for our condition. Getting that distance between US and AL makes ALL of the difference.

I attended the funeral of my 42 year old neighbor yesterday afternoon. His 11 year old son got up in front of 300+ people to honor his dad and thank us all for coming. His dad (a triathlete), did all the right things. It was just HIS time to go home. His wife was incredible, greeting every one and keeping her calm sense of peace. They were high school sweethearts...and he died on their 19th anniversary. Now HERE is a family in crisis. When you put things into perspective like this, it is pretty easy NOT to kill ourselves by reaching for another drink of AL. If this lady can carry on thru the course of her day (just having her world pulled out from under her) then I can get thru a day without getting drunk. In the great scheme of things, our problems are pretty small...and MOST of them are CAUSED by the drinking we are grieving over.

Rahul, that was a beautiful poem. ABCowboy started a thread of poems, I hope that you will tuck this one away there so we can refer to it often. You are amazing in your ability to express yourself like that.

Eloise is warming up for her 200 day anniversary tomorrow!!! I'm in the prize closet frantically getting ready for that!

Hope everyone has an easy day today! Byrdie

[Cocoflo]

Good Morning,

Pavati, Congrats on 1 year! What an accomplishment!

Fin & Daisy, I'm am with you too, starting (again!!) on day 2. Hopefully the first of many.

Take Care All!
coco

[Pinecone]

Hi Friends,

Pav, great speech. You are one of the great sobriety writers here!

Daisy, it's good to see you!

It was interesting to read the discussion of a couple of days ago about the repetitive day ones. I had to think about it for a while before commenting. I am rarely able to make comments on a topic off the cuff. I found all of the comments interesting. They are obviously facets of the same phenomenon. I had all of my day ones (and yes, there were tons) before I came to MWO. For me, seeking outside help was the tipping point. It was a huge and terrifying step, but also liberating. I believe in putting all the eggs in this basket. I love the often repeated quote that "I don't have another quit in me." I love it, but it is terrifying. Today will not come again. We have to accumulate new thoughts and new actions to get on a different heading than we are right now. This can apply to not just getting sober, but working on other areas in life. I have a LONG way to go as a person. There are MANY things I want to work on in myself, with the aim of improving myself. This work is ONLY possible because of my AF life. Sorry for the randomness of my thoughts today!

[Ginger999]

Hi Friends,

Pav, great speech. You are one of the great sobriety writers here!

Daisy, it's good to see you!

It was interesting to read the discussion of a couple of days ago about the repetitive day ones. I had to think about it for a while before commenting. I am rarely able to make comments on a topic off the cuff. I found all of the comments interesting. They are obviously facets of the same phenomenon. I had all of my day ones (and yes, there were tons) before I came to MWO. For me, seeking outside help was the tipping point. It was a huge and terrifying step, but also liberating. I believe in putting all the eggs in this basket. I love the often repeated quote that "I don't have another quit in me." I love it, but it is terrifying. Today will not come again. We have to accumulate new thoughts and new actions to get on a different heading than we are right now. This can apply to not just getting sober, but working on other areas in life. I have a LONG way to go as a person. There are MANY things I want to work on in myself, with the aim of improving myself. This work is ONLY possible because of my AF life. Sorry for the randomness of my thoughts today!

Pinecone, I could have written this myself. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.

[KENSHO]

I always find your thoughts relevant and kind, Pinecone. I agree that it is really gratifying to focus on working on the things that improve our lives, instead of spending all our time waffling about whether to drink or not to drink. That's how life was intended to be - being real people going through life without a substance clouding it, at least in my opinion.

That said, I had a case of the wanna wines last night. Out of nowhere! Or maybe not - it coincides with the return from vacation and the realization that there's still too much work.

But I'm up and having a sober coffee and writing to you all - people who understand and make me feel not so alone! Thank you all for that! Have a good day