Newbies Nest

[MossRose]

K9 - So nice to see you. You have been missed. I'm at work, so can't chat now, but just wanted to say hi.

[K9Lover]

Hi Mossie! Good to see you too...I have missed all of you and promise not to be a stranger anymore (even though I am strange. LOL)

:happy2:

[Pinecone]

Hi Friends,

There has been some great discussion today!

Shoshanna welcome! You have found the place for SUPPORT. I harp on this all the time, but I and many others really believe that support of others in recovery is a critical element to a successful quit. This is a place for us since we understand this thing we have in common. Knowing that we cannot do it alone is one of the biggies. This is a vibrant and diverse community full of great folks. Becoming invested here WILL help you! The other critical element we can get here is TOOLS, that is techniques that are proven to help you quit and stay quit. We have to use the things that others know to actually work exactly because they DO WORK. In the early stages, we are apt to try to use techniques to set ourselves up for failure, or even worse a tiny bit of success so that we can return to drinking. Sound familiar? Quit for a week to show that "we can" (we can't) and then just wait for the party in celebration of our "success." Both of these elements, used together will work because they come from outside ourselves. If you spend some time reading here, you will see that the overwhelming experience of Alcohol Free (AF) life is one of relief and reconnection to ourselves. We can truly have the life we wanted all those drinking years, we just can't drink. That is not even a price to pay, it is like getting out of jail!

Kensho you sound really busy! That takes a toll. Have you read articles about "urge surfing?" I found that to be helpful. Another thing I am trying to learn how to do is to minimize the stressful impact of situations by "directing" the commentary my mind makes about it. So you just say "I am experiencing a craving," and leave it at that. No emotional connection to the event at all. Then go on with your business. When we react like "OMFG, I've only had 2 hours of sleep, I have this, this and this to do and I really can't take this right now!!!" In the second example, the craving itself has a lot more pull on us. Just trying to brainstorm with you.

Hi Moss, Narilly and NS!

Hi K9, good to see you!

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome. I really appreciate it. Pinecone, you mentioned about celebrating a successful 7 days, and I did just that. I did 7 days so in my mind I deserved a drink. My drink however is a bottle or two of wine. Not quite the same thing. Makes the kind of sense that doesn't. I've tried and failed, so many times that I can't even count. I have a bit of anxiety as well and I tend to over worry on things and analyze things too much, which doesn't help. I'm trying to downplay certain things which don't need so much attention and worry, don't sweat the small stuff is sometimes easier said then done. But for my own health and inner peace this has to stop, I need to start taking better care of myself. I eat right already, I'm going to start exercising again and this drinking is just destroying everything good I am doing. Plus, it's not good for my husband or my kids to see me like this at all. I don't want to pass down these unhealthy habits to them, I don't want them to have memories of their Mom always drinking. My life is not a bad one anymore, time to throw away this horrible part of me and replace it with something better.

[Guitarista]

Hi Shoshanna, welcome.

Here is some essential reading i think. It's our toolbox. Lot's of useful info, strategies and inspiration. Here's the link. Best wishes, G.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?24253-Tool-box

[narilly]

Pine, exactly, we can have the life we want OR we can drink. I truly believe that.

Nice to see you back K9. I look forward to your posts.

I went for a work out at noon today and I was thinking how great it was to be sober but then this niggly thought enters my mind and says "if you feel so good you should be able to have a glass of wine, that would be fun" Oh shit, where did that stupid thought come from?
I have to just shut it out because it is really tempting me. I mean, why even entertain any of these thoughts, they just will lead to failure. SO Shut up Stupid AL Brain!! THINK about it, YOU cannot have ONE DRINK!! One is NEVER enough!

There, hope that works.
Sorry for shouting. Hi G!

Sho, keep coming back. I hated that my kids saw me drunk. One of the reasons I quit when I did was because while drunk I lectured my 18 year old son on how he should not smoke pot. He just stood there and smiled and afterwards he told my husband that it was hilarious that mom was telling him not to smoke pot and there she was drunk. OMG. Thinking about it makes me feel ill.

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

The things we do when we've had to much. Get on chat (something I never do sober) and say god knows what to people. Drunk text. I get mean sometimes with the things that come out of my mouth. I get hurt or offended so easily then retaliate by being a mean drunk. I've said some pretty horrible things and not remembered.

[Byrdlady]

Welcome Shoshanna!
Eloise should be along shortly to give you a prize for earning those 7 days!!! That is major doings around here! I found that I had a real change of my thinking on Day 13. Since that time, I have kept a look out for this trend in others, there is something about this day that something clicks and you KNOW you will be ok from here on out! You set your goals on that and I bet you will be a new girl!
NoSugar, you are so right about acceptance.... there comes a time when you just have to say This thing is stronger than I am....I cannot win. The battle is OVER. With acceptance comes great peace! No more fighting. You are now on a new course that is going to take your life in a far better direction! It is a course of freedom! Don't give AL the headspace to mess with you! Enough is enough.

Keep your tummy FULL, stay well hydrated and keep yourself distracted! Write out those Christmas cards! Do some baking! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF! If you did it yesterday, you can do it today!! We're so glad you're here!

Kensho, tell AL to F OFF! I used to say to myself, NO! HELL NO! Al is not going to take one more day of my precious life! (and it hasn't!)

Edit to add: Soft Focus, don't matter the wrapper! Somebody had your back!!!! xo

[Fin]

OMG! That DH voice is screaming at me. What? Did someone say something? I don't hear youuuu...

Staying strong with all my might,
-Fin

[Byrdlady]

Don't give it any power, Fin! It's just Dick Head trying its damdest (as we say in the South) to get its way! it's a trick, don't fall for it.
Go outside and see how wonderful LIFE is! Do something nice for a neighbor, help the wife clean the toilets....(ok, maybe I've gone too far) but distract yourself. All you gotta do is get thru a couple itchy hours! Remember the discomfort will compounded by caving, this is just a test.
So what is on the schedule for your weekend? B

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

Welcome Shoshanna!
Eloise should be along shortly to give you a prize for earning those 7 days!!! That is major doings around here! I found that I had a real change of my thinking on Day 13. Since that time, I have kept a look out for this trend in others, there is something about this day that something clicks and you KNOW you will be ok from here on out! You set your goals on that and I bet you will be a new girl!

Thank you, that's what I'm hoping for and going to work towards. Day 1 for me. But I didn't go out and buy anything either. I always find day 3-4 to be so hard for cravings for me and that's when I normally cave and go buy more. Is it withdrawl symptoms?

[Fin]

Don't give it any power, Fin! It's just Dick Head trying its damdest (as we say in the South) to get its way! it's a trick, don't fall for it.
Go outside and see how wonderful LIFE is! Do something nice for a neighbor, help the wife clean the toilets....(ok, maybe I've gone too far) but distract yourself. All you gotta do is get thru a couple itchy hours! Remember the discomfort will compounded by caving, this is just a test.
So what is on the schedule for your weekend? B

Clean the toilets?! That's a great way to punish DH. You would not believe (or, sure you would) the negotiating going on. "Just keep it to no more than 3 non IPA drinks. You'll be okay." And I love this one, "just don't buy it. You can still have those 3 non beer drinks if socializing." Yeah right. Been there, done that, doesn't work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Resolve]

Ah, the weekend... I must confess that sometimes it does feel more like blahhhhh, the weekend. Weekends have become something very different, and though in a good way, I have to remember that I've now developed a peanut allergy and that all alcohol is primarily made from nuts. Ok, so that's not true in either case. What I mean to say is weekends aren't what they used to be and that's exactly my point. I can't have alcohol and that is what I've accepted. I could have alcohol, but then I'd feel guilt, disappointment and fill in the blank with anything else that you don't ever want to feel again due to drinking. It takes some time to get there and to accept it, but that's the ongoing battle between our logical brain and our wanting minds. Logic will win despite the occasional blahs but we do have to fight the good fight, especially early on. Been there, still there.

This isn't a weeble or wobble moment for me either. Drinking is off the table and I'm not planning on being under it. I get how our knowledge and adamant protesting against drinking still don't always silence the but I want it voice. I hear some of you about the thoughts of drinking but we have to say no and listen to the voices here instead that say "TAKE IT OFF THE TABLE", "FIND ANOTHER WAY" and "DRINKING IS NOT AN OPTION" (source: wise elders). Get pissed at yourself, say enough and I'm not going down this road again. If you're new here you're probably sick of yourself, but it's your old self. It's easy to stay that course, but we all came here to change course.

Sho and others old and new, glad you're here. Enjoy the weekend all, safe and sober.

[MossRose]

Hi Shoshanna. Glad you are here and ready to give AL the boot. There were a few things you mentioned that caught my attention.

The things we do when we've had to much. Get on chat (something I never do sober) and say god knows what to people. Drunk text. I get mean sometimes with the things that come out of my mouth. I get hurt or offended so easily then retaliate by being a mean drunk. I've said some pretty horrible things and not remembered.

Blackouts equal disaster. Always. When I started having them regularly, and doing some of the same cringe-worthy things, I knew that my drinking, and my life, were completely out of control. Plus, they are also a sign that we are doing terrible damage to our brain. Don't beat yourself up about things done in the past, just use them as gentle reminders when you get a strong craving.

Plus, it's not good for my husband or my kids to see me like this at all. I don't want to pass down these unhealthy habits to them, I don't want them to have memories of their Mom always drinking.

This was my main motivation. By the end of my drinking career, I had done a lot of damage to my relationship with my sons. I am so happy that you are figuring it out now, and taking steps to prevent the problem, rather than having to fix it later. Good for you!!

I have a bit of anxiety as well and I tend to over worry on things and analyze things too much, which doesn't help. I'm trying to downplay certain things which don't need so much attention and worry, don't sweat the small stuff is sometimes easier said then done.

The anxiety will lessen, possibly disappear, when you quit drinking. Your anxiety may be more situational and related to AL. Remove that, and everything may auto-correct on its own. The two situations you posted about above are anxiety-provoking. Certainly not judging. I have been there. And while I was living it, my anxiety level was through the roof. Give it a bit of time, and see how you feel. If the anxiety persists, just give us a shout. Many of us have found ways to deal with it.

Wishing you all the best.

xx, MR

[available]

Morning/evening nesters

Welcome to the newbies, listen to the oldies, they know what they are talking about.

For me time has been a great healer. If i can get through one day i can get through another and another. I have plodded along for over a year now and i plan to keep doing just that. The emotions level out, the cravings level out, everything starts finding a place and fitting into it. Like a jigsaw puzzle but with one piece always missing and that being al. My puzzle will never be finished as i can never fit that one piece back in and i wont.

You may think this daily struggle will never end, i did also but it does. That does not mean i dont think of al occasionally as i do but i choose to live this life i have created. I chose that from Day 1 to live the life i have always wanted and i am so glad i kept on the path to sobriety. I was talking to someone the other day and i was saying i flit from one thing to another and never feel like i am accomplishing anything and they responded with "you have focused for a year on not drinking", that is a huge achievement. I realised this was so true. Not drinking has been my whole focus and thats not a bad thing when the end result is life.

El i am so sorry i did not congratulate you on 200 days. So proud of you and you are so much closer to a year than Day 1. There is no looking back now.

Elvis way to go on 30, you are doing this. The quiet achiever, never waiver now from the end result.

Well after another crap week emotionally so today is a nothing day for me. I love these nothing days, they keep me going through the week. Beats being hungover and forcing myself to do something and not doing it and feeling guilty and ashamed and sad. Now im ecstatically content to do nothing and feel good about it.

Take care everyone.