Hi, Everyone:
Great conversation here. A nest friend drinking always sets off a bunch of varied opinions on what happened, how to react, and what to say.
Here are my two cents.
If you want to quit alcohol, it is VERY hard. You have to work VERY HARD to stay sober. There are many, many, many reasons why people quitting an addiction relapse, and relapse is common for addicts. HOWEVER, just because it happens, doesn't mean it will certainly happen to you. There are steps you can take to ensure that it doesn't.
1. Put your quit before everything else. Before work, a holiday party, a family event. If you need to call in sick, call in sick. If you need to be 15 minutes late because you have to check in, check in. If you need to leave early, leave early.
2. Read up on relapse. The evidence shows that relapses happen in many stages, only the last of which is the actual drinking. You can see signs of relapse from a mile away if you know what to look for. I was so determined to avoid it, that I read about relapse over and over. Are you pulling away from support? Tired and irritable? Feeling sorry for yourself for having to quit? Anxious? Romanticizing alcohol, or happy times with alcohol? Saying "just one" or "I wasn't that bad?" Those could be signs of an impending relapse. If you see relapse coming, stop, drop everything, and do what you need to do to regain your focus. Exercise. Meditate. Go to a meeting. Go to a counselor. Post on MWO. Read an article on what to do when you see a relapse coming. Read your first few posts here and remember why you quit. I had STRONG drinking thought just two weeks ago - nearly a year after I quit. I believe this will continue to happen, so I will remain vigilant!
3. Read up on denial. This was a surprise to me, how much denial I was in. A Bubble Hour host says she wasn't in denial about the behavior, just the rationale for why. You can overcome denial with honest acceptance that you can never drink again, and that will make all the difference. The Bubble Hour show on denial is an excellent listen, especially if you see signs of a relapse coming (see #2). As they say in the intro: "Denial is a defense mechanism that allows a person – despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary – to deny that something is true, when in fact, it is true. It is one of the most powerful and difficult problems that Alcoholics and Drug Addicts face before, during, AND after treatment, because it is always the thinking that precedes the act of picking up a drink or a drug."
4. If none of the above works, and you drink, by all means, come back as soon as possible. What Frances describes is exactly what Scottish Lass talks about - we brace ourselves for the big events, and it is a small sideways loophole that our addicted brains find to drink. When you come back you will get hugs, admonitions, advice, and a lot of talk. That's ok. That's why we're here.
I believe that's more than two cents, but there you go.
As my friend would say, tighten it up, Kensho and Frances, tighten it up. Reformulate your plans. Love yourselves, and don't drink no matter what.
Pav
Great conversation here. A nest friend drinking always sets off a bunch of varied opinions on what happened, how to react, and what to say.
Here are my two cents.
If you want to quit alcohol, it is VERY hard. You have to work VERY HARD to stay sober. There are many, many, many reasons why people quitting an addiction relapse, and relapse is common for addicts. HOWEVER, just because it happens, doesn't mean it will certainly happen to you. There are steps you can take to ensure that it doesn't.
1. Put your quit before everything else. Before work, a holiday party, a family event. If you need to call in sick, call in sick. If you need to be 15 minutes late because you have to check in, check in. If you need to leave early, leave early.
2. Read up on relapse. The evidence shows that relapses happen in many stages, only the last of which is the actual drinking. You can see signs of relapse from a mile away if you know what to look for. I was so determined to avoid it, that I read about relapse over and over. Are you pulling away from support? Tired and irritable? Feeling sorry for yourself for having to quit? Anxious? Romanticizing alcohol, or happy times with alcohol? Saying "just one" or "I wasn't that bad?" Those could be signs of an impending relapse. If you see relapse coming, stop, drop everything, and do what you need to do to regain your focus. Exercise. Meditate. Go to a meeting. Go to a counselor. Post on MWO. Read an article on what to do when you see a relapse coming. Read your first few posts here and remember why you quit. I had STRONG drinking thought just two weeks ago - nearly a year after I quit. I believe this will continue to happen, so I will remain vigilant!
3. Read up on denial. This was a surprise to me, how much denial I was in. A Bubble Hour host says she wasn't in denial about the behavior, just the rationale for why. You can overcome denial with honest acceptance that you can never drink again, and that will make all the difference. The Bubble Hour show on denial is an excellent listen, especially if you see signs of a relapse coming (see #2). As they say in the intro: "Denial is a defense mechanism that allows a person – despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary – to deny that something is true, when in fact, it is true. It is one of the most powerful and difficult problems that Alcoholics and Drug Addicts face before, during, AND after treatment, because it is always the thinking that precedes the act of picking up a drink or a drug."
4. If none of the above works, and you drink, by all means, come back as soon as possible. What Frances describes is exactly what Scottish Lass talks about - we brace ourselves for the big events, and it is a small sideways loophole that our addicted brains find to drink. When you come back you will get hugs, admonitions, advice, and a lot of talk. That's ok. That's why we're here.
I believe that's more than two cents, but there you go.
As my friend would say, tighten it up, Kensho and Frances, tighten it up. Reformulate your plans. Love yourselves, and don't drink no matter what.
Pav
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