Hello Nesters,
This sober life has its set of ups and downs as well as make you realise new things everyday. Today my 4 year son who is quite naughty as usual crossed limits and I became quite upset with him. Kinds you know have their own way of expressing feelings. Guilt, anger, love etc. I could see range of emotions flow thru him. First anger, then guilt, then sadness or disappointment for he could not have his father to read him bed time story as he did something wrong. I too felt all this and realised how much I love him and how much I would love to go and make him forget all that but then I stayed on to make him realise and also experience these emotions.
But then I am also my fathers son. He is a really sweet man, someone who never gets angry, patient as a mountain, calm like a river. Unlike he drinks like once in a month that too on occasions. He is a hardcore workaholic and even at age of 64 he works from 8 in morning to 8 in evening. He is the work who started the business and which I am notpw working to grow.
Thing is just like I knew my son was upset, angry feeling guilty etc. he knew all along I had a drinking problem. He asked me so many time, hinted so many times that I should seek help. He knew all along my struggles even though we hardly talk about it. Then past few months during the complicated stage of PAWS I had become an irritated fool, with emotions sky rocketing, and he could sense some was wrong. Then now a days I have been very harsh him by telling him that I don't like work anymore. He stays quite I guess disappointed at time and helpless. I know it's not work but this feeling of flatness and lack of interest in everything which I feel from time to time. Then problems with my wife too ther at back which he does not know (or maybe he does ).
Strange I never thought about it until this encounter with my son today felt like writing this post.
Being sober now I do realise there are so many people who care about you. Whether kids who wants your attention and company or your parents, partners and other well wishers who wants to see you happy always.
Like shows new colors everyday and when I was drinking it was as if my eyes were covered with darkness and all what I see was drink. I recall not so long ago just about 200 days ago.
My daily routine used to be coming back drink and collapsing by 10:30 pm. Sad mechanical life it was then.
I feel bad for people around me whom I have left so isolated and I myself got so isolated in that process.
Take care and here's one to all the people who care about you want you to be happy, sober and satisfied. Love them, accept their love, advice. Coz they can be right ... Especially when they say ... "You need help !"
This sober life has its set of ups and downs as well as make you realise new things everyday. Today my 4 year son who is quite naughty as usual crossed limits and I became quite upset with him. Kinds you know have their own way of expressing feelings. Guilt, anger, love etc. I could see range of emotions flow thru him. First anger, then guilt, then sadness or disappointment for he could not have his father to read him bed time story as he did something wrong. I too felt all this and realised how much I love him and how much I would love to go and make him forget all that but then I stayed on to make him realise and also experience these emotions.
But then I am also my fathers son. He is a really sweet man, someone who never gets angry, patient as a mountain, calm like a river. Unlike he drinks like once in a month that too on occasions. He is a hardcore workaholic and even at age of 64 he works from 8 in morning to 8 in evening. He is the work who started the business and which I am notpw working to grow.
Thing is just like I knew my son was upset, angry feeling guilty etc. he knew all along I had a drinking problem. He asked me so many time, hinted so many times that I should seek help. He knew all along my struggles even though we hardly talk about it. Then past few months during the complicated stage of PAWS I had become an irritated fool, with emotions sky rocketing, and he could sense some was wrong. Then now a days I have been very harsh him by telling him that I don't like work anymore. He stays quite I guess disappointed at time and helpless. I know it's not work but this feeling of flatness and lack of interest in everything which I feel from time to time. Then problems with my wife too ther at back which he does not know (or maybe he does ).
Strange I never thought about it until this encounter with my son today felt like writing this post.
Being sober now I do realise there are so many people who care about you. Whether kids who wants your attention and company or your parents, partners and other well wishers who wants to see you happy always.
Like shows new colors everyday and when I was drinking it was as if my eyes were covered with darkness and all what I see was drink. I recall not so long ago just about 200 days ago.
My daily routine used to be coming back drink and collapsing by 10:30 pm. Sad mechanical life it was then.
I feel bad for people around me whom I have left so isolated and I myself got so isolated in that process.
Take care and here's one to all the people who care about you want you to be happy, sober and satisfied. Love them, accept their love, advice. Coz they can be right ... Especially when they say ... "You need help !"
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