Newbies Nest

[Suek]

What is it about crappy weather that makes me have drinking thoughts. It's pretty craptastic here right now, high winds and rain and not nice at all. I've had thoughts of curling up with a drink under blankets and watching a movie. Reality is I wouldn't enjoy the drink I would guzzle it down, miss the movie and with small kids that doesn't happen anyway. I can't remember the last time I got to watch a movie all the way through without either falling asleep or missing it because of the kids. Another day of thoughts to push aside and plow through. Blah.

Hot chocolate? Warm cider?? Chamomile tea? All sound good for cold weather!

[Resolve]

Alcohol is a very good salesman - but he's selling bullshit. Gosh, he's good and sneaky. He finds every angle, every crack in our reasoning - like the devil himself.

Borrowing from Matt's words yesterday, this is what scares the dog shat out of me. With all the great reminders and discussion of the silly or stupid season upon us and having a plan in place at all times, I've been somewhat deferring that plan until we firmed up our holiday travel plans. Last night I had long exchanges with my sister to coordinate our plans on getting together with our side of the family. After much back and forth she wrapped up her last text with something to the effect of looking forward to all of us (primarily her, me and our spouses) drinking all night as usual and catching up. Houston, we have a problem...

And truthfully I think we do have a problem, at least I'm certain I do. All night some uncomfortable memories of both of us kept surfacing, and I began to recall many times and gatherings where she and I were the two toasty ones that went toe to toe, drink for drink. I always thought I was the down-low more controlled one where others didn't notice (I'm sure that's not true through sober glasses now), whereas she was somewhat of the running lushy aunt joke that we all chuckled about. For her to have been nearly fall down drunk on more than one occasion was not that unusual, and we all chalked it up to occasion drinking. The reality is and was that heavy drinking between us is how we've related to each other as adults over the years. It's going to be a new and strange dynamic especially not having seen each other for nearly 3 years now (a lot of elements here that I'll need to process more over time).

What bothered me most is I started to respond to her final text with my response being that everything sounds great except that I no longer drink. Only I deleted out that last important point, at the time thinking why go there right now. I did in part because I haven't gone there yet with anyone aside from my wife, but I also just didn't want to engage that discussion. But now I've questioned why I didn't say it and am second-guessing whether I wanted to leave that admission out so that the opening or crack in the door would be easier to push wide open later without that disclosure now. By saying I don't drink would put it out there and more importantly wouldn't let that cunning thought process, whether conscious or not, continue as strongly over the next few weeks. I can still follow-up with that point and might, but I am bothered that I feel like I let alky brain possibly play me a bit. Though I dislike continually questioning myself, my motives and feeling that I'm not completely aware of the real backstory to make even the simplest of decisions or comments, I'm glad being here raises the awareness on what experiences may be lurking whether we've had them yet or not. So all the talk of being prepared and not letting your guard down is working.

Sho - when you celebrate a week tomorrow think how good you'll feel. Keep pushing through this tougher early phase with all the tools here.

Byrd - I could have written verbatim how you summed up hotel stays.

Great day and night all!

[MossRose]

Sho and Kensho - you are warming my heart. Yes, break the cycle now. I drank throughout my sons lives. I honestly didn't think I was doing any harm in the early years. I was happily married, we had a nice home, good jobs, they were loved, and their friends came by often. It seemed normal. Mom just had a few glasses of wine every night.

As the years progressed, and they became tweens, my drinking escalated. I still had the mindset that it was ok. I was still married, was doing fairly well at work, we had our home, and their friends still came by, just less often - they were busy, you know? By now, Mom was having a few too many glasses of wine every night.

A few years later, my long-term marriage was rocky, my house was in foreclosure, and their friends no longer came to visit at all. By then, Mom was having way too many glasses of wine each night. My youngest son moved out at 19 without saying a word. Just left. He was done with me, and my drinking. My oldest son hung on, but our relationship was strained.

That was a low point in my life. I hit bottom. Then I did something very smart.

I joined MWO.

Today, I live in a small apartment. I am divorced. I am sober. My sons are getting closer by the day. In fact, I heard from both of them this morning. I guess the moral of my story is that AL is sneaky. We don't think our children are watching. But they are. They see everything. So kudos to both of you for taking steps now, so you don't have to go down the same awful path I did.

I want a do-over with my sons, but I can't have one, so I try to make each day count now. I am always thrilled when I read here about a parent taking charge and giving AL the boot while there is still time. That sounds so negative - there's always time. I'm living proof. But it's easier to prevent the problem than to repair it.

You both made my day.

[Matt M.]

Resolve~ my 2 cents....
Knowing what you know of you and your sisters past get together. And of course it being your sister. I think full blown honesty with her is in order. Is it going to be uncomfortable, awkward. Sure it is.
Most of the time I agree with just saying to acquaintances at party's that we are taking meds or designated drivers etc.
A question I ask myself often and I will ask you.
Are you delaying that conversation so you have an out to possibly , maybe drink. We know if we make the announcement we may be held accountable.

I am slowly but surely coming to realize a few things.
We put way more thought in how are "Not" drinking will affect the party, than anyone else.

I have to protect my quit even if that means uncomfortable conversations and inconvenience
If you have what I have, this is life and death.
I like you have had to choose my family or Alcohol. My family is my everything and I will protect that by any means necessary.

[available]

Resolve my first thought was that i hope you told her straight that you were not drinking and why. The why of how you nearly lost your family should totally do the trick. You may be ashamed of what you did and it was a hard and fast lesson for you but being truthful is always best.

I always tell the truth about my drinking, ever since i decided to stop. I say wine and i became too good a friends at the beginning and now i say i am alcoholic. I am not ashamed of what i am, i am proud of what i have become.

Who knows, maybe it will get your sister thinking about her al intake. I have a few friends who have stopped drinking as i did. They all say "well if you can do it so can i". And here i was thinking i hid it well.

I had a holiday with my mum in April for my 50th birthday and i so didnt want to tell her i was not drinking. I did not want to hear her barbed comments and i wanted to leave that door open just in case but we were at the duty free outlet at the airport and she asked me what i was going to buy. I felt like a two year old and blurted out "i am not drinking". Her response was "i wish you would have given up smoking". My thought was "i will show you, you bitch". And i did and she is so proud of me, i have proven tenfold that i can do this and i am doing this. It was a hard conversation to have but i knew if i did not "man up" i would have drank.

Close that door completely to al.

MR i am so proud of you, our children are our world.

[KENSHO]

Ever noticed how the "status" of the long time abstainers here is typically "Happy", "Awesome", etc.?

[available]

lol Kensho, there is a reason for that!

[Guitarista]

Hello Nester's near and not so far.

Brilliant post above Mossy! Thank you.

Don't forget to check out the Online media toolbox thread below. Some helpful information about addicted brain chemistry and cravings, decision making, compulsions and lot's more. Knowledge is power, and for me it really helps for me to know just what's going on within.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?90684-Online-Media-Toolbox

Take it easy out there y'all. Keep up the great work no matter what, no matter who. G

[frances]

MossRose that is the really scary part for me about Alcohol. I also watched myself drink more and more often, and more and more quantities over time and felt the alcohol taking over my life. Like most people here, the thoughts of alcohol were obsessive and I couldn't go anywhere without knowing where and when I would get that next drink. Even with that, life was going along pretty well, but I didn't want to be controlled by AL anymore.

[Fin]

Ever noticed how the "status" of the long time abstainers here is typically "Happy", "Awesome", etc.?

Yeah! What the hell are they doing to be so jolly? :-)

[Byrdlady]

Great posts today (as always)!
Made it to my destination, it was a pretty day to drive. This hotel gives 2 free drink coupons at check in. There was a day that the thought of wasting free AL was unthinkable! I went down and took advantage of the baked potato bar instead! I will not give my 2 free drink coupons away, either, that stuff will kill you and I want no part of it! Its my own silent protest!! The tater was yummy so now I am full and ready to get a nice bath and catch up with my friends!
Sho, day 6 was a bit_h for me, pat your self on the back for getting thru it. Tomorrow will be an easy day for you! I dont know why it works like that, but thank goodness for it. Maybe it's because we work SO hard to overcome the cravings and are tired and exhausted by day's end. Then the next morning there is a feeling of great pride and joy that we did it! I dont know, but I never had 2 bad craving days in a row.
Hope everyone has a great evening! Stay strong! You will never regret being sober! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to hear you are settling in for the night Byrdie. A baked potato bar sounds pretty damn good

Fin ~ I'm pretty sure you know why the long term abstainers are happy & awesome! Just waiting for you to join us
Keep going, you will get there!

Busy, busy day but all went well. Grateful for the warm fire tonight, it's cold & windy out there & my feathers are ruffling, Ha ha!
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[daisy45]

Well, late check-in today, but what a read!
Great posts! And Today I feel happy and awesome....and it's only day 10.....gimme more of what I'm getting so far.....beats where I was 10 days ago! And you're telling me it gets better! Stepping forward to another one day at a time......
Busy day with the kiddies, then as soon as they left went Christmas shopping for the first time this year and done most of it in a couple of hours.....my kids are always shocked that they have a good time even though I wait to the last minute.....speed shopping!
Back at 10pm for a bowl of homemade vegetable soup I made earlier.......all good!

[open halo]

I've been drinking for 25 years and there have been sooooooooo many unfortunate and horrific moments due to being wasted from AL, I've finally had enough. I was AF for a period of time and went back to drinking and guess what happened, more unfortunate and horrific incidents as a result of my drinking. I heard an awesome quote from a MWO member back in the day and it resonates with me tremendously since my last relapse. "Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes"

I'm giving AL the boot to the curb.....

[daisy45]

Good on ye' Open Halo! Time to get real! Could have written your post myself.
Accept that this is the way it will always be when you pick up a drink.....and actually being sober for good holds in store for us dreams that we haven't even dreamt yet!
Could it be possible that we may even be grateful for the problem as it has given us the chance to really live and see a side to life that even the 'normal' drinker may not experience.......Listenibg to the long-termers here makes me want it even more.