Newbies Nest

[moni]

Thanks all. It was certainly peer pressure that drove me back to drinking. It started with just 2 glasses of wine out for dinner, thought I had a handle on it but withing weeks I was drinking like there was no tomorrow again. Interestingly the 1st heavy night I had, I was so so ill the next day like it had been my very first time ever drinking but of course, I persisted until my body was right back used to it. All the same traits came back too, covering up, lying, paranoia, feeling inadequate, guilt, loneliness, messy... endless list.

[daisy45]

I only done short of 3 months AF Moni, but the result was exactly what you describe.....
The thing is that when you start drinking again, looking and feeling good, you have already got that false perception that with feeling this good and having a 'normal' drink, everything outwardly looks the same as everyone else out enjoying themselves. The only reason I looked good and even felt like socialising (which I don't do when drinking) was 'because' of my AF time when my body and mind had been healing......I do realise this....why not before I picked up that first drink?
This time things have got to be different....if a relapse counts for anything, let it be at least a really good lesson!

[Lizann]

Thanks for all the great posts. Feeling not so alone in this struggle!

[MossRose]

Hi Moni. Glad you found your way back to MWO. Hang with us, and let's work together to get you back to a good place. You know you can do it, because you have already succeeded in the past. No more drunk dialing, or drunk Facebooking for you. I used to do that too, so don't beat yourself up too badly. Now, you can come here instead and post, post, post. Hope to get to know you better.

Daisy - I didn't realize you were still battling the mice problem. Sorry to hear that. eewwww. I'm afraid of the critters - but only when they are in my house. I think they are cute when they are anywhere else. How dumb is that?

Hi Lizann - happy you are here and feeling less alone. Stick close.

I've had a roller coaster type of day. I have mentioned in the past that someone I love very much is sick with leukemia. She has gone through brutal treatments - round after round of intense chemo, plus a recent stem cell transplant, and yet she was still making me laugh when I visited her last weekend. Over the last 36 hours, things have changed and she is struggling. She is in ICU with pneumonia. The doctors believe this is treatable. She is tough, so I am optimistic. But last night, I didn't take the news well. It was a trigger for drinking thoughts but these days, I am able to move past them. I just know it's not an option. However, I still come here to vent and get support, because I can't ever afford to get comfortable enough, or worse yet, arrogant enough to think that I can do this alone. So again I thank you all for your support.

My phone is quiet tonight so that means all is well for the time being, so I am going to treat myself to a hot, aromatherapy bath, and an early night in bed. I am tired. Talk later. Stay strong everyone.

[Elvis]

Moni, welcome back. Thanks for sharing your story. My story was similar, I returned to drinking after close to 300 days without alcohol, thinking I could have a few now and then, and within days I was right back to where I left off before I quit. Took me two months until I came to my senses and came crawling back here again. Now I know better. I learned a valuable lesson, and I think you will too.

Have a great evening everyone!

[Byrdlady]

For those who have enjoyed a long stint of sobriety and then thought moderating would be a good idea and found out the hard way how that it wasnt, I hope you will post your experience on NoSugar's 'Relapse in Retrospect' thread. Seeing these types of testimonials is so valuable to those of us who might be toying with the idea. In case you aren't aware of this, I will do anything to keep folks out of this trap. Why? Because it cost me a year of my life and Im pissed off about that. I fell for it. I fought for it and nearly died for it. I would love to see that thread made into a sticky, there are powerful relapse stories all over this site, but they are scattered and hard to find, having them in one place is so helpful.

Sho, Ive had you on my mind all day, strength to you.
Moss, same to you....life is so precious.

Lav wrote something a couple weeks ago that really stuck with me.....it was about perspective on all this. If you consider it to be a battle, a battle you shall have. If you view it as a victory over an oppressive crippler, it takes on a whole different feel. So I dont struggle or battle AL anymore....I know I cannot win. I have let it go and that has been very empowering. Acceptance is, indeed, the place to be! The battle is over!

To hell with AL!!! Xo, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Cheers to THAT Byrdie! (With sparkling water of course). That's a knock out punch to the bastard AL. Good riddance! Hope everyone is staying sober - good, bad, and wonderful.

I to get meat on the grill, and tend to a sick little one so I will check in later. I will say that I thought of alcohol on more than one occasion today, but kicked him to the curb.

[open halo]

Great work Fin, glad you are being good for you! You and all of us here deserve it, a better life is an AF one! Keep clocking in those days.

Moni, you are not alone, I am also just back , I was here about a year ago, clocked in 5 1/2 months AF, thought I was "cured" (as if...)could moderate, tried to moderate, messed up royally and came back to MWO about two weeks ago. You, like myself are definitely not a waste of space because we began to drink again, the most important thing is that we realize that AL in our lives is destructive and have come back to do something about it! Your tag says "Do not dwell in the past, concentrate on the present moment", that is what we must do to succeed. A great quote I remember from my first time here, "Nothing changes if nothing changes!" We can do this!!! Wishing you the best and before you even think of having a drink get to the MWO and post and read...

[open halo]

Moss so very sorry to hear about your friend, wishing you well.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

See what happened when Bryrdie took my advice (kicking, jabbing & prodding)? It was all meant with love & concern & it worked for her - it can work for everyone
Forget the deprivation & focus on the good stuff! You'll be glad you did!

Moni, glad you are back after your hiatus. We each have to learn our lessons in our own way & time. Stick around, we'll help you out too!

MossRose, I'm keeping you & your friend in my thoughts & prayers :hug:

Fin, awesome on your 14 AF days!

Greetings to everyone & wishing a safe & cozy night in the nest for all!

Lav

[See the Light]

For those still struggling with sobriety, I think at the end of the day this war is still about coping skills. Even after you quit drinking, shit is going to happen (it may even seem that it happens more often now). BUT YOU ARE STRONG. You now know (or will soon) that when life throws you a challenge, you believe in you. Take a look at yourself and be honest ..what are your strengths and what are your weaknesses...its those strengths that will save you, the weaknesses that will break you. The instinct or intuitions or whatever it is to drink when life throws you a curveball is functionally a test...a test you can pass when you believe in yourself. Quitting drinking and ultimately sobriety is test if you can find out what you love above you ...focus on that and make it your new benchmark. I drank because my family did, so I felt it was my destiny...meant to drown in it...except when you go see the good in life you will not only not remember as often the reasons you drank, but emphasize the awesomeness as why you don't need to. Keep believing in yourself...we here at MWO will never stop believing in you..there is never ending support here..use it

[available]

Hi nesters
Well a busy time of year especially when one realised on Monday that there was only 10 days till xmas. Might be time to do some shopping maybe. Xmas tree not up either and for the life of me i have no idea where it is. The main thing is i am sober and i am not stressing and i will be spending it with my children. I cant ask for anything more really. Except a 99 year old millionaire on his death bed but i dont think santa will deliver him!

MR i hope your brother is doing okay and you are looking after you and your friend pulls through. Robert is still in hospital but hopefully will be home for xmas. I wont see him for a couple of weeks as i am on holidays and he was quite upset today as he wont see me everyday but i made him promise that when i do see him he will be stronger and i will see a change. I will miss him too but i need to recharge these old batteries of mine.

Well i have had an interesting time man wise. I met this guy for the fourth time and thought things were going fine until his bombshell. He travels a lot and said that when he returns and doesnt travel that it was only fair that i drink on occasions with him. I just looked at him and thought WTF. It kind of killed the mood but i nodded nicely and asked why he thought i could drink when he was home. He told me that he could help me control my alcohol intake. I thought WTF yet again and said we would see. Well obviously that al brain started kicking its butt into gear thinking that well if i had someone that cares enough to control my intake with me then maybe it is possible. When he left i thought long and hard. Was he worth what he was asking, could i do this, could i possibly be a normal drinker with help? Then i thought well what if it did not work out? And that is where the story ends. I have cut contact with him completely. No person should ask that of another, i dont like him that much to drink again and at the end of the day i have to live with me, i have to control me, i love the new me and someone else will also eventually. Then i was pissed off that he had the audacity to even mention it. Obviously in hindsight i get the impression he has a drinking problem and thats fine as it is his problem and not mine. I am sober and i will be for years and years to come.

I will always protect my quit with my life. So off i go back into dating land and i am quite enjoying it sober.

Keep strong everyone, do not break your quit for anyone or yourself. I know if i was asked this half a year ago i would have seriously contemplated it as i was still finding myself emotionally and i wanted to keep pleasing people. Now i can tell quite happily tell said person to F*** off without any hesitation. I refuse to go down that road again.

[daisy45]

Ava, I am totally shocked! Did not see that one coming........thank God you have that year behind you.. If you had started a proper relationship with him while drinking, you may have developed feelings and ended up in a really bad place......
Go you for sorting that one out......his loss! I imagine Mr will some day regret that move......
My ex is writing to me and I have a funny feeling he may want back....trying to keep it friendly......a lot of drinking went on there. I am very aware of AA advice I heard about not starting a relationship until at least a year AF.
I, like Ava, would like to find out what the the sober me is like and how my expectations may change with more sober time.....
Feeling good today.....gonna get the breakfast stampede done, get on my exercise bank and a bath. Need to get back to exercise so bad as I am sitting up to all hours.
NoSugar gave me great advice about the bluelight on my screen. I have cut down bigtime on that and turned the light down and it has helped.
On edge at bedtime now is really down to catching another mouse yesterday.....hopefully that is it but at night I imagine all sorts......not sleeping until I can't keep my eyes open .
Again, it will be grand.....a few days meesesy-free will leave me more settled.

[moni]

I'm checking in again today and will prob be a pain in ass checking in regularly for a while whether it's to vent, reason with myself etc. I could not have done it before without this website. It literally saved my life and I should never have left.

[Pie]

Whoa, Ava! What a stunning request for one human being to ask of another! Thank you for sharing the story, and well-done for keeping your priorities intact as you considered a response.

Pie