Newbies Nest

[satz123]

Keep strong everyone, do not break your quit for anyone or yourself. I know if i was asked this half a year ago i would have seriously contemplated it as i was still finding myself emotionally and i wanted to keep pleasing people. Now i can tell quite happily tell said person to F*** off without any hesitation. I refuse to go down that road again.

Oh FFS !! Well done Ava :welldone::welldone: -what a sap !!!

[Resolve]

Lav wrote something a couple weeks ago that really stuck with me.....it was about perspective on all this. If you consider it to be a battle, a battle you shall have. If you view it as a victory over an oppressive crippler, it takes on a whole different feel. So I dont struggle or battle AL anymore....I know I cannot win. I have let it go and that has been very empowering. Acceptance is, indeed, the place to be! The battle is over!

At the risk of overkill, which isn't generally possible with most topics here, I thought this quote was worth a three-peat. And on a different thread Chief posted, "For me, once I finally admitted to myself that I truly was an alcoholic and simply had to make a choice, either I continued drinking and being unhappy and miserable, or I stopped fighting it and quit, it became easier. You have to stop fighting The Beast. You have to step out of the ring. If you never step into the ring, you can never get knocked down. It's as simple as that."

It's taken awhile to grasp that it's easier to step aside and say fine, you win. I've admitted that I can't fight it anymore and instead choose not to engage. It seemed contradictory to think of it in terms of AL winning since the fight was always on when I continued to allow it to be in my life. All the conflict that stems from alcohol, running the gamut of when, where and how to get, have and consume that next drink, capped with nightly self-loathing, is gone when you put down the gloves and walk away. It really is easier to just eliminate the problem and acknowledge it's a fight that you can't win.

Ava - wow, total douchebag comes to mind in terms of summing up your former friend. Shocking how utterly presumptuous someone can be without at least some minimal appreciation as to what your sobriety means to you.

Fin - funny how fine dining still can't buy fine service at times. It seems like servers focus on never letting a wine or cocktail glass with liquor go empty so that guests are more apt to have a good time when drinks are flowing. And above all else, the best impression formed is that you aren't a drinker anymore. No harm there.

Last note, I saw in the WSJ yesterday an article titled "Prescription to End Drinking" devoted to meds but also discussion of behavioral treatments (I don't subscribe online so I can't link it or copy it). Interesting read that also mentioned an app called A-CHESS that includes relaxation programs and also has a GPS program that warns if you're nearing a high-risk area that includes bars you used to frequent! Apparently this warning would have gone off each night as I neared my home in my case, but maybe the app is of interest.

[BeachGirly]

Ava - way to go!!!
This line is the best "i love the new me and someone else will also eventually".

Kensho - I feel the same way with too much sugar. Uck... I am trying hard not to get into the carbs, I do so much better with just protein and veggies.

Lav and Byrdie, I love the thread regarding battling with AL. It is so much a mindset. I am not battling, I have just let it go. It feels so much better. I realize it is only early for me, and I have a long stretch ahead, but I am moving in the right dirrection and that feels fantastic.

I am on day 6 - whoot whoot!

BeachGirly

[Matt M.]

Checking in, on the fly. like everyone else just busy. Tis the season. Lots going on in here the last couple of day's.
Byrd and Lav, resolve. Thanks for the alcohol battle stuff. Just what I needed to hear.
So grateful for this site and everyone that shares.
I have been so busy yet I know I can check in here and always grab a nugget and today is was no different! I also know I have ( stalkers) accountability partners that have no problem smacking down on me. I know I've said it before if you don't have someone that can hold you accountable your missing out on another tool to protect your quit and making great new friends! I cherish mine! L&T
If your new and I haven't welcomed you. Sorry and glad your here.
Stay Hard my friends!

[MossRose]

Ava - I wonder how it would have played out if you had flipped the tables on him, and told him that you didn't want him to drink anymore. hmmm...probably wouldn't have gone over so well. Selfish of him to ask you to do something (drink), when you were generous enough to not ask anything of him. What a shame. But friend, you've got it all going on. You are a kind person, a straight shooter, a loyal friend, and he mucked it up. Sorry it ended this way. But when one door closes....

Hope everyone is doing well. Just a quick check in tonight.

[Pavati]

Hi,

I am scrambling to get ready for a flight out of the country. I read back but can't comment on it all. Fin and Ava - sorry for your treatment. Byrdy and Lav - great point about battle v. celebration.

I will be out of touch for about two weeks. I will be reading and have contacts for support if need be. More than anything I am looking forward to a fabulous vacation, and the ability to wake up and experience a new place each morning with a clear head!

As Matt says, stay hard, Nest. I will miss hanging out here, but will certainly be back. I will check in as wifi and time allow. Happy SOBER New Year. Take good care of yourselves, and don't drink, no matter what.

xo
Pav

[open halo]

For those still struggling with sobriety, I think at the end of the day this war is still about coping skills. Even after you quit drinking, shit is going to happen (it may even seem that it happens more often now).

Thanks for this see the light, this really resonated with me, quitting drinking doesn't mean that life becomes a utopia and I think the first time I quit I believed my problems would ALL go away and when they didn't , I thought well hell I might as well drink again.......BIG MISTAKE.

It is about finding those coping skills, because AL just made everything worse. And here I am back on MWO starting again, but this time stronger and more realistic than I was before...

[open halo]

Vicious circles and excuses:
My excuses for drinking: lonely, unhappy, feel useless
How I feel the day after drinking: lonely, unhappy, feel useless

A destructive cycle that you have now identified Moni. Remember "Nothing Changes if nothing changes." Let's break that cycle!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Everyone sounds great, making progress & moving forward

Fin, sorry you had such a hard time but you did very well. Good for you!

Pav, have a wonderful AF vacation, take pictures

Moni, you can break that cycle anytime you choose to do so & have no regrets whatsoever!

I have been crazy busy all day & looks like the next few days will be the same! Sure makes the days fly by quickly!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[TJAF]

Evening all. I don't post much. Its not that I don't have anything to say its just that folks like Byrdie Lav and NS spread the word so well. I just like to poke my head in from time to time as a quiet example that this battle is winable. Ive been sober now for almost a year and a half. It hasn't been easy and there are days when I want a drink. But those days are rare now. You all can do this. I was as bad a drunk as they come but Ive managed to make it work and it all starts with a simple but elegant solution..."I don't drink" Thank you Byrdie fir drumming that into my head in the early days. Have a great vacation Pav.

[See the Light]

Thanks for this see the light, this really resonated with me, quitting drinking doesn't mean that life becomes a utopia and I think the first time I quit I believed my problems would ALL go away and when they didn't , I thought well hell I might as well drink again.......BIG MISTAKE.

It is about finding those coping skills, because AL just made everything worse. And here I am back on MWO starting again, but this time stronger and more realistic than I was before...

That's great Open Halo- There are a ton of people who deal with life without alcohol or drugs..then there are us. My rock bottom moment was when I decided that I will not only stop killing myself and decide to live, but stop hurting those around me..because I was. My new life is something I couldn't even visualize in my drunken state..now I see what I want to do for my kids, for my wife, for my job, for my church and for my martial arts school..I want to give to others, instead of being wrapped up in my own problems...I do that by recognizing that though everyone hurts from time to time, but not everyone needs alcohol to get through it...we can do this AL free..LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT...SO MAKE IT AMAZING BY MAKING IT SOBER

[moni]

Awake far too early. Got through day 2 by doing a load of exercise in the evening and avoiding the shops. Day 3 is going to be the difficult one though. I need to keep reminding myself why I came back here and what the alternative will result in.

[available]

Hi nesters

Fin great work on dealing with dickheads. Each situation makes us stronger but dont go overwhelming yourself too often. Xmas is so hard, everyone is drinking and looking happy as they are imbibing. Us, well we are happy for a mere moment but then it turns to shit in a flash. My happy moments became few and far between until there were none, well none i can remember as i had mostly blacked out. i

Welcome back London, stay strong.

Moni, day 3 and 4 were my worst but stay determined and strong. Al wont do you any favours and who wants a day 1 again. The worst will soon be over. Eat and eat and rest when you can and stay on here like glue, watch some youtube vids on alkies. Post like a lunatic to get you through as someone will always be around.

Its been a stressful day today, Robert is not doing so well, i sometimes think he will never get out of hospital and it makes me so sad. He had a blood transfusion today so hopefully that will perk him up. I was also abused by a patient and then she cried on me and told me how wonderful i was. God make up your mind i thought. I just know there is always someone worse off than i am in this life.

Well off to take the boys xmas shopping, i love xmas crowds, not! Take care everyone and stay sober. I have my xmas work lunch tomorrow and a date (yep straight back into it) and i dont have to even think or plan what i will drink as i just dont drink.

[moni]

Thanks Avail. Feeling very low today but can't give in. I deserve better for myself. I seem to rely on other people as my key to happiness rather than actually making that possible for myself. I yearn for a relationship but the minute there was an inkling it might happen, I upped the drinking and self hatred and found myself on 2 bottles a night again. Why I hate myself so much for such a long time is beyond me.
Thing is - when I try a little and stop hating on myself, I'm a wonderful person.

[available]

Moni you will learn to like yourself and love yourself again without al. I felt exactly the same when i was drinking. After the last "man" meeting recently i do know if i had drank i would have gone back to the self hatred and loathing but as time has gone on being af, my emotional wellbeing has become of utmost importance. I totally love myself now and if another does not feel that way then that is their loss not mine. Time is a great healer so i have discovered. Al will do anything to keep you in that dark hole, dont let it and you will come to the total realisation that you are beautiful inside and out. You are a wonderful person Mon, all of us alcoholics are, we just feel too guilty and ashamed when we drink to see that and if someone tells us, we dont believe it. You can do this i know that.