Newbies Nest

[narilly]

Open Halo, I can't believe the pressure your co workers put on you. That is unreal, but you didn't drink and that is Amazing! So glad you didn't give in. I can totally see how frustrating that would be.

Hey Daisy, so glad you are making it through and not drinking. Those first days suck. I am at a point now where I feel I have way too much to lose if I drink Ana I am accountable to you guys. I am also afraid of Ava
Last year I drank on Christmas Day just because. I just thought f'it and drank. I kept drinking on and off till April. wish I could have held it together but finally on April 12 I quit for good, no more day ones. No more for you either Daisy.

Goodnight nesters.

[Eloise]

Before I go to bed I want to thank everyone for their support today during my meltdown. I knew it was going to be an emotional few days for me. I got a message from a different friend tonight asking if I'd like to join her and her daughter tomorrow for a day out. I said I would absolutely love to and will. It's too easy to shut myself off sometimes too and I need to stop doing that.
Anyway, day 5 was successful. I'm proud of myself

Good, good, good Moni!
So happy to see you are making it. It can only be a better holiday season without alcohol.
Keep it going!

[moni]

And another day begins.

Daisy - I too was like you last time round. I was so good at the beginning, so strong and I HAD to be because AL had led me to take an overdose straight into intensive care in a hospital. It was really a case after that of stop drinking or die. Funny though, like you say, as the months of not drinking clocked up so also did the memory of why fade. It was only recently when my drinking got bad again and those 'thoughts' were starting to come into my head that I had to remind myself and get my ass back here.

[Londoner]

Hey guys - another check in this week.

Here's something I am learning. Each successive relapse makes gets worse and worse for me, both in duration and intensity. This year I have wreaked havoc on my body. There have been certain events where my relapses have been terrible. And the recovery from them VERY hard.

It seems that it becomes more and more important to achieve success. As each relapse kills a little bit of belief in yourself.

This recovery seems particularly hard. I think the intensity of the past binges has messed up the neurotransmitter balance in my brain. Normally at the 3 week mark I would be starting to see some clear air ahead of me. At the moment, I am not.

Fortunately, I haven't relapsed. I have little motivation to move forward in other areas. I am use less destructive vices - like TV, food and the internet at the moment. But, the main thing is, for the first time in a few years, I am heading into the Christmas period booze free and looking forward to coming out the other side fresh and full of energy.

In my mind, this has to be it. It has to be my recovery now. Phase one is to bring balance back to my body and mind. To give myself the energy to take on the challenges in life - better sleep, more exercise, more meditation and better food. Phase two is to rekindle real relationships with friends and family - less computer time. Phase three is to get my business up and running and to be self sufficient. That can all happen this year. Providing I don't use AL as an easy escape.

Merry Xmas to you all

[daisy45]

Londoner, reading that post felt like I could have written it! I feel the same way....any other quits I would feel great after a few days but this time gettibg back to normal is taking more time....I could feel the damage I was doing by my physical reactions.
Let's stay close here and get ourselves into 2015 fresh and sober......
Going to start posting on rollcall again.....been avoiding it as I haven't been able to get past the first few days...3 weeks and believing in myself!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

I'm looking forward to seeing a bit of sunshine as promised for today
Happy winter solstice too!!

Open halo, good job on not drinking at the party! As far as the comments from others - screw them, who cares what they think? What you think is all that's important! Just keep doing what you have been doing

Daisy, congrats on three weeks AF!
Get your holiday AF plans set & you will start the new year with a clear head & heart!

Londoner, glad you checked in & are doing OK. You are on a path to a good new year, keep doing what you are doing!

I have lots & lots of little things to do today to keep me out of trouble. What's everyone else up to today?
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Sunday!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Open halo, good job on not drinking at the party! As far as the comments from others - screw them, who cares what they think? What you think is all that's important! Just keep doing what you have been doing

My thoughts, too, Lav.
If you had given in last night to make others comfortable, Halo, you'd be paying a horrible price for your "generosity" this morning. Enjoy waking up with no hangover and your self-respect intact. It is worth whatever it takes.
That was a tough test so early in your quit and YOU DID IT!

[open halo]

Thanks Narilly, Lav and No Sugar for the support, just sometimes wonder, as I have in the past, what is wrong with me that AL has such a horrific hold and effect on me, but then I realize that the most important part is that I know it does, and I'm willing to own that and do something about it...
Feeling sad but more determined than ever. Wishing everyone a Happy Holiday, am off to do some Christmas shopping to cheer myself up! And am going to have a cappuccino with a chocolate croissant, maybe two!

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

Hi everyone, still feeling down and I seemed to have lost my Christmas spirit. Trying to get it back for my kids, they're so excited so I fake it a lot right now. I haven't had a chance to read back on the posts but I hope everyone is doing okay and pulling through.

[Matt M.]

Good morning from my neck of the woods. Checking in, the usual for me back to back double shifts (48 hrs on 24 off,,,,twice) with the holidays brings overtime availability in my profession, with daily minimum staffing.
Haven't read back hope everyone is doing ok.

Sho~ your doing all the right things to protect your quit, maybe get a pen and paper and make a gratitude list? Might help change the mindset and get you in the xmas spirit.
Christmas can be a bit of a beat down, so commercialized, I just try and make it special for my kiddos.

Stay Hard my extended family!

[Eloise]

Yes, you must take this very seriously.
There is no turning back now. Another day without alcohol will be one more step closer to the new you.

:llama:

And another day begins.

Daisy - I too was like you last time round. I was so good at the beginning, so strong and I HAD to be because AL had led me to take an overdose straight into intensive care in a hospital. It was really a case after that of stop drinking or die. Funny though, like you say, as the months of not drinking clocked up so also did the memory of why fade. It was only recently when my drinking got bad again and those 'thoughts' were starting to come into my head that I had to remind myself and get my ass back here.

[moni]

What a difference a day makes, in such a better mood today. Took myself into town to meet my friend, had a nosy around the shops, bought myself a new hand bag and a new phone. This not drinking lark is expensive Home now, have all my gifts wrapped and ready to deliver some tomorrow. Looking forward to a good movie tonight and a 7up!

[KENSHO]

Happy Winter Solstice! SOOOOOOO glad we will begin to get more light now in our parts.

Glad to see everyone coming here to keep up the quits! Moni, Daisy, London, OpenHalo, I appreciate your posts! Open Halo - once I asked someone who was incessantly questioning me about not drinking if it "was important to them that I drink"... and that shut them up, because if they answer yes, they clearly have a problem.

I especially love BYRDIE's post about being in service. Nothing pulls me out of the dumps more than helping others - often with worse problems than me (adds perspective!).

Sho, sending hugs to you.

I spoke with my mom yesterday. They usually put the little shot bottles in our stockings (YES, at age 40, Santa still comes!!). I wanted to make sure she fully understood where I was coming from regarding drinking. I mentioned some of my (shameful) past behaviors regarding drinking so she clearly understood why it is unhealthy for me, and I concluded telling her that she was welcome to enjoy herself as much as she wanted. She was worried it would make me uncomfortable if they drank - I cleared it up. She said she was proud of me.

Later hubby and I were channel flipping and we stumbled upon the movie "Sideways". I was stunned when we were about 10 minutes in and I realized that I hadn't been longing for the wine they were drinking at all. In fact, I was subconsciously feeling sick to my stomach, imagining the wine hangovers they must have every morning they woke up. There is one scene he is really drunk and my stomach turned remembering how it felt to feel nauseously drunk. YUCK! I was surprised at my response - I thought watching the "wine country" scenes would make me long for it - but I didn't. A good sign, I think. Anyway, it felt significant to me.

I'm off to make more tie-fleece blankets for patients in the Children's Hospital near us. I guess they need boy-colored twin blankets. I remember how good it made me feel to have a hand-knitted hat to put on my first born in the hospital - I hope this pays it forward a bit. At least my sore fingers are feeling like they've done something good!

Keep remembering how lucky we are to have the opportunity to "fix" our ailment - unlike Cancer or blindness or lost limbs. We can make our lives better - and the lives of others too.

[Byrdlady]

Kensho, what an awesome post. As we were coming home today, I was reading the posts since yeasterday and this is ONE AMAZING group! If you get a chance, read Rahul's post on the 100 day thread....he does a remarkable job putting this journey into words.....this is about so much more than quitting drinking, it is addressing many other things we have going on, many things we arent even aware of until we are out of the fog of AL.

Hope everyone has a peaceful evening! Its good to be home. Xxoo, Byrdie

[Matt M.]

Thanks Ken for your post,
You sound good my friend.