Newbies Nest

[Fin]

My struggle is private as well, it's not something I talk about openly. Some people probably suspect, but honestly I don't voice it openly. I have children and really I don't want it used against me for any reason, and people can do that. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I find it's better that way. I'm not going to come out and say I have a problem and risk someone reporting me, so I keep it private.

Exactly. It's really no one's business (our reasons, the details of our struggles, etc) and yet, when other parents observe us not drinking at social events, I think there's an increase in respect or trust in terms of feeling okay about their kids being with our family on occasion.

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

Exactly. It's really no one's business (our reasons, the details of our struggles, etc) and yet, when other parents observe us not drinking at social events, I think there's an increase in respect or trust in terms of feeling okay about their kids being with our family on occasion.

I couldn't agree more with that. People are so fast to call social services, the police, talk badly about you to other parents and I don't want my children to suffer because of it. So, I keep all my personal issues to myself and off of Facebook. Honestly when I see my cousins post about their drinking and partying it's a turn off for me, I don't find it funny or cool that they're in their 40's behaving like they're 19 and childless. And don't they worry about child services or anything like that? Someone reporting them for being unfit. There is a young couple in the old community I lived it who have had their children taken away for partying and leaving the kids in the house and not supervised properly, they still don't have their kids back. I can't imagine anything worse happening to me then losing custody of my children.

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

There are so many reasons to not drink, and I'm getting back on the wagon and do what I have to do to stay on it. I've been reading the effects of drinking on women and how much worse they are for us, then they are for men. How it can actually trigger certain cancers in your body. The more I read on this the more reasons it gives me, now to just get my thought patterns and habits rewired to the same.

[narilly]

Way to go Fin on getting in shape. It is amazing how much we can do when we are not drinking.

Sho, I am in Canada too. There is way too much emphasis on drinking here (like everywhere else). Its all about the Canadian Beer, blah blah blah.
I am happy to stay away from it. I have two kids too and want to set a good example for them for sure.

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

Way to go Fin on getting in shape. It is amazing how much we can do when we are not drinking.

Sho, I am in Canada too. There is way too much emphasis on drinking here (like everywhere else). Its all about the Canadian Beer, blah blah blah.
I am happy to stay away from it. I have two kids too and want to set a good example for them for sure.

Oh I know, it's everywhere! And always the Beer. I don't know why but most people consider the huge amounts of liquor they drink seems to show how Canadian they are. Strange really.

[frances]

There is NOTHING sexy about a 50 year old drunk woman. UGG. I am not missing THAT!

I don't find it funny or cool that they're in their 40's behaving like they're 19 and childless.

It's interesting to me to see these comments because this is just what I have been thinking about lately. Like, I've outgrown all that now (about time at 49!) and it really wasn't pretty at all when I was doing it! I can remember last year on vacation (where I am going again next week, so I am getting prepared!) - friends arrived later and we had already started drinking. The husband of my best friend kept giving me these looks like "you are messed up, and I am disgusted by it". I was pretty sloppy drunk, having what I thought was a good time, but I definitely registered those looks, and I know he was giving me them because of the state I was in.

And just like Molly's post - it was never and will never be about just one or two for me. As much as I would like to say I can do that, I know I can't.

And when I go places and see older people sitting at the bar drinking and drinking, I think, "that was me" and it really isn't pretty. It's actually sad.

I am truly grateful that is not me anymore!

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

I don't drink in public anymore because I know what I'm like when I'm drinking or drunk and I don't want people to see it anymore, it's embarrassing. And I'm too old to behave like that anymore. Like the normal problem drinker I like to do in the privacy of my own home away from judgemental eyes, even thought I know they're judgements are right and I should quit. And I am trying to quit. I don't want my husband to worry about me, his love and respect means the world to me. I want to be there for my kids. I want to respect myself, I owe it to me. We all owe it to ourselves.

[narilly]

I don't drink in public anymore because I know what I'm like when I'm drinking or drunk and I don't want people to see it anymore, it's embarrassing. And I'm too old to behave like that anymore

Hey Sho, that is Exactly right! I hate the way I get when I drink it is SO embarrassing. Frances- that's me a 50 year old lady, but I am a Sober 50 year old and that is the best gift I can give myself. (Nice quote Byrdie)

[Resolve]

Sho - You sound determined and have many good reasons to do this which I know you will. Wishing you well during this harder time.

I'd suspect most of us can relate to the private struggle aspect of alcohol and that's why it's good that we can come here under our pseudonyms and talk freely without judgment. I also understand and can relate to feeling too old for this and simply having outgrown my bad behavior. I've seen several other 49ers or so here where maybe it's the with age comes wisdom adage or the milestone aspect of having had enough as the impending big 5-0 approaches. Regardless of the what, how or age, it's also helpful to reflect back to a year ago and where you were in the holiday merriment. It can be wince worthy to recall, or just the former norm at least for me, of heavy drinking before, during and after any and all events. I pre-cocktailed at home so that I seemed a normal drinker when it was showtime, and assuming I wasn't completely blasted, finished off the evening with post-cocktails by myself in private. The idiot ghost of the past can stay there.

It's interesting how the pendulum has swung where we are now the watchers noticing others as they drink. We wonder who has the drinking problem or is drinking to excess and appreciate that we're not that person anymore. We can all recount times when we were plowed or way past go, and either didn't notice that others noticed, or hoped that they didn't but were too screwed up to salvage any sense of pride. Those are memories I'd like to forget but can't, but it's motivating to know you won't do that or be that again. It's actually empowering to know that you won't give anyone a reason to suspect that you are that person again either. Our experiences are part of the puzzle of who we became, and as we piece our sober selves back together we can look back over time and be grateful that we finally figured it out.

This year I won't drink myself into a Christmas Eve stupor. I've had too many hungover Christmas mornings to count where I begged off assembling a toy, playing a game or savoring the memories of the day over my drink. I plan to be present for this one!

[available]

Hi Nesters

Xmas Eve in Aus land and of course i forgot the present i went out for yesterday so off i go into manic land. Robert is going home tonight for xmas and he is very excited, i am off to pop in and spend an hour with him.

I was reflecting this morning on my drinking career to how i am now. Would i have driven half an hour on xmas eve to see Robert in my drinking days, no. Would i be totally organised for xmas, no. Would i actually give a flying f**k about xmas, no. Would i have gone to my mothers 3 days after xmas, no. Would i have made plans to go to a party on boxing day, no. I would have been too hungover or thought after getting through xmas i just needed to stay home and relax, which meant stay home and totally wipe myself out as i was "being good and behaving" on xmas day. Would i be making promises to myself to slow down drinking after New Years? Of course and of course New Years would come and i would still be a drunk.

All i was at the end was a sad pathetic drunk 49 year old woman. I could find every excuse to keep on drinking and I did. I didnt run out of excuses to drink but i did realise in my al fog that i was losing my will to live. This is my 2nd xmas af, the first i admit was so not fun feeling deprived but due to pure determination on my part and help from my fellow nesters and my family my 2nd xmas will be filled with happiness, love and contentment. There will be no family fighting due to al, there will be no resentment or bitterness, it will be a day spent with the ones i love.

Take care all and dont let al win.

[moni]

How did I have time to drink. Still haven't packed my suitcase and a dozen other things to do. Had some lovely messages from my male friend today, it encourages me because a bit like that movie 'As Good as it Gets', he makes me want to be a better person, of course he has no idea of this.. I however know that any given night, I was one drink away from drunk dialing or drunk texting. Wow, am I glad I didn't make a fool of myself.

That's what I don't miss - making a fool of myself. Having to check my phone in the morning to see what I had done. That horrible cold rush feeling when I'd see a name or number in the history of somebody I wouldn't or shouldn't normally call..

[moni]

Avail - Happy Xmas Eve... another 2 hours to go here!

[available]

Thanks Mon, awake and sober and thinking about motivating is way better than waking, cringing and pulling the covers back over my head. Oh god the texts and fb and messages i sent drunk were horrendous. i could not even read them in the end. Good luck with the man but take it slowly slowly. Is he a drinker?

[moni]

Avail, not sure if he's a drinker. He can't be much of one if he is because he's busier than I am with work, study etc. We've only ever just had coffee together. I certainly wouldn't be putting myself in a position to drinking in front of him if the occasion arose given how much I know I'd make a fool of myself.

So glad I left that bottle of wine out in the car earlier and bought myself some non-alcohol punch for this evening. It's nice to be in a position of controlling alcohol and not having alcohol control you.

[available]

Well i hope he is not but us drinkers are very good at hiding our consumption to others. Just be happy and dont put any pressure on yourself. Dating sober is scary shite but much better. I dont need to fall into bed with every male now! Thank god those days are gone and i have something called "standards and respect" for myself.

Throw that bottle away if it tempts you again. Break the bloody thing!