Newbies Nest

[available]

Hi nesters

Thanks for the 400 day congrats over in roll call. i still have to do the date/time calculations two or three times to make sure it is right. How the hell did i ever get to 400 days is mind blowing. It always feels like it is someone else. Its hard to imagine my drinking life now but i know that door can always open and al will meander in as if nothing ever happened.

Well holiday over and time to travel home. I cant wait to see my children, my house, my dogs. I love mum but gees she is tiring! i met a friend from here for lunch twice and lunch with an old next door neighbour and she had a little tantrum about that. This time i smiled and walked away, if i had been drinking she would have started me off drinking with what she said but god i didnt need an excuse to drink. So many memories of visiting mums and it being a drink fest, well for me. I am grateful they are just memories. I can now live life as a non drinker. i dont have to plan to not drink, i dont have to explain to people why i dont drink, i just go out and dont drink.

Kensho that time will come when you wont internally fight with yourself. Time, time and more time is what you need to get to that point as long as you dont drink in the meantime as otherwise you are hitting the repeat button which i did many a time. With pure determination and grit you will get there and it will be a memory of what you are going through now. The good news is it gets easier. Oh i used to wish i could have one or two. watching mum have her two wines at night watching tv, i had those thoughts then thought "as if". She says i drink more coke zero than i ever did wine but she did not no that i hid my bottles very well for when she was asleep.

Glad everyone is great, newbies keep up the fight.

[Byrdlady]

Kens, it doesn't take much permission to get us alkies to drink, especially from our SO's. After all, we have TOLD them about us and when they say things like that it REALLY SOUNDS reasonable! If THEY say it's ok, it outta be, right? We have adult supervision! That is why knowledge is power...BECAUSE you have read 1000 times about similar situations, you knew to say NO. I finally had to tell my hubs the bitter truth: under NO circumstances is it ok for me to have AL. I told him that I could very likely make a great case that HE would believe. I would tell him I have proven it to myself, that I had rewired my brain and could handle one or two on special occasions. I said, 'Would you believe me if I told you that?' 'Yes', he said. He would take me at my word. I told him that I have 2 speeds with AL...OFF and WIDE OPEN. I had to tell him never to believe that I can safely drink. He gets it now. I had to get him on board like this. He now has my back. When he sees someone pushing a drink on me, he comes over and diffuses it. It really helps. I resisted doing this for a long time (just to keep the door open IN case I got cured). So far, that hasn't happened. Im so glad you pushed thru it!

Ava, 400 days is EPIC! NoSugar has 1 year, 11months and 11 days! She should run out and buy a lottery ticket with those numbers! Everyone doing so well! Rinse and repeat! Byrdie

[BeachGirly]

AVA - 400 days!! Whoot whoot - way to go.
Safe trip home.

Kens and Byrdie, thanks for this discussion. I too need to explain to my husband in more detail. I have been holding back as well. I have told him I have no stop button, but he does not understand the significance of that - yet. Funny hearing your story Byrd how you would convince him to get you a drink, I have done that in the past!!! I need to tell him to never believe that "whine" again!
I know he will be a big help and will diffuse situations like your hubby Byrd, when he understands.

Open - great tips to make it "our quit". My husband does drink, and use to enable me (and me him) Now he is very careful not to drink much, and seldom at home like we used to.

BG

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Getting late but wanted to stop in to see how everyone is doing!

Ava, nice on your 400 AF days, yay!

Kensho, we have to learn to trust ourselves a bit - that was hard for me too but you'll get there. I pretty much learned to look within during those uncomfortable moments instead of looking for support from others around me. It sounds like you did just that, good for you!

Congrats on your 30 AF days open halo!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Well, I'm back from a two week trip out of the country - it was amazing - hot, dirty, crowded, humid, beach, forest, city - everything. I HATE flying and absolutely used to use it as an excuse to drink. I "needed" alcohol to calm my nerves (a good loophole, I'd say). This time I just had to deal. I clutched tightly to my son's arm (he's not afraid), did some breathing, and tried other distractions - and I made it. I had a few tugs for a cold beer when I was hot at the beach, or hot and sweaty after a trek through the city, but they were fleeting and I moved on to enjoying myself. So chalk that up on my "firsts" list - my first sober vacation out of the country. All in all a WONDERFUL experience - made so much better without the scepter of alcohol hanging over my head - when will I have a beer today? Where will we eat that serves alcohol? How will I drink NOW? So relieved to have that behind me!

AVA - Good to hear you had a sober trip, too. 400 days is amazing. Did you see Petrel? I hope he is ok and still running those marathons...

Byrdie and Lav - Loopholes, BS, denial. All the same. One of the hosts of the Bubble Hour said - "I wasn't in denial about the fact that I was drinking too much, but I was in denial about the effects it was having on my life."' That summed it up for me. More than just the hangovers and regret after a big night, alcohol was affecting my life in so many ways that I just didn't see. I'm glad those loopholes are closed!

I am getting over jet lag and am having trouble concentrating. I see we have some new newbies here - welcome and congratulations for making a commitment to taking your lives back.

Everyone else - hope you all had great, sober holidays and I look forward to catching up more when I get some sleep.

xo
Pav

[Resolve]

Welcome back Pav! Sounds like you had an amazing trip and experience.

In terms of spousal support and understanding, that's been a tough one in my experience. Before I royally effed up, my wife seemed to hear me when I confessed I was an alcoholic, yet the night before I drank again we were out to dinner and she said I should have a drink and that I could have one couldn't I? I had been fighting what I knew was inevitable in the days leading up to that night but declined, instead choosing to drink the next day. And that was that with my new day one a disastrous day later.

Now she gets in spades. She doesn't drink much but even tonight said how she was looking forward to a drink then looked at me and said "sorry". I said no need to apologize since it's my issue and I'm dealing with it. Look, I feel grateful she didn't kill me 9 weeks ago so I appreciate that she considers how I might feel when she drinks now. Over the holidays we talked about ways to address not drinking with others and knows clearly that I can't have just one.

I like the idea of spouses having our backs so that's a conversation I want to have soon so that she knows I want and need her in my corner. I can't think of a better way to help shore up both a relationship and further solidify this quit.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Cloudy & chilly here & the real cold weather is on the way, Brrrr!!!

Welcome back Pav! Sounds like you had a very exciting & positive vacation. Be proud of your accomplishment

Resolve, good to hear that your wife is supportive & you find that helpful in your quit!

Wishing everyone a great AF Monday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Pav, we missed you something awful, so glad you are back! When are you having us all over for your vacation slideshow? Bwahahaha! op:
Well if Ava was 400 days yustaday, that means you are 400 days today! CONGRATULATIONS of this HUGE milestone! :sohappy::sohappy::sohappy: (the butterchurn < is the only dance move I know) We are so happy for you!! In this world of ours, THIS IS HUGE! Thank you for all you do on these boards!!

Hope everyone has an easy day today....back to the salt mines!!! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Good morning from the Rocky Mountians! PAV, glad you are back. Congrats on your AF vacation - sounds like you did and saw a lot!

I had to get up early for the first day in 2 weeks - belch! How did it come to be that the world has to start at 8am, forcing me out of bed at 6:30? I think it is taking years off my life. But at least I've gained years by stopping drinking - so I guess I'll look at it as a net positive.

I thought about my weekend struggle, and decided that I can't just rely on my new habit of saying 'no'. I still need to think about the situations I will be getting into, and prepare. I should have foreseen the possibility of being stuck in a wire-free environment and checked in with you all before leaving or at least have more printed material available. These are really close friends - the kind I can let my guard down with and totally relax. Which is nice, until I need my guard up against this stupid issue - otherwise their words become just confusing. More communication with them will be good too - until I feel they ALL really get it.

My son actually said something that night that helped me too - everyone was getting drinks and he said, "Mom, it's good you aren't getting one!" This is, I'm sure, because I've had a few little conversations with him about the fact that mom doesn't drink grown up drinks any more - because it's not a requirement for happiness - and sometimes it is the opposite. He listens!

Anyway, back to the grind! Thanks for your thoughts AVA and BYRDIE. Time, time and more time - I forget this for some reason. I get to 30ish days and get confident - we can never get too confident.

Have a great day everyone!

[BeachGirly]

Hi Pav,
Welcome back and Cograts on 400 days - wowsa!

Kens, I am approaching the 30 day mark and am taking your advice to plan ahead. I dont want to get too confident. I need to have plans in place for all these odd events that pop up - all with AL. I do like your idea of printing posts out to read when needed. Right now I am still in isolation, and not really dealing with situations, but it is time.

Byrdie, you really are busting a dance move today

Have a great day everyone.

"Just because conditions are extremely challenging, doesn't mean you have to be negative about them. You have an opportunity to make a positive difference, and the best way to do that is to BE the positive difference" Ralph Marston

BG

[Overit-still]

Good morning! I'm back! Why do I leave? Why do I get confident? Why do I think each time will actually be different? I can honestly say that my life is on the line. But I feel so good and free when I don't drink I don't know why I keep going back. It does not make me feel good, at all, and only creates problems in my marriage and my work and my sanity!

I'm here to stay. I've wrapped myself completely in Velcro.

[Pie]

Hi Overit! Nice to see you again!

[NoSugar]

Good morning! I'm back! Why do I leave? Why do I get confident? Why do I think each time will actually be different? I can honestly say that my life is on the line. But I feel so good and free when I don't drink I don't know why I keep going back. It does not make me feel good, at all, and only creates problems in my marriage and my work and my sanity!

I'm here to stay. I've wrapped myself completely in Velcro.

Welcome back, OS!

Maybe it would be helpful for you to write out what happens when you relapse. I know writing things down for others to read (and hopefully understand!) helps me organize my thoughts. There is a collection of relapse stories here: https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...-in-Retrospect.
You might be able to help yourself and others by adding yours.

So glad you've decided to come back! (Where's your bag :smile:?)

[Overit-still]

my bag

Welcome back, OS!


So glad you've decided to come back! (Where's your bag :smile:?)

Ha Ha! I know! I lost it and can't find it. Very bummed!

[available]

Morning nesters

Welcome home Pav, so glad you are back and so glad you had a lovely holiday. Alky paradise i like to call thailand but i love the place, mum and i were planning our next trip but probably to Vietnam this year. I feel jetlagged too and only flew from Queensland to Melbourne! I had a lovely catch up with Petrel, he is a great cook and great company.

Welcome back overit, i know i cant leave here and become complacent. Most people who do wander off start drinking unless they have other support.

Kensho, I notice a lot relapse after 30, 60, 90 +++ days as they just think they have beaten al and are fine. It took me a good 8 months to finally think i had it under control. I always take note of the oldies who have years up and are still here and sober. That is my goal and if this is all it takes to keep me accountable i dont mind staying around.

Well first day back at work and blah to that one. So much to catch up on before we get busy again but i am not pushing myself, no one else seems to!

Have a great day/night