Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Congrats on all of the milestones today, especially your ONE YEAR, Jane.

I had a crazy busy day and am now off to bed. Just checking in to say HI.

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

hi Nesters,
it's taking every bit of courage/strength I have to come back to the Nest. After 3 and a half years of being a part of MWO I am ashamed that I haven't managed to stay sober. I don't want to keep telling the same story, I don't want to keep starting over, making the same mistakes-- I KNOW what to do but I keep falling into the same hole, refusing to cross the street and take a different route. I feel like I set myself up for failure so that I don't have to face life. I don't have any balance. For a couple/few weeks I put all of my energy into being sober and usually I do all right for that amount of time. Then I begin to shift my attention to other interests, obligations, etc. and am immediately overwhelmed OR feeling so positive with life that I think I'm "normal" again. Which I don't even want to be anymore. Then the thought of drinking enters my mind and I'm caught completely off guard and act without any forethought. It's been so difficult the past days to imagine getting through 1 day, when actually what I want is to savour the days and the time that I have.

Well I've read back and have felt hope and promise again in reading your words.

[Pie]

Hello, Lifechange! And welcome back!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Freezing cold & dark out, I have a nice fire going while I enjoy my coffee

lifechange, welcome back! I understand your frustration because I felt the same way when I first found MWO. I was seriously sick & tired of disappointing myself & knew it was time for something to change. What needed to change was my thinking, my choices! I did it, lots of folks have, you can do it too! Make your new plan, dump the AL & make a firm commitment that this will be your final quit. Stay close to the nest, we inspire people!

Wishing everyone a good AF Thursday. Stay bundled up if your temps are in the single digits like they are here - Brrrrr!!!

Lav

[daisy45]

Lifechange, I am here over 4 years now.....same feelings as you in the past. But, after a lot more reading, which I have always done, I realise now that taking the first drink does not really come out of the blue. Signs of relapse are there, not very obvious, but they are.......feeling good, maybe I am 'normal', overwhelmed.......these thoughts are in the process of relapse. Recognising them is key to knowing when to ask for help. Come here on a feeling, not just when you are on the way to the wine store.
NoSugar has a great link to relapse info......and maybe some others......that really opened my eyes.
You say you 'refuse' to go in the other direction, which indicates choice. I am 39 days now......relapse for me has been pretty much what you describe.....this is where I realise I need to make the biggest change if I really mean what I say and want to be and stay sober.
I needed your post today, as another insight.......I am not home-free as you will see from only a couple of days ago, but I, with you, am going to give this all I have....

[patrice]

Hi all,
Lifechange, I've been here on and off for ages but like you, haven't been able to remain permanently sober. Lots of days, weeks even months AF but still....
I've just finished another day 1 , this time I'm determined to change my mindset and apply the tools I know.
Take care all.. Hi Daisy, lavande et al!
Patrice

[lifechange]

Daisy, your post the day before yesterday hit me hard--it's exactly what I should have done on the 15th of December when drinking entered my mind, but didn't. The thought of drinking was so subtle but I was aware of it. I was also aware of the fact that I wasn't doing what I should to ensure I wouldn't act on the thought. I always tell myself that I will come here and ask for help and support at the first sign of my mind going astray-- and sometimes I do, but other times I haven't. I still don't really understand why that is. Why I set myself up for disaster. I'm also going to give it my all. Right now I just have today in mind. I definitely need to re-work my plan and work on my state of mind.
Thanks for that, Lav and Pie

[lifechange]

Patrice, well done on finishing day 1. I'm just right behind you, determined as well to make it my last!

[daisy45]

Lifechange, that is just how I am getting through....one day at a time. Even as I write this to you I am thinking about the many times I chat here and feel confident then disappear into the bottle, sometimes within hours of being here......even I find it shocking. Reading the relapse process, however, has made me see things in a different way.
When I am ready to get my purse and go get the wine I so want, I find I am now talking to myself as if to a different person. What do you really want? What changes are you making? Have you checked the relapse list? Are you any more desperate for a drink than those who now have months and years AF? Was it easier for them? What are you going to get out of having that drink.....resulting consequences. What are they? Will you survive another binge physically or mentally? And do you think, if it turns out that you are not that normal person, that you can get back to sobriety easily......how much damage will be done in the process?
I am trying to question everything, and each time hoping the answers will be different, so I can just go get the bottle......but so far the answers have been the same.....enough to get me through another day. Repeat each time....so far, so good...

[Fin]

Hi Patrice and Lifechange,

Your stories mirrors mine as well. I've been here two years on and off. What that experience has taught me is that every time I think I'm okay with AL, I'm not...I slowly go right back to the hell hole I was in that created so much unhappiness.

Byrd and others warned me of this vicious cycle, but it wasn't until I experienced it first hand that I was able to accept the reality as fact. I'm now 37 days into a permanent new life and couldn't be prouder of the courage, discipline, enlightenment and joy I have found in my soul as a result of being 100% committed to a permanent AF existence.

Best of luck to you guys. We're all pulling for you and each other. This CAN be done as the numbers prove under Roll Call. Get in there every day without fail and start stacking the odds in your favor one day at a time.

All the Best & Being Good,
-Fin

[Pinecone]

Hi friends,

Lifechange, welcome back! I'm glad you are here. I miss the old gang from the "Well that didn't last long" thread, so it's great to see you. You posted that you might be setting yourself up for failure. That takes some guts to admit. How can you change your situation to make it actually harder for you to drink? Did you get all the alcohol out of your living space? Can you eat dinner earlier for a while so you are stuffed during the witching hour?A lot of these little things put together will get you through the early physical stages. Distraction, hydration, vitamins, light excercise (walking or stretching), urge surfing. My favorite was going to sleep. You can't drink if you are sleeping. Eat a grill cheese sandwich and go to bed at 6:00! Sending you support!

Welcome back Patrice!

I'm headed out to walk my pup in the freezing cold! Have a great AF day!

[KENSHO]

Hi Patrice and Lifechange!

I was reading your posts and just wondered what plans and tactics you have for when the urge hits? I did a few things that really helped me get through the cravings. One was to have a lot of AF drinks, and put one in my hand IMMEDIATELY upon arriving home (my witching hour) - and keeping it there. Another was to post like crazy here. Eating (sometimes junk food) also did wonders for my cravings.

Wanting like hell to quit drinking is one thing, but it takes more than will to make it past the hard times. I think ultimately, it is time that makes this easier. Along the way, we learn to "deal" a bit with our issues - but time allows us to see our life from a completely different perspective. So in the beginning, I think using whatever tools we can to just get through that one day, and then the next is a great strategy. I am at the point that, though I occasionally crave things about AL, I really don't want it for taste or what it does to me -- at all.

Glad you are here and I look forward to reading your posts!

[lifechange]

Daisy, thank you for sharing the list of questions you go through. They're really good and I'm glad you've been able to force yourself to answer them honestly. I guess my problem has been ignoring the questions, just lightly skipping past them, lying to myself by saying, "it's no big deal, everything under control". I'm trying to figure out exactly when this tends to happen because it's become a pattern. And then I have to find a new way (or some way) to stop myself to ask the questions/listen to reason, the truth of what I'm about to do. I haven't used MWO or called someone for support or used any of my tools because I haven't wanted to face the truth and risk stopping the destruction. This is what I don't understand. Like you said, I can feel so confident and close to people here and proud of my success and happier in my life and then out of nowhere I'm buying a drink. I let my guard down way too soon and probably haven't committed myself 100% to an AF life. Haven't changed my thinking enough to accept and embrace and find joy in sobriety. To a point, yes, but obviously not all the way.

That's what you're talking about Fin. You sound so strong in your quit, ready to take on the world. Really awesome. I'm still grateful to you for creating the roll call. It's always helped me when I've used it in the mornings to start off my day.

Pinecone, I also miss that old gang and wonder how everyone is doing. I've been happy to see you posting in the Nest. Your posts, regardless of who you're writing to, help to ground me. I'm thinking about how I can make better decisions. I don't have to worry about alcohol in the house as I've proven to my BF over and over again that I can't drink. I like the sleeping bit. Naps usually do really help. Like many others I've used drinking as a way to escape my life, the kids, stress--I want to get back to using other methods of escapism. Meditation, baths, drinking a tea, reading something inspiring, going for a walk or to the gym, listening to loud music. All of those things have helped me in the past. I want to find the balance-- being gentle and loving with myself and having the power to fight for my life. I guess when I adopt the warrior mode, which I feel I need to fight against my irrational self in the beginning, I tend to take it too far-- maybe if I really accept myself, how I am, I won't have to fight so much.? I don't know. I'm very happy and relieved to be back here though.

[Overit-still]

Fin! So good to see you. Ditto everything you said to Practice and Lifechange.

Practice & Lifechange-My first quit was 12/12/12. And Here I am on day 3.....again. I relate to everything you guys are saying which is what everyone else has been saying since the first day I was here. And I honestly have to say that if I'm really honest, each one of my oops! was planned, maybe for only a few minutes, but I thought about it, knew what to do about it, and chose not to. I planned it.

Hang tight my friends.

By the way, I'm a REAL stickler about things so since I was technically drinking at about 1:00 AM on 1/5/15, I'm not using that date as my quit, if any of you were questioning my math. So excited that tomorrow will be day 4 and ALL of the alcohol will be out of my system! I'm a new person.

Have a great day everyone.

[lifechange]

hi Kensho, you're right about needing a plan to get through the urges. I've not had a really good plan for a long time. A real plan to succeed. Having good AF drinks and snacks around at all times has worked well for me in the past. And daily exercise and Byrdie's, "No Hell No". Setting my mind to see/remember the truth of how I'm affected by alcohol. I guess in the past I've been most successful with not drinking when I've been adamant about the dangers and complete hopelessness alcohol brings to my life. When I've been able to change my way of thinking from one of deprivation to one of gratitude. I haven't given it enough time and have put myself in precarious situations without a strong plan--thinking I did have enough time under my belt or forgetting the dangers that always accompany any amount of alcohol I put into my body.
I'm determined to move back into that strong space. Focussed on gratitude