Newbies Nest

[enzo'smom]

mini you ask why you destroy yourself….the answer is that you don't!!!! the alcohol is what does the deed….

[moni]

mini you ask why you destroy yourself….the answer is that you don't!!!! the alcohol is what does the deed….

While this is true, it is my choice and decision to knock back a bottle and half of wine knowing what the outcome will be. Recently I got some great news re. Work, college etc which should be encouraging me to not let myself get in that condition.

[daisy45]

So nice to be up early. Big fire lit and ready for first wee tot at 7am.
Have decided to accept that I only need a few hours sleep......had 4 last night and feel ok.
Have been reading about it and a lot of people do.....
Time to go...next pick-up at playschool. Have a great day all!

[enzo'smom]

wow, 4 hours? I would be comatose. But my husband can function on very little sleep so I believe what you say….Well, my alone time this morning is over….I love getting up early, coming on to MWO, checking my emails and reading my favorite book before I have to get the kids up, shower and go to work…..for some reason, the mornings being so quiet is so relaxing and calming…
Have a great day everyone.
day 17 BRING IT

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Happy hump day to all
Mostly cloudy here, I see a nap in my future because I didn;t sleep real well either.

Moni, you can hop off the merry-go-round any time you want. You deserve a better future than what you'll find in the bottom of a wine bottle!

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Wednesday!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Give it a good solid go Moni - 30 days will change your mind.

Daisy - 4 hours would kill me. Some people seem to need less, but I recently heard that the single biggest factor affecting long term health is sleep. With this said, I struggle with it too because my personal time is at night so I tend to stay up! I like the idea of the fire in the early am though - sounds cozy!

Don't drink Trinity! It won't make anything better!

Have a great day everyone. I need to make some solid progress on my accounting. It's been weighing me down for awhile - can't wait to catch up!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, fellow Nesters!
Lav, I hope you beat this bad bug. Feel better!

Moni, welcome back! I think it was last week that we had a conversation here about why we seemed to be having so much success here in the nest. The difference I see is that folks (mostly RETURNING folks) are finally owning the issue. Instead of blaming a bad marriage or an idiot boss or the guy who puts the cheese on nachos at the ballgame, the successful people realize that this is THEIR issue and action must be taken to change the course of it. I was a Master-Blamer (careful how you say that!). I blamed any/every thing but myself for putting that drink to my lips. Once we take ownership of the problem, we can take action to correct it (don't put AL to lips). If we keep blaming other things, then we JUSTIFY what we are doing. Once there are no more throats to choke, we finally get it. At least that's what happened to me. You are here now and ready to make this change. The issues of the past can be valuable if we learn from them, but not repeat them. I say all of these things because I did them. I sure wish I hadn't taken the long way around, I could have saved myself considerable PAIN AND DISPAIR if I had just bitten the bullet and did this once and for all.

As you know, I am on the Prize Patrol (I try to keep this a secret, I don't know how it leaks out...) but we give a prize for 30 days (The Coveted Hat). There is considerable CHANGE in those 30 days....but I think that the real change may actually come in 40 days! There's a bit of a wobble right around 30 that trips up a lot of us...but it seems like once the hurdle of 40 days is reached, things even out.... Thoughts on this? I have been observing this and there seems to be something about that 6th week that makes things more permanent. I am just forming these opinions, so please dispute if you feel otherwise and I will scurry back to my 30 day thinking. When I was brand new, I kept asking 'When is this going to get better?' The answer I got mostly was that it gets better every day. If someone asked me that question today, I'd say there is no day harder than Day 1....day 2, in comparison is easy. Day 3 got hard again (that's the day AL gets out of our systems), day 4 easy. My even days were easier than the odd days until I got to Day 13. Then things evened out as far as cravings. But then the emotional rollercoaster started. They did even out around 30 days for me. By 6 weeks, this was my new way of life. What is YOUR experience?

Hope everyone has an easy day today, which ever it is (1456 for me!) Appreciate where you are right now. I just opened my drawer and found a lone lens wipe. It was the first time I've ever used one...those things are amazing! I sit here in awe of the humble lens wipe! Appreciate what is in front of you! Byrdie

[moni]

Great post Byrdie - and appreciate the time and effort. I KNOW it is only my fault. I have so much going for me compares to some people but I also have this massive self destruct button too. That button starts flashing the minute a bottle of wine is opened. It's almost like I refuse to be happy and true to myself. I feel like a Jekyll and Hyde character sometimes. Two different people. The sober me and the drunk stupid me. I deserve it to the real me to give that person a better life.

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters.

Trinity, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dog. It sounds like it was so sudden.. I'm glad you could be there for him and that he could be in your arms. I'm also glad that you are facing this without alcohol as we all know that in the end it just makes everything much worse.:hug: and strength to you.

That was a heck of a good post, Byrdie-- yesterday's, too. There have been so many awesome posts the past days.
I haven't had much time to post since Sunday, though I did take the time to read!. I only have my kids with me part time and when they are here I try (get to!) to spend as little time on the computer/telephone as possible.
The little one (10) and I went grocery shopping and when we came home she was sitting on the ground taking off her roller blades saying, Mama, I'm so excited about everything right now! I asked what, in particular? She said, everything! The package from Auntie upstairs, the warm weather today, my sister coming home from school this afternoon, eating a piece of chocolate cake, snuggling with the cats, playing cards with you..etc. I thought, what a nice little lesson in gratitude!

It's helped me a lot taking part in the Newbies Nest again. Though I've tried many times at sobriety I think the "owning it" part was missing-- as was the willingness to be a hard-core abber. It is the only way for me and I know that if I'm not hard-core about it, I will forget and fail.

I have a dinner tomorrow night for work which I'm a bit worried about-- I'm not worried that I will want to drink, but I'm worried that people will pressure me. The last time (and almost only time) I went to a work function was about 4 years ago and I got very drunk and silly, which is not how I normally am at work. Someone described me a few days ago as, "walking Zen"-- which is also, obviously, not quite accurate. But which explained to me why they had more fun with the drinking me.
I've told a few people with whom I work closely that I don't want to drink-- it's a dinner party, so it will be possible to drink fizzy water. I don't yet know what to say to the others..people who I know quite well, but who don't know that I'm an alcoholic--or that I even don't drink. I've thought of just coming out with the fact that I've decided to quit. And that's it.

Enzo, I also love getting up early to drink a cup of coffee and read from the night before. I haven't been doing that the past days and I've missed it! You are sounding really good-- the serenity prayer is one I like very much. What a great Eureka! moment.

Daisy, you are also sounding so strong-- and cosy with your morning fires. That did make me a bit envious...!

Minstar, good to hear from you.. you are so busy with those little ones. Have you been able to get some sleep??

Welcome back, Moni!!

ok. My kids are home and wanting to tell me their stories..
I hope I have time to check in again later this evening..
thinking of you all!!

[Resolve]

Hey All - working some long hours lately but wanted to check in. It is so true that we have to own this front to back. Drinking provides an escape from our thoughts and feelings but a buzz always fades and we have to deal with our minds. I know my mind is far better these days after some sober time, and learning to deal with life's ups and downs without a booze crutch takes our daily individual effort every single day regardless of all the noise around us. For years I likened myself as a penguin in that I was one of the masses that did the same thing day after day, trudging robotically through work and life without feeling fully connected to it. I dealt with everything by choosing to drink regardless of reasons - anything provided justification to the point that there was no distinction or rationale for doing it. I just did it on autopilot, thought I enjoyed it but realized over time I hated it, myself for doing it and was miserable. Recently I watched a documentary on penguins and thought holy shit, they've got a tough existence so turns out I would've been a lousy penguin too.

And you know I appreciate the hardcore abbers beating the drum of abstinence around here. Call one a zealot or whatever, but we need our staunch promoters of zero tolerance to get the message through loud and clear that the path of moderation or any form of drinking won't work. If you're in the nest, then chances are it's because you've tried it all and either ended up back or worse than where you were. This thread provides tough love at times meant as such to achieve the greater good of sobriety. It also provides great support and perspective that resonates. I know there are mod threads, and I truly cast no judgment for those that can mod or are seeking to mod. For a time there I wanted to be on one of those threads saying I can do this, but the easiest solution, far less stressful answer and more peaceful truce is what finally sunk in thanks to our HARD abbers and others.

And that message is basically take back the control alcohol has had over you by removing it from your life. I can't say early on it was the most pleasant of partings, but alc and me had to agree to disagree on our ability to continue in a relationship. Time is our friend in this and the more distance the better. But if it weren't for the constant reinforcement of this singular most empowering theme that's been my primary takeaway, I'd still be a boozing lurker afraid that this could never be me, so why bother. Well, please bother because a) when you've lost enough to the point you're here, what more do you want to lose, and b) we can all do this.

Trin - very sorry about your pup. Haven't had one in years due to a child with allergies but hope to again someday despite these sad moments.

LC - get through dinner with an excuse for now. On meds, getting over stomach bug, or whatever floats for you and know you're not missing out on anything.

Moni - keep on keeping on here.

[trinity875]

Hi everyone and thank you so much for your support it really means a lot. We are devastated and there's an empty space in our home 😣 I was on the brink tonight, stood in the wine aisle at the supermarket, my other half even gave me the go ahead and said it's a one off. I'd made my mind up I was going to drink and even picked up a bottle and put it in my basket. What made me snap out of it and put it back was that I immediately started worrying "is it enough?, I might need more. ... maybe I should get a couple of cans as well. ." And that's when I realised WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?? I got out quick and went home. I'm so glad I did. The urge was unbelievably strong. I'm so glad I can now say day 14!! Safe night everyone.

[paulywogg]

Excellent Trinity great post Byrdie, blaming everybody, anything just to drink,I've blamed bad days at work, customers, bad drivers,kids driving me nuts,full moon,hormones, etc,got to thinking men don't have periods and they relapse,so how can that be one of my excuses? I'm the one who has to avoid the gas station after work, I'm the one who has to deal with my emotions, nobody is gonna do it for me,I finally decided there are no excuses anymore!woo-hoo

[okoren1]

There is considerable CHANGE in those 30 days....but I think that the real change may actually come in 40 days! There's a bit of a wobble right around 30 that trips up a lot of us...but it seems like once the hurdle of 40 days is reached, things even out.... Thoughts on this? I have been observing this and there seems to be something about that 6th week that makes things more permanent. I am just forming these opinions, so please dispute if you feel otherwise and I will scurry back to my 30 day thinking. When I was brand new, I kept asking 'When is this going to get better?' The answer I got mostly was that it gets better every day. If someone asked me that question today, I'd say there is no day harder than Day 1....day 2, in comparison is easy. Day 3 got hard again (that's the day AL gets out of our systems), day 4 easy. My even days were easier than the odd days until I got to Day 13. Then things evened out as far as cravings. But then the emotional rollercoaster started. They did even out around 30 days for me. By 6 weeks, this was my new way of life. What is YOUR experience?

Byrdie, for starters, let me be the first to congratulate YOU on day 1,456! You are always the congratulator, now you are the congratulatee! WELL DONE!

Regarding your time line above, I think you are correct. I view days AF as a geometric progression. In other words it is kind of like a rocket ship taking off. Lots of power and enthusiasm in the early days as we leave the orbital pull of AL, and as time goes on we settle into a nice, easy orbit, whereby we can look back and enjoy what's been achieved.

To be more specific:

Day 1- Huge day; initial lift off- did I really just go through 24 hours without a single drop of AL?,
Day 3- Rocket is just about 1000 feet above ground, thrusters are still full strength- this is when the AL fog starts to lift, and we can start to look down at what may be a new world, good things are happening fast,
Day 7-Just starting to see the edge of AL gravitational pull,- well, I haven't crashed after initial lift off, just maybe this could work???
Day 13- I can see the heavens above. The nasty AL pull below, is now coming into focus as being in the rear view mirror.-I really think it IS working!!
Day 30- Really clearing AL gravitational pull,- the cravings are steadily going away, I am feeling better than I have in years- did I really just finish a month AF??
Day 60- Safely out of AL gravity, but remaining very vigilant-, Gosh, I have been on MWO everyday for the last two months, heck, I am even starting to offer advice to others behind me. Imagine that!
Day 100- Orbit achieved, main thrusters off, now just a bit of minor thruster modification now and again, Geez, I haven't had any urge or craving in a long time, I don't even think about AL that much now. Who would have thought?
Day 150- Just gliding along enjoying this new AF world- I can see 6 months on the near horizon and 1 year doesn't look to be that far away.


Well, that is the Starship Trooper report submitted by AF/Astronaut Okoren- tomorrow 160 AF days.

[Guitarista]

Great observation Major Okeron! My thrusters are running smoothly (on solar energy of course). Checked fuel filter system: no fuel blockages imminent.

Have a bewdy out there y'all. G

[Pie]

Okoren, well done on your quit, congratulations on the 160 milestone, and thanks for the analogy!