Newbies Nest

[TJAF]

Enzo the feeling you have about a hole in your life is normal and there are real physical and biological reasons for this feeling. Your brain chemistry is altered by your former dependence on alcohol and it is going to take time for your brain chemistry to adjust to the new normal. The good news is that in time it will adjust.

Some of us react by suddenly developing a sweet tooth, others by using other drugs. In my opinion your attitude is everything. It really is all we have to hang our coats on. One of our long time sober folks likes to say that they faked it in the early days and from first hand experience that isn't a bad approach. Sounds like you have that whole angle covered. Byrdie said it so well a few days ago, the non-alcoholic would find the need to drink to fill some gap absurd. Basically they can take it or leave it. Logically that makes complete sense but we alcoholics don't deal in logic. We go to extreme lengths to justify our habits. Your exercise in self realization is excellent...it puts things in their proper place and remind us of what makes sense. Keep at it

[Overit-still]

Kensho-slingin' steel is great isn't it? I'm a gymholic also. love it.

Romancing the drink this PM. Nothing serious. Just had some great jazz playing, dancing, thoughts of a great supper, a few drinks, some lovin'........Anyway, changing that station now!

Have a great evening everyone.

[enzo'smom]

the chemistry in my brain thing that explains the hole that needs to be filled….but of course!!!! that makes perfect sense. Thanks for shining a light on that. Thoughts of al have popped into my head today…nothing horrible but I look forward to the day when i don't think of al that way….it is horrible!!

we have friends that are constantly asking us to go to concerts and dinner. they asked us to go tomorrow night and i told my husband that i didn't want to go…not ready to be in that kind of situation. He supported me but then said something like "that sucks that you are never going to want to go out again"….i told him I won't feel like this FOREVER….but that in this early stage, i need to protect my quit. I just don't want to watch people drink and party …. thank goodness he is supportive but i also know he is bummed. Oh well, i need to be selfish with this…..

fighting a nasty cold and feeling very tired tonight. It probably didn't help that I got up at 4:30 to go to the gym for a 5:30 INSANITY class. I figured instead of being an insane drunk, I might as well be an insane exerciser!! but it has wiped me out. Has anyone done the INSANITY work out? These 50 year old legs had trouble keeping up. Off it eat dinner and then cozy up to watch Honourable Woman…Have a great night everyone….

[Guitarista]

Friday here and a beautiful morning it is.

To paraphrase one of our treasured members here....'The weekend ain't no ticket to boozville! K? K.'

Day 18. Bring it on world. Loving the journey, committed to it again, and i always draw strength and motivation from the nest.

Take it easy out there. G :llama:

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Feels good to feel good again - not good at being sick, ha ha!!!

Glad to see happy & smiling faces in the nest tonight.
I know for sure that you will never ever regret kicking AL out of your lives

I'm heading out early tomorrow morning so I'll check in sometime in the evening.
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[ShawTHo]

hello everyone! just checking in to say hi

[KENSHO]

Hi ShawTHo!

Enzo's mom, my husband said the same thing at first. He was so afraid I was going to spoil his time. Now he loves that I can still have fun (and so can he) and I am a designated driver! I also think he sees how much happier I am and the other good effects of being sober. Give him some time - and focus on what you need to do! Keep up the great work!

I wasn't very productive today. I did get that run in, which felt great, but I didn't do much work. I just need days like this sometimes. I'll pay for it though, I had an interview and several new jobs coming up that I need to be ready for!

Have a great night - I'm going to go make some tea.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

TJAF - I was one of those fakers. There were definitely times when I felt lost and didn't know what to do, so I just did what MWO people told me to do, and what I read and listened to.

I met old, dear friends for dinner tonight. They are not big drinkers, although we used to drink a lot together. I meet them about once a month, and they were the first two in-person friends I told about my drinking. We have such a good time together, and laugh A LOT. And I drove home with no worries.

A big and overbooked weekend for me - many fun things, and some family obligations (which are also fun sometimes!). The good news is, I won't be drinking so I will get great sleep instead of waking at 3am Saturday with anxiety and insomnia. Phew.

Stay strong, Nesters. Take care of yourselves, and don't drink, no matter what.

Pav

[Orimus]

Got in to work this morning for what I thought would be an easy day. Boss was away, everything tucked in . . . . apparently not. Went to bed last night with the idea that I'd wake up this morning, get in some kung fu and qi gong practice . . . . was up at 2 am, slept through my alarm. Everyone seemed to be in my way from leaving the house to picking up a little breakfast. Just got off my last call with work about an hour ago, spent 30 minutes pacing between my car and the house trying not to go to the bar. Whiskey doesn't even taste good anymore it's just what goes down. Been almost three weeks since I was at the dojang (dojo) and neither med seems to be helping much. $#&%. Anyway. Tomorrow is another day. I've managed 4 days instead of 3 and I can't drink more than a 6 pack. Tomorrow I'll start again and aim for the 5th. How I'm still the guy people trust most at work I don't know. Some days I'd prefer talking to the psychotics. @%&#. Again I'm telling myself I'll get to AA tomorrow, practice in the morning, get to class, get to the zendo. I think I might actually be able to afford that retreat to the Zen monastery next month.

Venting . . . . bath . . . . sleep. Sorry for the rambling and thank you.

[Guitarista]

Hi Orimus. Good to see you. Ramble away friend.

I'm not trying to give advice here, but something stands out in your post. You sound like you're putting yourself under a bit of pressure to get this done, get that done, train, work obligations etc. Are you taking on too much for yourself in these early days off the booze? Busy/distraction is good of course, i just hope you're getting a bit of 'you' time to chill and rest too.

But if you're feeling this kind of busy is helpful, then great. Just an observation, not intended as a criticism. All the best. G

[Pinecone]

Hi Friends,

Orimus, good to see you here again. Sometimes I think that being a higher functioning alcoholic/problem drinker (whatever we choose to call it) is a worse fate than being what most people would think of as a "classic alcoholic." There is such a loneliness and private anguish of living that contrast. I found the disparity between who I wanted to be and who I truly was while drinking to be profoundly painful. You have these beautiful traditions in your life, but these are not in focus with drinking. My advice would be to return to the basic techniques that are recommended here. Get all the alcohol out of your space, focus on eating well, sleeping well, hydration and go 30 days AF.

Interesting discussion about the "hole" in one's life. I love reading everyone's thoughts here when an interesting theme appears. I remember taking a while to feel like I was getting to know myself again. I think it's ok and even good to just sit there with that uncertainty. If you are here on this forum reading this then that means the real you was strong enough to go looking for help at one point. The real you will also fill in that gap. We have passions and potentials that we ignored while drinking. They will come back and pretty soon you will feel like lobbying the universe for a 28 hour day so you can learn something new and interesting. Many people mention a journey of self discovery along the path, and I think that is right on.

G man, great to see you!
Lav I'm glad you're feeling better!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, All!
Enzo, I know that CHANGE is difficult for everyone, even when it is for the better! My hubs told me (and remember, he's the one who left ME because of AL) that I acted like a cardboard cut-out at parties. That's because I probably shouldn't have been there and I was on HIGH ALERT. You know, 4 years later, those parties still happen and if you miss one, it certainly isn't the end of the world. Once you gain your 'legs' you will be Jennie, Version 2.0! Improved, with all Bug-Fixes in place and just as fun as ever! I know that I had to grow back into myself, if that makes any sense at all. As if a socially immature person were suddenly cast into the body of an, UM, MATURE-Looking person. I had to learn how to be me again, without the liquid courage. The ME I thought AL brought out is still under there....only NOW, I have a much improved 2.0 Edit Button. An enhanced Shut Your Pie Hole Button, Don't Argue with Drunk Idiots Button, and a Know When to Leave Button. Unfortunately, I lost my Dance Software completely in the upgrade, but maybe THAT tells us something :egad:!

I tell you, the gift of time is truly a blessing in this whole thing. I know I was impatient to have all these upgrades installed overnight. In the scheme of things, tho, it took me 30 years to reach the point I was, so expecting overnight changes really isn't logical, but I still was impatient. Here is the very good news, it really DOES happen at a miraculous rate if you think about it. Lav can prolly speak to this better than I, but having been AF for nearly 4 years, I feel NORMAL...and 4 years set against 30 isn't a bad trade! As Pav was saying, if you are having a flat spot, RIDE IT OUT, because a flat spot sober is a dam sight better than a LOW, ASS-SHOWING, falling-down spot drunk! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day sober and you'll be so glad you did.

Orimus, tell us what's going on....you are trying to taper down? Is your goal to be AF? Talk to us. It just helps to get it out of our heads and on to paper sometimes. I'm so glad you checked in!

Great to see you, ShawTHo.....how's it going?

Hope everyone has a peaceful day! It's only Friday, not a ticket to BOOZEVILLE!!!! (thanks, G!!) Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Someone mentioned this essay by Melody Beattie the other day:

In-Between

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but were not. We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.

[paulywogg]

Hi nesters,listen to Byrdie and Mr.G,the weekend isn't a ticket to boozeville and who wants to visit that horrible place anyways?remember last time we went we got all sick,there was no food,the service sucked,and we woke up nauseous and headachey? No,this time let's use the weekend as a mini vacay,do things that make us feel good sounds like a plan, Overit,we haven't seen you in a bit,check in please,I've assigned myself as a watch dog,if someone goes missing I'm on the hunt! Everyone have a lovely, peaceful Friday

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

Hello everyone, I am back. It's been a rough go lately and lots of sadness. Not only did I lose my dog of 12 years but my lovely cousin lost her fight with Breast Cancer. After a hard 2 year battle Breast Cancer robbed her of everything and ravaged her whole body. She left behind two small children and a husband. She was the same age as I am now, 38. Seeing her in the hospital, the wake and the funeral has been very hard and I've been an emotional mess. The drinking didn't get any better with all this. After two bottles last night I've decided I'm not going to let this take over my life. I'm not going to beat myself up for the drinking but I'm also not going to live life this anymore. I've been reading on the dangers of drinking, how it can actually trigger certain cancers in your body and that scares me. Do I really want to speed something up that may happen years later, or start something new in my body which never would have been there if I wasn't drinking. I've been having a hard time lately and crying quite a bit. I need to start healing.