Newbies Nest

[Resolve]

Sho - I'm very sorry that it's been such a sad time for you. Your cousin was far too young and this is incredibly tragic. I'm glad you said you're not beating yourself up since you shouldn't be. You're dealing with loss and sadness, and as you said, you're focused on healing. Take the time you need for you and sending strength your way.

This has been a bit of a meh week. A few days ago a colleague I've worked with for over ten years was let go, one of those business restructuring type decisions. I didn't have a part in it, and his area wasn't my wheelhouse to overly weigh in, but I feel like crap for him. When this went down the other evening, several others vacated to get drinks and deal with it. I of course declined for the obvious, but also wanted to hang back and talk with my friend and just be there for support. He's a stand up guy and it just sucks to see someone have to deal with such a blow to their pride and ego.

I walked him out and he said he was going home to have "more than a few" himself. I keep thinking about how I would have dealt if it were me and whether this would have thrown me into a drinking tailspin. So much of what we deal with is prepared daily diligence, and I'd like to think I'm prepped for a blindside but haven't been tested quite like this yet. I hope not to find out either.

Be kind to yourselves this weekend.

[ShoshannaDreyfus]

Thank you Resolve, it's been such a hard time. Just two years ago she went from a young vibrant woman with an amazing sense of humour, to it all being robbed from her in such a short time. It attacked all over her body, she had breasts removed, chemo and radiation treatment one after another, it is so tragic to look at her pictures. Cancer has taken another beautiful person. I worry for the kids.

[KENSHO]

Glad to see you back Shoshanna. Lots of sad news - I'm sorry. One of the reasons I quit drinking was exactly your point about cancer. There are some scary statistics about women who drink more than 4-7 drinks per week. I know that sometimes life happens out of our control, but I sure didn't want to knowingly contribute to future illness.

Regarding the "hole" - I certainly felt it, and so did my family and friends. There seemed to be a time when they didn't know me any more, and I didn't know myself. Nesters here told me it would take some time, and it has. But now, I swear I don't have time to drink! I absolutely love my AF evenings (when I don't have to work) - and have taken up crocheting scarves, making clay beads, reading suspenseful books, and exercising. I ask my kids more questions, am planning more outings with them at camps and with friends, am going snowshoeing with my hubs to mountain yurts, attending music events... and I'm getting a tattoo. I once wrote that "I like really artistic tattoos and would get a few if I thought my husband wouldn't divorce me..." That is the kind of learning about myself that has happened - I don't want to wait to do things that I want to do in my life - no matter what others think - and I want a tattoo.

Anyway, those things may not be everyone's cup of tea, but enough sober time affords us the opportunity to eventually realize and be what we always wanted to be but couldn't - because we were numb all the time, and ashamed of ourselves all the time - didn't believe in ourselves - or were too tired and wasted.

I know that that AL voice could try to sneak in at any time, and I'm prepared for that. But in the mean time, I'm really enjoying life. I promise that the holes fill in - with things that are enriching and rejuvenating. Like LAV keeps saying - it just takes time.

[Overit-still]

I'm here! Busy at work but I'm here, strapped in. Have a GREAT day! It's Friday in my part of the nest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06WM8oLH87M

[trinity875]

Hi everyone. Freaking hell I've found tonight hard. What is it about the fact it's now Friday night it becomes more difficult. I've been off work since Wednesday and been ok, I used to drink every night anyway so why suddenly the Friday meltdown. I've actually felt really really angry. So angry about not having a drink, bad tempered and shout and basically just a complete bitch😠 However I've hung in there and it's passed. I've calmed right down just as the clocks ticked past the shop closing time. I think part of my brain was screaming with justifications to drink because it's the weekend. I've been reading what you're saying about filling the hole. At the moment I'm just one day at a time but it would be lovely to have a long term goal. A new hobby or to learn something. When I've got my thirty days I'll start thinking about giving something a go. I might actually find I'm good at something 😀

[Byrdlady]

Trinity, the oldbies have heard this one a million times, but you are fresh meat! Early in my quit, I was having a hell of a Saturday. I was having bad cravings. So I set myself on a task. Ii decided I would bake my walking partner's visiting grandson a cake in the shape of a train. I looked in the pantry and I didnt have any of the stuff so I sat down and thought, well hell! NOW what? Duh! Go to the store and get the stuff! So I did. I came home and made and decorated the cake with small candies and jelly beans and tootsie rolls for logs. It wasnt a good job if you are a cake decorator, but for a 6 year old, I thought it would pass. When i finally finished it, I took it over there. His eyes got big as saucers and said, MOM! IS it my BIRTHDAY? She said, no. I put it on the table and his little eyes were just dancing. His tiny fingers were touching each candy in disbelief! He was absolutely filled with JOY! So was I. What that little guy didnt realize is that putting myself to completing that task had gotten me thru a heck of a time. It was worth it, too. Putting myself in the service of others has paid me back in spades. All these years later, his Mother tells me he has never gotten another cake he loved more than that one.
Hope your craving has past and is ancient history. Cravings are like spoiled children, once they realize you aren't giving in, they retreat. Hope thats the case with yours. Hugs dear lady*. B

[daisy45]

Busy day...in between minding kids had to go to the doctor with my niece. She gave her food diary to him.....mainly vegetables and a bit of rice and potato....she doesn't want to put on weight again.
I asked her if she wants children...she does, so the first goal, slowly, is to get her periods back. She is so young and it is a thin line with how far to go. Doc has referred her for counselling.....probably won't be for a month or so. Just hoping she will add a little bit more into her diet in the meantime.
The doc asked her if there was any mental issues in our family.......her and I both looked at each other and the doc laughed and said he assumes it is a case of 'undiagnosed' like most families! Our funny moment!
Tough one tonight.....the girls were out at a show and all I could think of was the opportunity that had been left open to me......actually went and stood in front of the mirror and talked to myself......undiagnosed remember!???? It was actually not a bad conversation.....got me back to earth....haha.
Have not had a chance to read back yet.....but I know to post first now after last weeks little episode.

[Overit-still]

TRINITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

This is the first chance I've had all day to check in.

Trinity & Sho, thinking of you both :hug:
Lots of deep breaths, everything is going to be OK.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest. Hang in there, your healthy & happy future is worth the struggles you have today!

Lav

[Eloise]

What is up with Cowboy guys?

[Pavati]

Hi,

Quick phone check in. Love the cake story, Byrd.

Sorry some of you are struggling. Good news that you're here and posting instead of drinking!

Happy Sober Friday!

And, yes, where is Cowboy? And Matt? And Fin?

[enzo'smom]

I have such a horrendous cold that I feel exactly like I have a super duper hang over. I can't believe I would willingly bring this feeling on….My head feels like it weighs a ton and I can't keep my eyes open, but I have slept so much I can't sleep anymore….My mind is telling me to get up and move but my body is not cooperating. Just like a hang over. It is a wonderfully harsh reminder of why I am doing this. The good news is, I feel A LOT better than I did yesterday. So I am in the upswing.

I just want to express my gratitude and thanks to Pinecone, no sugar, byrdlady, kensho and anyone else who i do not mean to miss mentioning….your posts about the hole and being in between were/are so powerful!! So helpful to this dry drunk….

Today I am going to an AA meeting, I will hit the gym for a very light workout but a very long steam, I will play with my puppy, do some laundry….it will be a great day!!

Oh, and I have lost 8 pounds in the month of January so far. there is only ONE thing that has changed. I am eating the same amount and hitting the gym just like always. Only difference is the 1+ bottle of wine every night. Go figure.

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters!

Enzo, take care of yourself, don't push too hard while you're sick.
Great on the weight loss

I'm not sure what I'm doing yet today - will see what unravels!
Have a great AF Saturday everyone!

Lav

[Fin]

Good Morning, Nesters. Here's an interesting Sat AM read written by Rodger Ebert. My plan is to find a local AA meeting at 100 days to get my 3 month badge and to see what this AA thing is all about for myself:

http://www.rogerebert.com/rogers-journal/my-name-is-roger-and-im-an-alcoholic

[frances]

That was an interesting read Fin. Thanks for sharing!