Newbies Nest

[moni]

Byrdlady, thank you! I so need to get that book. I completely messed this up from day one by being over cautious and certainly didn't make it easy for him. He asked me for coffee the first day we met and for some reason, because after 40 minutes he had to leave in a hurry, I assumed he wasn't interested. Yet, even though he sent me a lovely message saying it was so nice to meet me, I sent a reply emphasising how important it was in College to have friends etc. I was trying to protect myself. Anyway, I think the best thing I can do is just enjoy his company, enjoy his friendship - enjoy the moment. Neither of us are in a position for anything further anyway (if that's his intention) until end of College year. Must see if I can get the audio book of that book, I only 'read' college books right now!

[NoSugar]

MaryLou, Congratulations on reaching a full year AF! The second year is great - the tough days are very few and far between and in the peace that an AF life brings, you have a chance to figure out what is truly important to you and what you want to do with this opportunity you've given yourself. All the best :heart:, NS

[enzo'smom]

QUESTION OF THE DAY:
My birthday is Tuesday. turning 51 so no major milestone (suffered through that last year). My husband asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner or could he cook me dinner this weekend? Here's the thing…..I really don't want to be in a restaurant having a fine meal while everyone else is sipping wine. I don't even want to have a "special" dinner at home because it will just make me want to drink…..I just know it. So, what would be a good alternative? I am thinking lunch then a movie?
Just thinking about it today made me crave alcohol and I was suffering the "poor me's" and I even started arguing with myself about whether or not I am an alcoholic. RIDICULOUS
I wish it wasn't my birthday this early in my sobriety……

[NoSugar]

The best present you can give youself is a sober one, Jennie. It is an early hurdle but after you've crossed it, you'll be all the stronger. It is different to have a fancy meal without wine - you fully taste and remember all the food, you don't get too full to eat much, you can justify dessert, you don't have "more" when you get home, you sleep well afterwards, and you wake up feeling younger than your years :smile:.

[daisy45]

Moni, I think I need to get that book too! Absolutely no action for me for years but at least if one came along I would know the 'signs'!
After my tough weekend, which I now put down to hormones, all is well. It is sad but true for those of us who give in to the 'feck its' that if we could only fast forward in that moment to a couple of days ahead and see ourselves happy and sober, we would know that the craving does go......it is so hard to see that when you are mid drinking-thinking.....common sense takes a back seat. I think, for me, this is probably the most important thing that needs to be ingrained in my mind.
I am actually shocked at how desperately I want to drink in the moment, so much so that I close my ears and eyes to anything that would make me think otherwise, but equally as shocked, when I have come through it without drinking, at the pure relief and disbelief that I had come so close, especially when I want so badly to be sober.....it feels like looking back at a different person. Anyone else feel like that?
Anyway, slowly but surely fitting a bit of exercise in.....as you all know I need a butt! My daughter had me doing 'planks' and 'lunges' tonight.....apparently I may have a bit of a butt sometime this year.....they were so hard!
Also had a night at the gym and a couple of goes on the exercise bike....nothing too strenuous yet.
2 of my minded kiddies are off sick so we are having an easy week.
My daughter and myself are heading to the hairdresser on Saturday morning.....I cannot wait.....hair crying out for a colour and cut.
Also checking out a Psychic fair I would like to go to on Saturday afternoon....love that!
Good to see all the positive posts in the Nest....

[daisy45]

Jennie, if you don't want a birthday, don't have one......postpone it....make a plan for a date in the future. My 50th is in July...I do not want any big celebrations....told my kids I want to go away for the weekend somewhere with them. Not because of alcohol but I don't enjoy being centre of attention....we are planning our escape!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

And a snowy one it is here, oh well. Not bad though, just a few inches on the ground. The news reported that one year ago today we had a storm that dropped over 13 inches, that was bad, ha ha!

Marylou, CONGRATS to you on your 1 year AF :welldone:
So nice to see folks achieving their goals!

Moni, why bother with this guy if you're not sure & uncomfortable? Focus on your studies & be comfortable with yourself first

Wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Jennie, do you have a Baskin-Robins! YUMMO, or go out and get a banana SPLIT at the Dairy Queen!! (Cover yo eyes, NoSUGAR!!). Happy Early Birthday!!

[daisy45]

Lav, when there is centimetres of snow in Ireland it is all over the news. Then I see pics of my brother (Boston) and cousins in New York and Canada digging their way out! We may get rain most of the year but really we are lucky.

[Overit-still]

Daisy-I've been having drinking thoughts all day. But I do know that when I wake up tomorrow, they'll be gone.

Jennie-totally understand. My husband ACTUALLY WANTED TO TAKE ME TO MEXICAN FOOD last week. We never go out. but all I could think about was "poor me, no margarita" so we didn't go. He was disappointed but I don't care. Too bad.

[KENSHO]

Enzo'mom... So one thing is that the more you have these instances where you eat out and don't imbibe, the easier they get. I would say for a birthday though, just eat something normal and focus on a great dessert (does your hubby do desserts?) or maybe a good movie? Do something you will love! Not drinking has made it much easier for me to ask for exactly what I want. Not sure why... But darn it, we should get to ask for the birthday plans we want!

[NoSugar]

Acceptance turns a battle into a peace rally

I think you've summed up in 8 words the point many of us keep trying to make. xx

[NoSugar]

! Not drinking has made it much easier for me to ask for exactly what I want. Not sure why...

I think it is because you are (re)gaining self-confidence and self-respect. You know your value and that you're worthy - just as you are. The shame of addiction strips all that away and we stop expecting much for ourselves and don't even care - as long as we can keep drinking.

You're sounding really comfortable with yourself, Kensho - I'm so happy for you!

[Cherokeer]

Mein, good to see you back. I was just thinking about you recently :congratulatory:and hoping you were doing well.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Moni - good luck with your situation. My sister got divorced recently and is back in the dating game. Wow, so many things. It has been a long time...

Kensho - right on, we don't drink. So much better, really.

Jennie - I agree with the do what you want scenario. Maybe go for brunch/lunch and a massage? Save dessert for the treat? I personally would go with the ice cream advice, as that is my favorite thing. Also, maybe a nice drink that is non-alcoholic? Birthdays are a time to be selfish. It sounds like your husband is supportive. Happy Birthday.

Overit - I love going for Mexican food now - I can squeeze a lot more food for the same amount of calories as before. I used to look around at what everyone was drinking (actually, I sort of still do, but more for fact finding). It is amazing both how many people drink poison with their dinner, AND how many people don't really drink much at all if any. I see people let a margarita turn to water without finishing it. WHO DOES THAT?? I certainly didn't. More evidence that quitting was what I needed to do (as if I needed more evidence).

Resolve - good luck in the great white north. I might have to wait until summertime for a visit. I'm freezing here, and it was 60F today.

Hope you all have great evenings. Think rain - we need it here in California.
xo
Pav

PS - Regarding the Xs and Os - I seem to sign off here with an "xo." For everyone's information, I would LOVE to go to coffee with you all, but I think the romance may have to wait.