Newbies Nest

[Resolve]

That was a really great post Kensho. I think your three truths likely represent similar truths for many of us. They do for me and I'd add a fourth that is truth for me: I was tired of choosing to be an arsehole by choosing alcohol. I don't just mean bad decisions, poor judgment and regrettable actions, more that I was choosing to drink above being engaged and present in all relationships in my life. I put all this time and effort into drinking and was physically present but selfishly chased that artificial feeling over just being in the present. I chose that over real conversation, real listening, paying attention at a kid's activity or game and just being engaged without distraction. I chose it over anything I claimed mattered to me and suppressed myself in the process. I didn't set out to choose to be what I became, and that guy was not what was supposed to happen so he had to go.

My last day of drinking was like seeing this reel of all the poor choices I've made and it couldn't have been clearer that it was so damaging in every sense. There's been no turning back after that not only because of being on the verge of losing everything I cared about yet didn't show or express when drunk all the time, but I had absolute confirmation that we were done here. I didn't quite get it the way I would have liked or recommend, but the point is you have to latch onto what cuts deeply for you.

We all have a great many reasons to quit, but I can't echo enough how acceptance that you can't drink is the way. It is work to change your mindset and to find new ways to push through daily life sober. Normal shouldn't be a challenge but after some time that new normal is how it's supposed to feel. It comes step by step over time and is without question worth every bit of effort you put into it. If your starting point post-acceptance is that you don't drink, then you can fight through any stress or challenge and come out on top since the reasons you quit will matter far more.

Let's all keep at it.

[enzo'smom]

I PRAY FOR ACCEPTANCE
It is at the tip of my fingers and I am reaching reaching reaching…..it is almost in the palm of my hand.

[MossRose]

Jennie- I remember you. Good to see you back. Sending prayers your way that acceptance becomes your new normal.

Just a quick drop in. I've been following along, just haven't posted lately. All is well here. Stay strong everyone.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Nice to see you MossRose

I went to get my granddaughter today & she will be keeping me busy all weekend, fun, fun.
Now would this weekend be possible if I chose to continue with my addictions? Absolutely not! I can't even think of how miserable I would be not having complete access to these little ones :hug:

Hang in there everyone & think about all the wonderful things in your AF future!!!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

1. I can't drink alcohol responsibly
2. AL makes me feel like shit
3. I can't have the life I want with AL still in it



There are so many other things to spend our time thinking about - rid your life of AL and see what enters. It's pretty brilliant.

"KENSHO - The three truths"!

Love it friend. Right on!

Have a great weekend everyone. And the weekend don't mean it's a ticket to boozeville. G

[Guitarista]

You too Lav!

[Marylou123]

Overit,
It does get easier - and the desire will wane. Hang in there my friend.

I just viewed the documentary in your signature - WOW - very powerful. For those who haven't seen it, I urge you to watch. It pretty clearly explains what happens to our body from chronic drinking.

Have a safe, sober night in the nest.

[Byrdlady]

Acceptance is the last piece of the puzzle. It comes when it comes.
I guess once I took the choice off the table I was forced to look at reality. This was the thing that was hardest to do. I really WANTED to be able to drink normally or occasionally. However, when I looked at the facts, the writing was on the wall. Whenever I drank, I broke my own rules. I drank when I didnt intend to, and when I did I drank more than I hoped or planned. Everyday for those last ten years I made promises to myself daily about not drinking or drinking less and broke them daily. These are facts, not disputable fantasies. Every single day I made rules about AL and broke them. My life was revolving around recovering from drinking, drinking, or planning when I could drink next. I was funtioning too, but there is a big difference between functioning and living....and I wasnt living. Maybe acceptance comes when there is just no where else to turn? I was backed into a self inflicted corner. I had all of the earmarks of an alcoholic, the only next step was to become a recovering one. Maybe it comes when there is no one else to blame for drinking? Maybe it comes when you push your loved ones to the brink...... who wamts to be married to a drunk? Maybe acceptance comes when there are no more choices to be made other than keep drinking, you die. Quit drinking, you live. I remember the weekend that it hit me, my quit mate talked about going shopping that weekend with her girlfriends, afterwards, they usually stopped and had a glass of wine....she said probably wouldnt go "besides, what's ONE glass of wine going to do for me anyway?" That was profound. Seriously, what is one glass going to do but make me want another one? In the words of 3June, if just one, why not none? I am an alcoholic, one drink is too many for me. I can tell you, the futher distance you can get from AL, the more acceptance you will gain. Acceptance is gained only AFTER you quit drinking. Everyone here is well underway with that! It will come! One day at a time! Byrdie

[Turnagain]

I PRAY FOR ACCEPTANCE
It is at the tip of my fingers and I am reaching reaching reaching…..it is almost in the palm of my hand.

Hi Jennie-enzomom...

When I read your post - a little flash of realization bolted into my head. I found acceptance through 'practice.' There were times when I had to pretend - you know, fake it til you make it, but I 'programmed' myself for success by immersing myself in the facts and graphic pictures about the damage all alcohol does to EVERY body (not just those of us who have become addicted) and I gave myself positive pep talks about the benefits of being alcohol free on a daily and sometimes, hourly, basis. Sometimes, I even talked to myself out loud and said "I no longer drink." Every night before I went to bed, I spent time visualizing myself as someone who no longer needed or even wanted to drink.

As it turns out, this method has some solid science behind it. It's a powerful way to systematically rewire the neural pathways in the brain while letting the addiction pathways go dormant.

I'm wondering if you might be willing to do a little experimenting with this method yourself? It sure supercharged my recovery. I'm happy to help and offer more specific information if you're interested. I have some really narly pics of cronked livers and shrunken brains.

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello Nesters,

It's been a while since I posted have been a too entangled in my one life which afte 11 months of sober living is quite a delightful journey. It's good to see oldies inspiring and newbies getting stronger.

I am reading a book on habits, "power of habits : what we do any why we do in life". A must read and appeals to someone line me how needs to have logic to convince and some "Godly explanation" to convince.

There are many aspects but few that appeal to me was the part he was talking about alcoholics and recovery. One excellent point he makes: For a habit form there has to be a cue - repetition - reward. This is a cycle, cue is like a trigger ( evening, after work, back home etc) repetition (drinking daily) - reward (a feeling oh high). But he explains wonderfully how the concept of cravings and how just seeing the cue our brains starts imaging reward which is craving.
More importantly he explains how important it support group in recovery as gives a very strong concept of belief (in what ever you do). Explains why AA works etc. it's a must read.

[KENSHO]

Good to see you Rahul!

Up working late tonight. Ugggghh. Sloshing through accounting numbers and I would rather be doing almost anything else. I would even eat a bug (a big one!) if you would tell me all expenses would be entered and caught up. But the cool thing is that I used to crave a drink in these instances. My brain has been mostly retrained - all I am craving right now is a bed! To your point Rahul, habits can be changed!

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Turnagain - I am with you. There were several "fake it 'til you make it" moments for me along the way. Those were the times when I just checked my ego at the door and listened to others. I did what successful sober people told me to do, even when I wasn't sure that it would work. I practiced gratitude even when I didn't believe that practice had power. I listened, read, and viewed information about what to do to stay sober, and just did it. Although I felt acceptance the day I came here to MWO, I have definitely had a lot of times when I felt "hmmm, I guess I wasn't THAT bad," or "I must be cured by now..." That willingness to listen has been another big part of staying sober for a year.

I can't remember who mentioned ice cream as a replacement for booze (maybe it was me?), but I left work after another LONG day, and stopped ONLY for a pint of ice cream. My Friday reward. I know it beats the martini(s) I used to have...

Happy Friday, everyone. Take care of yourselves, and don't drink, no matter what!

Pav

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!!
I've been a bit MIA this week-- reading, but not having the physical or mental energy to post. I LOVED your posts, Kensho and Resolve. Each and every day I have to remind myself of these things (as we all do) and you both put it so beautifully into words. I think I've got the acceptance thing down. I haven't yet been put to a big test but I have had a lot of little tests this week as I've had to change my life around due to a new work schedule. I had a couple of opportunities to try out new ways of handling thoughts of drinking which then didn't turn into huge cravings. I was able to fast forward what having a drink would look like in my reality instead of blocking out what I know is my truth. Daisy, I thought of you a week or two ago when you came here to post about vague thoughts.. you were experienced enough to perceive those as a warning sign. Any little glimmer of a thought of drinking, any little glamorization of drinking is being shot down to the ground in my mind!!
NS gave me a good piece of advice.. she said that what she did as she was starting out here, when thoughts/urges came to her is first of all to remind herself that she doesn't drink!! If that didn't work she would play through both scenarios... what will my life look like if I decide to take the first drink and what will my life look like if I don't. Then COMPARE the two. I love my life when I'm sober!!. Sometimes it's very hard work-- I get very anxious at times, have mild panic attacks, suffer from depression and then a somewhat manic personality. I've used alcohol for so many years to bring myself up or down. I've managed to lose track of who I am and to lose any confidence I may have had to stand up for myself. But those things are already improving with just a bit of sober time. I have tried so many times to quit drinking the past 3 1/2 years.. but acceptance was always the missing part of my plan. Real and true acceptance. I was always too ashamed to be able to accept. And that is really finally changing, thank god!

Overit, I'm so happy you've been posting so often, coming here with all of your thoughts, concerns, questions-- it's exactly right on! You've given others the opportunity to reach out and help, offer advice and we ALL benefit. I'm sorry I haven't done the same, as I have also had difficult times the past few days.. next week I'll have a bit more breathing space.:happy2:

Jennie, I'm also trying to be easier on my body. I related to what you said about forcing yourself to get up early and go to the gym even though having a sleep-in might be what's best for you. I've been driving myself physically for years--insanely, actually because I haven't been able to be consistent while drinking. Now I'm trying to find something each day, but some days it can be some stretching, a light walk, yoga, a couple of planks!! I loved the plank talk going on here the past couple of days!!

Very nice to see Rahul and Turnagain!!

Mein, you are probably already off to the States for your ski adventure. I always like to read your posts and can relate to some of your German cultural/language stories because I'm living here, too. I hope you have a great vacation!!

Kensho, I had to laugh at how you would rather eat a large bug than do your accounting work!! I'm often saying things like that to my girls and the 10 year old always looks up at me with wide eyes and asks earnestly, "would you REALLY, mama?" and mostly I answer, YES!

Byrdie and Lav, I'm especially grateful for the two of you this morning as I sit here feeling soooooooo good. I just said to my BF that I feel sooooooo good this morning and I don't exactly know why. But of course I do!! and so does he. I think he is also very grateful for this Nest and all of MWO!!

Hope you all have a great weekend...

[lifechange]

X-post Pav.. What kind of ice cream did you get?? That sounds so good to me right now-- even at 9am!! Sweet dreams..

[mywayin]

Hi everyone. Finding support with all your posts but a bit too busy to post anything meaningful. Just thought some of you might enjoy and benefit from this article about women getting past (and learning from) failures...

http://edition.cnn.com/2015/01/22/world/christine-lagarde-failing/index.html?iid=ob_article_organicsidebar_expansion&iref=obnetwork