Newbies Nest

[Elvis]

Thanks for the reminder to stay close to MWO. I've drifted away on several occasions, and they all ended the same way. I'll give you a hint, it wasn't pretty, and I ended up crawling back here starting from the bottom all over again.

I too wonder about names I no longer see reading and posting. I genuinely hope they are getting the help and support they need elsewhere. If not, or even if they are, I hope they know that they are always welcome back here when they are ready.

It's easy to say I don't have time, or I'll miss a day or two now again and then, or I'll do it later, especially when things are going well, but that's how it starts. So now I don't allow myself to go a single day without checking in and reading the nest. Usually multiple time a day, but at least once every morning. I even catch myself freaking out and finding the nearest computer if I forget to check in on time. I find the time, it's important for me to be here.

And that's what works for me.

[Overit-still]

It's easy to say I don't have time, or I'll miss a day or two now again and then, or I'll do it later, especially when things are going well, but that's how it starts. So now I don't allow myself to go a single day without checking in and reading the nest. Usually multiple time a day, but at least once every morning. I even catch myself freaking out and finding the nearest computer if I forget to check in on time. I find the time, it's important for me to be here.

And that's what works for me.

Elvis, great post! Maybe we are all kind of responsible for each other. I know that it makes me feel encouraged to see specific people here and if they weren't here EVERYDAY I would feel let down. Maybe I am that for someone else. I would hate to let anyone down that might actually be looking up to or for me everyday.

I don't check in on the weekends because internet is not convenient for me from home but I DO HAVE MY PHONE. No excuses.

[Resolve]

Still catching up from this past long weekend out of town and digging out of my office (but will take this digging over snow) so I may be reaching back on topics here. The posts about tired of being constantly "on" and dealing with triggers have been spot on to what I've been feeling, probably due to being around so much drinking this weekend. I wanted to bury my head in a snowdrift to get away from it after spending three nights with the the same group of hockey parents that I made quite a drunken impression on at the beginning of the season with my very bad relapse planning. It's been a slippery slope to sit through team dinners, make small talk and wonder if they think I'm a raging lunatic alky while we all ignore the elephant in the room. It's ok though, I'm not doing it for me.

So my "on" switch needs a bit of a reboot from overuse right now. What I learned here is that perhaps I pushed the limit of what I could handle at this point without finally snapping and drinking vodka from a firehose. It was a combo of too much of this in my face and being trapped when not in the rink or at a dinner since I couldn't go running outside with snow and ice everywhere and no gym in the hotel to burn it out. In the end there was no drinking for me, and really no strong desire or temptation to because I can't and won't. It's just that sometimes I want to shut down my mind and give it a damn rest. So instead I found myself in my room at one point chomping the head off a stale marshmallow peep which I spit it out in frustration and settled on m&ms. Exciting, yeah I know.

I think all of this can be summed up with a bit of fear of complacency building if I'm not always "on". And In the scheme of things the lights have to stay on and the guard on duty for many life-threatening diseases or illness that can't be controlled compared to what we deal with daily and can manage. Maybe I can get a dimmer switch or energy efficient bulb over time where this becomes fully second nature without feeling that I'm being complacent. I know reality can be that we ease up and that drink away from relapse moment can happen when we're not in diligence mode. Probably a bit too lofty a goal at this stage to ease up and not one I'm inclined to risk. Any "on" fatigue moments I have are still eons better than the wear down from drinking, struggling and being locked in that crappy cycle, so lights on!

[enzo'smom]

i find that when i am out of sorts, lonely, feeling guilty, hungover….a great tool is to write down 10 things to be grateful for. Like, I am grateful that I have this day to turn things around; I am grateful to those who still love me despite my disease…etc. Londoner, maybe you feel grateful that you see clearly the difference between a clean lifestyle and a lonely, depressing lifestyle….maybe you can recognize that the one thing separating the two is drinking? It is hard and not so satisfying in the short term…..but I have found the most fulfilling parts of life are those that don't come easily. Hard work pays off.
anyway, that is my two cents for what it is worth….I feel for you and I have been there.

[KENSHO]

Londoner, I will never forget how "in the dark" I was while drinking. It's only when I've been away from it that many of my answers have come. Maybe its time to have faith that you will find the light you seek on the other side - and make that jump? It hit me several times even today how poorly my brain was functioning while during my drinking years - no wonder I wasn't able to solve my problems. I always told myself... "I'll just fix this, and then that - THEN I'll stop drinking." In reality, what I really needed to do was just stop drinking, and things began to fix themselves (and I had a much better outlook to tackle things).

Resolve. I have had periods of feeling "on" (and we should never completely turn "off", right?) but that need to quiet my mind has begun to be replaced with other things - reading, knitting, sleeping, etc. Are there other things that "take you away" that maybe you could still explore? I SO relate with the need to turn the brain off at times! AL sure did do that in a hurry.

I am probably 90% done with my accounting. Believe me, you all may actually HEAR me shout from the mountaintops when it's all done. Not my cup of tea, to say the least. NS, I need your analytical mind right now! (do you like numbers?)

Have a safe night tonight everyone. Stay here in the nest, where its cozy and warm.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Kensho, you are right about the nest being cozy, warm & safe!!!!
Why wander away? Sometimes I think maybe those who have wandered off did so as part of a 'plan' to return to old habits. If we simply stay close, work on our gratitude & keep the faith everything does & will work out. Next month will be six years since I found MWO & I haven't gone anywhere yet & have no plans to go anywhere either. Checking in here has become part of my daily routine just like brushing teeth, combing hair, etc. It is a simple & small price to pay for freedom from AL

Londoner, aren't you tired of testing your limits? You can jump off that merry-go-round any time & land safely right here in the nest! Take the leap, you have nothing to lose & a whole lifetime of freedom waiting for you.

Congrats to everyone sticking to their plans. No regrets, right??

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[jmoore]

I don't know when this was written or who it was written by but it was amazing. I will fall asleep thinking about what you said. I am so new to all this. I am just surfing chat rooms so I don't even know which one I'm in right now but I will check when I send my post. Just wanted to say to thank you to who ever wrote the last one. Meant a lot to me.

[jmoore]

Lol...it was MOSS ROSE..,THANKYOU MY FRIEND, I WILL READ YOUR POST OVER AND OVER!!!

[NoSugar]

Jmoore, are you new to all of this? If so, this is a great thread for you to hang out in. There are people at all stages offering information, support, and love to one another. :welcome:

[Pavati]

Hi,

Welcome, Jmoore. Mossy does have some amazing posts.

Lav - What you said seems to be what I read about relapse. After a relapse people look back and realize that they pulled away from help with an underlying understanding with themselves that they were going to try to drink again. They don't even often realize it is there.

Elvis - You, too. That complacency can be intentional, or it can lead to too much ignoring the steps needed to stay sober. I don't think that give the alternative, what I have to do to stay sober is too arduous.

Resolve - I realized that some of my bad mood over the last two weeks might have to do with overbooking myself and having to be on. Whenever possible, and even if inconvenient, I have an escape hatch. Two weekends ago I drove extra far to drop off a car at a party with a bus for the return ride - I wanted to make sure I could leave when I wanted. Glad you made it through without the alcohol.

Overit - I agree - for me it WAS the alcohol making me feel so awful. SO MUCH BETTER without!

Off to bed, nesters. Stay close. Let's hold on to each other and keep ourselves sober.

Pav

[lifechange]

Hello Nesters!!
A fly-by for me this morning, as I decided to sleep for an extra 30 minutes!
Just wanted to thank you for all the great posts and reminders..

I KNOW it's necessary for me to check in here each and every day AND post as much as possible/needed. Like many of you have said, I know that if I begin to pull away from here, it's a warning!! Each and every time I've pulled away from my support group, it's been with underlying (may not have been noticeable at the time) intentions of drinking. It may have been disguised as, "I'm sick of all the bitching and moaning", or "I'm going to try another way, on my own" or "I'm going to stop talking so much about not drinking and just do it".. whatever!!! Coming here each and every day has been the best Tool for me in times of sobriety and I'm definitely sticking near by. I learn so much from all of you..

Welcome to Hanna and Jmoore!
Welcome back, Londoner!! I'm happy to see you back here:hug:

Wishing you all a wonderful day.. loved the post about gratitude, Jennie(enzo)!

[available]

Hi Nesters

London remember how your life changed and outlook changed when you gave up drinking for 80+ days. Remember logging in here daily and being accountable? Remember helping the newbies? Remember taking it one day at a time? Remember how you did not overload youself with goals etc? Remember how positive and happy you were? Remember how good life was? I remember and i am sure others on here do also. We cannot go "gung ho" into stopping al and making huge plans, we need to be gentle on ourselves like a newborn who is helpless and in need of loving, caring and attention. We dont need to rush into having a different life when the life with al was for years and eventually became not overly good ones. We are starting to live a new life without al, we need to learn new skills, we need to learn to accept and like ourselves again. In a way we are being reborn into life again, a life that we blocked out by drinking.

There is one thing i have learnt with not drinking and that is that it will never be "done", that al is always around me, its how i deal with al that matters. I refuse to overload myself if al is involved. The world will not end if i do not attend an event, people will not be miserable that i did not attend an event and i am protecting my quit which is my priority as it is my life and i want the best i can give myself. I know that even after a year i am still recovering from al, i am much stronger now and the light is dull but it still shines occasionally. I would love one day for no al thoughts and i hope that will come in time. I starting drinking 20+ years ago when i was a teenager and i became an alcoholic so my theory is that it will take years to be totally free from al. I have done the hard yards and i would like to think i am in maintenance mode after a year but i am what i am, i am an alcoholic.

I log on here 1st thing in the morning and when i get home from work, you guys are special and i love to catch up with everyone. You are my support and even if i dont feel like a drink, which 90% of the time i dont, i still need accountability, i still need to be with people that understand.

Oh my poppy is wonderfully well, chasing balls and i am so grateful to have nursed her back to health sober and Robert is doing well with his cancer battle at the moment. Life is good today, maybe not tomorrow but today is great.

Take care nesters.

[Londoner]

I guess this is why each successive relapse can be harder to come back from. We know how good we can feel. How much we can offer. But we know that a hard relapse can literally wipe out weeks of hard work.

AL has taken from me. It's going to be hard work, but I will use this as my community to help me through.

Fed up of AL. Fed up feeling like a kid. Fed up of running.

[available]

It is harder each time and al will go to any lengths to win. Al has no favourites, it will crush and destroy lives and will keep on doing so. You dont have to run London, plod along with us until you can run. Al stunts our maturity, our emotions and our lives and it will take time to regain what al has taken from you but each day you are sober then you are winning.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Thursday to all!

Hello & welcome Jmoore, glad you found us. I hope you come back again today & take a look thru our Tool box. You'll find lots of information there & ideas to help you put your plan together. Kicking AL out of your life is the best gift you can possibly give yourself!

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a good AF Thursday for all

Lav