Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Super frigid in my portion of the nest.......Brrrrr!!!

Byrdie, I'm sorry I didn't know you had problems. Glad everything is OK now :hug:

Hello choice, glad you decided to drop in. Wishing you a safe return to a sober life. Don't forget about the Tool box to help you get your plan updated.

Jennie, I'm not happy about that remark you made, it's unfair & just not true. Mind telling us what's going on with you that's made you so hostile? Maybe we can offer some help.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest. The Super Bowl holds very little interest in this house so there will be no parties. Most likely we will be offering assistance to our daughter & SIL who have just purchased a new 100+ year old home that needs massive updating

Lav

[Matt M.]

My father was a 30 year member of AA and I occasionally heard him use the term "dry drunk".
A derogatory term used to describe someone who is an alcoholic, not actively drinking, and not working or partaking in any form of recovery. Living life pissed off at the world because they can't drink or just pissed off in general with a chip on there shoulder. Still living with pinned up guilt, remorse, and resentments.

That's not an official definition by any means, just what I recall. That definition doesn't fit "All of us"
I'm not sure if there was ill intent in that statement, but you can see why many of us take exception to it..
Just my 02¢ for what it's worth

[Overit-still]

Today, I prefer to think of myself as someone who used to drink but has left that life behind. I'm not in denial. I know that I must be forever vigilant. But I also refuse to define myself by a behavior that no longer applies to me.

Ooh, that's what I'm talking about when I refer to being "normal" I like that.

[Matt M.]

Welcome back Choice!

[Overit-still]

Couldn't have said it better. That is why I have a love/hate relationship with roll call and counting my days. Because when I got somewhere I would say "now what?" I just want it to be the norm. Non Alcoholics don't count their days since their last drink, it doesn't even dawn on them to do that.

Anyway, checking in. Early day at work today. Have a great NF day.

I think this is what Jennie was referring to. Nothing bad.

[Overit-still]

Choice-welcome! Snuggle up!

[daisy45]

Welcome Choice......getting chatting about how you feel as you settle in should make you feel a bit more at ease. Have you checked out the toolbox yet? There are some great links in it. The bubble hour is especially good.
Has anyone any recommendations for books about dream analysis/lucid dreaming?

[enzo'smom]

Hi Nosugar….sorry!! did not mean to be cryptic….I was kind of in a rush and I was reading all the posts about how many days, months, years everyone had and I was just trying to point out that we are all in the same boat, regardless of how much time we have. I am actually doing really well. Cravings are subsiding and I am loving being sober….all is well except that at the moment, it is 9:10pm and I haven't eaten dinner yet so I need to fill my stomach!!!!
Thanks for thinking of me….that really means a lot

[choice]

Hi again Thanks everyone for the welcome. NS, I don't think you did say it was harder... I just kept reading that it was and ... it's all good either way... just means I need to take everything more serious then I thought. I hope it isn't too! That would be a blessing. Posting is really helping.. It helps to make my situation more real so I can deal with it. I think I just have that rotten feeling of weakness, insecurity, body aching from drinking too much this past week. Not being able to go to work today, and a hangover day with my two year old this week feel like serious red flags.

[KENSHO]

Hi Choice! Welcome!

Enzo'smom, I am not familiar with the term "dry drunk", but I took your statement as you referring to all of us in the same boat of not drinking - or needing not to drink, regardless of the number

I wouldn't call myself an active addict now, but I don't consider my brain to be the same as someone who never had an alcohol addiction. I'm not in the throws of abuse, but also not "normal" - I know I am wired to love certain stimulants and because of that I have to live differently (i.e. abstain or pay the price). I'm not much for labels, but I don't drink because it doesn't work for me and I don't mind saying it. I guess that's how I see it. It's great that we can all call it what we want, count days or not - as long as we don't drink!!

I had to fight off a little craving tonight. Days 40-50 were great. Not sure where this comes from, but so be it. The result must be the same... find something else to drink, do, think about. OK. If that's how it is. And it is.

Sleep tight, pull up the down and snuggle in. Happy to have friends like you all.

[Turnagain]

Glad you're back, Choice! You've cozied back into the nest in the midst of some very interesting conversations about the nature of addiction. And you're in good company, a lot of people get sucked back into addiction after long stints of AF living. I can't tell you how many times I thought I could drink again after keeping it "in control" for a stretch.

Here's what made the life changing difference for me in what I can confidently proclaim as my final quit: I finally understand that....Alcohol is the problem - not me. It took me years to realize that I am not a flawed person. I do not have an addictive personality. I absolutely refuse to apply the label alcoholic to anyone who ends up addicted to an addictive substance.

Please forgive me my rant, but this point is so important to me. I believe the fear of being stigmatized by our past behavior is what keeps us in the shadows. I really don't want to start up a huge argument on whether "once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic" is true or not. Of course, it's true. We've already proved that we can't drink AL responsibly. It's just the life-long label that bothers me.

Mossy - you are indeed a WARRIOR! It is really a thrill to see how much your thinking has transformed. Now, can I persuade you to get even more radical and join me and a few others around here in saying that there is no such thing as 'drinking responsibly'?

That's the phrase du jour the alcohol industry pushes so it can continue to shift the burden of blame and avoid paying the true costs for profiting from the world's most destructive and dangerous drug. My hubby is a judge in 'serious' criminal court and I can tell you that he did not have a single case before him this past year where alcohol was not involved. It's tragic.

And Kensho - you are right about brain changes. Research does seem to support that some of us are more vulnerable than others to addiction. However, what we have been systematically conditioned to overlook is that the drug, alcohol, is damaging to every one. Every time. And that damage is cumulative. I'm grateful that the science is finally emerging to shatter some of the long-held myths and misunderstandings about addiction.

Stepping off my soapbox now only so I can head to the shed and sharpen my axe! Seriously. Though. I'm grateful to be free of that shit. I'm grateful so many of you are free, too. As I've said before...the only label we should wear is HERO-ic!


Change is coming...we are normal...hear us roar!

[choice]

Reading that Alcohol is the problem not me is comforting at the moment. Well, just had my first test... my sister in law is up visiting and having a wine before she goes to a wedding... so I was just offered my first glass. Everyone just thinks I have this wicked cold.. no one knows I'm hungover as hell. I just said I was too sick to sit up.. because honestly I really want to spend time right here in MWO. During part of my sober time I felt like a 'dry drunk' sometimes. Or at least what I thought what that meant. For me I figured out that I actually had anger issues. So downloaded some anger management hypnosis. It really helped. Sorry to just jump in on the topic. The longer I was sober the less I wanted to be labeled anything except healthy. I count my days so I stay on track and so that I can see where this whole journey is going. In 2010 I had no idea id be posting in 2015. But I'm glad I am.

[available]

Welcome Choice, a great place to settle into.

I am far from a dry drunk. I am a recovering alky and i am happy with that. I am happy i have beaten al to the ground and i know i can never have another drink and honestly i dont want one. My life is so much better, i dont think about al, i dont need al and i certainly dont want to be called a dry drunk. The one thing i do hope is that you are ok Jenni. At the end of the day if we all dont drink we are all ok and i hope to stay ok for a long long time. I like ok!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

As for counting - I am a counter, and boy did it help me to check off those big milestones. I started really lurking when NS got sober, so I'd have another year, too... The difference is that I didn't say to myself 100 days and then I'll see. I said to myself, I don't drink, let's mark the hard work I do by celebrating milestones. The let down can come from the end of that hyper-happy time when you're elated for being sober and all of a sudden you realize life is still life.

Matt and Byrdie - I was hiding my drinking from everyone at the end, but I masked it well at home, and my husband was a good drinking partner - I sort of wish someone hit me on the head earlier...

Resolve - one thing that I NEVER thought would happen that people said would happen that I didn't believe - I don't worry one bit about what people will say or think about my not drinking any more. I suspended disbelief because that's why I'm here, but I never thought that I would be comfortable in my own skin as someone who doesn't drink. Now I just don't think about it any more. A couple of months ago, my cousin's husband, who I knew wasn't drinking at the time but who I didn't know to drink too much ever, asked me if my quitting was forever. I said, "forever's a long time." Believe it or not, we were out the next month and as we were standing alone he asked me if I was in a program to help me quit drinking. It turns out he is one of us! I never would have guessed, but that code is something we all seem to pick up. One day at a time. I said for the first time to someone over Christmas break (yes, after a year, I am a bit slow) "I don't drink." Felt great, and guess what - she didn't faint!

Jennie - I don't think you meant to offend - but you see how we take our sobriety and recovery seriously! No dry drunks here.

Welcome back, Choice.

Happy SOBER Friday. Stay close, and don't drink, no matter what.

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!!
Lots of great posts and conversations going on here, as usual!!

Turnagain, I love when you post in the Nest. I agree with so much of what you say and I admire your strength and clarity. I am also pissed off and dumbfounded at what the alcohol industry gets away with, especially with advertising. I know that in my life alcohol HAS been the main problem. I began drinking as a young teenager to escape my home life, to escape my anxiety and hidden introverted personality, to fit in and feel ok with myself. I didn't feel like I really had a problem or question my relationship with alcohol until 4-5 years ago, though in hindsight I can see I always had a problem with alcohol. If I hadn't been exposed to it, I surely would have found other, more productive ways to deal with myself..? Now I get to do it 32 years later! Better late than never!!:happy2: I love being called HERO-ic!
I would also say that I am no longer a dry drunk, which I would refer to as someone who is not working on recovery. For myself, working on changing the way I perceive all (at least most) of the situations that make up my life, is the key to my being and staying sober.

This morning my BF and I got into a stupid nitpicking argument which I hate. I don't want to become some old quarrelling couple. He's leaving in a few days for a week and I've so been looking forward to my time alone. After the fight the thought of drinking when he's away swept through my mind out of nowhere. I didn't and don't want to, but I want to put the fact that it even entered my mind out there..

It snowed a bit last night and the kids are having a hay day! And no lice!! Yayyy.. Now I just have to figure out what to make for lunch..

hope you all have a good one!