Newbies Nest

[enzo'smom]

To my nesting friends: I apologize for my hasty ill thought post about us all being dry drunks. Poorly chosen words written in haste. It has really been bothering me that I posted that. I even made NS concerned. So, upon deep reflection I realize something…..THe last couple of days at work have been very busy and stressful. On thursday and friday i put in very long hours….being that busy, i turn on a different mindset that I have been doing for years…..Instead of taking deep breaths, being present in the task at hand and just simply slowing down, I tend to "try to get everything done" and I become obsessive about that. I cram everything in regardless of whether it REALLY needs to get done or not. What ends up happening is they get done, but I am on autopilot and not really LIVING but rather accomplishing tasks. So, I came onto MWO and skimmed through some posts and then hastily posted without putting much thought into it. And now, because of everyone's posts, I am recognizing how that behavior always used to lead me to drink….I would accomplish so much in one day….skimming through each thing just so I could "check them off" even to the point of opening that bottle of wine at night and feeling compelled to "finish it off"
OMG, I am having a lightbulb moment about myself. and I owe that all to you my friends.

So no, we are not all a bunch of dry drunks…..we are all a bunch of compassionate, thoughtful, sensitive, wonderful people who don't mess all of that up with AL.
thank you thank you thank you for calling me out on that post!!!!!!

[lifechange]

Wow, Jennie, I'm very impressed with your ability to reflect, your insight! Very Well Done! :heartbeat: This is also SO important for me to keep in mind as I have often done the same thing....

".being that busy, i turn on a different mindset that I have been doing for years…..Instead of taking deep breaths, being present in the task at hand and just simply slowing down, I tend to "try to get everything done" and I become obsessive about that. I cram everything in regardless of whether it REALLY needs to get done or not. What ends up happening is they get done, but I am on autopilot and not really LIVING but rather accomplishing tasks." "So, I came onto MWO and skimmed through some posts and then hastily posted without putting much thought into it. And now, because of everyone's posts, I am recognizing how that behavior always used to lead me to drink"

Thank you so much for writing it out!!!
p.s. I will learn to properly quote...

[daisy45]

Jennie, I guessed it was a quickie post when I read it , but ye know what? Great that it brought about so much discussion and reflection.....everything for a reason.
I am being soooo lazy.....midday and still in bed. My girls are going to meet their dad, so I am going to go book shopping ....looking for books on dream analysis/lucid dreaming, and one on healthy eating for my niece.
Bought my daughter a new mattress this week, so I put her old one under my mattress. My bed is so high.....I love it! Feel like I'm in that 'princess and the pea' story.......
See ye later......

[Matt M.]

Jennie~ I really appreciate your reply, I've been reading your post and you really sound solid!

Like the great Pavati said, we are very protective of our sobriety/quit. Did you see how fast the the claws came out? Wow! these freaks are fucking serious! And that's the kind of people I need to be around..
Stay Hard my friend!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Sunny & 12 degrees here at the moment ~ freaking cold!!!!

Matt, you're damn right that I protect myself with everything I have! I have no apology for that either!
Changing my life & outlook is something I have worked hard on for a very long time, nearly six years as a matter of fact. I continue to post here in the nest not because I have to but because I choose to do so. I extend a hand to anyone looking for help & don't appreciate being bitten

Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday!

Lav

[Matt M.]

Good morning Nesters,

Sunny & 12 degrees here at the moment ~ freaking cold!!!!

Matt, you're damn right that I protect myself with everything I have! I have no apology for that either!
Changing my life & outlook is something I have worked hard on for a very long time, nearly six years as a matter of fact. I continue to post here in the nest not because I have to but because I choose to do so. I extend a hand to anyone looking for help & don't appreciate being bitten

Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday!

Lav

Yes mam, and I agree indeed!I would never bite your hand, only kiss it. :grouphugs:

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Great discussions here, as usual.
Pav, I am a counter, too. I can tell you THE DAY that life-changing things happened to me. Dates I lost loved ones, anniversaries, the date the harddrive crashed on my computer and I lost 10 years of data. These dates mark important things to me. I totally agree with your stance on this!

During the time I have spent on MWO, I have seen a lot of people come and go. The folks that werent serious about their date/count werent serious about their quit either. You cant manage what you cant measure. That is why BIG DATA is all the rage now. Measuring progress. I think its the way humans roll. My quit date is the day I started living again and the day I took my life back. This is just my opinion, it doesnt have to be yours. I am doing what the successful folks in front of me are doing! So far, so good!

Woke up with a giant pimple at the end of my nose! Dammit! I hope I can hold this old body together for Monday's meeting!

Would anyone be interested in doing a group Skype? I am on the free service and as such, I think one person would have to coordinate such a call. If you want to PM me your skype name I will try and put it together! (I an the LEAST technical person here). It might be. FUN!!!! Just let me know if you are interested! Byrdie

[Londoner]

Hey guys - just checking in today.

Some revelations in my mind last night. I have a problem with substances. They are affecting my life, my job, my relationships, my health, my mind, my potential. It is okay to admit that. And I cannot get out of this hole alone.

I need to take accountability for my actions. I cannot hide from my own actions or suppress them. I've done what I've done.

Every step forward will feel like nothing in terms of progress. But those days will add up again.

[NoSugar]

So no, we are not all a bunch of dry drunks…..we are all a bunch of compassionate, thoughtful, sensitive, wonderful people who don't mess all of that up with AL.

Good morning, Jennie. I'm glad all that has been straightened out, it wasn't a 'drunk post', you aren't angry and about to give up, and while you learned something about yourself, you helped everyone else here at the same time. Win-Win :smile:!

The folks that werent serious about their date/count werent serious about their quit either. You cant manage what you cant measure. That is why BIG DATA is all the rage now. Measuring progress. I think its the way humans roll. My quit date is the day I started living again and the day I took my life back. This is just my opinion, it doesnt have to be yours. I am doing what the successful folks in front of me are doing! So far, so good!

I agree, Byrdie. For me, the actual date matters. In fact, it drives me a little crazy when people don't update their quit dates in their signatures when they've gotten derailed. I know it's not really my business so I don't say anything to individuals but I'm convinced that being completely honest about this is essential to success.

Here's what made the life changing difference for me in what I can confidently proclaim as my final quit: I finally understand that....Alcohol is the problem - not me. It took me years to realize that I am not a flawed person. I do not have an addictive personality. I absolutely refuse to apply the label alcoholic to anyone who ends up addicted to an addictive substance.
Mossy - you are indeed a WARRIOR! It is really a thrill to see how much your thinking has transformed. Now, can I persuade you to get even more radical and join me and a few others around here in saying that there is no such thing as 'drinking responsibly' ?
That's the phrase du jour the alcohol industry pushes so it can continue to shift the burden of blame and avoid paying the true costs for profiting from the world's most destructive and dangerous drug. My hubby is a judge in 'serious' criminal court and I can tell you that he did not have a single case before him this past year where alcohol was not involved. It's tragic.
And Kensho - you are right about brain changes. Research does seem to support that some of us are more vulnerable to others to addiction. However, what we have been systematically conditioned to overlook is that the drug, alcohol, is damaging to every one. Every time. And that damage is cumulative. I'm grateful that the science is finally emerging to shatter some of the long-held myths and misunderstandings about addiction.

As you know, Turn, I am on the Alcohol is the Problem team - it's just not good for anyone, as explained in this TED talk. All of the health benefits that are so often touted were not tested directly - they are correlational studies, which do not prove anything. On the other hand, the negative effects have been measured directly. It isn't surprising that some people become addicted to an inherently addictive substance and they shouldn't be blamed for it. I think all the confusion, shame, and judgment arises because not everyone gets addicted and the other negative consequences of alcohol ingestion aren't immediately obvious. We're all different (genetically, biochemically, physiologically, psychologically) in terms of how we respond to various environmental stimuli but only those with the obvious-to-everyone consequence of addiction are considered (often by themselves as well as others) weak and morally flawed.

I liken it to the situation with the current American diet. There are numerous problems that it causes or contributes to, including heart disease, neurological problems, diabetes, and arthritic symptoms but - the only population that is judged harshly and considered to be to blame are the people in whom the primary outcome is obesity. They are often accused of being undisciplined, lazy, and slothful whereas really, their bodies are metabolically programmed by the foods they are eating to store, not burn, fat, regardless of the amount of that diet they eat or how much they exercise. Other people can consume the same inflammatory diet and stay lean but develop heart disease, or arthritis, or any of a number of other diseases but are not considered to be "at fault" for these outcomes.

People with the "metabolic background" to become addicted to alcohol do not (and cannot) respond in the same way to chronic ingestion as those who don't have that background. The people referred to as "normal drinkers" may not have the brain changes and hijacked reward cycle that an addict has, resulting in the compulsion to drink, but alcohol certainly is doing their minds and bodies no favors. It is the cause of many problems that we don't even blame it for. It isn't "responsible" to knowingly drink a toxic substance.

There are many people who drink too much and too often but who when faced with a serious consequence such as a DUI or a health condition that requires a drug that cannot be taken with any alcohol simply quit. They might miss their daily habit and really resent that they've had to stop drinking but it isn't a seemingly impossible change, as it appeared to most of us. A DUI or a potentially lethal drug interaction often is not enough to get an addict to stop - especially over the long term. But like the obese person, it isn't due to selfishness, laziness, sloth, or moral weakness - our bodies/minds are different and our responses to various inputs naturally vary. Our jobs (and those of health professionals) is not to berate ourselves for our inherent biochemistry but to figure out what we need to consume (or not) to be as healthy as we call in all ways - not just the obvious ones.

[enzo'smom]

wow, this nest is so powerful for me……why does it feel so different this time? Feeling teary and glad that you all hold no resentments toward me due to my unintentional stupid post. I am not done reflecting and I do not regret the past….I am learning from it and feeling very humbled (in a very good way

[Overit-still]

wow, this nest is so powerful for me……why does it feel so different this time? Feeling teary and glad that you all hold no resentments toward me due to my unintentional stupid post. I am not done reflecting and I do not regret the past….I am learning from it and feeling very humbled (in a very good way

Jennie-I knew what you meant when you posted and I'm sorry that you were mulling it over for so long. Bummer! That would have sent me off the edge. You are doing great! And you are my person in front of me that I'm trying to catch!

Have a great day.

Good morning everyone!

[MossRose]

Jennie, I apologize if I sounded harsh in my reply. I meant no harm, I'm just a bit opinionated at times. I guess for me, being passionate about things again is what brought me back to life after the decades of numbing down my responses to life. So when I write a post that might seem fierce or unrelenting, it's never out of malice. It's only because I want everyone to feel what I feel now - a sense of accomplishment, well-being, dare I say, happiness. I just want us all to feel like warriors, not victims. Sometimes my message comes across as abrasive, but it is never my intent. Friends?

[MossRose]

mywayin - at the risk of being abrasive yet again, I must say that this is not amusing. This is our lives. If you have something to add to the conversation, I'm all in. If not, please don't be dismissive. We are doing the best that we can. Sometimes, that involves conflict.

[available]

morning nest

Well i used to be a numbers counter. Went on "date time calculator" everyday to see how many minutes, hours, seconds i was at as i needed it to push me to the next day sometimes and for me to realise that "yes it was me doing this". Now not so much, now i know that today is 14 months sober and that is a good thing. In a few days i may post in Roll Call and need to check my days and thats okay. I am proud of my numbers, i was proud at day 7 and proud at 14 months. We all do what works for us at the end of the day and in the beginning of our quit it is hard to just get through a day. I know i sometimes thought "oh god it has only been so many days", time has stopped but then it would start again at a rapid rate.

We all have an opinion and are all entitled to one. Some days i was totally pissed off with what someone would say but really that is part of the up and down emotional roller-coaster ride of quitting. Nothing is directed at me unless it has "Ava" in the subject. Im sure i piss people off anyways but i am here and i am not going anywhere as no one will disrupt my quit or journey that i am on. If i get annoyed i dont post for a few days, problem solved. I need the accountability of MWO.

Today i am going shopping again, Mia is going to get rid of my greys, i am getting this cream for my sun spots, that personally sounds like battery acid but will see how it is, dog needs Metamucil as she is constipated. I am finally going to rearrange my room, its time to have a change. Too many memories of me sitting and drinking so a fresh change. I really wanted a nothing day but that does not seem to happen now i am not drinking. Before everything was a nothing day so life is good.

Take care everyone.

[KENSHO]

Having to check in quickly. I've been reading all the different opinions - some good for for thought. It gives me different perspectives.

That said, I don't know what's going on, but I'm feeling yucky today - kind of shaky and irritable, but not in a flu kind of way. AND it's accompanied by the kind of mindset that makes me feel like saying, "F-it, I'll just drink with them tonight - it might make me feel better". Where is this coming from? Astounding that I can feel so in control and certain with myself and then at day fifty something I am having cravings? Well, it's bull and I know it. I can't talk with the hubs, so I'm writing it here. All AL would do is cover up what is really happening with me - which is probable fall-out from a ridiculously strenuous week. BUT I knew every day wouldn't be peaches, so here is one rotten craving but it doesn't mean I partake. Have to run - keeping strong - just venting that I don't like feeling like this.