Newbies Nest

[peppersnow]

Hello Nesters...just popping over to say hi, and comment on something Resolve said about time marching on, after you've made the decision to quit. One day becomes two, then days become a week, a month, etc., and it does get easier. Time also marches on if you don't quit or go back. I remember thinking that I might have a problem, and thinking that maybe I should quit, when my oldest daughter was about 10 years old. I didn't quit until after she left home for her first year of college -- I think I was drunk a lot between her 10th and 19th birthdays. Hundreds of times I would ask one of my girls a question or begin telling them something during the day, and they would both be exasperated with me and remind me that we just had that conversation the night before. I'd have zero memory but pretend I just momentarily forgot. I think I only have about 25% memory of most times with my kids after 5:00 p.m. for the past 10 years.

This upcoming March 31, when my oldest turns 20, I'll have a few days over a year under my belt. She will be 400 miles away and so I won't celebrate with her, and I know I'll think of the same thing I did on her last birthday -- that I'd give anything to turn the clock back and have stopped drinking when she was 10, and that fear first hit me that I "might" have a problem, which snowballed into a monster of a problem over those years.

If there are lurkers out there, or if any of you are feeling wobbly right now.....quit now or stay quit now rather than putting it off another day! I'm only just beginning to get a grip on the process of trying to forgive myself, but I can still say that life really is so completely amazing and wonderful sober! I honestly love my life again and forgot what that felt liike! There are still really horrible times that we will all have to go through in life, but here was the surprise for me: Not hating myself and being healthy makes getting through those times so much easier. It's alcohol that made everything worse!

Great job to all of you who are hanging in there, and Happy Sober Friday to everyone!

[Hanna]

Wow. 5 days. I am blown away! Scary time at the end of my work day. 5 pm, tough, exhausting case last hour. Friday. In spite of having an afternoon snack, the thoughts were fast and furious. I was thinking..." Ok, so I will just have a glass f wine" . But I knew that wouldn't be enough. I actually thought if I had one, I could just go on and not share it here, like it never happened. But I also knew I would just be lying to myself. Came straight home, made a non-alcohol drink, immersed myself in a puzzle until hubby got home, and ate dinner. Phew. I feel really, really, good.

Night all. Thanks for not letting me lie to you all

[Hanna]

Hello Nesters...just popping over to say hi, and comment on something Resolve said about time marching on, after you've made the decision to quit. One day becomes two, then days become a week, a month, etc., and it does get easier. Time also marches on if you don't quit or go back. I remember thinking that I might have a problem, and thinking that maybe I should quit, when my oldest daughter was about 10 years old. I didn't quit until after she left home for her first year of college -- I think I was drunk a lot between her 10th and 19th birthdays. Hundreds of times I would ask one of my girls a question or begin telling them something during the day, and they would both be exasperated with me and remind me that we just had that conversation the night before. I'd have zero memory but pretend I just momentarily forgot. I think I only have about 25% memory of most times with my kids after 5:00 p.m. for the past 10 years.

This upcoming March 31, when my oldest turns 20, I'll have a few days over a year under my belt. She will be 400 miles away and so I won't celebrate with her, and I know I'll think of the same thing I did on her last birthday -- that I'd give anything to turn the clock back and have stopped drinking when she was 10, and that fear first hit me that I "might" have a problem, which snowballed into a monster of a problem over those years.

If there are lurkers out there, or if any of you are feeling wobbly right now.....quit now or stay quit now rather than putting it off another day! I'm only just beginning to get a grip on the process of trying to forgive myself, but I can still say that life really is so completely amazing and wonderful sober! I honestly love my life again and forgot what that felt liike! There are still really horrible times that we will all have to go through in life, but here was the surprise for me: Not hating myself and being healthy makes getting through those times so much easier. It's alcohol that made everything worse!

Great job to all of you who are hanging in there, and Happy Sober Friday to everyone!

OMG
Just read this, I could have written it myself. For me, it just went on longer!

[gambler]

Good evening Nesters

I didnt have a chance to get in here..having too much fun with the kids .

Time to tuck them and myself in for the night. Looking forward to reading and posting in the AM.

Be well to yourselves..

Dave.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

G - what you said about thoughts is spot on. That's what I have been working on, too (thanks to the Bubble Hour hosts among others). Just because I think things doesn't make them true. I also can linger on negative thoughts - that can keep me up at night or agitated during the day. I am trying to learn how to, as they say, "notice" them but let them float by. As a very literal, science person that sounds hokey to me, but dang if it doesn't work. Great post.

Welcome back, Byrdie! Nine martinis is a TON, even by my own old standards. What a good reminder of where we don't want to be.

Like a lot of people around here, it seems, I had a long and crazy week. Just had a delicious dinner out with my husband and I am heading to bed.

Good night, nest!

Pav

[Orimus]

GMAE all. Just a quick check in. Still working and will be doing so til some time tomorrow morning. At least it's just monitoring and haven't had to do anything more yet and I'm getting caught up with Criminal Minds. Up to season 6. Only 4 more or so to go til I'm caught up. Worked through classes again today, will be doing so again come the morning. Monday was snowed out but nothing else on the docket for Sunday. Plenty of time to read back through.

Still toying with AA and had to move registering my retreat at a zen monastery off one more paycheck so next Thursday. Right now just glad to be getting things back under some semblance of control. (mostly. can't get them all) That is a big trigger for me feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Can only do what you can do though and the rest . . . can only learn from them. Course now I have tons of spreadsheets and lists. Started journaling again if you count one day.

[Orimus]

For anyone who is reasonably near to the Catskills in NY:

http://zmm.mro.org/

[Guitarista]

ZMM Looks a cool place Orimus. How long is your retreat for?

Take care, G

[daisy45]

Pepper, absolutely love your post! I also can relate to it.....my girls are now 19, 20 and 22 and a 23 yr old son. You have given me the booster I needed.....thank you so much! And I am so happy you are happy.....gonna get me some of that!

[Guitarista]

Onya Daisy!

[enzo'smom]

the zen monastery looks awesome!!! I will check it out the next time I am up that way….I live only a few hours south from there…..
It is SO COLD here….the heat in my house never turns off….then I think about what my power bill will look like this month…..then I start to get anxious and angry…..then deep breath….close my eyes, meditate….this too shall pass and then it will be spring when all is new and fresh and yes, it will be ok. THis cold weather will just make me appreciate the spring even more….which I am so grateful for!! so, the cold isn't so bad after all

[enzo'smom]

here is a link to a meditation in gratitude…..I just finished meditating with it. Love it!!

http://www.chopra.com/ccl-meditation/21dmc/free-stream-13-eyh.html?utm_source=eoa-nurture&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=eoa-nurture9

[Healthybutempty]

Day 343 for me and day 3 for my boyfriend. We both ended up at the liquor store last night, I held a bottle of wine in my hand, then put it back and went home without buying anything, feeling rather disappointed with myself for going in the first place. Now that its the next morning though I must say I am relieved that we did not drink.

I thought it might have something to do with me trying to quit smoking too. But even now that I stopped wearing the patch and have been smoking again I continue to have cravings and that scares me. But I will never give in. And yes I will be careful with my valium prescription. Why surprised I got a prescription? Is it bad?

Hope everyone has a wonderful AF day

[gambler]

Mornin' Nesters

Well after almost 2 hours of reading here I go..

Hi Gambler Dave! Glad to see you back and still alcohol free. I was wondering where you were and how you were doing.

Hi Elvis! This is the scoop.. Back when they changed sites or whatever I could not log in. I emailed the admins to get it dealt with and Byrdie even talked to someone about it. But after a few weeks I was kinda upset about the whole thing. I had just paid for the membership thing and a week later I could not log in. No responses from anyone either. Time just got a way from me I guess.

Mornings- now my most favorite time of the day. Especially when I first awake.

I know how you feel Mike. I once had a siggy that said "I look forward to the sunrise instead of the sunset." Be aware that some of those feelings may not have merit anymore..but some of them can change the reasoning behind them. Just sayin.

I'm with you, Kensho. I'm not at all ashamed not to drink and while I don't go around bragging about it

LOL NS.. I Do! Some others that hear that I dont drink anymore are like "good for you Dave". And Im like "and what the hell is wrong with you? You still drink?..If you only knew.."

gambler: you need to live up to your moniker and GO FOR IT

I thought thats what you guys would say. And uh..she wasnt there when I dropped off the movie lol.

The hardest part is learning how to deal with life without substances.

Funny that. We dont deal with life With substances. Without them its mostly that we dont 'deal' at all. It just living life. Sure there is Learning..but its about US..the rest of it just sorta falls into place.

Well I only had about 9 more to quote..but they woke up about 20 mins ago and are patiently awaiting my attention. Be good to yourselves..

Dave.

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters

HBE, would you mind telling us why you were in a liquor store last night? That seems counter-productive to your desire to 'never give in to AL'. Was that some sort of self-test?
My concern with the Valium Rx is because Valium is a highly addictive Benzo. When taken long enough it actually changes your brain chemistry & becomes not only physically addicting but psychologically addicting as well. Perhaps the doc who wrote that script is not aware of your concurrent battles with alcohol & nicotine? Please be very careful! We all want to see you healthy & successful.

peppersnow, great post & something I'm sure a lot of us can relate to as well. Amazing how much things can change in a year's time. Good for you!

Byrdie, I can't imagine anyone downing 9 martinis & still being able to function - yuck

Greetings to all & wishing everyone a good AF Saturday!

Lav