Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Kensho, that's JUST how I felt 3 years ago at my sales meeting....like I didn't fit in anywhere! I wasn't comfortable and felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. THIS time, I laughed and carried on with the best of them....like in the Wizard of Oz, all you need is CONFIDENCE! (Da Noive) You will find it! The first night I was there we had to do this team building exercise of making and marketing Margaritas and guacamole! At the last meeting, I probably would have slunk unnoticed back to my room and felt sorry for myself, but THIS time I was making the sign for our products and I made the guacamole! It seemed to be missing something...one guy said, 'put some tequila in it' and I said, NO WAY, that'll turn it BROWN! (I have NO idea if that's true, but I didn't want tequila in anything I made!!!) It takes some time, but you will find your light will shine as bright as ever!

HBE, I hope you find some answers soon! It must be very frustrating to be feeling so vulnerable. Wishing you strength! B

[BeachGirly]

Hi Kensho,
I get what you mean... I haven't had that experience yet, but it is something I have been thinking about and worried about.
Will my life change? Will I need to make new friends? What will I do when everyone else is having fun drinking?

Right now, when I am not in the situation, I can be reasonable and tell myself drinking is not fun. Of course I will still have the same friends. Yes, my life is changing for the better.

But I do know I will feel the same confused, out of sorts type of feelings.

I have to remind myself, I was actually a fun, crazy girl before I drank. It was the drinking that has turned me into the introvert, who is unsure of herself. I am starting to become my old self, slowly...but maybe a more mature version, as that has been a few years.

Thanks for sharing your feelings. It is good to know others thoughts and how they get through them.

BG

[gambler]

Hiya Nesters

Well after Sundays marathon with the boys im just so tired. They really did wear me out this weekend.. more than usual. I did want to come home after getting some work done to sit down and string together a small book for you. However I just want to curl up in bed, watch some movies and chill. I did read up on the post so real quickly I would like to chit.

Welcome Stevo. I hear you to some degree. After about one and a half years I feel basically indifferent about it to. I Loved getting to this point and there were times I felt Way on top of the world. But now..its like.. OK..whats next. I mean what do I do now? Obviously I dont think I wasted all this time for nothing ( You shouldnt either )..and at the moment I dont feel particularly 'fulfilled' ( Like I did while getting here ). But I guess its the fact that I can do whatever I want to now. I have more day to do anything or nothing at all. I guess its up to us to find ways to have fun and enjoy life now. But at least its on our own terms now. Oh..and by the way..I disliked AA also. Just seemed too much like a bunch of peeps chain smoking..chaining coffee and loads depressing tear jerking "Im a horrible person" talk. Granted I went there at my brothers request..and I was a lot younger. But my brother ended up in a mental hospital after a few months of 'daily meetings'. Anyways..Hope you find that something that your looking for.

Hanna- Great post. People are going to start seeing a change in you as well. They will probably even start say something to that affect. Your going to have a nice ride for a while. Introspecting..remembering..focusing. Good times ahead.

Byrdie- Guacamole: Avacods, Garlic, salt, chopped tomatoes, green chili and lemon juice. Done . Oh...and use your hands to mash up the cadoes..never a beater or smasher ( leaves little chunkies of cado ).

Welp Im off to snuggle with the cat and veg out. Hope you have a great one guys...

Dave.

[Byrdlady]

GARLIC! Dang it, THAT's what it was missing....@#$%!

I think I'm in an ice cream comma. xo, B

[daisy45]

Kensho, I am feeling like that too. This past couple of weeks, every Sunday, everyone seems to be drinking and I am staying away and ending up alone and peed off. I have to change that.
Yesterday I had 3 phone calls....all drinking. Then at 3am a cousin is banging my windows and doors trying to get in. This isn't the norm but off all days...I felt vulnerable so stayed away from everyone and this happens anyway. I didn't answer the door....she got into my sisters house.

[Healthybutempty]

Thank you everyone for your support Hope you all are having a good night.
Called mental health services today to try to see someone but they said i needed a referral from my doctor, so I have an appointment to get one tomorrow afternoon.

Couldn't get a drive to the AA meeting today, and my boyfriend was drinking so I just made some tea and read the new issue of Grapevine (AA magazine) and posts on here.

I am hoping I will be able to have an assessment and get an actual diagnosis but at the same time I am scared about what they might tell me...

I am feeling a little better and was able to eat today.

Thank you to everyone on this site it has been helping me alot.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Long day for me & it's not over until my grandsons leave some time after 9;30 tonight. I did return my granddaughter home this afternoon - feel like a taxi some days

HBE, glad you're feeling a bit better. I really hope you get your appointments sorted out soon. Don't worry about stuff ahead of time but be proactive in your own health care.

Glad to see everyone making progress & sticking with their plans. Be patient & remember it does take a good bit if time to reinvent yourself - one day at a time

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.

Lav

[KENSHO]

Hi Nesters! I'm more settled in after today. I've become accustomed to (and dare I say LIKE) going to dinner or even out to work events with friends sober. I guess I just wasn't prepared for an entire weekend and the intensity of the partying. I couldn't get away from stupid drunkenness and that bothered me. I don't enjoy the company of drunk people that much now (and hungover isn't much better). I felt left out - not in a "I wish I was participating" way, more that I couldn't relate to wanting to be shitfaced any more. Which is good I think...

Booze did keep me social though - I can't become a knitting hermit at the age of 40, so I need to continue to be with people beyond what my job requires. Practice will help I guess!

[See the Light]

I guess in a weird way, I wish I was a knitting hermit the last few years..would have save me and those around me a ton of complications...
Your problems. your issues. They are important. They are serious. When you are in the pit, it seems like nothing else matters. When you are in the grips of alcohol, nothing else does. But take a look around, and you will see that that drinking impacts EVERYONE you know. We escape this together, as a group...because we want to add value to the world around us..and change the lives of everyone you impact. Alcoholism has an impact that spreads...even if those around you don't drink ..they hate that you do...MWO is a community that conquers this as a team...believe in your teammates...we are going to win this...let's destroy this contagion together..

[Stevo]

Thanks for all your responses guy.
The destruction or dismantling of my old life is par for the course I think but quite a few other things that have happened have left me a little disillusioned.I didn't come into recovery thinking that everything was magically going to get better this is not the first time I have been here but I fully understand that my last post could have given that impression.
I have pretty much lost everything in this recovery job,friends social life and self respect,the abilty to feel like I am the provider for my family is a hard one to swallow.I feel like I lack integrity for letting my family live below the poverty line when I once had a good job and we lived quite comfortably.I can no longer work in the industry that I am qualified for as I know that the only reason I survived in it for as long as I did was because I would drown my self in alcohol every night.I feel that a real man would put aside his selfish wants(in my case recovery)and bite the bullet to make sure his family was taken care of.
These are just a few of the recovery issues I have at the moment haha.
Anywho thanks again guys for the responses and kind words of encouragement.
Cheers Stevo.

[Guitarista]

Greetings Nesters near and not so far.

I don't know what a real man is Stevo, but i think anyone who decides to get sober and does it, is putting aside their selfish wants. i.e. getting regularly sloshed. Anyone who decides to get sober and is doing that has at some point bitten the bullet, and this is the first step towards looking after our ourselves, our families and loved ones in a truer way. What other areas would you be interested in working in? Take care friend.

Wishing all a safe, sober and magical week. G

[gambler]

Good morning Nesters

Well I guess I was super duper tired last night. Eyes went down about 8ish while watching netflix last night. In turn..woke up at 4am lol. Meh..coffee in hand and gonna get an early jump on today.

I have pretty much lost everything in this recovery job,friends social life and self respect,

So your saying that the 'recovery' and not the drinking lost these things? I can see the job ( I told my old boss that I needed a raise and he blew me off. I basically told him to cram it and started up my own business ). Are you in a specialty field that has no other viable opportunities available? Friends. I didnt have many before. But of the few I had only One made it through. I guess I didnt have as many friends as I thought. That ties with low social life. I honestly dont know where to get that from. I dont really get out much. I mean..where would I go to socialize? So yea..If you come across any ideas let me know lol. Self respect. I dont know if you meant it that way and if you did then I dont think you really lost it. Holding on to it all day everyday is the hard part.

the abilty to feel like I am the provider for my family is a hard one to swallow. I feel like I lack integrity for letting my family live below the poverty line when I once had a good job and we lived quite comfortably.I can no longer work in the industry that I am qualified for as I know that the only reason I survived in it for as long as I did was because I would drown my self in alcohol every night.I feel that a real man would put aside his selfish wants(in my case recovery)and bite the bullet to make sure his family was taken care of.

I guess this a matter of standards and expectations placed on yourself by yourself. I wanted to buy a sailboat ( not a friggin yacht ) and cruise until I couldnt pull a winch. Raise a family on the water sorta thing. But that got nixed by my ex from the start. They would have had food, clothing and shelter. And I think a more all around better young experience. Physical objects like ps4, 4k tv, laptops, two story house with a white picket fence and a pool in the back yard would be nice yea..but my love, teachings and guidance I think are more important. And of that I am rich. Perspectively..I have everything I can offer my kids now. All console game systems..surround theater..4k tv..toys out the wazoo. All the cool stuff. But you know what..what brings them the most joy, happiness and enrichment..is ME. They just want to hang out with dad. We have our Own lives to live too you know. Making sure We are who we Are is most important in my opinion. Cant change into something somebody else wants us to be..right?


Well Im off to the grind ( and sanding..and buffing )

Dave.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Very cold here, everything covered in ice. Feel fortunate to still have power

Stevo, we just can't change anything that has already happened, it's history. You can re-invent yourself, do anything you want. Forgiving ourselves is vital so that we can move on with a clear, unburdened heart.

Dave, falling asleep & waking early is pretty typical for this time of year

Wishing everyone a great AF Tuesday!

Lav

[Healthybutempty]

Good morning everyone! Woke up with a sore throat today, hope im not getting sick! One thing that's got me a little concerned is that since I woke up 45 minutes ago, half of my right hand has been completely numb and swollen, at first I thought it was from sleeping on it, but its not getting better....

getting even more snow today! We are running out of places to put it all!

Day 346! Can't wait to get my doctors referral today. Hope everyone has as wonderful day!

[enzo'smom]

About a week into my most recent recovery, I came down with a nasty cold. I couldn't believe how bad I felt!!! And then I realized why this cold probably felt so horrible…..I was actually feeling it all rather than numbing the symptoms with alcohol!! It is amazing the power of congestion in the head. It makes me feel like my head is a balloon that is attached to my body by a thread….anyway, the cold is now gone but I now have a better appreciation of washing my hands often!

anyway, running late for my gym class. Have a great day everyone!