Newbies Nest

[Stevo]

Thanks guys for all of your responses,too many to name each one.
The financial stuff is a killer and if that can be eliminated then I am sure that I would be in a different headspace.It seems that the only thing that really gets to me is money issues other than that I am quite at ease with the world and it's goings on(shame the money thing is such an important aspect of life these days).
Anywho I am just taking things one day at a time and as I believe in a spiritual approach,I keep telling myself that I never know what's around the corner and God(whatever that is)has got my back.
I realy do appreciate all of your responses and feedback and will be posting on this forum for a long time to come.
I look forward to getting to know you all a bit better.
Moss Rose-Although it is not encouraged it is sometimes the best thing to do.I actually went to an NA meeting last night and it was good to be there but taking a break is definitely something that I had to do.This doesn't mean that I am jumping back in the deep end again,it just means that they will be there when you or I are ready to return.

[Hanna]

Well just an update since my post a few hours ago. All is fine and ready for bed now. However, just after I had finished posting, my husband called and asked if I would meet him at a restaurant for dinner. Two out of town colleagues were visiting for work and he wanted to take them out on the company...ok fine. However he was running late at work so we did not meet until 7:30. We met at Tommy Bahamas restaurant, a very tropical, drinking atmosphere, and had a half hour wait for a table...waiting in the bar, hungry, with drinks all around. Not happy. We sat, and the 3 others ( my husband and the other two) ordered cocktails. I had my club soda and cranberry juice. Dinner did not arrive until almost 9. Not the way to spend the end of day 9 sober. I should have just not gone, but did not expect it to go that way. Well, just glad to be home and in PJ's.
On to day 10. Double digits. Very happy!!

Night all

Beth

[BeachGirly]

Way to go Beth - that was a hard one for sure. You did fantastic!!!

[TJAF]

Beth. Fantastic. What a difficult thing to do. You should be very proud of yourself.

[Healthybutempty]

Hello how is everyone doing? I cannot sleep tonight so I've been reading posts. My bf has been drinking all day and night and that's been hard to be around...I don't know how much longer I can deal with it but I dont wanna leave him because I love him and Im scared to be alone and also I'm worried he'll get worse if I leave. But it's getting a little harder to resist each day and that scares me alot.

I am looking forward to my appointment to talk to someone though I hope I dont have to wait too long.

Hope everyone is well!

[Pavati]

Hi,

Just back and on my way to bed.

For those of you posting about anger and ennui - food on you for noticing and posting about it. Read up on relapse - that is one of the non drinking pieces of relapse. Finding the source of that anger is important so you can deal with it.

I spent 2.5 hiurs in a bar on Sat night and I can say that I had a GREAT time. I laughed, was silly, engaged in raucous conversation- all without a drink. I wasn't anxious or angry in the slightest. In fact I was happy the next day when I could participate in the meeting with no regret or hangover. I am saying this to assure you it WILL happen to you. Give it time. I won't be hanging out in bars like I used to, but I will be the same fun person I know myself to be. I'm so sad for my younger self who thought she had to be tipsy or drunk to get along socially!

Excuse grammar and typos still on my phone.

Great post, Resolve and way to go on 100 days.

Great stuff, Hanna.

Hi, Matt. So glad you have a new perspective.

Daisy - your mood will get better - I hope you got some exercise in.

Good night.

Pav

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Hump day

Chilly here but sunny, nice!

Stevo, glad you are here with us. Please stick around & let us know how we can help!

Hanna, sounds like you passed your test with flying colors! Congrats on your 10 AF days!

Hi there BG & TJ!

HBE, sorry you are dealing with so much. Is there anywhere you can go, someone you can stay with for a few days? Maybe taking a break away from your boyfriend will allow you to rest. It has to be difficult to watch him continue to abuse himself while you are trying so hard to heal yourself. We are all thinking about you :hug:

Hi Pav, good to see you as always!

Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesday!

Lav

[daisy45]

No exercise yet but a lot better today.
HBE, that is tough....hard enough when temptation and drinking is on the outskirts. Can't imagine doing what you are doing.....so really says a lot about you and how well you are doing....well done!

[Byrdlady]

Pav, I'm so glad that you had the very same experience I did at MY company meeting. The first one I went to I had a bad case of the Poor Me's, but at this one, I was just as social as the next guy (who was drinking too much). I don't advocate hanging out in bars, but it is nice to know that the immunity is built up for such occasions.

I am reminded of the recent measles outbreak and every time I hear the word "Immunity" I think about what we are building here. I understand that the very New Newbie's think that I have lost touch with how it is to be brand new, but trust me when I say, we are all ONE DRINK away from being right there in the pit. I have the same thoughts as you do with one big difference...I have the gift of TIME.

If you've ever been in a bad relationship, you know in your heart of hearts what the right thing to do really is....but it is FEAR that keeps us trapped. What if I can't _____? What I have found and continue to find is that all of this isn't as bad as we perceive to be!! YES, there are uncomfortable times, but we aren't having FITS and Exorcist, head-spinning moments (most of the time) and after about 3 days those are gone for the most part. It is a lifestyle change and trust me, I don't like those any better than you...but if you stay the course you will find the peace of mind that has been missing during all of your drinking years. Is it a struggle sometimes? YES. Do I get down about being an alkie sometimes when everyone around me is drinking and I can't? YES. Has this bit of discomfort and change been worth it in the long run? ABSOLUTELY. Build up your days and you will build your strength. I look back at the bad relationships I've had in my life and with each, I thank my lucky stars I got out. Same with ALCOHOL. This one is out to kill us folks, there is NO going back unless you are willing to throw in the cards. I am telling you, this fight is worth it. There is NOTHING like MindPeace.

I clicked on Over-it's link in her signature line yesterday. I didn't get to finish watching it, but what I saw was extremely frightening. Was I this bad? No, but I was in the team photo. I was on that doomed path. This thing is progressive and if you aren't that bad today, it's on your calendar in the future. I think it was Rahul who said that as strong as I feel about my quit, I know AL is out in the parking lot doing push ups. This takes vigilance and work. Do not let up. Dig your heels in and keep AL outside! I have never regretted one day I spent sober, but I can give you years' worth of regret about being drunk. (I totally drank away my 40's)

It is worth it.
I HATE ALCOHOL.
Don't give in....no matter what. Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Hanna, Dealing with an unexpected challenge like that so well is great - you're certainly getting your head in the right place! I hope you're proud of yourself and ready for tonight's known challenge of your book club. You might find what I did -- it gets kind of frustrating how poorly people who are drinking manage to stay on topic... I still go, though, because I value the friendships and I like being motivated to read books that I likely would not choose on my own.

Daisy, I hope you're feeling stronger today. It's great that you're able to recognize when something is off before you've made a choice you'll regret. Rereading the toolbox can help at those times!

Jane posted a link in another thread yesterday and Pie highlighted a couple portions from it. It directly addresses some of the conversations that have been going on here about how AF life isn't always what we'd hoped for or expected. Here's the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tommy-...b_6640198.html and for the non-link clickers, here is the key portion:

I have not had a drug or drink for 23 years. When I first gave up those things, I, too, was in a deluded state of mind where I could not imagine life without alcohol and drugs. How would I get through the day? How would I connect with anyone? What would I do to pass the time? What would I do to cut my anxiety? The life I had known and built for myself revolved around drugs and alcohol. Thus, it was impossible at that moment for me to know what a life could be without those things.I remember what it felt like to be in the "in between" phase. I knew I could not continue to live the way I had been, but I preferred to try to make it work than surrender to the idea that I had to let go of my way of life (read: my precious drugs and alcohol) and build something new.

This is the great challenge for anyone who gets sober. One must build a new way of being seemingly from scratch without knowing in advance what this is going to look like and how it is going to feel. To get clean and sober is to build a new identity, one much more rooted in truth and presence than illusion and avoidance. At first it is challenging, but ultimately it is immensely rewarding. And I believe this would be the case for nearly anyone, not just alcoholics and addicts who have to give it up.

I was speaking with my friend, Grant Johnson, recently who a little over a year ago, decided to stop drinking alcohol. Grant does not consider himself to be an alcoholic, but he did not like the overall effect that alcohol was having on his life. He let it go and now has had a year of experience with a different approach. This is not a person who, quietly desperate, counts the minutes till he can drink again. In fact, he is not thinking about it. He's just out there living his life and reaping the benefits of a person who happens not to drink. Grant told me that to not drink is such an act of strength that he actually considers it to be a "superpower". I just love that.

If you are like me and had to get sober, you may come to know that "in between" phase. It might just suck for a while as you develop a new life for yourself. Hang in there and allow yourself to develop. It takes time and therefore patience. It takes action and vigilance. It takes support and love.
While there are those people who unfortunately get stuck in recovery and do not grow beyond their misery, this is neither the norm, nor necessary. Do not fall prey to the mistaken idea that people in recovery and others who simply decide not to drink are miserable and longing to drink again.

The emphasis has to be on well-being. My recovery mantra is: "Don't just survive addiction. Thrive in recovery." I believe people in recovery must work toward the great shift from staying sober out of fear and necessity to staying sober out of love for the life they get to live as the result of staying sober. Once a person has made this shift, it is very likely they will excel in life.

My story is different than Grant's. I had to stop because drugs and alcohol nearly killed me, but today, Grant and I share something in common. We have developed a superpower. Neither of us drinks and we are not concerned about whether we ever do again.

[actiongirl46]

Hi all, today is Day 1 for me. It has to be. I need to get serious about my health. So, done lurking, need to be fully present here. And I'll need help! I hope I have learned enough to do this. I'll check in later today. I'm going through an airport, ugh, but will be with an AF work colleague so that will be good. My first goal is 5 days, I've haven't gone more than 4 in a long time.

[KENSHO]

What a great narrative NS! Thank you.

I'm feeling blah today - not wanting to work AT ALL! Yet, getting calls for information and deadlines... better get moving soon. For some reason I looked up the name of my grandfather and found some interesting genealogy - which got me hooked in researching it a bit more. Nice distraction and fun! But a distraction nonetheless!

Have a great sober day everyone. I so strongly believe that TIME heals so much and a life without alcohol really does become second nature. Do the hard work in the beginning and, slowly, a new wonderful life begins to emerge.

[Guitarista]

Hiya Nesters.

Great stuff Action girl. Keep it going!

Here's a link to some vids from a recovery conference 2.0 that expire thursday 12th feb. Some folk may find interesting.

http://recovery2point0.com/videos-day-6/

[Byrdlady]

Welcome aboard, Actiongirl! We're glad you are here. I know the Butt Velcro is around here somewhere....G, did you have it last?? Strap in and you will see what a difference it makes in your life. B

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Good to see you actiongirl!
Plan to succeed & stay close to the nest for support!

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a safe night for all.

Lav