Newbies Nest

[actiongirl46]

Wow, a sober Valentine's Day is really good. I can't remember the last sober one I had. Why do we think a "holiday" (if you even call this a holiday, more like a Hallmark day) calls for presents and booze?

I had the perfect Valentine's gift today. After dinner, I played a board game called Settler's of Catan with my two teenage boys and hubby. Usually I decline to play with them and come up with a flimsy excuse e.g. I'm too busy for that, need to do dishes (with AL) or work (with AL) or play music (with AL) or whatever I can come up with because I just can't be sitting at the table because I need to be up (to sneak AL). So tonight they were kind of surprised that I wanted to play. It is a little complicated, especially at first, so even when I have played with them in the past, I couldn't keep anything straight. Well, tonight I won! Most importantly, I had an amazing two hours of quality time with the people I love and I will remember it. (BTW, I also discovered it is not really a complicated game if you have a clear head. And it was fun.) I have been missing out on a lot my friends.

Thank you so much for your support and sharing the celebrations and struggles. All of them. It helps. DAY 4 IN THE BOOKS!

P.S. You go Hanna!!

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Everyone sounds great (sorry about your husband, Kensho). I have to defend males at this point - my husband is a good sick person, and I think I am raising my boys to not be whiny. In my family it is my sister who is the whiny sick person (and I'm probably whinier than my husband, actually - sssshhhh).

Anyway...

I went on a lovely walk today and listened to a great Bubble Hour that is relevant to recent conversations we've had here: Feeling Our Feelings: Brave New World. I know podcasts aren't for everyone, but I feel like I have been to a recovery meeting after listening to an episode (especially if I am exercising while doing so." There were so many nuggets I wrote down on my phone.

First, this is a brave journey we are all on. Getting and staying sober, and working on changing our lives is hard. Fair enough to acknowledge that and be content with ourselves for getting through.

Second, in a sober community, taking the advice and help of those who are ahead of you is what you SHOULD do. You shouldn't feel bad or inferior when you ask for help. And you also shouldn't get defensive when a sober person gives you advice. It is meant to support - if we find ourselves getting defensive, we should take a step back and see why. (I actually don't think they use the word "should" ever, but you get my point).

"Feel the feelings, lose the story." One woman talked about having a terrible time with her daughter, and leaving her house intent on having a drink, wanting a drink. She called her sponsor who said - you don't want a drink, you want to not feel those feelings - those are two different things. Feeling the pain of sadness, fear or anger is hard - but if we learn to sit with those feelings, acknowledge them but not try to do anything to get over them, that is when we can be content. As G says - the only way out is through.

There were many more gems - give it a listen if you want. One final thing - a quote from Mike Tyson - "Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face." A plan to stay sober is great, but also dealing with everything else - how do deal with life sober - is important.

Welcome back, Liz. I am glad you are here. What will you do differently this time to stay sober? Telling us your plan will help.

Action, Enzo, Hanna - Sounding so strong.

Thanks for hanging around, Turn.

Off to bed now. Happy SOBER Saturday.

Pav

[Rahulthesweet]

Good Morning everyone !

What a lovely post Pavati. It felt like morning fresh breath of air.

Sorry guys as I have been here and there and not regular on MWO in reading and posting, but I am stronger than ever on my resolve. No so happy with my knee situation and kids reminds me that I am getting old and need to get in shape.

Today I know I am addition to food : carbs, sugar etc. and that kinda reminds me of my AL days : compulsive eating, over eating, guilt etc etc. I need to do something about it.

This week gonna be pack with wedding functions for all you know in India wedding are a long week affair and one my first cousin is getting married I need to be there. And of course one knows that in wedding ducting booze flows. But being sober for so ,long it now does not affect me. But I always remind myself not to sobriety lightly and that's why I have MWO to Remind me of hard times. I have keep myself on my guard all time !

Take care ....

[Guitarista]

Have posted on other threads today but feel like I need to visit here again as I had an epic fail this week. It was pretty bad and the family is very upset and don't know what to do with me anyone. Just another disappointment according to them. They are asking if I'm not embarrassed by all this? Duh, um yeah! So back to square one. My one sister is relentlessly hounding me. I guess that's what you call running an intervention? Just feel like I need to stick close here for awhile.

Hi Liz,

Pull up a twig and strap in. Here's some fresh brand new butt velcro just in from our suppliers.

[enzo'smom]

[QUOTE=Hanna;159
I was thinking today...in the past, when I attempted to quit, I often felt the need to do certain things the same as when I was drinking, such as take the same amount of money out of the ATM, even though I didn't need it. I thought I was doing this to protect my husband from seeing the difference, and tying that to drinking. I think now, I did that to protect myself from him noticing the change when I relapsed. Don't know if that makes sense to you guys. This time, I am just doing what I am doing, and not worrying about it. I did not run off at 4 for some sort of errand, for example.
[/QUOTE]

I can so relate to what hanna said!! During my last "quit" I was so consumed with worry that people would discover my deep dark secret (that I am alcoholic) that I kept doing the same routines, just without alcohol. Based on what happened, I see what a huge mistake that was. This time, I am not reading and posting here daily for mere entertainment….I am reading each post and taking the time to really think about what everyone is saying. Instead of going to work related booze fests (in the guise of "conference" or "meeting") I am just NOT going. I am taking myself out of the equation. I am putting my sobriety FIRST. Last time, I put my "secret" first and my sobriety second.

I have also learned that there are many layers of honesty…..I keep chipping away at what is blocking my true, deep down honesty and I feel like I am making progress

[Healthybutempty]

Hey how is everyone today? There is a huge blizzard going on outside right now! Can't even see outside and there is a flash freeze/blizzard warning!
Also I woke up this morning in alot of pain from my arthritis. My knees & right hand fingers are swollen but my wrist is so swollen it looks like there's half a ping pong ball lodged inside it!

So I'll just be cozying up today and relaxing and staying warm. Day 351 for me and day 4 for my boyfriend. I doubt he'll be going to the liquor store today lol. I don't even think anything is open!

Have a wonderful AF day everyone!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Freezing cold & very windy but sunny at the moment
Just hoping the power stays on!

Liz, let's get your plan revised so you can succeed!
Sounds like you need to identify some drinking triggers & plan ahead.

Kensho, there's nothing worse than a case of man-flu, Ha ha!!!
You did a great job of ignoring all that - good for you!

HBE, your RA sounds very painful, sorry to hear all that! Are you taking Prednisone to help reduce the inflammation? Have you tried eating gluten free? There's a strong correlation between gluten & joint symptoms. I hope you get some relief soon :hug:

Rahul, good to see you & I hope you find some relief for you knee pain! I've heard that losing just 10 pounds is enough to help ease knee pain. Our knees take a beating during our lifetime, we need to be nice to them.

jennie, glad your dinner went well!

Wishing everyone a good AF Sunday!

Lav

[Lizann]

Parvati, I have no plan! My family is on to me and they are watching my every move. Guess that's a plan. Lav how do I make a plan? I don't even no where to begin. The last quits I just did it. Any input from you guys would be helpful. Not feeling particularly strong. What did you guys do that worked. A liquor store is moving right across the street from me, which I just found out. Can you believe it?

[NoSugar]

Hi, Lizann

At the beginning, it helps to make it so you have no access to alcohol. Get all of it out of your house and set it up so that when your addicted voice is screaming at you, systems are in place so that you can't give in. Leave your money at home if you think you might sneak in to the liquor store on your way home from work. Shop with a friend or family member. The rationale you (the real you) needs to organize your world so that when that part is being overwhelmed by the "fight-or-flight -I must have a drink to live", confused part of your brain, you don't have to engage because there is no alcohol available. Given your family's concern, they surely will want to help you set up a safe environment.

Setting up rules for yourself at the beginning helps, too. For example, I decided that I would post on MWO and wait for someone to respond before I drank (and told myself that if I still wanted to drink after that, I would). Well - just taking that pause and typing out how I was feeling was enough to break the impulse, even without the responses which of course were full of good reasons as to why I needed not to drink. Give your rationale brain a chance - that is the you that must want to stop drinking or you wouldn't be here.

Maybe you could peruse the toolbox today - it is full of people's plans to get this done. Some of the ideas might sound right for you.

All the best, NS

[Byrdlady]

LizA
There are at least 3 posts in the Tool Box about making a Plan. That thread alone has just about ALL the information a person would need to know to get sober.....of course, we are in varying states of receptivity when we first start out. As a brand Newbie, I didnt listen to a lot of the stuff there because I thought with my strong will and a little determination,that stuff didn't apply to me. I could have made my AF path a lot easier had I listened to those ahead of me. But NOOOOOOOO! I was different! We may all come from different backgrounds and environments, but addiction is the same. I will go so far as to say that the solution to breaking free from it is the same also....totally removing the substance to which we are addicted. You just gotta do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Stick close and participate. This CAN be the last time you have to endure Day 1!

Currently, I have some sort of tummy bug and I have been whining to anyone who will listen! Yuck! uke: Happy Sunday to all! Byrdie

[Healthybutempty]

My rheumatologist had me on prednisone for a little while and it did help a bit but I also bloated up really bad and she said it was dangerous for someone to stay on it for too long. Since then I've been going from medication to medication trying to find something that works. All different pills and injections but they've all either not worked or had bad side effects. I'm not being prescribed any painkillers because of my history. The methadone helps a bit but now that i am lowering off of it my pain is starting to get bad again. I have done some research on gluten-free diet effect on RA and all I can find is that it helps it if the person already has a gluten sensitivity, but I will keep looking to find out more about it. I have been researching about certain foods and teas that are supposed to help.I have read that green tea and kombucha powder are both supposed to be very good for joint inflammation. Thank you for the suggestions Lav.
Pain has always been a trigger for me, until I realized that when I drank I would fall all over the place, which would not help my pain AT ALL.
And it definitely would make my mental/emotional problems worse too!
Blowing snow has now turned to blowing freezing rain! Which means it will probably be nice and icy tomorrow morning....There is 3 feet of snow on my balcony! lol
Going to have a hot cup of tea.

[actiongirl46]

Good morning! I am being accountable by writing. Today is my Day 5, my usual cave spot in prior attempts, a Sunday, which also can be a trigger for some unknown reason (why??), and I have some pressing work deadlines which makes it a triple. Thanks LizAnn for reminding us of having a plan. My focus right now is to plan for today. I am going to work in chunks (not on and off all day but set times so I'll stop), exercise on my treadmill, go and buy some AF drinks (loving sparkling water at the moment), and enjoy trying to entertain my cabin crazy teenagers this evening. (It is COLD here.) I will also work in some music tonight (I play piano and guitar).

Sorry for all the detail but I feel today is a huge day for me. I want this! Liz, want to join me in planning for today? Daisy45, isn't Sunday your least favorite day as well? What can we do to make ourselves feel fulfilled without AL? Hanna, what are you up to today? Thanks all and enjoy an AF Sunday! It is a gift!

[actiongirl46]

HBE, I hope you feel better! That sounds like a rough combination. Hang in there!

[BeachGirly]

Ok Bydrie - that is a funny picture!!!

Sorry to hear you are feeling like that. Take care.

[Londoner]

Hey guys. I want to say thank you again, for pulling me out of my hole.

3 weeks now with no AL. I have a problem.

The biggest thing I'm thinking about is the fact that AL has been a false friend. Something that has made me the false confidence to do things I wouldn't normally.

So I guess an AL free life is like a second adolescence. I have to find out who I am and what I am about, with AL distorting everything. I will have to face the emotions and challenges for real, and look to grow up as a person and take responsibility for myself. I'm looking forward to facing the challenge and being the master of my own destiny.

Taking each day as a separate entity and watching for emotions or situations that could unsettle me.

Thanks again & hope you are all doing well and staying strong.