Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Morning Nest. I had a challenging weekend. It seems that this no-AL business has made me withdraw a bit from the world. I have felt I need to protect my quit from the outside, from my husband (I get it Hanna!), from friends, advertisements, events, triggers. But I feel like I've forgotten how to be social. The husband and I had a long teary talk yesterday. We have other issues, but not feeling close is a big one. How can I feel close to him when I feel I have to protect myself from him and his comments like "lighten up and have a drink"? He thinks I am terribly boring now - not giggly or wanting to have fun. And that's mostly true. I've become self focused on getting through the day, dealing with the stress of work and my "list of things" that have to be done. I suppose drinking was a tool I used to "lighten up" in the past.

I don't want alcohol at all. Sometimes I miss the "idea" of it, but it is nasty and I have no real desire to put a drink to my lips. SO, I feel in limbo. A non-drinker who has not yet fully integrated this aspect into her life. I can make it through the daily grind just fine - even through work events or dinners. But really participating in life and making meaningful connections with people and opening myself up to the dangers of being exposed is hard for me. And just letting go to have fun - well, I'm sort of serious by nature and just not the slapstick comedic type. But when do I find it easier to laugh and be silly and play?

Feeling a bit down.

[Lizann]

Birdie, THANK YOU! I will print and keep it close.

[Lizann]

Ok, so I'm not tech savy and I can't find the tool box. How do I find it?

[abcowboy]

Liz, the simplest way to find the toolbox is to click on the link at the bottom of one of Byrdie's posts. I think it is the top post in the monthly abstinence thread.

[NoSugar]

There is a link to the Toobox in Byrdie's signature (x-post, Cowboy :smile

I don't want alcohol at all. Sometimes I miss the "idea" of it, but it is nasty and I have no real desire to put a drink to my lips. SO, I feel in limbo. A non-drinker who has not yet fully integrated this aspect into her life. I can make it through the daily grind just fine - even through work events or dinners. But really participating in life and making meaningful connections with people and opening myself up to the dangers of being exposed is hard for me. And just letting go to have fun - well, I'm sort of serious by nature and just not the slapstick comedic type. But when do I find it easier to laugh and be silly and play? Feeling a bit down.

This is is by Melodie Beattie: In-Between

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but were not. We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.

[Mr Vervill]

Whether you think of your problem with AL an addiction or a bad habit, here's some ideas on changing bad habits than can easily transfer to those of us struggling.

http://nyti.ms/1EE48bt

[Byrdlady]

Kensho,
I was afraid that MY whole identity was gone without my liquid courage. As we say in the South, I couldn't have been wronger. Eheheh.
You are now 70 days OUT of the hole....if you compare that to how long you were IN the hole, it is a mighty short span, no? I discovered, (and I also SEE this phenomenon here on our site) that the person you thought AL brought out was actually inside you the whole time. So the social Kensho is still in there....you just have to learn how to bring HER out. It will come with time.

Your hubs (like mine) just wants us to be our ole happy selves...with NO CLUE of what it takes for us to get there. They just want us like we were, WITHOUT the problems. Well, that ship has sailed. My hubs had a great deal of guilt when he saw me struggling because he knew HE was the reason I wasn't drinking. This may or may not be your situation, but I just know my hubs hated to see me struggle. I eventually got thru it and now I don't struggle at all!! Believe me when I tell you there will be a day (in the not-so-distant future) where you can go to a party and have FUN and be at ease without AL! I wouldn't have thought it possible for me, (no one feels like she doesn't fit in more than I!!) but it's true.

A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that she couldn't socialize with booze. I had to laugh. I thought, "Sister, you'd be surprised what you can do when AL is NOT a choice". Socializing is a skill, like anything else...the more you do the better you get. It will all come with TIME!! B

[available]

Kensho as Bryd says there will be a time you will have fun. I never believed that either but i do. when i first stopped drinking and went out i focused on not drinking, what to drink, how to say no, what to say when asked if i wanted a wine. So i dont think i had it in me to have fun as well as stay away from al. Now i just know i dont drink and i dont have to concentrate on the "temptation" aspect of al. I enjoy myself when i go out, im not the dickhead drunk or the fun drunk but i am fun without al.

[BeachGirly]

Great chats this morning!!

Way to go Hanna on the advice. Very good.

Byrdie - love your plan. I had not seen that yet. Very nice to have it all in one place. Thanks for always finding the right thing to say. I did each of those things. Well, forgiving myself for the past is not totally there yet -
but I am working on it. I also find that just pure acceptance of this. It just took the monkey off my back and makes the process so much easier. There is no discussing AL now, I just don't drink. I am grateful I don't have to fight with AL anymore.

People often say the AL will win, but I look at it a bit differently. I won, I let it go.

BG

[BeachGirly]

Kensho - :sad:

I get what you are going through.
Love the replies from Byr and NS.

BG

[mywayin]

I :heartbeat: MyWayOut !

[Byrdlady]

Shout outs to MyWayIn for 50 days AND A New Page for 100 big days!!!!

It don't get much bedda dan dat!! GREAT JOB!!!!
:dancegirl::dancegirl::dancegirl:

[actiongirl46]

Thanks Hanna! Right now I going to DO something! Walking the beast and listening to the bubble hour in any kind of weather is always good!

Congrat's MWI!

[Guitarista]

Taking action there Action girl! :goodjob:

Congratulations My way in and New page! Just fab stuff friends.

That is Badass. G

[A new page]

Thanks, G!
Love being Badass! :happy2: