Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Congrats to MyWayIn and A New Page today - yay!!

ActionGirl, dress warmly & take that walk. Good distractions got me thru my early days too

Kensho, you are doing so well, just stay the course & have faith that the future will be good & easier. I remember telling myself over & over that it didn't matter what other people thought of me & my quit. What I wanted was the important thing & I wanted was to be free of addiction. People will adjust, it just takes some a long time. Be true to yourself, do what is best for YOU!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!!!

Lav

[Stevo]

I spoke to the insurance company yesterday and even though they told me that I was getting my claim,they have decided to take another look at it.I couldn't believe what I was hearing.They informed me that I would know today so I am trying to keep myself as busy as possible and trying not to think about the whole thing.
I am writing this in an attempt to fill in some of the waiting time.
On a brighter not congrats to all the guys on here who are doing well and hanging in there.
Cheers Stevo.

[Hanna]

Hi guys

Well, I finally mentioned to my husband that he hasn't said anything about the changes I've made over the past 2 plus weeks (he knows I am trying, as we have discussed my changing my eating habits to help with cravings, and he knows I have been on this site), and his response was "how would I know if things are any different?". Me - "well, I haven't drank anything lately?" Him - "How would I know that? I know you have not drank in my presence. I know you have not come home incapacitated at all."

I guess what all this tells me is that I was a pretty sneaky drinker. I drank- a lot - almost every night, but he only confronted me from time to time. I guess the rest of the time he didn't know? So, as different as this is for me, I guess it is not so much for him. Not sure if I am glad about this or not. Really have to work hard at not feeling some resentment that he doesn't notice/is not more supportive. Guess I can't have it both ways, huh?

Well, my thoughts for the evening. Going to watch Sat. night live (we missed it last night).

[actiongirl46]

Day 6 is in the books. It was not easy but it is done. The walk helped, fortunately my dog is always up for it. Thanks for the encouragement all! That helps too, so much.

Hanna. . . hmmm . . . Do you want him to notice and support your decision not to drink? More encouragement? Maybe you just have to spell it out for him REAL CLEAR : ) Well, whatever you do, just don't let his actions get in your head and spoil your quit.

Let's do this!

P.S. Stevo - I hope things go your way, hang in there!

[KENSHO]

Way to go MyWayIn and A New Page! I do love those round numbers!

Hanna, I think noticeable change comes after a bit more time - with a happier, more self-assured us. You will feel more at ease and more balanced.

Thanks to Byrd, NS, Ava and Lav. :heartbeat: Your words were incredibly comforting. The "in-between" - yes, that's where I am. And I will try to appreciate it as part of the process. I truly don't want to drink - and that's wonderful! But this has changed me in more ways than what I consume. I am learning more about ME than I ever thought possible. Though I love being sober, I am faced squarely with the challenges I covered up with AL. Things to work on I guess.

Actiongirl - way to get that walk in! I need to take your lead and force myself to get back in that habit.

Speaking of habits - I can say I have broken my habit to drink. BUT, I have picked up the habit of drinking too much caffeine, and lost my habit of exercise. If I can break the drinking, I should be able to change other habits too. It was discomfort, sure, but now it is part of my every day NOT to drink. I guess we just have to CHOOSE to create good habits (and go through any initial discomfort) because once they are established, they become a way of life. My thought for the day.

[Orimus]

Ahhhhhhhhh!

[Orimus]

Thats better. Just needed to let that out. I'd say tomorrow is a new day but it is tomorrow so .... when I wake up.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Kensho - for a while I had to deliberately cross that social line that alcohol would whisk me over with no thought. I had to "talk" myself in to being bright and social on my own. I have to say that after a year, it comes very naturally for me, and the ME that I thought alcohol was responsible for was in there after all. I spent a weekend at a family reunion and on the Sunday night someone told someone that I hadn't been drinking. No one could believe it as I had instigated just as much fun and laughter as I had before. No one noticed I wasn't drinking, and they all just assumed I had. You'll get there, I know you will. PS - I was also "flat" for a while there - about three months to about seven. Put my head down and followed the sober people to muddle through as best I could.

MWI and New Page - badass indeed. CONGRATULATIONS on your giant milestones.

I managed 15+ miles of solo hiking this weekend. Exercise and reflection are good for the soul.

Pass that butt velcro around.

Pav

[Pavati]

Orimus - What's up?

[enzo'smom]

I am feeling very much "in between" and I am eagerly yet patiently waiting to reach the other side

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Fat Tuesday!

I'm not going to eat anymore than usual & I'm certainly not going to drink, Lol.
Watching the snow fall & wondering if I really want to try to get to my 10:30 am dental appointment

Hanna, in my experience I can tell you that my husband did a lot of moaning & complaining about my drinking but never once complemented me on my nearly 6 year long quit. It just doesn't matter in the end because I did this for myself, not for him. Be proud of yourself & celebrate here with friends like I do!!!

Kensho, we are all going to be just fine

Pav, very nice on the 15 mile hike!

jennie, practice taking mini breaks during the day to focus on your breathing. It really helps to slow down & relax naturally. We have to give ourselves plenty of time to adjust to our new way of being!

Wishing everyone a good AF Tuesday!

Lav

[Hanna]

Good morning all!!

Another sober day, and awake with a good frame of mind. Funny how the mornings tend to be like that. I am so inspired by reading of such successes here, and it really helps to know what to expect along the way...the bumps. I tend to be very impatient so it helps me to not expect everything to be perfect. Although still new, I can relate to experiencing that " in between phase" and it is good to know it is going to stick around a little, is real, and I will have to be quite patient to get through it. Heck, I am only into week 3 and expect to not feel discomfort late in the afternoon...and expect hubby to see how different this all is this time around already.

I have always heard that when you are sober awhile, some real feelings will surface that can be tough. I love my husband with all my heart, but he can be slightly critical and judgmental, and tends to want to take control of things and tell me "how to fix it". Well meaning as that is, it would be disasterous in relation to my drinking and quitting. The last thing I need to put into the mix is a control struggle. Unfortunately, by keeping some of what I am doing and feeling in this journey to myself, I can't expect him to share in my moment to moment successes, this is a choice I have made, and I have to work at not feeling pissed about it.

Well I was told to share openly and honestly here,so there it is!!

In general, feeling strong today, and expecting a good week. Love you guys and the strength you give me!

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Hanna, you came full circle in your posts from last night to this morning. What a sign of growth! Like Lav said, in real life we don't get prizes for doing this. No one calls us up to the stage and tells us what a monumental hurdle we have just jumped. No....they just expect us to carry on as if nothing happened. Early on, I expected my hubs to be more supportive and more caring, etc...after all, I was quitting because HE MADE ME. He should appreciate my efforts a little more! Well, that just wasn't how it was...I may have quit so he wouldn't leave me, but I have stayed quit because it has been best for ME. I can't control HIS feelings towards all this, but I can control mine...and that's good enough. Over time, all of this will even out and seem totally fair again. After all, THIS IS MY PROBLEM, not his. You are getting there!

Kensho, the phase you are going thru now is sort of like watching your life from outside your body. We had a member here some time ago named Kuya...she postulated that when we become addicted to AL, our emotional growth stops and we depend on AL to do the rest. As I became addicted in my late 20's until age 51, you can imagine the growing that I had to do...it wasn't always easy, either...I began FEELING things and dealing with them for the first time! My emotional age finally caught up with my chronological age....now I feel BALANCED. This is all a good sign of growth!

Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Hanna, I was a secret over-drinker so have had a pretty under-wraps recovery, too. To the outside world, it looks like I gave up my daily glass of wine with dinner and occasional night out with the girls. Not too surprising that no one is amazed and congratulating me on my awesome achievement... It looks like I made a sensible, healthy choice one day and that was that. I made a couple half-hearted attempts to explain the situation to a couple people but they were confused and unreceptive. At some point I realized that I didn't need to convince anyone other than myself that I had had a problem (and I was solving it). I didn't feel like I was a good reporter, anyway - so much had become blurred about the whole thing. I had "confessed" here on MWO to people who understood. I didn't feel like doing it again to people who would be shocked and hurt and who would have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. I still don't know for sure how much I hid successfully and how much the people around me chose not to see. But I do know that all of my relationships are better now that I'm again living honestly.

[KENSHO]

NS that makes so much sense. Thank goodness for all if you. So Byrdie, I get to relive my twenties?!