Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Dang, Matt. You have the best Council of Advocates I can think of. I'll continue to stalk you here as well.

Hanna - good on you for emailing. Can you post here, too?

Honey - Welcome back. It is ALCOHOL causing that anxiety for sure. I was much relieved of that when I quit.

I just have time for a drive by. Hope all is well in the nest. I'm holding on tight!

Pav

[enzo'smom]

continuing the "in between" feeling discussed yesterday……I almost feel like I am nursing an illness. But I don't want to feel ill anymore so patience is my virtue right now……

Honey: I am sorry to hear that you are so ridden with anxiety…..that was my MO when I was drinking too…..by the end of the day, I was so full of anxiety that I couldn't pour the booze faster. Now, I practice HALT. (hungry angry lonely tired) when I am in HALT, I close my eyes and take 10 long deep breaths and calm myself….sometimes I need 20 but it does help take that edge off.
And then once I get past that witching hour, I am so happy I didn't drink!!!!!!!!!
Wishing you the best….

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

It's a frosty morning in my portion of the nest but the sun is shining, it helps

Jennie, I'm so glad to see you are focused on good self-care now. Makes all the difference in the end, good for you!

Stevo, congrats on your AF time, however you choose to count your days!!! You most certainly are moving in the right direction
I find Mother Nature rather fascinating as well - just keep yourself safe & batten down the hatches!

Hanna, I've heard homemade chicken soup & hot tea do a great job killing respiratory viruses, ha ha! I used to think AL was a good choice too. Changing those old habits is a big part of the game plan here

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a wonderful AF day for all!
PS: Matt - I'm watching you!!!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning from the Freezer! Brrrrr.

Honey, glad to see you in the nest. Anxiety, guilt, shame, remorse are the calling cards of AL. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Why don't you share your plan with us so we can exchange ideas with you? Writing it down is essential...it makes it REAL, and it documents it for later when we don't feel so strong. Engaging here will help you tremendously. I wanted to reach thru my computer and do a HELL YEAH to TJAF's post about seeking some counseling. You have been at this for a while and the frustration is overwhelming. Can you find an addiction counselor locally that might give you some face to face accountability and direction? If you want to be free of this monster MORE than you want to drink, you will find a way. Let us know how you are doing today.

Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

[NoSugar]

- good on you for emailing. Can you post here, too?

I think this is good advice, Pav - we need to spread WIDE safety nets! Odds of a quick response are pretty good here in the nest. And really, all you have to say is "Help". It is worth pulling out ALL the stops to avoid giving up all you've gained - and who wants to do it all again when you don't need to???

Have a a great AF day, NS

[actiongirl46]

Good morning Nesters! Feeling grateful for the warm nest today as it is cold and snowing outside of my window. My plan of attack for today's bewitching hour is Pelligrino, a walk with the beast, and a good dinner. If you need a plan of attack for the witching hour, what is it? What works for you? I'm curious.

Make it a great Thursday!

[Hanna]

Good morning nesters

Chilly day in S. Florida but not nearly as cold as predicted. I called in sick today, which is kinda funny, as I have never in 5 years taken a sick day (while drinking) and now am home lol. Actually, I think I would have pushed myself, sick or not, to go in, as the thought of missing work related to drinking would have given me so much shame. It is nice to be home, although under the weather, and be able to just take care of myself guilt free.

Next time I am struggling (who know a, could be this afternoon) I will reach out here. It's interesting, I did not want to let you all down, which is good in that it is a motivator not to drink, but I need to learn to be comfortable asking for help. I have never been good at that. I think it is mostly an ego thing. I don't want to be seen as weak, or a complainer, or just a pain in the ass. This is true for me in life as well. I am happy to share struggles I have had AFTER I have solved them. Something to work on.

Honey, I could not go without a drink for any length of time for many, many, years, even though I thought I wanted to stop. However, when I finally made the commitment, meaning I had to DO something when I feel the urge, rather than just fight with myself, I started to succeed . The amazing thing, that I never had the opportunity to experience before is that 1) the desire passes and bigger than that 2) when it does, I feel such relief that I did not drink. Having that knowledge first hand really helps me when the urge comes around - which it does frequently as I am still very new.

The amount of frustration and just feeling plain lousy about myself for soooo many years was so much harder than the momentary discomforts I deal with regarding drinking today. I can say that already, only a couple of weeks into this thing.

Well, going to enjoy a day of self care, sneezing, and coughing lol. Would be so much worse if I were hungover as well. Hope you are all staying warm. I hear it is frigid inmost of the states! As our meteorologist says on cold nights..." Snuggle alert tonight" I like that!

[Hanna]

Good morning Nesters! Feeling grateful for the warm nest today as it is cold and snowing outside of my window. My plan of attack for today's bewitching hour is Pelligrino, a walk with the beast, and a good dinner. If you need a plan of attack for the witching hour, what is it? What works for you? I'm curious.

Make it a great Thursday!

Sorry just saw this after posting

Action for me the best is to eat my dinner! Works like a charm

[KENSHO]

Love the "snuggle alert" Hanna! We apparently have a large snow coming in this weekend in the Rockies, so gearing up for that. Please do be careful of putting alcohol in your hands. It works your progress in reverse, even if you don't have any. It makes doing more than holding it just that much more plausible. When you say "NO, HELL NO!" like Byrdie does, it reinforces those quit muscles and makes them stronger. When you even entertain the thoughts of alcohol, it works in reverse. Me having one sip one night led to a shameful break in my 60+ day quit several days later

That said, I AM still feeling a little flat. I feel like the parts of quitting that can be traumatic are mostly past, and I have a new normal of not drinking. In order to achieve this, I went inside myself quite a bit. Now, I am feeling distance from my husband and other close peeps. As an intense introvert (yet I can be as boisterous as any in a professional environment), I have always struggled with feeling awkward in relationships. I am a thinker and a dreamer and a fighter and an achiever - but not so much an easy-going chit-chatter. I don't like this about myself, and I guess it's going to have to take some practice. Why would my husband feel close to ME when I am so guarded? Sometimes I feel like I need a "dummy" book for socializing - like it's just not in my set of skills at all!

Anyway - these are the things I believe we are faced with when we stop using alcohol to "cover up" and "not deal". It is uncomfortable - but I've made so much progress so far by just being willing to even "look" at my issues. I was making NO - did I capitalize that... NO progress while drinking. I was just stuck in perpetual numbness that was taking me down a road of poor health, shame and total isolation. YUCK! This is much better.

Honey, my best weapons for the witching hour were eating, having a flavored water in my hands at ALL times, and KNOWING that it would pass. Good job coming here to post!

Resolve, where are you?

Thank you all for being here.

[mywayin]

Hi nesters. Are we allowed to stay in snuggle mode until spring? That’s what i plan on!
Well, except that my birthday is coming soon and my daughter has offered me an amazing cooking class by Alain Ducasse. We’ll be preparing Stuffed Squab Pigeon, Erquy Scallops and more. Of course, this will all be paired with delicious wines, but no wine for me. What’s so great is that I’m pretty fine with that now ! ! !
I'll take my L-Glut in case and let y’all know how it went.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Hanna - yes, I think ego gets in the way a lot. I still get mad at myself for "allowing" myself to get this way, and feel both weak and dumb for not seeing it coming. Mostly I can move beyond that because I have read enough to understand that really I was just vulnerable to an addictive substance. And actually, if I look back, I could see it coming - I just chose to deny it. Check your ego at the door - we are all here for the same reason. We want to help and can help. As Matt says, I'm 100% sure I couldn't do this alone. Also, your posts are helping us all - so you're not just getting, you're giving. You sound very strong in this - keep it up.

Kensho - I'm not very good at finding old posts, but Ava and I quit one day apart, and we went through exactly what you're describing. If you look back on the Loamer thread, you'll see similar posts, and NS gave us the In Between information, too. All I can say is that it does get better. I had to just put my head down and power through, but I had a lot of "is this it?" moments along the way. For me, 7.5 months was when the fog cleared. I have had other bouts of "really?" since then, but by and large I am much more content. You sound very strong, too!

Off to enjoy my day - on vacation all week. Another hike in the works!

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Lav,
Remember when you and I were coming up and had flat spots there wasn't much said about it. There seemed to be so few people who made it past 30 days it wasn't an issue! When I went thru it, I thought it was just me and like Pav said, soldiered thru it! Things have sure changed around here and for the BETTER! We have so much success to draw on!
This is a great place!!! xo, Byrdie

[available]

I plodded along each and every day. The emotions are up and down and around and under and everywhere else i looked but if i didnt want to deal with them that day they were still there for another. Everything is hard without al for months once we give up, it was our crutch and our only emotional tool we had to deal with life and when its not there then its hard. As Pav says, life becomes much easier with time and as Byrd says lots of people fall as they dont know what to do. Keep doing what you are doing and as we all know al will do absolutely nothing to make life better. I have a calmness regarding al now, i know i dont want it, i dont get many urges and i feel safe in my quit but i will never stray from my safety net which is MWO.

Pav this menopause sucks balls! When i hear that lots on here drank through it, i think that sounds like a wonderful idea lol and i am sure my boys think it would be too. Oh well i'll just keep plodding along and try not to kill anyone in the process.

Off to see Roxette tonight with my daughter, cant wait. I love knowing i can go out and not want to drink anymore and feel confident in just ordering what i want without being questioned. I also love to see the look of pride in my daughters face, seeing that she is so proud of me and able to talk about her mum being an alcoholic openly and without shame makes my journey worthwhile each and every day.

take care all

[Pinecone]

Hi friends,

I'd just like to add my voice to the choir for "just keep going, it really does get better." In the middle of a flat spot, one cannot see the end, but eventually it appears. For me it was around 4 months, then another short lived spot around 6 months. I don't know if these are milestones, or just personal experience but we all seem to have them. I definately enjoy much better mental health now than I did while drinking.

Honeysoup, good to see you here. If you put some space between you and that last drink, you will see those problems start to recede. We have this thing in common. I've been reading on this site for a while now and everyone without exception seems to be "doing better" when not drinking.

Kensho, boy I could have written what you posted about being an introvert! It sure makes life interesting (not really sure what I mean by that).

[NoSugar]

All this talk about being in the in-between stage, plodiding along, and all that might sound discouraging but what it really should do is help you realize that we all need to be patient with ourselves. There are many short term improvements (enjoy them!) and the occasional floating on the "pink cloud" but it isn't reasonable to expect to be good as new right away! Things really do take time. Plus - feeling flat is a huge improvement over feeling full of guilt and remorse and basically hating yourself.

Whenever I read a post about someone being close to giving up their 2 weeks or 2 months or 2 days, I just want to jump through my screen and talk to them! It just isn't worth it. You can't go back to your early drinking days of carefree excess. All you'll be doing is setting the stage to eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later) come back here or to another source of support. The payoff of choosing to drink is just so low and never final.

Everyone's timeline is different. It's reassuring to get a general feel for how long it takes various people to reach certain points but it's kind of like raising a baby - your quit might be precocious is some ways and a little delayed in others. And that's ok. As long as you don't drink, you'll eventually get to where you want to be and I bet your experience will be like mine -- looking back, it doesn't seem to have taken all that long and I'm amazed with how far I've come.

xx, NS

xpost, Pinecone - so good to see you (and be on the same wavelength with you :hug.