Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Resolve - Yikes. I had a sit down with my husband at about month five and told him, after a lot of other information and tears on both sides, that if he saw me drinking again it would be a relapse, and even if some time in the future I tell him "it's ok, I'm cured" he is not to believe me. After reading your post, I think it is time to have a refresher course for him. I could see at a weak moment (i.e. if a monumental catastrophe hits) his saying "one's ok," and I could see me at a weak moment saying, "yes it is." I can't really imagine that happening now, but after reading about relapse I know that it HAS happened. The way I can prevent it from happening to me is to be prepared! Thanks for that post.

Hanna - You have a way with words. Thanks so much for your posts. I very much identified with the description of your husband's reaction. It goes back to the fact that I don't think people who haven't been down this road can know what we're talking about. I know I couldn't have before I realized where I was...

And Lav, are you saying that no one in your "real" life knows about MWO? That's impressive. I have told my husband, sister, therapist and two good friends. I feel like my telling them is part of being honest - sometimes I feel like people should know how much work it has been for me to get and stay sober, and having a support group lends credence to that idea. And as I type that out, I see that it sounds like I am worrying about what others think. But really I just want to be honest in case I can help someone else trying to get sober. And I don't mean to say I think you're being dishonest - I admire your sobriety so much and your strength of character that shows with your being self assured and steadfast in your quit.

Off to bed. Have great Saturdays!

Pav

[available]

Hi..I haven't read back. Unfortunately 2 nights ago I fecked up!
No excuses. I got in a position where I lost it....still am.
I was away for my first night in a hotel in years with my daughters and cousins. At breakfast my daughter got a call for me to call my cousin urgently. We had to pack up and go home right away. She had handed her kids over to the authorities as she had a mental breakdown again. I fostered 2 of the kids for 6 months a year ago.
They want me to take them again. 3 months, 4 and 6. By the time I got home they were in my house with my daughter. Have spent 2 days wrecking my brains to see how I could do this. Today, after a lot of thought, phone calls etc I made the decision that I could not....I cannot even explain how broken I am...my kids are in tears, I am. We are keeping them until a decent home is found....a mess! These poor babies...I seen them go through it all before....this will be worse.
I feel responsible as I was their only source of help. Taking them would impact adversely on so much in our lives....I am eaten up with guilt. I love these kids....I cannot even explain.....

Daisy that sucks about the children but you can only do so much. I have to ask though did drinking solve any of the problems and what made you think that drinking would help? We have to learn to deal with stress without al. We cannot help everyone and i found when i drank i had to be the helper, the guilt was unbelievable when i could not do that so i drank some more. Now i dont drink its so much easier to deal with issues, i know for a fact i am more logical and not letting the world weigh me down. Stress happens to all of us in life and al was always my "go back to" to cope. It doesnt have to be like that, to have a clear head to deal with this heartbreak is so much easier in the long run than trying to drown it away with al. You had good time up again not drinking so make a plan for when these issues are thrown at you. Being around children and being sober doing it is what your focus should be. Children are resilient little people and i am sure you will be there for them if they are put into care but you also need to care for yourself and make your quit your priority.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters

Looks like my day will be spent watching my grandsons (last minute stuff).
So much for my plan for the day, LOL

Pav, I have not told anyone in my life about MWO primarily for the reasons I mentioned last night & because one or two of them are just sneaky enough to get in here & interfere. I've had enough disrespect in my life - this place is all mine. I lightly mentioned once, way back in the beginning that I had an online support group but never brought it up again. That's just the way it has to be

Hi there Ava & all to come by today. Have a great AF Saturday everyone!

Lav

[daisy45]

The simple answer Ava is NO. Just made me feel worse and doubt my decisions. The kids are still here until a good home is found.
I need to get back now .......

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Wow, its a big day over on Roll Call, you wouldnt believe the big numbers we are posting over there! Rahul, with ONE year today! Please put your hands together for him and his amazing journey. Thank you for sharing it with us! I have learned so much from you. If you have a few words, we are all ears. Well done!
:celebrate:

Hanna, great post yesterday, so glad to see your paradigm shift. I know when we start out, all we want to do is quit drinking, but there are about 1000 layers under there to peel away to get to that point (and stay there). So happy for your progress!
Kensho, sounding great and strong, as always!
Action and Beach Girls, keep up the heavy lifting!
Inspirational posts overnight, as usual. I wish the NN could be published in book form, what a wonderful read that would be. So many wonderful posts and reflections, it is a shame they get buried in the history. This is the best thread in the joint!

Hope everyone has a peaceful day! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Quick check in! Finished my hard week with clients... family is not letting me have time today! I will check back when I get more time. Enjoying being AF and getting good sleep, and waking up not hungover, and being less irritable and sluggish.

[abcowboy]

I haven’t posted in the Nest for a while, but I read every post, every day. I needed to feel secure in my own journey, if I couldn’t help myself, how could I possibly help anyone else? The posts from everyone, especially the newcomers, echo determination all through the Nest! And yes, even enthusiasm, we need to feel good about our quit so that this time will be the last time. Being positive is half the battle.

I am not an expert on alcoholism or alcohol treatment. I have only my personal experience to draw upon. So I don't have a formula for success to offer. I don’t struggle to stay sober like I did when I was at my first (not only) Day 1 fourteen months ago. But I do have to watch that I don’t give AL any reason/excuse to come back into my life.

What I do have are a few random thoughts. Take from them what you will.

If I can get AF after 40 years of drinking, YOU can get too. It doesn't just happen. You DO need a plan, and support - a concrete plan and support for getting and staying sober. If you fail, you need to revise the plan and support mechanisms - and again each time you fail - until you find a plan and support system that works for you.
My sobriety began with a simple, but critical recognition that I am not like "normal" drinkers. I am unable to drink one or two drinks. I need 8. Or 10. Or 20. Once I figured out my "on/off" switch simply doesn't work, it became easier to accept that I must stop drinking altogether. It is so blatantly obvious. It is the only conclusion that makes any sense. Admitting you have a problem is important, accepting that fact is critical for your recovery to be successful.
The main common denominator that I see among those who still struggle is that they seem to think that at some point in time they can return to "normal drinking". They have difficultly accepting who they really are, and don't like themselves because of what they can't have. We have all done things as drunks that are shameful, hurtful and maybe even unforgivable. But I have yet to meet someone here at MWO or anywhere for that matter, who is undeserving of being loved. And as guilty and ashamed as I am for what I have done in the past, I am remembering that I am (especially when sober), an overall good person who deserves to have my own self-respect. I wish many of you felt the same way about yourselves. It is critical to recovery, just as self-hatred is a recipe for failure.
I used to be a magnate for problems. Always problems. Other people's problems became my problems. And the unfairness of life. I would dwell on that all the time. "Why me? Life is so unfair. It's not my fault because the world is out to get me." Now, I kind of picture my life as a quiet horse ride on a calm summer evening. I see beauty and joy, and I try to appreciate it as I pass it by. I see problems and strife, and instead of stopping and getting off my horse and getting caught up in those problems, I take comfort in knowing that the stride of my horse will soon take me past it. (And perhaps I ride a little faster to get past it). Maybe that is selfish of me. But in early recovery, I think being selfish is a necessity.
Life IS better in sobriety. The crippling anxiety that I experienced following a night of heavy drinking is gone. My health is better, my attitude towards others is better. My faith in God is stronger, and He will give me the strength and courage that I need to get through the tough spots. My problems didn't all disappear with sobriety, but with seeking out help through a counsellor, I’m learning how to deal with those problems effectively. And the problems are much easier to deal with sober!

The “old timers” provide a critical role here at MWO. Pay attention to what they are saying and heed their advice! Take what you need, and leave the rest. They have helped so many through the darkest, early days of recovery with unselfish support! And they will help you as well, if you let them.

I am actually not feeling particularly overjoyed at this stage of my recovery, it’s more a feeling of peace and gratitude that I could finally accept that AL is not my friend and never was my friend. I am grateful for Bubba, my kids, and everyone here for helping and supporting me. But the bottom line is, they can’t do it for us, we have to do it ourselves along with their love and support!

[available]

Morning nesters.

Resolve, its funny how you said your wife was going to leave you when you had your bottom and now she is saying you can drink. Oh to be "normal" and do that. I have had so many people say its been so long since you drank you will be fine now. My al brain says yes you are right but my logical brain which thank god is around 24/7 now says "dont listen to them, they have no bloody idea what hole i would be in, in a very short time". I am someone who says " i am an alcoholic and i can never drink again". Most of the time i will say "i wish i could but i cant, i am not like you".

I had a long chat my daughters best friend on friday and she told me how i looked ten years younger (i wish) and how proud she is and how damn proud my daughter is. I told her it had been hard, so hard some days but i can never see the look of hurt and shame in my daughters eyes as long as i live again and i can never have a drink and take the chance i would lose her as i will lose her and my children are my world. No amount of enticement will make me take that drink as i dont think i can start again and again and again. She asked if i ever wanted a drink and of course i do, i want to be normal, i want to be able to take it or leave it like she does but thats not me and it will never ever be me.

Ive learnt to deal with stresses in my life and not drink and i found that was the hardest hurdle to overcome. How to deal with stress without al was a bitch when all i wanted to do was drink to get to that place where i didnt feel anything. The problem was i then drank day after day to block everything out. I still hate stress but i have learnt to pull every bit of "grateful" i can think of out of my hat so that i dont drink. A lot of people dont make it to a year so that is top of my list of gratefulness, having cyber friends who understand and who i am accountable to daily, my children and being strong enough to deal with life sober. No amount of al now can help me deal with life, we all only have one and i am so grateful i found mwo and was helped out of the deep hole i was in.

Another hot hot day in Ausland today which is a perfect excuse to laze around.

[Chief]

Great post, Cowboy...

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I guess we ended up with about 6 inches of snow today & now the temp is rising - odd!

Rahul, CONGRATS to you one your one year AF :welldone:
What a difference a year makes!!!!

Cowboy, good to see you here again & thanks for your thoughtful post!
You have come a long way as well. Your words will help many I am sure

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Thanks Cowboy. "I am remembering that I am (especially when sober), an overall good person." You were a good person even when you were drinking, just not in a good spot. It is certainly easier to live up to being a good person when sober.

Ava - So happy to be your quit buddy. I want to be normal, too, but I guess we're not. There's no person I'd rather be abnormal with than you!

I'm off to see some live music tonight. Taking two cars so I can have an exit, but I am looking forward to a great night, remembering all the music, and driving myself home when I want. Whoot.

Happy Saturday Night, Nest.

Pav

[available]

I am so happy to have you too Pav, we bounce off each other and seem to go through the same stages and thats great to know i am not alone in how i feel.

I went to see Roxette the other night with Kiera and i had the best time. Looking at drunk people, knowing i used to act like an idiot and then go and drink and drink some more till passout stage. That was my first real sober concert in forever and i had a ball.

Sunday here and hot as all feck. How many cold showers can one have in a day i wonder.

[Hanna]

No time to post today or even read posts from others. Just wanted to say a quick hi, and that I am happy to be sober and almost at 3 weeks. Out to dinner tonight with another couple (a sober first) and the only one who did not order a glass of wine. Felt a little left out but it was really ok and certainly better than the alternative (order one glass after having already drank before, or have something hidden in my purse to guzzle in the bathroom...ugh)

Off to sleep in my cozy bed. Night all!

[enzo'smom]

what a weekend. background: my mom lives next door to me. my 27 year old nephew lives with her. my brother came over - he lives a bit away and he tickets to a concert near our house.
Me: doing my usual: watching something on netflix in the living room in front a nice cozy fire. Them: all hanging out in the kitchen drinking, laughing that buzzed sort of laugh, having what seemed like a good time. So, reluctantly, I go into the kitchen and I tried to hang with them since I don't see my brother that often. He wasn't really drinking, but he is not one of us so he probably didn't give it a thought. After a short while, I couldn't take it anymore and went into my bedroom and shut the door….I could sense unease and I didn't want to risk my sobriety. Was that rude of me? I don't know. I guess if I had the chance I would have explained to my brother why I left but I wasn't going to pull him aside and make a big deal out of it.
anyway, husband and brother go to concert
nephew and girlfriend hang out at my house drinking in our rec room….laughing carrying on….drinking drinking
I know, I should have said something. But I don't feel like airing my personal stuff to his girlfriend and we have always treated him as a part of the family. Him hanging out at my house is nothing new ….
I wonder WHY it bothers me SO MUCH now whereas before, I would not have let it bother me too much (prior quits)
I went to bed sober. My husband did not. My nephew most definitely did not. My brother probably not as well.
As I write this a thought occurs to me: maybe it bothers me so much because I know that my nephew has a SERIOUS alcohol problem. He must wonder why I don't drink, why I am no longer right in the thick of the party. And yet, I still watch him as he pours a glass of scotch right in front of me while everyone else is upstairs watching a movie….and he downs it before going back upstairs with more beer. It is tragedy waiting to happen right before my eyes and yet only he can save himself. THat is hard.
sorry for the ramble…..

[Lavande]

Good morning Abbers,

Looking forward to my granddaughter's birthday party this afternoon even though it is at ChuckECheese, LOL. She's turning 4! This is a guaranteed no AL party

Jennie, when we become aware of destructive drinking patterns it is hard to ignore them in others. I have tried to quietly bring up the topic with a few people but stop when I am met with resistance. I think the best thing we can do is show people that we can be happy without AL in our lives. Then there are a few people I just don't want to be around anymore including one of my brothers. His negativity & destructive drinking patterns are just too much! People have to make their own choices in their own time I suppose. Keep doing what you are doing, who knows when someone may want to follow in your footsteps.

Wishing everyone a good AF Sunday!

Lav