Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Jennie,
I feel for your situation. When I was in the thick of my addiction, the LAST thing I wanted to hear was someone trying to come between me and my fix. When I finally realized I needed help, however, there were a couple people that I strongly suspected had overcome what I now had, and when the time came, I reached out to one of them. These people are keenly aware of their troubles, werent you? I know I was, but until I was ready to address it, anything anyone said would have been dismissed as meddling or HOLIER THAN THOU. If you provide the example, others will know who to talk to when the time comes. Otherwise, he will just hide his drinking from you ( thats what I did).

Hanna, a fellow purse hider! Have you seen the thread You Know You're An Alkie When... ? It is both sad and humorous....the things we do to drink. I used to hide booze in a hairspray bottle (I'd cleaned out) in my purse and would takes swigs from it in the bathroom at restaurants. What a visual. (Those weren't the days). That is one of the tools I pull out when I have a thought that a glass of wine might be nice! That's not the way I drank!
Hope everyone is having an easy day! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

I'm here and having a nice weekend! Trying to find the time to read, but with the snow flying, I am in demand in the house. We cooked french onion soup, dark chocolate spiced brownies and I began knitting a scarf with thick loopy yarn - all perfect for cold weather. I'm enjoying the storm, and WITHOUT alcohol.

Byrdie's note about the successful numbers here is wonderful! I think success grows with support and is contagious. Keep up the great work and we can grow together! I will check in again later - time to make coffee! Hugs to all!

[actiongirl46]

Good morning! Trying to get some motivation to gear up and go outside to walk the beast. Byrdie, where is that thread "you know you're an alky when? I couldn't find it. However, while searching, I discovered that there are a TON of threads! Wow. Lots of reading that I haven't done yet.

We have a brief break from the arctic freeze yesterday and today but temps will be going back down tonight. Luckily my boys are on winter break as they would have had yet another snow day on Friday due to wind chill. They love their snow days but won't love going to school in mid-June!!

abcowboy - thanks for the awesome post! very helpful

Kensho - I agree, I really liked Byrdie's note about the loads of success here. It is very inspiring.

HBE - how are you doing? I haven't seen you around in awhile. I hope you are feeling better. Have a great day all!

[paulywogg]

Every time I hear Byrdie's hairspray bottle story I chuckle, it's funny but not,I was the queen of hiding beer in my travel coffee cup,I wonder if anyone else ever noticed it was hissing haha,Lav,the Chuck E Cheese here serves beer,I think they do that so the men will actually step foot in the place haha,have a great Sunday nesters

[Pinecone]

Jennie, I think it was a pretty normal reaction to be uncomfortable around a lot of drinking. I know I am. It's not so much that I feel threatened but there is nothing for me there. We are the canaries in the coal mine. It's hard to be around it for me because I see nothing positive about drinking anymore, and so many terrifying negatives.

When I was drinking I would occasionally encounter someone at a party who was not drinking at all and I really, really wanted to be like that. Just like when we post something on here and it helps another person without us intending it to. NS used to have it in her signature line about recovery being spread by recovery carriers. That rings true with me.

[banana44]

Hi everyone. I've used a variety of online forums to try to help me quit drinking over the years, and I'm hoping this one can help me. Been battling serious alcohol addiction since 2010, when I had to be hospitalized with withdrawals. The longest I've maintained sobriety has been 8 months, and I've racked up decent sober time in the past year but I just can't seem to make it stick. I'm coming off a 3 day bender right now and have pains in my liver. My husband is supportive, he likes to drink too, but he doesn't seem to have the same severity of issues that I do. We both agreed this morning to go alcohol-free today and try to keep the booze out of our fridge from now on. Any recommendations or words of wisdom welcome. I've got to make this stick!

[NoSugar]

Thanks for the reminder of that essay, Pinecone - it is a good one:

"The contagion of addiction is transmitted through a process of infection--the movement of addiction disease from one vulnerable person to another. The contagion of recovery is spread quite differently--not through infection, but affection. Those who spread such affection are recovery carriers. Recovery carriers affirm that long-term recovery is possible and that the promises of recovery are far more than the removal of drugs from an otherwise unchanged life. They tell us that we have the potential to get well and to then get better than well. They challenge us to stop being everyone's problem and to become part of the solution. They relate to us from a position of profound empathy, emotional authenticity, respect and moral equality--lacking even a whisper of contempt. Most importantly, they offer us love. Yeah, some of us got loved into recovery, and I don't mean in the way some of you with smiles on your faces may be thinking."

The whole essay is here.

[Healthybutempty]

Hey everyone, I am doing alright, thank you for asking actiongirl how is everyone doing today? Im at day 358. My boyfriend has been drinking the last couple days, which has been hard and I have been tempted a few times because of how I've been feeling lately physically/mentally and emotionally but then I remember that drinking just makes all of those things worse and how disappointed I would be with myself for drinking this close to 1 year and I come to my senses. I think once I start school again in september I'll be ok but right now I cant really do much because of my pain and I cant see my rheumatologist to get new medications or painkillers to try until a month from now.

hope everyone has a great af day

[Byrdlady]

Action, I bumped up that thread for you. Its under General Discussion, maybe I can post the link. https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...62#post1584862
Hey Banana and welcome! May I lead you to some breadcrumbs in my signature line. Its the Tool Box and its a real treasure trove of tips and coping skills to help you. Settle in and just tell us whats on your mind, we are so glad you found us!
HBE, every day you put between you and AL is a win! I hope you get your resolve back so that you aren't so vulnerable. For me, AL just isnt an option anymore, no more than drinking battery acid. Zero tolerance policy is the only way I have seen to tame this beast. If you give AL an inch, he wants to he the ruler! Hang in!
byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Home from the birthday party, great to spend time with kids

Hello & welcome Banana!
Glad you found us & decided to join in. Sounds like you have had some respectable AF time & that's great!
We can all tell you that if you want to remain sober you need a good plan. What is it that has you returning to drinking after time? Covering your drinking triggers is vitally important, you need to plan ahead. Go take a look in the Tool box & use some of the great ideas there.

HBE, glad you are OK! I was wondering about you myself yesterday. Sorry your boyfriend is still drinking - his choice. Does the cold/damp weather cause an increase in your pain level? I personally can't wait to see the end of this winter.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Hanna]

Hello nesters

Well tomorrow I can say i have made it 3 weeks. It has gotten so much easier, and I feel good, and very proud. The obnoxious voice in my head has gotten soooo much quieter and easier to ignore. Having said that, although the volume has decreased, the frequency has not, and while it doesn't last all that long, it gives me pause daily, and makes me question how I will be able to do this indefinitely without having a slip at some point. Maybe if one of you more experience could give me some encouragement about what, and when, this might not be a daily issue, or will it always?

Overall, I am still going strong and feeling positive, but this is just a concern that weighs on my mind.

Thanks. Hope you are all having a good night.

[banana44]

Thanks for the welcome! I know I very much need a new, or at least improved set of tools in my life. One thing that has helped more than anything else is my yoga practice. I just started a new job last month and haven't had as much time for it, and that is absolutely part of the problem. I need to find a way to cram some more sessions in during the week.

I struggle badly with anxiety (social anxiety, phobias) which has played a direct part in my overconsumption of alcohol. It actually took me forever to realize that while drinking might initially calm me down from a panic attack, that the resulting hangover the next day makes the anxiety so much worse. Knowing that has helped me stop before, but sometimes I always seem to think "this time will be different". I'm a frequent relapser.

Thanks for pointing me in the direction of the toolbox, it looks like it will be some good reading (and I'll need that tonight when I'm unable to fall asleep or stay asleep because of wicked bad nightmares).

Best to you all.
Banana

[available]

Hanna you can only take it one day at a time, it is not worth getting overwhelmed with the "if's and buts" but to just keep doing what you are doing. The voice lessens in time, i dont have any voices now and havent since about 7 months sober. Now i get urges to drink and they are easily dealt with. The answer always is to not listen to that voice or the voice of al will win. It took me pure grit and determination to get to where i am. I wanted to be sober so badly that i made my quit my top priority. Now i am happy to say that i am always aware of al but being a non drinker is just me now and a part of my life. That voice will always be waiting to entice me to drink but it is always my decision on whether to listen and act or listen and say no.

Banana my anxiety was through the roof and i blamed it on everything except al. now i have not drank for over a year my anxiety is minimal. I thought i suffered anxiety for over ten years but i am guessing if i did not drink i would not have suffered near as bad as what i did. I also could not sleep and suffered terrible headaches for weeks on end but I also figured i did this to my body so my body also needed time to heal. It is wonderful now to sleep 8 hours and wake up feeling fine. I cant remember what a hangover felt like now thank god. Take it one day at a time, log on here daily to be accountable, post and post some more, read, watch documentaries, eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired. Be gentle on yourself. I was my main priority for at least 6 months, make yourself yours.

[Byrdlady]

Hanna, 3 weeks is just awesome! Next week this time, we'll be awarding you a hat! Yes, those first 30 days are the toughest of all, rest assured, it DOES get easier. If it didnt NOBODY could do it! If you have looked thru the tool Box, you will see many, many 30 day speeches talking about how much better everything is. It happens gradually, until one day you will be getting ready for bed and realize that the awful witching hour you used to experience wasnt there that day. It is a series of small differences that makes each day better. If you looked at your progress on a graph, Im sure you could say that it is considerably easier now than 2 weeks ago. Two weeks from now, it will be easier than it is today. From here to around your 30 day mark, your emotions will be all over the place. After that, they seem to settle down considerably. To answer your question, YES, there will be a day when you are free from all that mind chatter. Your head will feel peaceful and NORMAL. I promise! At 4 years, there is NO pull/yearn/desire for AL. In fact, I HATE AL, for what it has done to me and all my friends here. In this case, a little hate works FOR me. Try to be patient, try to enjoy your new life and the journey you are on. This is definately a process. You are doing great!!

Banana, I was a frequent relapser, too. There comes a time when enough is enough. And I had no more life to give over to AL. Mine came down to 2 choices: life or death. I could live the life I wanted or I could drink myself to death. That was it, I couldnt have it both ways. Get yourself a PLAN and you will succeed! Stick with us here and post and be accountable. Check in every day. Find someone you want to be like and do what they do. Thats what I did with Lavande. So far, so good! Hugs, Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Hanna, you can change those thoughts. When you feel like you want a drink, immediately counter it with something like "but I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore". And then really think about all the good outcomes of not drinking. After awhile, a certain time of day or an advertisement, etc. will elicit the feeling of relief that you're done straight away without the desire for a drink intruding.

Welcome, Banana! Almost everyone here had your experience of thinking next time will be different. The sooner you can acknowledge that it almost certainly won't be, the quicker you'll be on your way to a much better, more peaceful way of living. You've come to a great place for support that really helps to get this done.