Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Hanna and Banana!

Hanna - I agree with all that has been said. Also, it is useful to think about one day at a time. Don't worry about forever now, or always getting through the cravings. Think about getting through today without drinking. It is a bit of a paradox, because to really stay sober, the choice has to be off the table (acceptance that you must quit), so that means forever. It does get easier and easier. The gratitude bit that NS talks about was key for me, and I always had the memory of my WORST drinking days (especially the last couple) (also written in my journal should I need a memory jog), in case the gratitude doesn't work.

Banana - Welcome to the nest. I hope you are safe to go cold turkey - each time it gets worse. Is your husband there with you? There is so much information here about how to get and stay sober. Get off that hamster wheel now! If you're up tonight, read here, watch those Rain in My Heart documentaries (or anything on YouTube).

Glad you're still hanging in there, HBE. Sorry about your boyfriend - but don't forget your oxygen mask first.

Good night, Nest.

Pav

[Hanna]

Thank you so much available, Byrd and NS. You guys can't imagine how much your words help inspire me. It is so obvious why we can't do this alone. I will be going to bed with a smile, knowing I will here your words in my head tomorrow when the stupid thoughts come:hug:

Night all

[Hanna]

Oh and thanks Pav too! Just saw your post!

[Lizann]

Birdie just want to say thanks for "the plan". I have been keeping it close and refer to it as needed! It has been very helpful. My fav is the mindset of gratitude rather than deprivation. It so resonates with me. I have not been drinking. Still having a problem with my sisters. They are hovering, harping, babysitting and it is literally making me want to drink. I have told them this to no avail. They check up on me several times daily, suggestions anyone? I'm desperate!

[available]

Liz when I gave up drinking my 4 children watched me like a hawk. It annoyed the shite out of me but they cared. At the end of the day i had let them down and i had made too many false promises to them that i would give up drinking, only to fail. I had to gain their trust again and that takes time especially for them seeing that you re not drinking and doing it daily. They dont understand how hard it is, how could they, they are not like us but in time they will believe in you. If it is overwhelming you then sit them down and tell them. Tell them that if you feel like a drink they will be first people you reach out for help to. This is what they want you to do so they think by stalking you it is helping when sometimes it is the reverse. Be honest is my opinion and see how it goes. My kids nearly drove me to drink with their caring but i did try and understand how they also felt. You will be fine and its nice to know you are loved so much.

[banana44]

Well, up but not because nightmares; rather my son claiming he can't sleep and crawl into bed with us. He pulls this a couple of times a week.

Pavati, yes thank you for asking, I am safe & home with my husband. I have been through this before, and this time is kinda mild, but dangit I'm so sick of the dry, rinse & repeat. My husband knows just what to do...buy me lots of fruit and pedialite the like. Pretty sad that he's got the grocery list down. He does love me however, of that I'm sure and grateful!

Acceptance has been a huge stumbling block for me, No Sugar. I can "know" a thing intellectually but still fight it on some other more primal level. I read rational recovery and I like the notion of "the beast" -- it has helped me in the past to regognize that sneaky voice, that wants what it wants, even unto my own death. But something always happens and I end up swinging by Walgreens for a four pack of airplane bottles of wine...I definitely am in need of a plan!

I do love reading, does anyone have any good recs? I've gone through the Jack Trimpey as I just mentioned, plus "Drinking: a Love story" but Caroline Knapf (sp?). Also read two good ones by Anne Fletcher; "inside Rehabe" and another. Does anyone like the Alan Carr "easyway" book? I bought the one on quitting smoking and it helped me a lot. I think I was really also just ready to kick the butts. Unfortunately I did pick them up 10 months later to quell a nasty urge to drink. It worked, but I ended up hooked again. Now I feel the need to kick the drink out then re-try the method for the butts. ANYway, I never did get his drinking book but if anyone's read it let me know.

I will check in here daily & do some more reading on the threads & toolbox. You seem a kindly lot, some forums are a bit crazy and judgmental at times.

Thanks!
Banana

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Waiting for some sunshine in my portion of the nest but I'm afraid it's going to be a long wait, ha ha!

banana, I think there's a thread around here somewhere with a list of books people have read & recommend. Someone will be by to help you with that. I relied heavily on the MWO Hypo CDs when I quit. Changing my thinking through hypnosis did the trick for me.

Wishing everyone a good AF Monday!

Lav

[enzo'smom]

last night someone in AA said my face is looking so much better…..the bloating is subsiding… the rings come on and off my fingers with relative ease…. I made it through a tough weekend thanks to MWO and my tools. LAst night I read "Living Sober" I highly recommend it.

just got back from the gym…..the quiet before the storm of getting the kids up and ready for school. This is my new favorite time of day.
THank you all for your support both new and old. Each comment and post helps me and for that I am very grateful.

[banana44]

Thanks Lavande...noticed several other threads where hypnosis is mentioned, and it might be worth a shot for me...something I haven't tried as of yet anyway!
Best
Banana

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
LizAnn, I am so glad that the Plan is working for you. On the hovering family members, like Ava said, my husband was that way also. You may recall he issued an ultimatum and seemed to just be waiting for me to blow it again (like I had 1000 times before). I understand just how worried and concerned he was. Let me ask you this, does it FEEL different this time? Are you accepting THIS is it? I think that was the difference for me. Once I accepted it, it was easier to convey that to him. It took me several weeks to earn his trust back, so he could see that this time WAS different, I wasn't just quitting to get him off my back. If all else fails just outlast them! It takes work to hover, so just keep doing what you are doing and they will run out of gas! Bah!

Hope everyone has an easy day today! Byrdie

[Lizann]

Thank you avail. My husband and kids see me daily, so they know if I am drinking or not, my sisters on the other hand have to take me on my word. This is a new finding out for them and they are stunned. You are right, they do not understand the nature of the beast. Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I just need to vent to people who understand!
Thank you for understanding!

[Matt M.]

Good morning from an iced over N. Texas. Hope everyone had a great weekend. I worked so pretty uneventful as far as entertainment goes. Although work can be quite entertaining.

( Banana)
Acceptance has been a huge stumbling block for me, No Sugar. I can "know" a thing intellectually but still fight it on some other more primal level. I read rational recovery and I like the notion of "the beast"*

Welcome Banana
Me Too! Please know this does not make you "strange"
That is the beast at his best, the cunning and baffling part of this thing. I can remember thinking and pleading with my wife, trying to put into words how Alcohol had my nuts :shocked:in a vice and instead of just loosening to relieve the gut wrenching pain, I (we) tighten it more. That's not normal but proves the beast power. I remember often thinking, That I never wanted to Not drink or to Not have the craving to drink more than anything in the world.
Stay close you've come to the right place!

Stay Warm my friends, (Stay Cool to my Aussie friends)
But everyone Stay Hard!

[KENSHO]

Hi Banana, Welcome! It IS confusing that we know we should stop drinking, yet we WANT it. This confused me for a long time - until I understood the mechanics of it. The trick is to separate the voices and know where they are coming from. Your rational side ("I shouldn't drink") is the enlightened thinking part of you - the voice you should listen to - the voice that makes good decisions for your well-being. The alcohol voice ("I really need a drink") is coming from a primal part of the brain that has been misinformed that alcohol is required for survival. NS, Turnagain & others can explain it better, but you might want to look into this more because understanding where the primal voice is coming from makes it a whole lot easier to discount it. This part of our brain mistakenly believes we need alcohol (like food and sex) to survive and so it urges us to consume it. Don't let this voice make the decisions for you!!

Hi Lizann! We're here to vent and be vented to! Keep telling it like it is!

Hanna, keep up the work! That voice is talking to you out of habit. Over time, you will have a new habit and drinking will cross your mind much less frequently. Time is the helpful thing here. Don't give in and it will get MUCH easier!

Stay warm everyone in the snow - and stay cool in the heat! Amazing that we are from all over the globe...

[Byrdlady]

Good morning from an iced over N. Texas. Hope everyone had a great weekend. I worked so pretty uneventful as far as entertainment goes. Although work can be quite entertaining.



Welcome Banana
Me Too! Please know this does not make you "strange"
That is the beast at his best, the cunning and baffling part of this thing. I can remember thinking and pleading with my wife, trying to put into words how Alcohol had my nuts :shocked:in a vice and instead of just loosening to relieve the gut wrenching pain, I (we) tighten it more. That's not normal but proves the beast power. I remember often thinking, That I never wanted to Not drink or to Not have the craving to drink more than anything in the world.
Stay close you've come to the right place!

Stay Warm my friends, (Stay Cool to my Aussie friends)
But everyone Stay Hard!

Matt,
How descriptively you write, and you do a fine job of explaining the vice this thing has us in. (with apologies to your man parts). When I quit, too....what I wanted MORE THAN ANYTHING, was to not want AL. It has happened and I'm here to tell you, this is the place to be. There will be many tests along the way to try and suck you back in, but don't fall for them....they are a trick!

I was just thinking about when you see the signs of someone about to fall. It is a helpless feeling, those of us who have been around the site for a while can tell you that going back to AL for comfort is an empty feeling. It is NOT the safe place we remember it, it is a place of guilt/shame/remorse. I wish somehow we could send 3 spirits to visit people during their sleep...of the past, present and future. My past is full of regrets. Had I kept drinking, my present would be full of G/S/R. My future would be bleak because AL is calling the shots (pun intended). I was almost ready to succumb to that life. I'm so glad I didn't. Today my present is full of hope and JOY. My future is bright and full of possibilities! AL stripped me of all of that. Whatever it takes, gets thru this day AF. Do NOT give in, no matter what. I promise it's worth it. B

[banana44]

Byrdlady, I love to hear from people who have gotten to that wonderful place! I know I need to desire it above everything else right now and make it my primary goal.

Matt and Kensho, all so true. What really amazes me is that sometimes the beast *uses what I think is my "real" voice* (haha I guess here is where it does start to sound weird). It will also use my anxiety against me, if I feel an anxiety attack coming on, I think, "One glass of wine! it's quick relief! I know from experience it works)...until it doesn't. I definitely need to pay more heed and realize when this is happening, that it is not my true self, the one who wants to live and enjoy life without the shackles of addiction. AL is no longer my friend, if indeed it ever was. So much delusion!

Sending warm wishes to those of you who are freezing in this crazy cold too.
Banana