Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Hi, Banana

There are several links in this thread that explain what is going on in our brains that make us feel like dual personalities - in some ways, we are. Learning about addiction made me feel less crazy and out of control. It enabled me to kind of step outside myself and dispassionately assess what was going on and what I needed to do about it. Understanding at least helped me calm down and be less afraid. I hope that works for you, too. NS

[TJAF]

Good Morning, Nesters!
... Let me ask you this, does it FEEL different this time? Are you accepting THIS is it? I think that was the difference for me. Once I accepted it, it was easier to convey that to him. It took me several weeks to earn his trust back, so he could see that this time WAS different, I wasn't just quitting to get him off my back. ... Hope everyone has an easy day today! Byrdie

LizAnn Byrdie makes an excellent point (no surprise there). You have to accept that this time you are playing for keeps. That was the big difference for me compared to the 1000 times I tried to quit before. I cemented that initial commitment by doing two things. The first was posting here. Having a written record and a group of like minded people really helped. The second thing I did was to come clean to my wife and kids. No way I can go back and deny I am an alcoholic now! If I were to slip now it would have to be a very public deal. In the past I was only disappointing myself and considering how my brain wanted a drink that was an easy sell. My brain was like Julia Roberts in Pretty Women when she told Richard Gere "I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing."

[Healthybutempty]

Hey everyone hope you are all doing well! Today is day 359 for me although I am feeling very depressed/anxious/paranoid today and last night I had an anxiety attack where my boyfriend says I seemed delusional. Yes the humidity and cold does make my RA pain worse so I have been having a hard time lately. My boyfriend has to help me get out of bed/get dressed/get in the shower and such but what I hate the most is that the pain in my jaw is making it extremely hard to eat, even soft foods. I am currently on plaquinol and i take ibuprofin and they arent really working. The methadone ive been on to manage my opiate addiction doubled as a painkiller but now that i am being weened off of it my pain has gradually been getting worse but i cant get an appointment with a rheumatologist any earlier than a month from now and I'm starting to take the steps towards getting mental help but I am scared and embarassed.

It is very cold and snowy/windy and icy today and my boyfriend is sleeping after drinking since this morning I am just going to curl up on the couch with my cat and a hot cup of tea and watch criminal minds.

Hope everyone has a great AF day.

[Georgiagal]

Hi guys. Can I join the nest? Looking for support and help getting sober. I Ordered the book and it should be here tomorrow. I'm spending my day on here and trying to cope while at work. Which is hard cause I got black out drunk and called my boss lay night. Despite the fact it was a 3 minute conversation and he doesn't appear angry, I'm distraught and feel like curling up in the fetal. I feel like this feeling of panic and anxiety will never go away, and that I'll never enjoy anything again. Ugh.

[banana44]

Hi Georgiagal, I'm new here too, it's a very welcoming place! I'm so sorry you're distraught but believe me I think everyone on here can relate to that day after a blitz feeling of anxiety, paranoia, tension and shame. All excellent reasons to stop. Have you quit alcohol before? I've been struggling with recovery for several years now and am a frequent relapser, but I'm adding this site to my list of tools to keep me on the right path.

Hope you can go home soon and get some rest. Hang in there, it does get better, especially the panic and anxiety!

Best,
Banana

[Georgiagal]

Hey Banana, I haven't ever really tried hard to quit before. Well, actually, on days like today it's easy to quit because of how bad I feel. Then it goes away and I'm like "oh a drink! Yum!" I quit for 9 months when I got pregnant.

[available]

Georgi welcome to the nest, its safe and warm here and always someone around. Anxiety, i think i could write a book on that and i drank to relieve the anxiety then when i did not drink i was becoming overly anxious and was hearing voices at the end so i would drink. It was hard when i stopped drinking, my anxiety was through the roof and i did take valium for a few days when i stopped drinking to get me through. Now i have very very little anxiety and it is wonderful. That al voice will try and get you to drink at the beginning using every tool it has to make you drink and then take you back to the pit you are in. Eat, sleep, read on here, stay on here like a lunatic, i did and i am proud to say that i am over a year sober. Never ever in my life did i think i could do this but its doable, hard at times but so doable and its the best life i could have asked for.

[Georgiagal]

What do you do when you want to drink? Sometimes I race home to beat my husband and daughter home so I can drink alone for a few minutes. He drinks and doesn't care that I do so its hard to be held accountable.

[Overit-still]

Hi everyone! This last quit has been miserable for me. I never felt like I got on board. I'm slinking back in today full of guilt shame and remorse. My husband is REALLY ready to leave me. I'm also thinking that I've got some kind of phsychosis going on. I look at all my friends who are healthy enjoying their time in life. I sit in a closed up house, fat and hiding from everyone just trying to get a buzz. My husband and I have not been getting along for about 10 months. He left this weekend so I DRANK AT HIM all weekend. I'm just not sure what to do with myself other than commit myself. I have rage too. This really sucks.

[Georgiagal]

Hi over it. I'm right there with ya.

[Rahulthesweet]

Hi Geogiagirl,

Welcome to the nest. This the place you will get all good advice. You can share how you are feeling, commit to an AF free days and life ahead. Big things have small beginning. Start with a day then 7 days and then 30 days. Checkput the toolbox section on this site lots of quick advice how you can do it.

Take care

[Resolve]

Banana and Georgia - welcome to a place that can help make this happen. One of the biggest game changers is mindset and how you think about alcohol. From what I've seen, and based on my experience to date, it's easiest to quit and stay that way when you eliminate alcohol as a solution to anything and refuse for it to even be an option. Far easier said than done in the early days, and acceptance in this way can seem elusive initially, but in a short time you can feel significantly better while strengthening your mental game along the way to achieve long-term success. You have to want it, work at it and above all else be determined to achieve it, and the fact you're here is a huge step forward in seeking support. When you hear the drinking voice or have the urge to drink, play it forward and walk through everything that will happen and how you'll feel if you do. By fast-forwarding to the bad ending that you don't want, and seeing all the negatives along the way, what's in it for you? The short-term buzz loses by comparison to the long-term lopsided hours you spend full of self-loathing and dealing with the physical toll on your mind and body. This is a loop that can be broken, and in time it does get far easier.

Overit - I know that point of feeling like you could lose everything, and it's about as low as you can go. All I can offer up is talk with your spouse, commit to you and him with a plan and do whatever you need to get help. Seek out your doctor or a counselor to talk to if you can to discuss what's going on. You said you weren't on board this past time, so that needs to be your starting point. You can turn this around starting now but don't wait any longer.

I've always disliked when people in life say things like "if I can do it you can" but not so much when it comes to what we deal with here. There are some strong long-term leaders here and great success stories that we can learn from, follow and find ourselves slowly becomming over time. If you list out all the negative aspects of drinking that brought you here, they won't stop if you don't. So no turning back and no good reason to!

[Georgiagal]

Where is the toolbox?

[Byrdlady]

See the link in my signature line below....B

[Georgiagal]

Thanks Byrd!