Newbies Nest

[ADP]

Hi Guys,
Brand new Newbie here....scared to death and wanting to quit (again). Only 5 hours since my last drink.....not feeling ill but really need to get serious about a problem I have put off too long. Am happy to read the encouraging stories of those of you controlling your drinking and also those like me who are struggling.....will keep checking back and let you know if I get through today without a drink.

[Hanna]

Hi Nesters!

Had a little bit of a tough time this afternoon, but got though it (phew). While eating dinner tonight, my husband actually asked "so how is the 5pm going for you?". After being a bit snarky in my response "well, you finally asked", he and I talked a bit. And then some more. I actually got on the site, and read some of my posts to him, as well as some of the amazing posts from all of you guys. I tried to explain how I am doing this...He said..."so having a snack in the afternoon is all it took? " LOL I told him, no, but tried to explain how my brain had re wired hunger with desire to drink at that time of day, such that I couldn't possibly rationalize my way out of a drink, as my body was "starving for it". I tried to give some analogies to further explain. I am sure he didn't quite understand, but he listened, and finally told me how happy he was. It was kinda pivotal for me.

Anyway, I love this place. I have ventured to some of the other spots, such as general discussion, but finding it a bit too chummy without the focus on not drinking that I need. I think when I was here in years past, that was where I would go, and ended finding friends struggling like me, who were probably detrimental in my quit, in we kinda all supported the continued drinking, maybe inadvertently. Either case, the newbie nest is where I belong, and I want to be able to be here when I am one of the senior gals, supporting the newbies like me.

Love you guys! Going to watch Shameless now, of all things lol

[Hanna]

Georgia-

Hang on!! It gets easier quickly! I promise!! ADP stick around!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Hello & welcome ADP, glad you decided to join us!
Make sure you take a look in the Tool box for some great ideas to help you put a plan together. Stay close 7 please ask if you have any questions.

Overit, I'm glad you are happier today
I've dealt with my own anxiety/depression & can usually recognize it in others. I had fallen into a habit of doing some seriously negative thinking & had to break that habit first! One thing at a time, one day at a time, everything will get better!

HBE, You are a brave one for sure. I don't think I could handle buying AL for anyone else, not even after all these years. Have you considered making him go buy his own? If he wants it he should be the one doing the buying - just my opinion. I wish you some comfort & pain relief very soon. Only a handful of days until we celebrate your 1 year AF anniversary!

Hanna, I'm happy to hear that you are getting through to your husband. People generally don't understand our problem if they don't have the problem themselves. Keep up the great work!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Samstone]

Hi guys! Still here and not drinking!! Thank you for all of the support. I went to dinner w a friend and almost ordered wine. I don't feel as bad as I did yesterday and thought "what the hell?" That's my biggest trigger....well among many. I drank and got all panicky and today everything is fine so now of course I want to drink. Ugh.

Ga Gal
I know that what the hell feeling all too well, took 5 years of what the hell and living in hell for me to stop and it weren't no picnic, don't look too far ahead and never look back. Become aware of how good it feels being sober and remember that when the witching hour is there. It is a very good idea at first not to put yourself in those social situations that embraces drinking UNLESS YOU HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE PLAN!

keep it going!!
Sam

[Pavati]

Oh, My. Just lost a very long post. That hasn't happened to me in a long time as I usually copy and them before I post just in case...

I'll try to recreate some of it...

As for meditation and exercise - if you only have time for one, make it exercise and put on some soothing music. Yoga on YouTube? Walk the stairs at the local high school? Walk around the block? I live in a mild climate and walked a lot while listening to the Bubble Hour podcast. Here is the link to the episode on Surviving Early Sobriety (or other difficult situations). You can also download them directly from iTunes and through the podcast app. Other great shows include the guest appearances by Dr. John Kelly, the one on acceptance, and a couple on shame. There are many, and I really like hearing the discussions rather than just reading them.

Overit and HBE - Sounds like getting some extra help for your anxiety would be a good thing, but I am with Ava. I used to have a lot worse anxiety that is much better now. HBE - you have been sober for so long - no use going back now.

Welcome GeorgiaGirl - Instead of saying that you're worried about 5pm, what about making a plan and typing it here with us. Say instead "when I really want to drink this afternoon I will do .... instead." You have so many ideas given to you here, and there are many more in the toolbox. Acceptance is key - taking the choice off the table worked for me. It took a while for me to get to that conclusion, however. I quit for two nine month periods when I was pregnant with no problem. I used that as "proof" that I couldn't be an alcoholic. Hah.

Hanna - I love your upbeat posts, too. Keep it up - you're doing great.

Hi, LavBlue!

Matt - You do have a way with words...

Hang tight nesters - make plans, ask for help, take care of yourselves, and don't drink, no matter what!

I know I missed some of my previous post, but not too bad...

Pav

[Pavati]

Oh, and I did say - YAY, Jennie. You sound so great this time around. I know it is not easy, but you're really working it.

[enzo'smom]

I love what samstone said: don't look too far ahead and never look back
true words of wisdom

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Hump day

Sunny & still cold but I am holding onto the hope that Spring will arrive ~ eventually!

Pav, you mentioned the importance of not putting ourselves in harm's way early in our quits - Amen to that!
I honestly glued myself to my house for nearly three months until I felt SURE that I wouldn't be tempted. That's just the way it had to be for me

Wishing everyone a good AF Wednesday! I have a busy day shaping up myself!

Lav

[Samstone]

Pav
hate it when that happens.... losing a post....

morning everyone, hope all are well!!

[Hanna]

Morning !
OMG! Sometime during my lousy nights sleep last night I had a dream that I drank, then posted the next morning on roll call as though I didn't !! The guilt and disappointment was overwhelming ! Woke up and was soooo relieved it was a dream ! UGH ! However I think it only served to tighten my resolve. Totally sucked, though. Might have been due to the fact that hubby is coming home late tonight, which would be a huge trigger for me, but I have a solid plan in place... Eat something early and go to a 5:30 class at the gym. Anyway, just sharing...one more reason to keep me from even thinking about it, later!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning from the Freezer! Brrrrrr.

HBE, Lav brings up a most excellent point (as usual) and one that warrants a deeper dive. One of the foundation bricks of my Sobriety Plan (per Lav's prompting) was vowing never to BUY or DRINK AL again. It seemed rather hollow at the time I made it, but putting it into ironclad action changed the game. I suspect the reason your BF didn't want to buy it was because he was already drinking, correct? Maybe inadvertently, you are enabling him by buying it. If you tell him that you will NOT buy it and he is on his own, then maybe it will be another chink in the armor of his addiction to AL. Don't make it convenient for him! If he wants to drink, he'll have to do the work. In the end of my drinking career, it became more work than it was worth...and I was finally able to stop.
Just a thought from the peanut gallery....
ADP, welcome....please check back in with us. This is Day 1, right?
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Morning !
OMG! Sometime during my lousy nights sleep last night I had a dream that I drank, then posted the next morning on roll call as though I didn't !! The guilt and disappointment was overwhelming ! Woke up and was soooo relieved it was a dream ! UGH ! However I think it only served to tighten my resolve. Totally sucked, though. Might have been due to the fact that hubby is coming home late tonight, which would be a huge trigger for me, but I have a solid plan in place... Eat something early and go to a 5:30 class at the gym. Anyway, just sharing...one more reason to keep me from even thinking about it, later!

These dreams are both SCARY and a blessing! You really FEEL how bad it would be to blow your quit! (without blowing it!) I am so glad it was only a dream!!!! (they are SO REAL, aren't they?) B

[okoren1]

my Sobriety Plan (per Lav's prompting) was vowing never to BUY or DRINK AL again. It seemed rather hollow at the time I made it, but putting it into ironclad action changed the game.

Birdie, I totally agree with your comment regarding your (our) vow early on. In my case, I've referred to it as my "irrevocable decision to never touch AL again". You said it seemed rather "hollow at the time". In my case my vow sounded almost audacious (even to me).

But I am convinced that in the early days of a permanent quit, that initial promise, covenant, agreement with oneself, is a vital step- maybe THE key step. Along with the other tried and true steps needed to support the quit in the early days (getting all the AL out of the house, not associating with heavy drinking friends, etc.) having that firm decision in the back of our minds is a touchstone that we remind ourselves of in the early quit stages. As you well know, as time goes by, that firm decision steadily becomes less "hollow" or audacious. In fact it becomes easily woven into our daily life.

Some folks here would say that it is a day by day experience, and I agree that is true. I think it is a both/and proposition. One makes the firm, forever decision, and implements it on a day by day basis.

My perception is that with some newbies here, it doesn't appear that they have crossed the bridge on the firm decision, for various reasons. At least in my case, by making the firm decision, it was one less thing I had to deal with in the early days of my quit- and as we all know there are PLENTY of things to deal with otherwise during those early days.

[Overit-still]

Mad props to all of you who have spouses/S.O.'s who still drink, even if it isn't your drink of choice or they don't blatantly do it around you. My hubby and I were like that for nearly a year, I was sober for many months, but it finally got to me--seeing him 'unwind' after work with bourbon (not my D.O.C. either, it was the 'unwinding' that got me)

I got to thinking about this last night. But, his drinking does not bother me but on the other hand I LOVE to spend time with non drinkers because then it's not even a thought. There is no booze, won't be, enjoying life on a different level doing different things rather than gathering around with a drink in one hand and food in the other. It really does make a difference. I hadn't really thought about it but you're so right.

Byrd touched on this too, I think, about getting all the AL out of the house even if it's not my drink of choice. It just gets all the "what ifs" off the board.

This won't happen in my house but I do understand it, I'm getting it...........