Newbies Nest

[available]

I remember what i was like at the end of my drinking career and know i dont want to be that person again. I dont dwell on what i was but it does prevent me from wanting to drink. Funny enough i have little flashbacks now on my drinking and i see that i was never a really normal drinker from when i was a teen but i know that only i can move on and not live in the past. Time will bridge the gap so that not drinking is the norm. In the early months of my quit it was my total priority to think of anything so that i did not drink but as time has gone on the drinking thoughts go, life moves on and being around al is not hard, as it is a way of life. I drank for over 20+ years i cant forget that memory, its like forgetting one of my children. I loved al, i thought it gave me everything i needed but i now realise it gave me nothing. The memory fades in time guys. Give yourself time to heal and to move on. I knew it would take at least a year to get my emotions in check and i am still a work in progress. Accept what your thoughts are, they are just thoughts, nothing more. Your focus will shift in time. So at the end of the day it is about being patient in this journey and giving yourself time, time and more time. Being addicted to al is always something i will carry but now it does not rule my thoughts or my life.

[enzo'smom]

good morning!!!

Hanna: all I could think of when i was reading your post was this: alarm goes off in building; nerves rattled; the old you reaches for the bottle, drinks, goes on turnpike, tire blows out, you are buzzed so you get in minor/major accident…..cops come…..DWI or worse…... Instead, you lived through these very uncomfortable and stressful situations and got home safe and sound. I am so happy for you!!!!

Matt: It is so helpful and comforting to know that I am NOT ALONE with having these damn cravings that come out of nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks. When I get them, it feels like someone has yanked the rug out from under my feet. I get so angry!!! But I also get feelings of resignation….very scary thoughts…..like, I could drink just once and no one would have to know…..or, it is still early enough in my sobriety that if I were to go out, people would not be surprised and I could just drink again without anyone being concerned/upset.
what a bunch of bull crap.
when these cravings hit, I feel very frustrated but I also know that if I just keep moving, shift my thoughts, meditate, eat, anything but sit with those feelings, that the feelings will pass.

feeling so grateful this morning!!!!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Friday to all!

Snowing here ~ what else is new? Ha Ha!!!
I am 100% sure that Spring is on the way, sooner or later

Matt & Hanna, those rough days are completely normal, everyone on the planet has them but not everyone runs to AL for comfort. You guys didn't so be happy & grateful today!!! We are learning & growing stronger each & every day we reject AL. Jennie, developing an 'automatic response' to those AL thoughts helped me out a lot. Mine was/is 'Nope, I don't do that anymore'

Wishing everyone a great AF Friday!

Lav

[Hanna]

good morning!!!

Hanna: all I could think of when i was reading your post was this: alarm goes off in building; nerves rattled; the old you reaches for the bottle, drinks, goes on turnpike, tire blows out, you are buzzed so you get in minor/major accident…..cops come…..DWI or worse…... Instead, you lived through these very uncomfortable and stressful situations and got home safe and sound. I am so happy for you!!!!

OMG

I didn't even consider this! You are SO right! I would have left work, and immediately bought al and diet coke, mixed it in the diet coke bottle, and would have been drinking it!!! Why did this not occur to me??? Wow, that is powerful! Thanks for that!!! I had been so lucky that I never had a driving incident while drinking. This would have been it!! God only knows what might have been. Holy Cow!! I needed to read this

[Byrdlady]

:egad:Byrdie and NS - I would hardly call you two cheap! OR Drunks now, for that matter. LOL. My addiction cost a lot because we have pretty big 'sin' taxes here. A pack of smokes has crept up to nearly $10. So glad I'm breathing fresh air instead of death these days! And the booze has gone up, too. It would've gone up even more in my city had big alcohol not defeated a local harm tax.

Oh - yeah. I guess drinking and smoking A LOT also contributed to a big bottom line (and um...a big bottom, too!)

A while back, I made a little graphic of my addiction. My garbage was really noisy since we don't recycle glass here. Toward the end, I was wrapping my bottles in paper to dampen the cacophony of incriminating CLINKS:



I do not have a graphic of my other bottom. You are spared! :egad:

Holy Moly, Turn!!
This graphic is quite, well GRAPHIC! Really puts it into perspective, doesn't it? We should have a group tattoo of it on our bottoms!! That is a lot of saved money...but just think of our livers...we were pouring poison thru them every single day! I hope mine has forgiven me....(and doesn't hole a grudge)

A great question about bridging the gap between the Drinking You and the Sober You! Available, of course, detailing so beautifully that TIME is the best gift we can give ourselves on this one. One more perspective I'd like to add is that I have seen countless people have GOOD SOLID quits here and then wander off to 'Live their lives like a normal person'. I have gotten dozens of PM's from folks over the years saying, 'I just don't want to talk about AL every day, I want to go on about my life without this constant reminder'. At first, I accepted these manifestos. Until I saw every single one of them relapse. I don't say that to scare anyone, but it is important to remember WE ARE NOT NORMAL, we have this disease/condition/situation, whatever you want to call it that requires maintenance....like it or not. Just because I might not like having diabetes doesn't mean I can stop taking the meds to treat it. Just because I don't like being an alcoholic doesn't mean I can stop taking the steps that keep me sober. If I hadn't seen this 1000 times I wouldn't have believed it....but as I sit here at 1500 days, you can see where my butt is planted....and Lav's...and NS's, and Pinecones', and Ava, and Pav....the world out there WANTS you to drink (Big AL wants is BAD (the big corporations) and your friends/family and peers want you to join in, too. It is the ODD duck that can make it without support, and as strong as I am in my quit, I'm not willing to take that chance.
I look upon my drinking days as my SENTENCE. I served my time and now I'm free. When I look back, I cringe at what I wasted....time, relationships, productivity, experiences. There are NO watercolor memories for me, only despair. This is what the gift of time will provide for you, PLUS staying with your support that got you where you are. When I see folks come back in relapse after a long stint of sobriety, it scares the beegeebers out of me. Much like the 911 slogan...NEVER FORGET. AL Addiction is so powerful it is scary. Checking in here everyday is a really small price to pay for my freedom.
It works for me, so rinse and repeat!
We are heading into the weekend, shore up your PLAN! It's only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[paulywogg]

Byrdie, I REALLY needed to hear that today, thank you

[jane27]

Byrdie, I loved your post, and Ive heard you say it enough times that I know it's important. I have a healthy fear of of what AL the bastards intentions are. You've been here day in and day out for 1500 days plus more. If you say that 100% of the wanderer -offers fall back into drinking habit, then I consider that a fact not to fool around with. I think fear is my ally. I've already seen that I lose all control when AL is allowed into the mix. And then it becomes a vicious cycle that I cant escape. Getting away from that felt like breaking out of a maximum security prison. At nearly 14 months sober, I absolutley consider myself a newbie, and I feel no pressure at all to lose that descriptive. I was the one who couldn't be trusted for 15 years because AL was imperative to my being. It's safer for me to let the senior folks like you be in charge and do what you say. I remember in Tony Robbins book Awaken The Giant Within, he said if there's something you want to learn how to master, find someone who's already done it, and do what they did. It's execllent advice, and it works.

[Healthybutempty]

Hello hope everyone is having a great AF day!
Unfortunately I slipped on wednesday after being so close to 1 year, but now I am back at day 2 again. But I am trying not to get too down on myself. All it did was make me feel like crap! I was told by a friend about this mental health place near where i live where you dont need a doctor referral you can refer yourself or be referred by family etc and they do psychiatric evaluations so I am going down there today to hopefully get an appointment. When I slipped it was because I was having a panic attack and was delusional and paranoid I need to find out what is wrong with me and learn how to cope without getting drunk or high so i am hoping they can help me there.

[Elvis]

I am here to tell you, my life is 1000 times MORE fun now than it ever was when I drank.

Don't you mean 1500 times more fun now?

[Overit-still]

Good morning!

HBE I'm praying you are able to meet with someone today. I remember a time in my life where I felt like I was crying out and reaching for anyone passing by to please help me, but there wasn't any to be found. It's a very lonesome sad time. Please know that WE ARE HERE to be what help we can and to sit on the floor and cry with you if that's what you want. I will be thinking of you today.

Hello to everyone else.

Byrd said "One more perspective I'd like to add is that I have seen countless people have GOOD SOLID quits here and then wander off to 'Live their lives like a normal person'. I have gotten dozens of PM's from folks over the years saying, 'I just don't want to talk about AL every day, I want to go on about my life without this constant reminder'. At first, I accepted these manifestos. Until I saw every single one of them relapse." I would like you to know that she is talking about me. I sent her this message and now look where I am.

Day 5 of 200 years!

[Hypernova]

In search of a day one. Was AF for more than 1/2 of 2014. Since last fall I have been a miserable failure. My subconscious knows what I need to do but something is dragging me back to drink daily. I know the light bulb will go off but it makes no sense to do something so injurious to yourself every day. I have more than my share of day 1's and am just posting this to see if it will joggle my brain to realize what I need to do. I'm sure winter depression has me in it's grip and I know of no other relief but drinking. SAD circle every year. Contemplating moving to a sunnier climate. First order though is to get sober. I plan on reading more here and know if I can get in 4 AF days it becomes doable.

[LavenderBlue]

Good morning, all! Yeah, I'm getting better about mornings. I don't think I'll ever be a "morning person" but at least now I'm only fighting my natural time clock. Rediscovering coffee in the morning has also been wonderful. I inherited an unused Keurig a few months ago, so that's been extra lovely.

Podcast went well last night; it's really neat to be a part of something that other people actually listen to and enjoy. (It's not about anything serious, just one of the online games I play. ^^) It's also helping to keep me out from under my rock. Sometimes I get in a place where I only really interact with a few people, and even though I'm introverted that's not always a good thing. If I'm relying on one person to cheer me up and they aren't around, I've set myself up to be upset when it's not even their fault. The thing is I *know* it's not fair to do that so then I'm double upset with myself! Anyway, having a wider net of friends is a good thing for me.

Soft Focus - Nice to see you again, and I get that thinking. It's the difference between feeling like you're making a choice (which feels good) or just feelings like you "have to" (which doesn't feel as good, to me anyway). I can't choose how AL affects me, but I can choose to cut it out of my life. Also good luck with your upcoming date, I hope you and they both have a great time.

banana - I think the 30 days might be something else where different things have worked for different people. For me, I think if I'd stayed latched to any period of time I probably would have been too focused on getting through to that time instead of working on a foundation for a long term quit. I needed to make a life change, not just focus on taking a break if that makes sense? BUT it's also been important to me to have smaller goals than just stopping. Especially starting out, 30 days sounded WAY more do-able than "never."

G - YAY YOU! On 60 days and on the date, I hope it was absolutely lovely. And for what it's worth, I think focusing on having a nice time with someone you like is the absolute best way to date. You get to spend more time enjoying things and less time freaking out that everything needs to go to a perfect plan. I know it's more fun for me if that's how I think and MUCH more fun if that's how the other person is approaching it. I happen to also be a big fan of exit plans, just in case.

Turnagain - I should really sit down and calculate that sometime. I was going into debt with my drinking so I'm not so much putting anything aside now as catching up and trying to treat myself very occasionally. It'd do me good to at least look at how much I have saved - esp when you figure smokes into it as well. Thanks for the idea!

Hanna - Aw, I hate being stuck on the side of the road! Glad you made it home safe but that's no fun at all, especially when it feels like everything at once.

Ava - Yeah, I'm thinking about some of my dates when I was drinking and wondering what I was thinking. Except of course, mostly I wasn't thinking!

Matt M - Nice to see you and bravo on taking that time to think and call someone, and making it through!

Dutch - I'm so glad we helped and that you made it through, definitely agree to find another way to treat yourself and do that.

HBE - I'm so glad you're back here and have a plan to work on your anxiety. That's a good reminder to me, too - I'm really bad about putting off dealing with mine even though I know it'd only take one panic attack to make that bottle look really tempting again. I'm waiting to hear back on health insurance right now, but there's no reason I can't look into what else is offered in my area so I at least have some kind of plan in place. Thank you for sharing, very much so and much support your way.

[LavenderBlue]

Hypernova, I crossposted with you, ooops! Good for you for being in here; the old timers will give you great advice and all of us are here to support you. I totally get the SAD circle, but for me at least it really has gotten better the more time I spend sober. My moods have settled out plus it's one less thing to beat up on myself for. Stick close, read lots, and be kind to yourself and I know you can do it. I don't have the link anymore, but if you find a post from Byrd I know she has the Toolbox in her signature and that's another great place to find advice.

[Dutch1988]

Happy Friday everyone!

Woke up for the first Friday in a while knowig I'm not going to drink. I decided last night my goal is to just make my self so tired I come home, eat a pizza with the wife and pass out. So I went to grappling this morning at 7 and think I will try and go back at 11 to do open mat(basically sparring with folks for 2.5 total today). I want to compete at a local tournament in April and know if I'm not drinking I have a 109x better chance of winning the thing
Byrd what you said abot staying on here is so true, I can feel already just reading people's post what a strong reminder this place is to stay on top of being AF. We all know it, but being reminded frequently just plants it deep into our subconscious I think, or hoping it will anyway.
Hope everyone had an awesome day!

[Matt M.]

Byrd I look upon my drinking days as my SENTENCE. I served my time and now I'm free. When I look back, I cringe at what I wasted....time, relationships, productivity, experiences

Such a great analogy Byrd! I knew there was a reason why I liked you.