Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Not such great weather here - waiting for the next snow storm to arrive.

Lil, my favorite thing to do in San Fran is to run straight to the Ghiradelli chocolate store - yum
I could live in that store! Lots of great things to see & do in that city!

Jane, that feeling of choking on liquids can be horrendous - glad you're OK!

Overit, great on the DD's

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe & cozy night in the nest for all!

Lav

[LilBit]

Lavande, snow is fun for about a week, and that's about my tolerance level. I wish I could send you some of our warm sunshine. Ghiradelli -- yes! Yum. I like their dark chocolate and sea salt squares. There's also a candy store somewhere around Pier 39 that has all our childhood favorites: Zots, Good & Plenty, Mary Janes, Pixie Sticks... great stuff except for its effects on my waistline.

Day One back in the nest -- are my sugar cravings showing? :happy2:

[Hanna]

Hi nesters

Just checking in. Lil nest, welcome back!

I am most definitely in a better frame of mind than I was in the past few days. Sober, due to antabuse, but mostly just trying to be less hard on myself and recognizing that my time without al meant something...meant a lot. I am growing, and learning, and I will not let this set back define me as the continuing failure at getting sober that I was letting it do. I have to thank (again) a great phone conversation with someone here. Not sure if she wants me to say who she is so I haven't. But she knows who she is, and thank you, thank you. A voice of reason, as you all are, to drown out my own irrational thoughts. Those that tell me to drink, and those that tell me what an ass I am when I do. So, I feel ready to continue where I left off last week. I still have the antabuse in me, so don't quite think of the last couple days as truly sober. No offense AT ALL to you guys using it to stay sober. I have just found that, for me, it takes away the sense that I am doing this by choice, and thus, end up giving it up to drink again. That has just been my pattern. But I felt I needed to give myself a few days where I could be sober in spite of myself to re group my thoughts. Which I have done. So, time to move on. One huge issue for me is that it is really, really, hard to ask for help at the moment I need it most, and I need to work on this. I should have reached out here, clearly and loudly, when I felt myself caving, and I didn't. Yes, partly just because I wanted to drink, but I think mostly because I was afraid and to prideful to just be honest and ask for help when I needed it.

Wow, I am soooo rambling. Sorry. Anyway, night to all. Action girl...we can do this!! I will hold on to your waist, and/or you hold on to mine!

Lav. So sorry you are hating the cold! It's March..can't be much more. Geez, March. I turn 54 next week. Time to move on to better places.

Oh, someone had posted about how so many of us are (otherwise) into health...working out, eating well, etc. I too find that fascinating. Completely related.

Major ramble!!

Night all

[ADP]

:hug:Hi Nesters whereever you are.
Well a day 6 and looking for my week 1! Still determined, but tested. Tuesday I went shopping and found myself passing the AL counter saying out loud "I am an alcoholic, I don't drink"...(so glad no one heard me....but still waiting for a white van...lol!) Today has been frustrating as I seem to be suffering 'lame brain', when all jobs seem so complicated, (opening fridge door, making a coffee), so when I needed to go into the orchard and tie back trees that the wind had blown away from their stakes it felt like brain surgery. I got so anoyed, but thankfully didn't go running for a bottle of something! WHEW!!
The goal after this is 3 weeks, chosen because the longest previous period AF in the last 5 years was 17 days......GOT to beat that this time!

Lilbit, welcome back! As a real Newbie here I can't tell you something that you don't already know or the Senior members haven't helped with, but just to say, you know you can do this just because you were AF for the length of time you were, so if you need a hug, you're in the right place...:hug: :hug:

To all other Nesters, have a great AF Thursday see you at my week 1 party!!!

ADP xx

[LilBit]

Hanna, no worries. The rambles are how we get to know each other. Good for you on your better frame of mind and positive attitude. Sleep well.

[LilBit]

ADP, I'll bring the goofy hats to your party. One week is tremendous!

I can relate very well to "lame brain." I get that way when I'm hormonal and it seems like the simplest things are so difficult -- like I'll dump the ground coffee into my cup instead of the French Press. I also get "drop syndrome" where I'll drop one thing, bend down to pick it up and drop another thing...and so on. If there is truly a "life review" at the end of this life, then the angels will be bringing the popcorn to mine.

[KENSHO]

Hanna and LilBit, you sound good. Hang on to that positive attitude!

I did choose to sleep the last few nights - which I dearly needed. I am settling in for a late night though tonight, in preparation for missing a few work days. LAV, is it you who likes chai and green tea? I'm loving that tonight. Nice earthy, spicy combo!

Keep at it folks! My wavering was me asking the question, "Can I have a little, now that I'm feeling strong?" It is so silly how many times I can come to this question and get the same answer - and then arrive there again. That must be the addiction voice trying to sneak in. But I have, in fact, arrived back to the answer of "No, I can't have just a little" - and I didn't have to drink this time to get there. I dug through enough past posts to become fully re-aware that ANY drinking by me will lead to me obsessing and wanting more. It will make me fat and puffy. It will make me dishonest, sneaky and distant from loved ones. It will make my brain work like it's in mud. It will make my sleep fitful and I'll wake nauseous - and I know this happens with even one or two drinks because I've tested it before.

So read your past posts people - and BELIEVE them!

Take care everyone!

[Orimus]

Gmae all! Still working on getting past day three but back to being zen about it. Foot still not back to norm. Have to read back in the morn.

[Guitarista]

But I have, in fact, arrived back to the answer of "No, I can't have just a little" - and I didn't have to drink this time to get there. I dug through enough past posts to become fully re-aware that ANY drinking by me will lead to me obsessing and wanting more. It will make me fat and puffy. It will make me dishonest, sneaky and distant from loved ones. It will make my brain work like it's in mud. It will make my sleep fitful and I'll wake nauseous - and I know this happens with even one or two drinks because I've tested it before.

So read your past posts people - and BELIEVE them!

Take care everyone!

Now ain't that peculiar Kensho. Here i am on the other side of the world, having never met, and i am exactly the same! Just like Byrdy, Lav, Pav, Ava, NS, Sam, Turn.....and the list goes ON!

Even though our experiences are unique, we are the same. This is one reason why it's so cool to have this site and thread. We see we are not alone, and don't have to do this alone.

L8tr g8trs.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

LilBit - Welcome! Hugs! It is good to hear you feeling better. I'm over here on the left coast, too - but north of San Francisco. While I love the winter sunshine it makes me feel like I'm in a Mad Max movie because WE NEED RAIN! Massage and lemon water are a great way to start.

Kensho - that is how I keep sober. Even after a year, I had a fleeting thought - when my second kid goes to college, maybe I can try to moderate... I'll let my husband in on it, and he can tell me if it gets out of hand... But then I thought - WHAT? WHY? Like others have said, I was that Friday night blow out drinker. I DESERVED to drink, by golly, and drink I did. I felt like crap most Saturday mornings, had some hair of the dog on Saturday, felt like crap on Sunday, rinse repeat repeat repeat. Why would I want to do that to myself again. As it turns out, I don't drink.

Thanks for your post, Resolve. You have such a calm and eloquent style.

Byrdie - You are funny.

Hanna - I'm glad you're back and found a connection here. Stay close!

Ava - Thailand here you come. I remember how nervous you were. Another relationship mended by sobriety.

I'm off to bed. I am crazy at work, too. I was having a very stressful day, and even though I didn't "have the time," I locked my office door, put in my ear buds, and listened to my meditation app (Calm) for 10 minutes. Even that small amount helped - hard to believe. I have been fighting with my son about homework tonight, too! AARRGH. And guess what - a drink would NOT make it go away.

As G would say, the only way out is through.

G'night, nest.
Pav

[TJones16]

Hi Great to find and meet others here in MWO.

I was suggested to drop by here.. I hope you can advice me when I needed one.
There's alot of things going through my mind now.

[Guitarista]

Good to see you TJones. Welcome.

I hope you stick around and find this place useful.

Best wishes, G.

[enzo'smom]

LilBit-the stories I could tell! Just 11 days ago I was so wrung out, sitting in my dark house, hiding from the world, just trying to "relax" with a little drink. But relaxation is a lie, I was getting drunk. I never want to just relax or just get a buzz. Nope! That's a waste of a good dollar and a good time. But, I was hungover, alone, on the brink of divorce, wanting to call in sick at work the next day, hiding from friends because I looked and felt horrible, lying to everyone around me including the dog. UGH! I can even still smell myself. What a waste of life! The sun was shining, I had good food to be cooked, a husband to be lovn' on, and I was drunk!

Hang on! Open up the curtains for goodness sake! Take some time then go jump in a hot shower.

Check back in.

I used to hide from friends too…..I never even realized that until just now when I read your post!!!!!!

[Mstall]

MAE Nest! Howdy TJones! Stick around, read, post, ask questions. I am so looking forward to the weekend. I stressed myself out at work yesterday and ended up with a sore neck. I need an APP for my phone that can help me de-stress for 5 mins! I do it to myself and can't seem to stop my type A behavior.

Anyway, Have a great day all! It's the last of the cold days day, i hope! So looking forward to Spring!

Make good choices.

[enzo'smom]

today is the second day schools are closed due to weather. We have had a very snowy winter. Everyone is winter weary and complaining like there is no tomorrow. Not me. I am sober and feeling great. I am sleeping so soundly each night that it is amazing how great I feel in the morning. I have been up for over two hours (7:20 am here) and have spent this time reading, reading, reading, reading, journaling and now here on MWO. For every minute I spend working on my sobriety, I feel stronger and stronger.

Anyway, as I look out my windows at the winter wonderland before me, instead of feeling winter weary and tired of all this snow, I am actually enjoying it. It is so beautiful outside and I am trying to appreciate it as much as I can because I know, in all likelihood, this will be the last snowfall I see for many months to come

Oh brother, I sound so syrupy and silly, but that is where my attitude is right now. It sure beats feeling irritable, angry and craving to drink….So I'll take it