Howdy all, it’s great to see the nest growing like it is, many new people, and not so new people joining in on the discussions! I read all the posts and try to keep up with everyone, but usually post in the slower moving threads. Then I get a sort of revelation, maybe some of my thoughts just might be of some importance to someone else. Maybe the thoughts that I am having may help someone else with the struggles I had.
One would think that when drinking has become a dominant part of one's day that quitting drinking (and its attendant problems) would liberate one to skip through tulips and enjoy rainbows. Sorry to say, in my experience, this is not the case. So if you are newly sober, or are considering getting sober, one important thing to realize is that your life (and your body, and your brain) does not fix itself overnight. And you may find that the problems you thought you were getting rid of with drinking are now replaced with new problems.
I won't talk about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) as it is covered off in various other areas of the forum. I find the discussion of PAWS interesting, as these symptoms are described as part of the individual "getting healthy". In my case, the PAWS symptoms are less a part of getting healthy, and more directly a result of stopping drinking. Duh? No, let me explain.
See, we all drank for a reason. In my case, I drank to deal with emotional issues that I was unable to rationalize away. But it is more than emotional issues I am coming to realize. In my opinion, a lot of alcoholics are born with a different kind of brain, mental "hot-rods" if you will. And one of the problems with these really hot rod brains is that they operate incessantly. This can be very good, say, if one needs to do some home renovations and needs to solve a particularly tricky bit of fabrication. It can also be good in a work environment where there is a difficult challenge to be solved, and the brain is devoted 100% to solving it.
This can be very bad as well, say if one does not have a project or object of focus for the brain. If the brain is left to its own devices, all sorts of bad things happen. For example, the brain stews over something someone did or said ten years ago that bothered us, and now mentally works this slice of memory over and over until it becomes a predominant and negative thought. Our emotional selves then elevate, causing stress or anxiety over (get this) an insignificant event that took place decades prior. Wow. So what has quitting drinking done? It is a bit of a two handed slap to the brain. Because now, the brain’s engine can rev again at full throttle, and there is no "medication" to get the engine to "rev down" or the emotional brain to "rev down". In other words, we exchange one problem we have (and all its sub-problems) for an all new set of problems. So yes, not having my "medication" has caused issues in a number of areas. My brain decides that it needs an answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. And it needs it now. And not having an answer is making it run around inside my head like a frantic squirrel caught in a cage. Somehow I need to find a new way to rev down my brain since AL is off the table. I couldn’t turn to my old drinking buddies for those answers, they have the same answer that I used to have, when in doubt, have a drink! I realized how much of my social interaction revolved around my friends who also drank, as it "normalized" me, that drinking was an acceptable way of dealing with things.
Bubba is great, sticking beside me all these years and still supports me! She approaches life from a much more straightforward perspective, and has a hard time of seeing things from my perspective. She says things such as "just let the past go" or "you have to learn to forgive” or “just leave it up to God” as if I am actually making a conscious decision to be who I am. Between genetics and environment, I don't really have much of a choice here, and would certainly choose her approach over mine if I was able to, and that is slowly starting to happen.
Funny enough, looking back, the only times I was able to let the past go, or just be, was when I was under the influence of alcohol, Maybe this is why alcohol had such a siren song for me, that only when I drank did I feel like a "normal" person. When I drank, I could be in the moment, forget all the philosophical questions, shut down the pain of bad memories, and just be. Drinking is now off the table as an option to help me through daily life. I must get through each day sober, and I will. But being sober does not guarantee a happy or well-lived life. As an extrovert, I love the company of others, and enjoy discussing things of value and importance. Right now, this not a part of my life. Right now, I have to deal with my own problems first!
Social isolation is interesting as it relates to drinking - I'm also learning it is interesting as it relates to soberness. I think, as human beings, that our most important social need is to be understood and accepted. Not listened to, but understood. Not tolerated, but accepted. This is such a life-affirming necessary interaction - something that attracts kids to gangs, or lost souls to cults. And maybe this is the crux of the matter. I am not "normal", and am having difficulty finding understanding and acceptance. Hey, that's a pretty profound statement. So if we are not normal, we are lonely and sad, and can't interact with people on a level that we need to. So we drink to feel "normal", which is a short term and artificial solution to a genuine problem. Or we try and fit in as a "normal" person, which creates a whole new set of problems.
Wow, not a lot in the above that is very encouraging, is there?
So maybe the solution is to find others who are not normal, and make friends there. Because, at the end of it all, we just need to be understood and accepted. I'm very thankful for my MWO friends as they have been instrumental in helping me stay sober, especially when I am socially isolated right now. Even if my friends here don't understand me fully, they at least understand my need to quit drinking, it is something we all share and something we all accept about each other. This is incredibly valuable.
But after reading all of the above, it seems that my issue here is that I need to give my brain something to stay busy. To not let it dwell in the past and work up all those painful memories. To deal with those memories in a positive way, then let them go. Find acceptance in the fact that I’m not “normal” and I never will be. But at least I can accept myself for who I am and all the faults that go along with that. I need to make my friends understand that I no longer drink, if they can’t accept that, then I need to make new friends. At least it’s a start in the direction of long term recovery……
One would think that when drinking has become a dominant part of one's day that quitting drinking (and its attendant problems) would liberate one to skip through tulips and enjoy rainbows. Sorry to say, in my experience, this is not the case. So if you are newly sober, or are considering getting sober, one important thing to realize is that your life (and your body, and your brain) does not fix itself overnight. And you may find that the problems you thought you were getting rid of with drinking are now replaced with new problems.
I won't talk about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) as it is covered off in various other areas of the forum. I find the discussion of PAWS interesting, as these symptoms are described as part of the individual "getting healthy". In my case, the PAWS symptoms are less a part of getting healthy, and more directly a result of stopping drinking. Duh? No, let me explain.
See, we all drank for a reason. In my case, I drank to deal with emotional issues that I was unable to rationalize away. But it is more than emotional issues I am coming to realize. In my opinion, a lot of alcoholics are born with a different kind of brain, mental "hot-rods" if you will. And one of the problems with these really hot rod brains is that they operate incessantly. This can be very good, say, if one needs to do some home renovations and needs to solve a particularly tricky bit of fabrication. It can also be good in a work environment where there is a difficult challenge to be solved, and the brain is devoted 100% to solving it.
This can be very bad as well, say if one does not have a project or object of focus for the brain. If the brain is left to its own devices, all sorts of bad things happen. For example, the brain stews over something someone did or said ten years ago that bothered us, and now mentally works this slice of memory over and over until it becomes a predominant and negative thought. Our emotional selves then elevate, causing stress or anxiety over (get this) an insignificant event that took place decades prior. Wow. So what has quitting drinking done? It is a bit of a two handed slap to the brain. Because now, the brain’s engine can rev again at full throttle, and there is no "medication" to get the engine to "rev down" or the emotional brain to "rev down". In other words, we exchange one problem we have (and all its sub-problems) for an all new set of problems. So yes, not having my "medication" has caused issues in a number of areas. My brain decides that it needs an answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. And it needs it now. And not having an answer is making it run around inside my head like a frantic squirrel caught in a cage. Somehow I need to find a new way to rev down my brain since AL is off the table. I couldn’t turn to my old drinking buddies for those answers, they have the same answer that I used to have, when in doubt, have a drink! I realized how much of my social interaction revolved around my friends who also drank, as it "normalized" me, that drinking was an acceptable way of dealing with things.
Bubba is great, sticking beside me all these years and still supports me! She approaches life from a much more straightforward perspective, and has a hard time of seeing things from my perspective. She says things such as "just let the past go" or "you have to learn to forgive” or “just leave it up to God” as if I am actually making a conscious decision to be who I am. Between genetics and environment, I don't really have much of a choice here, and would certainly choose her approach over mine if I was able to, and that is slowly starting to happen.
Funny enough, looking back, the only times I was able to let the past go, or just be, was when I was under the influence of alcohol, Maybe this is why alcohol had such a siren song for me, that only when I drank did I feel like a "normal" person. When I drank, I could be in the moment, forget all the philosophical questions, shut down the pain of bad memories, and just be. Drinking is now off the table as an option to help me through daily life. I must get through each day sober, and I will. But being sober does not guarantee a happy or well-lived life. As an extrovert, I love the company of others, and enjoy discussing things of value and importance. Right now, this not a part of my life. Right now, I have to deal with my own problems first!
Social isolation is interesting as it relates to drinking - I'm also learning it is interesting as it relates to soberness. I think, as human beings, that our most important social need is to be understood and accepted. Not listened to, but understood. Not tolerated, but accepted. This is such a life-affirming necessary interaction - something that attracts kids to gangs, or lost souls to cults. And maybe this is the crux of the matter. I am not "normal", and am having difficulty finding understanding and acceptance. Hey, that's a pretty profound statement. So if we are not normal, we are lonely and sad, and can't interact with people on a level that we need to. So we drink to feel "normal", which is a short term and artificial solution to a genuine problem. Or we try and fit in as a "normal" person, which creates a whole new set of problems.
Wow, not a lot in the above that is very encouraging, is there?
So maybe the solution is to find others who are not normal, and make friends there. Because, at the end of it all, we just need to be understood and accepted. I'm very thankful for my MWO friends as they have been instrumental in helping me stay sober, especially when I am socially isolated right now. Even if my friends here don't understand me fully, they at least understand my need to quit drinking, it is something we all share and something we all accept about each other. This is incredibly valuable.
But after reading all of the above, it seems that my issue here is that I need to give my brain something to stay busy. To not let it dwell in the past and work up all those painful memories. To deal with those memories in a positive way, then let them go. Find acceptance in the fact that I’m not “normal” and I never will be. But at least I can accept myself for who I am and all the faults that go along with that. I need to make my friends understand that I no longer drink, if they can’t accept that, then I need to make new friends. At least it’s a start in the direction of long term recovery……
It feels so good now to just be able to post pics of myself when there's a reason instead of working so hard not to. 
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