Cowboy - Your post reminded me of something and I couldn't think of what it was until now. In Stephen King's book "On Writing" he talks about his history with alcohol and drug abuse. And he's got this great section where he talks about how he was telling himself that it was because he's a writer, because writers feel things more deeply than others do. (Or at least I think it's in that one, I might be remembering an interview or even something one of his characters says!) The point is that for him, he had to let go of that thinking and say "I drank because I was an alcoholic" because otherwise he was giving himself excuses for the drinking and also not finding other ways to deal. Plus then he started feeling like he shouldn't quit in case he needed it to write! I don't want to knock what you're saying, but I tend to be the same way - it's good for me to recognise my triggers and realize where in my life I still need to work on things...but it's dangerous if I start feeling like my drinking was to fix anything, even if it felt that way at the time. For myself I need to be careful of saying "Yeah, I had a drinking problem but it's because I'm so *special*" instead of because I have issues with alcohol. I am, actually, also a writer and I'm overly empathetic and I have a lot of the other things going on that you talked about; just for myself at least I have to be careful how I phrase it in relation to my drinking so I don't start thinking that I "deserve" AL, if that makes sense?
I've also found that the more I see myself as different, the more often I miss out on making friends that I actually would have some things in common with. I was one of those kids eager to move out of my small town and I made a LOT more friends once I was in a bigger city. A lot more of "my" people. When I had to move back to the old town, I was crushed since no one here ever "got" me. But the funny thing is, once I opened up a bit more I realized that everyone is "different" in their own way. I know that sounds like a line, but I wound up meeting some wonderful people that I could easily have brushed aside if I'd let myself. And discovered that some of "my" people weren't actually all that healthy for me to be friends with in the first place!
I rambled a bit here, my point is really just that I get what you're saying and on one level I agree because I've always been pretty "different" even before I started drinking. But the less I focus on that, and the more I just get out and try to live my life the better things go for me.
I've also found that the more I see myself as different, the more often I miss out on making friends that I actually would have some things in common with. I was one of those kids eager to move out of my small town and I made a LOT more friends once I was in a bigger city. A lot more of "my" people. When I had to move back to the old town, I was crushed since no one here ever "got" me. But the funny thing is, once I opened up a bit more I realized that everyone is "different" in their own way. I know that sounds like a line, but I wound up meeting some wonderful people that I could easily have brushed aside if I'd let myself. And discovered that some of "my" people weren't actually all that healthy for me to be friends with in the first place!
I rambled a bit here, my point is really just that I get what you're saying and on one level I agree because I've always been pretty "different" even before I started drinking. But the less I focus on that, and the more I just get out and try to live my life the better things go for me.
Hope everyone is having a great AF day or night!
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