Newbies Nest

[Overit-still]

Notonight, I love your user name. It's what I tell my fiancee all the time.

LilBit-Do tell!:heartthumbs: (but, the Fiancee is hanging around?)

Dutch [QUOTE=Dutch] I found out a guy in his forties passed today from cancer, very sad [QUOTE] I have a friend, a VIBRANT man just as of November, who has been diagnosed with bladder cancer and there is nothing they can do for him. Very sad. and yes IT SUCKS!

Happy Bday Hanna :balloons:

Daisy-Hi!

Byrd-I completely agree 100% with the zombie affect but I am a raging lunatic without. I do think it numbs me from both sides and that's why I don't feel my husbands pains like I should. We're talking about AD's here :bi_polo:

I hope everyone has a great AF day. I will!

[Dutch1988]

LavBlue,
I am heading out the door, but if I might make an impassioned plea to you on the Anti depressants....try everything else BEFORE you resort to a pill! If I had to do the last 10 years over, I can easily see that AD's were the beginning of the downward spiral for me. If I had engaged in some therapy with a good counselor, I would have avoided ALL of the associated SIDE EFFECTS of AD's. For me, it escalated my drinking...I KNOW you aren't drinking now, but it still numbs you over. The lows aren't as low, but the highs aren't very high either. I was a dang zombie. My blood pressure began increasing 6 months after I began AD's until there at the end (5 years later) I was on 3 BP meds. Of course, the BP meds put other things out of kilter, so it was a game of whack the weasel. The root cause was AD's! Then when I got off of them, that was a whole NEW experience in Hell-Week. If you are having anxiety and panic attacks, please try to get a therapist to help you deal with them as a way of life...learn new coping skills! I am sure that AD's help a lot of people, but I'm also convinced that Dr's give them out like candy! They are serious meds with serious side effects. Just look under the withdrawal symptoms of say, Cymbalta! There are 100's of people on those forums hopping mad because they had NO idea of the hideous withdrawal symptoms.
Sorry to be so long winded about this, but I really am passionate in my belief that learning how to cope with life will serve you 1000 times better than adding a pill.
Learned this one the hard way.
Out the door early this morning! Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

Byrdie are you diagnosed bipolar? My brother has had a very hard time with medications for bipolar and other mental illness for years, he said the same thing as you, aside from being a zombie, the side effects are just as bad as his mental health problems. I would love to know any methods you have used to help get a handle on it if bipolar was something you were struggling with, thanks!

[LavenderBlue]

I'll respond to the rest later, but just to clarify here - I've been on and off antidepressants and antianxiety meds a few times in my life, including long before I was drinking heavily. The major reason I got off them was actually the side effects - I always seem to get the worst ones. I've actually never felt the "numbness" from them, but they have messed with my appetite at times and always do this weird thing where they don't kill my sexual desires but they do prevent me from...let's call it "enjoyment" hehe. There was one AD that caused panic attacks for me, so that one was definitely a wash. I also want to make clear that if you need them, I fully support getting on and staying on them. I do think some doc's hand them out too readily, but I don't ever want someone who needs the help to feel like they shouldn't be on them. That's just me.

My depression is something I believe I can cope with even minus the AL, the only time I truly believe I needed them was years ago when I'd gone undiagnosed so long that I literally did not know what normal was anymore. I needed something to get me back to anything approaching normal because I just didn't even know where to look anymore. I didn't have anything to hook myself to in order to climb back up. Once I found that sense of normal, I was able to get off them and find other ways to cope. I do still need to be careful about it, though - before I started smoking and drinking I was self harming for a number of years. That was a very hard (and obviously very harmful) addiction to break, and I want to be careful not to go back down that road, either.

It's my anxiety that's tougher, as I have a history of panic attacks and I'm about to get back onto the work force after an extended absence due just as much to my anxiety as my drinking. I do not particularly want to spend my entire life on antianxiety meds, but I do want to fully explore my options before I start getting into something that I know is going to pull all the panic switches in my brain.

Totally not trying to say anyone's advice is wrong or not appreciated - it definitely is appreciated! - more that since you're concerned I want to make it clear that this wouldn't be my first time and I don't expect anything to be a magic fix. I have a history of not accepting help when I really should, including temporary med help, because I'm convinced I need to do it myself.

I super appreciate the concern and I promise that going on any meds is a decision I don't take lightly. I also intend to be honest with my doc that I've quit drinking and how much I did, so he knows we need to be careful about anything addictive. I don't WANT to, but I know I've got to.

Edit: Weirdly enough, I never drank at all while on AD or antianxiety - the side effects from mixing them scared the bejeezus out of me even though nothing else apparently did. It's the other reason I never stayed on them long, because in my head it was better to be able to drink.

[available]

Happy birthday Hanna have a lovely sober birthday.

I was on ad's and xanax for years and years. i gave up drinking and stopped the ad's about 8 months into my quit and i still get anxious but i am now trying to deal with my anxiety without meds. its taken me 15 months to feel confident enough emotionally to deal with my anxiety. its a struggle and sometimes i just cant face a situation without a pill but i am learning to try and deal with my issues face on slowly. I am grateful that my anxiety is not through the roof like it was when i drank to what it is now. Vets and mechanics seem to be a big issue for me. Go figure!

Drinking dream for me last night but i didnt actually drink, i was fighting internally with myself and family that i wanted to drink. I argued with everyone that i should be able to drink and that i wanted to. I have woken up exhausted from fighting last night. A reminder of the battle i dont want to play out again.

[enzo'smom]

posting now because I realize it has been a couple of days….i don't know what happened but the fact that I did not post here or call my sponsor yesterday scares me a little bit. I get so busy sometimes but I can't let all that stuff replace MWO or AA or my sponsor. I must stay diligent. Easy things in life don't last. This is not easy but with a little work, very doable!!!

[Dutch1988]

Lavender-I agree with you 100%, I had to take benzos for panic attacks in 2008 and knew they were very addictive but I didn't have a choice. Vi would literally wake up with a full blown level 10 panic attack and think the end was near. using the pills to get back to feeling like I knew normal was a must. After 4 months I was able to taper off but quickly found myself self medicating with alcohol instead. It's so ironic because my health was a main concern, I found out I had a strange type of tachycardia where my pulse stays elevated about 15 minutes after I stop exercise. Instead of being excited about burning extra calories I thought it was a sign of a bigger problem. Now when I toss them back ivdont even think about it haha. I hope your anxiety gets better! If you can conquer the alcohol im sure you can manage the anxiety too!

[Londoner]

Hey all - just a quick check in.

A big change in my lifestyle in the last day or 2. A lot more walking and public transport as the car has gone. And, if I'm honest, it's a blessing.

I have to be so much more organised. No sitting around wasting time on my phone or the PC. I need to get work done as time becomes more precious. And the walks are relaxing too

I feel like I'm going through adolescence - learning to face the World and having to risk things now.

Hope everyone is staying strong.

[not tonight]

Well, as I get ready to head off to bed, I just want to say thank you for your support and advice. Coming back into MWO has given me confidence in my ability to abstain. I have thought about coming back so many times over the past couple of years, but I guess in its struggle for survival, my addiction discouraged me from doing so. Anyway, I look forward to the days to come, and to getting to know you all. Peace and blessings.

[Overit-still]

A change of life for me to London (glad you are enjoying your newfound freedom!)

I received an offer today of an appointment to a certain community office that echos/strengthens my resolve of "I can never drink again." I don't even know if I will take it but 2 things:
1-I'm so thankful that I have never had any disasters related to my drinking. I never really drank in public so I don't look like a HUGE hypocrite and never got a DUI or stumbling out of a bar throwing up, showing up drunk and making scenes at places. I drank at home in my closet.
2-What will those who know of my drinking, again no one knows how deep and ugly it really was, think of me accepting this particular position of integrity and morality in the community?

On some level, I don't care because we can all be on the streets at some point and redeem our lives and in my book no one is above any other. We've all made mistakes. You might think murder and gossip are 2 different sins but in my Bible, they count as the same. So the fact to those liquor store clerks who say "hey, she has purchased alcohol from me." Well, yes, I USED to.

Anyway, still mulling it over. I haven't decided anything but the first thought I had was "I'm not worthy, you don't understand how tainted I am" but gosh darnit, it's right up my alley so, Why not? Why am I not worthy? and I've got to add that the position is not one of leading but of serving, a way to pay back, to encourage and to offer guidance and hope to others. And you never know, I might actually reveal my ugly issues, which I swore I would never do. You know how tiny towns are, and be able to help someone along the way.

Just rambling............

[Byrdlady]

Over-it, how exciting for you!
LavB, I hope I didnt overstep with my commentary on AD's, as I said, I am sure they benefit a lot of people....I wasnt one of them! But Im glad you are.
Dutch, I am not bipolar. I got really depressed after hurricane Katrina and all those people hurting....I asked my dr for something and he gave it. Time would have healed me but I wanted a quick fix (see profile of a typical alkie, fix it NOW). Im sorry about your brother. I hope he finds some answers.
Welcome back, NT. This is THE place to get sober if you are serious. So glad you're here!
Nighty nesters, long day! Byrdie

[MossRose]

Just wanted to say hi to everyone. It's been a while. I have had some personal stuff come up that I had to take care of. I think everything is going to be ok now, so I am ready to get back to normal, whatever that is. LOL.

It's odd that I would jump right back into the nest during a conversation about anxiety. That's been my lifelong challenge too. I suffered from anxiety long before I ever took my first drink. We just didn't know what it was back in the day. I was told to "suck it up," and I tried. But of course, it didn't work. Since then, I've tried everything to alleviate the suffering- self medicating (disaster), anti-anxiety meds (near disaster), and finally, a totally holistic approach (working). I got a lot of that information from MWO members and I will be forever grateful. Of course, the anxiety lessened quite a bit when I gave up AL, but I still had some awful moments. I may be sober but I didn't automatically figure out how to deal with life. Then I discovered a combination of amino acids, magnesium (very important), and some herbs and vitamins, and that has changed everything. I know how distressing anxiety can be. But, it can get better. Hang in there, all.

Happy birthday, Hanna.

Quiet here tonight. My brother told me yesterday that he is getting married. Wow! That's the last thing I ever expected to hear. He and his GF have been together for ten years, and she has stuck by him through everything. I believe he is still here because of his love for her. So, it makes perfect sense and seems like a good idea to me. I'm happy for them. May their union be blessed. I'm off to make some dinner. Talk later.

edit: Yes, my brother actually "told" me, which is due to the miracle of technology. He has been fitted with a prosthesis that allows him to speak a few words at a time. I'm not sure how it works, but he has spent a lot of time practicing. Amazing.

[LavenderBlue]

Byrd - You didn't overstep, and sorry I kinda threw out a wall of text. I just realized that of course no one knows my history with depression/anxiety or any meds since I've never talked about it! I blocked out some of it, too (like the partly staying off them only because I wanted to drink more) so I got long winded once I sat down and tried to be honest. For me and my past, being willing to see my doctor with an open mind is a huge step forward, but I shouldn't have expected anyone to psychically know that.

And I'm so glad for you that you've found the best ways to manage things for you. <3 I know the parts I had/have been able to work though took a LOT of work and there was a great sense of relief being able to come off them. (The first time I came off them I mean, before I was self medicating.) It's kind of reminding me of drinking in a way - there are general best practices and advice that's always important to consider, but if something works for *you* that's the important part.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

I am up to my elbows helping my poor son manage some late and half done projects. He is one of those kids who gets the content, but gets all his points off because the notebook isn't complete. VERY frustrating, and my big challenge is to sit here an prod him along without doing it for him. Serenity now... I am so grateful to be sober as I am dealing with his school struggles this year. I can't check out at night and just say "well, that's how it is." I have to (get to) face it straight on and with a clear head. I feel like a shitty mom for letting it get this far out of hand, but I can reason with myself and understand that I am doing the best I can given that I work full time.

Anyway - good on you for realizing you were pulling away, Jennie. Keep your connections going - it is like insurance - you "pay" with a post when you're feeling good so that you can reap the benefits when you need support.

Mossy - Good to see you here, too. That is cool about your brother.

Good to see you here, NotTonight - welcome back. Glad you're here.

Londoner - good riddance to that adolescent, heh?

Off to do some project-ing.

Pav

[LavenderBlue]

Thanks so much for the kind words and support, everyone! It means a lot just to be reminded that I'm not the only one to struggle with these issues while also needing to stay sober. I'm going to remember that way of looking at it, Dutch - after quitting drinking I should be able to do anything, darn it!

So, today was a mixed bag. The good part was that I got out to run errands on the first really nice day we've had yet - it was in the 60's for a bit. Being able to do that is still something I'm grateful for, not having to wait to sober up but just shower and go. I also got off my rear and walked the dog for a while. Not nearly as far as I used to walk, but we'll build up to that. And it's on my list of things that's much better to do sober. And something I really missed doing.

Less fun was that, go figure, I had a momentary panic while shopping. I got my breathing under control before it was a full blown panic attack, but I sure felt one coming. Blarg! I'd met my ex while we were both working for a big box mart - I actually don't even go to that one anymore. But sometimes going to a similar store, something will hit me just right and it's this weird combination of my brain almost flashing back to working with him and thinking I'm going to run into him. (Not likely since last I was in touch he was going to be in prison for forever.) I don't mind admitting that it was scary in the moment, but if that's not a reminder that I should look into actual counseling then I don't know what is. There's something not right about having flashbacks that upset me that much years after the fact; I deserve to be able to put it all behind me for real instead of just shoving it into a box in the back of my head.

Back on happier news; now that it's nicer it's also finally hitting me that I've lost about half the depression/drinking weight I'd put on. That feels really good, that I've set out to try to treat my body better and I can see the improvement. And instead of thinking it's impossible to ever get back to where I used to be, now I see it as something I *can* do given time.

enzo'smom, not tonight, Daisy, and everyone else - Do stay close! Staying close here is one of the biggest things that got me through my early quit and I wouldn't be back now if I didn't still think it's important. Plus everything you guys write helps me, too. I can't always respond to everything but each post I read reminds me that we're all here for each other and keeps me on track, too.

Good luck with your night/day everyone; sending good thoughts for low stress AF time!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Just finished up a busy evening watching my grandsons - super busy but fun

Lav Blue, I hope you know that we all care & that's why we throw out suggestions on certain topics.
Anxiety & panic attacks are more common than most people think, not fun. Getting rid of AL, finding some good herbal OTCs & some self-applied CBT helped me out of all that. You will find your way out too :hug:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Hanna!
Sober birthdays rock!!!

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for all. I'm pulling the plug on this day, I am tired, LOL

Lav