Newbies Nest

[Overit-still]

Good morning everyone. My husband said last night that we are still divorcing. I've don't too much damage to repair. (He still does not acknowledge AL as my leading problem). Anyway, don't know what I'm going to do. My first thought was, I'm going to quit taking my pill, give it 7 days and have a drinking pity party with my girlfriends, then when I could visualize that picture, it was disgusting! I am not even considering that. Sorry, I'm on my phone, I'll type more later. This sucks for a day of concentration at work.

Edited to fix all the spelling issues from writing from my phone. You thought I was drinking huh? NOT!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Happy St Patrick's day to those who celebrate!
I actually don't have a drop of Irish in me but sure did enjoy visiting the country 12 years ago

Overit, I am sorry about your situation. Does he take ownership of any of the problems? Mine sure doesn't. Please believe that everything is going to be OK, we're here to support you :hug:

Greetings Mr V, good to see you. Are you thinking about quitting? Whatever 'control' you feel you have over AL is most likely wishful thinking - at least it was for me. Please take care of yourself.

Wishing everyone a good AF Tuesday!
I have another busy day ahead!

Lav

[abcowboy]

[KENSHO]

Overit, you have had a great, positive attitude here. Don't lose that and look forward. You can get through this and come out on the other side shining if you keep taking care of yourself!

Exactly a year ago, I knew I would be done with alcohol - on one of the biggest drinking days of the year. It took some time to get my head right, but I am there. I will never go back to destroying my life and hurting those around me. Life isn't perfect, but I am experiencing it fully now, and I am so grateful for that. No more running.

[Overit-still]

Thanks everyone. I'm on a real computer now so I can type correctly. I did edit the previous post because it looked terrible.

Anyway, too much to do at work today. Trying to keep it together and smile

LAV-no. It's always a two way street but it is 100% my fault. But he doesn't believe me that the drinking was a HUGE contributor to the things I've said and done to hurt him. He said "wouldn't the drinking have made you say things that were really true?" Um....no. It makes you say stupid things that you wouldn't even consider because your brain is way out in wacko land. There is so much that I could just throw back at him but I don't believe in keeping score and I would never want to hurt him by saying such unkind things.

Part of me just wants to say "ok, if this is it, I've got work to do" and get packed up and move. (I would need to relocate to be near my ailing mother) but I cannot fathom my life without him.

Like I said before the vision of me having a pity party with my girl friends and drinking (getting drunk) and spewing stupid stuff and crying and venting and being sick and then having to wonder what I actually said, being embarrassed.......it all just makes me cringe. That is the most disgusting image I can think of. I haven't had a drop since the weekend he left me for a few days and I won't. NEVER AGAIN!

Sorry, woe is me. There are bigger fish to fry than me dealing with my consequences.

I hope everyone has a good day today.

[not tonight]

Hello Nesters,

Overit I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have said some unforgivable things to my husband the morning after, alcohol just wants to destroy. I hope all is not lost with you both, and that maybe with time you can reconcile. I think your choice not to retaliate or keep score shows a great deal of wisdom, and I commend you for it.

ADP, well done on 18 days sober! You must feel great!

Byrdlady, thank you for your post, I can see it getting bumped up in the future. This is hard, as is anything worth having in this life.

Available, I am so sorry about the news of your friend Robert. I will keep him in my prayers.

Guitarista - hope your gig went well, and what is a chook?

I meant to check in yesterday, but we had a deadline, (which was meant to go out last Friday, oops!), so it was heads down, full throttle. Today is day 7 for me, and I feel, or rather am, a completely different person than I was last Tuesday. The challenges in my life remain the same, but I can cope. When you rid your body and mind of alcohol, you create room for hope. Emotionally, I have my ups and downs, as I re-learn how to function with a sober mind, but what a difference. On my 40th birthday, I felt it was time for me to stop drinking, this summer I will turn 49, so obviously the job was bigger that had I imagined. But if I end my 40's sober, then job done. There is more I want to write, about emerging from a picked brain, but I am under the gun this week with work, which is actually getting done as I am not handicapped by wine.
Keep up the good fight everyone! Peace.

[LilBit]

Overit, I'm also sorry to hear you're going through all that. Nothing cuts you to the core or turns your world topsy-turvy like marital or deep relationship troubles. But whatever you've said or done, regardless of what he says now (out of hurt and disillusionment) there is always a way forward if you truly love each other. Notice that I didn't say a way back. You're a different creature now without the AL. Anything you build in the future with or without him will be different, new and better. Whether you stay together physically or not, you're shuffling off the old husk of a relationship that was at least partly based on the Living Lie that AL is. The process hurts. But it's necessary and worth it. Love will find a way.

AND, if motivating you to finally call it quits with the AL was the result of this awful mess, then it was the best worst thing that ever happened to you. I'm glad that your vision of tying one on with the girlfriends is so repulsive to you. Keep up the resolve and, while you're at it, keep the chin up, too -- and while you're at it, have a cupcake!

Keep us posted?

LilBit

[Overit-still]

-- and while you're at it, have a cupcake!

LilBit

Made me smile, thank you.

[LavenderBlue]

Just poking my head in quick after that vet visit. We were behind on some shots which made me mad at myself - I know I missed them back when I was drinking - BUT he's doing just fine and is up to date on everything now. It feels good to know, especially with spring slowly getting here and all the creepy crawlies waking up.

I'd spaced that today was St. Paddy's. I sat down with myself for a bit over that - it always used to be really hard for me when I didn't have plans. Only I realized that this year, not drinking, is the first in a while that I'm *not* throwing myself a pity party. My actual "fun" memories are all from my early 20's, but I was a different person then, living in a different place, and with different friends. I couldn't go back even if I wanted, and you know I really don't want to. It's not me anymore. And last year was probably the worst ever. I didn't have plans and I knew I shouldn't drink my old favorites because my health was so poor, but I picked some up anyway and sat around feeling sick and miserable and being all maudlin over how much "fun" I used to have while convinced I was "celebrating." Ew. Ew, no. This year I'm going to have a good day, stay off the roads in the evening, and have a relaxing night. I don't WANT to go sit at an overcrowded pub where half the folks are only there for the holiday and I don't WANT to sit at home drinking and feeling sorry for myself - and I don't HAVE to!

Mr V - Glad you poked your head in, hope you stick around and listen to the old timers. That's pretty much what got my butt moving in the direction I needed!

Overit - I'm so sorry to hear that, sending love and support!

[mywayin]

Happy Saint Patrick's to all you nesters!
If any one doesn't know what to do with themselves today, I invite you all over to chase the snakes out of my garden...

[available]

NT congratulations on 7 days, it was the start of the rest of my life and keeping on track was hard some days, fecking hard but all we can do is a day at a time. have a happy day!

Overit, my theory is not to drink AT anyone. The more sober time you have the more "sensible" we become. I was a raving lunatic when i drank, well it seemed like that to me. So bloody irrational and all over the place and that carried on when i was sober. Now there is no differentiation with my life as it is one sober 24 hour stint daily.

I had to take my dog to the vets again, i think i have shares in that bloody place. Of course i have to try one more thing to help her and now i am up to my 5th ONE more thing. we are keeping her on high doses of steroids for a longer amount of time and then slowly taper them down. she picks up amazingly when she is on a higher dose so we will see how it goes. It is probably cancer of she has had a stroke but if she can have quality of life then i will give her that.

Robert told me he is sad, i told Robert i was sad too. We will do what we can. I so wanted al to numb my pain but as we all know we wake up the next day to the same pain and the same issues. Dealing with this sober is just how it is now. I can want al all i want but it isnt happening just as i want Robert to get well and that wont happen either so its one day at a time at the moment.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, they do keep me strong and sooooooo accountable.

Take care

[Overit-still]

AVA-definitely not drinking AT anyone. the thought of that sorry bag lady repulses me. I can't even describe the disgust.

I just went home for lunch and got a GREAT BIG HUG and apology from my husband. I love him so much. I hope he sticks around long enough for me to learn to love him the way he deserves.

[Dutch1988]

Sorry to hear about your situation overit, that would be a huge drinking party for me a few weeks ago. Definitely like the idea of not drinking AT someone, I will remember that!

Congratulations NT on 7 days, that's a great milestone!

So yesterday I asked my wife what she liked the most about me not drinking, she said even though it's only been a few weeks I've lost weight on my belly. Don't know if she knows me so well she was playing to my vanity or if she was serious haha, either way it reaffirmed that I am not stopping for anyone.

Sunday at the zoo my sister said I could sneak a drink from her when my wife went to the bathroom. I looked at her with a Wtf face and said I was the one who decided to not drink, my wife had nothing to do with it. By the way try enjoying the zoo with a bunch of drinkers, my kid saw less than half of what we could have with all the bathroom breaks and drink breaks to stand in line. Things are definitely coming into perspective for me.😄

[Overit-still]

Things are definitely coming into perspective for me.��

Awesome Dutch. For me too.

[Guitarista]

Hi everyone,

Good job on 7 days NT! Congrat's to all the milestoners 'round this joint.

Ava. My thoughts are with you at this time. I note that you are now one of the 'strong' ones here, achieving over a year of sobriety which i and many of us who know you, know that it has been hard won and to me, a heroic journey. But just know that we are here for you, and thinking of you, Robert and your pup. You are stepping up to life and you are amazing to keep an even keel and maintain your sobriety through all of this. It must get really hard for you at times. Robert, your pup, your family and of course all of us are very lucky to have you around. Take care of you, and lean on us anytime if you need to. Today is a great day to be sober and to be alive.

Have a bewdy out there Nesters. G