Newbies Nest

[Overit-still]

Dutch, that's a tough one. That's where I was at a few weekends ago knowing I was heading home to a party at my house. I wasn't craving a drink at the time but I didn't want to be so anxious that I had a miserable time or made someone else's evening a bust because I was cranky. First of all, would she be offended if you were honest and explained your situation. We know that our spouses don't understand what it is WE are dealing with but if she wants you to be successful she might understand. I know I would need more time in the sober tank. We all have to learn new coping skills. Second, if you can't get out of it, you can still do this. You are strong. Just order your non AL drinks and enjoy the evening. She's pregnant, she can't drink either. Good luck to you and yes, this is a HUGE fish to fry my friend.

[Byrdlady]

Fly by check in. All going well on the road. Out last night with some reps and all got wine but me. No pull and no questions from them! What a blessing. Hang in there and you will become indifferent also! Hugs to all, back to class! Byrdie

[available]

London you are sounding great and congratulations on your 50 days, it sounds like you have got it and feel a sense of peace and determination. you were one pissed off man in the past and now have a sense of serenity. I'm proud of you.

LilB you hubs to me sounds like he has a drinking problem himself and feels threatened with you not drinking. he will try everything in the book to make himself feel better and to justify why he drinks. that is a very hard one to deal with but keep doing as you are. do not get the feck its and join in his so called fun. I think there are stages of grief with al, i always thought that giving up drinking that al had died to me and i had to go through the stages of grief to get through how i felt. At the moment i am missing al deeply so thanks for asking that question and putting how i feel now into perspective.

Dutch once you get over your anxiety of not drinking, which gets to massive levels and you get there you will be fine. Better than fine in fact, you will have a ball and remember everything. Your wife does not feel how you do and its funny how all we think of is al. We are not normal being addicts Dutch and these thoughts are normal for us. Doing 1sts for us alkies without al is a sure challenge but i love it now. If though you feel you will definitely drink then dont go. this is your priority now and the comedian will be back! I have done a lot of 1sts since i stopped drinking and it does get easier but i always check in here beforehand and talking about it and getting your head around it before the event helped me massively. I used to stare at peoples drinks and so wish it was me, its not me now and it feels good.

Hanna you need to eat and feck him and his attitude is what i will say. You are the priority, this is about you and you only, the rest will fall into place in time. I was way too thin when i drank and i looked ghastly now i look at previous pics. So i have gained 5 kgs, the world is not going to end since i have gained weight, i feel better but at times i do feel guilty. I have body issues that i am slowly working on but its on on the outside what counts its within. i would be furious with Lil's and your partner and definitely (was going to say probably but nah) told them to f##k off and told them that you are doing this for yourself and definitely not for them. I know you both wont drink, you are both strong women.

Thanks Mr G for you post, i truly appreciated that yesterday. i feel helpless at the moment, i cant control what is happening, i miss not being able to rely on blocking out the pain i feel, i miss al. I suppose this is why people relapse as they dont have the support, they think just 1 and off they go. I dont want to do that and i will not. I will deal with the issues i have sober. My dog will die and my friend will die too, i dont know when but i will be sober. I cant change what will happen as much as i wish to but i can do this sober. Thank god for mwo and my family.

[LilBit]

The only thing I keep telling myself is let's try this normally alcohol filled night sober and see if it's just as fun. \

Dutch, I bet it's actually more fun because you won't have that nagging beast whispering in your ear to order another one AND you'll be fully coherent the entire time so I bet you'll hear & absorb more of what they're saying. Also, why not treat your newly discovered mom-to-be to a luscious dessert with two spoons? (That's not a long-term solution but it can help give you something healthier to feel guilty about.)

[Turnagain]

I'm worried it won't by enjoyable sober or I might order a drink. The only thing I keep telling myself is let's try this normally alcohol filled night sober and see if it's just as fun. Just nervous because it'll be the same day as my last quit from two weeks back.

Hi Dutch - Just wanted to add to the enCOURAGEment...you're getting for this upcoming challenge. It's natural to feel this way and whether you realize it or not - you're already well on the way to success.

What really helped me tremendously in the early days was a very simple technique of 'reframing' how I viewed a known trigger. Here's how that could apply in your situation:

Trigger: Drinking at a Comedy Club

OLD thinking:

OMG! I've always had drinks here. The drinks are in my face - I've got to pay for at least 2. What if I cave in? I've caved before around this time.

NEW thinking:

BIO! (Bring it ON!) I never HAVE to drink again. Challenges like this give me another opportunity to smack down an old trigger by replacing it with healthy new neural pathways in my brain. I have the power and knowledge to deal with this. I am healing and things ARE different this time.

Here's why this works: The brain is set up to release chemicals based on the input it receives. For the most part, WE get to choose what that data is. And, in the case of triggers early on in the healing process, we have regained the capacity to react to the bad data that crops up from a over-stimulated conditioned response.

That is power. And it's ours for the taking. Start programming yourself for that success! If a doubt flies in...swat it immediately and replace it with the exact opposite - and positive- thought.

You CAN do this!

[Dutch1988]

Thank you overit, Lilbit, Ava, and turn again. All of your advice has really moved me from a place of tension to looking forward to it. I like the idea of enjoying some food with my wife instead of me pounding 4+ long islands by myself, and will definitely use that to reframe what I am telling myself about going. I think once I get there and get an alternative going I'll be fine, definitely feel better though and M looking forward to the Challenge instead of thinking of it as a problem. Much appreciated!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Thanks for showing me the Stella commercial Lil - I actually haven't seen it before! Wow, Stella really gets around

Londoner, CONGRATS on your 50 AF days! Keep going, see what your new future brings!!!

Ava, you truly have our collective love & support now & always. Please lean on us as much as you need to, OK? :hug:

Dutch, I found taking the 'importance' off AL to be very helpful. Just go & enjoy the show with your wife, forget the drinks

Hanna, Lil - I don't know what to say about the non-interested spouse thing. I certainly went thru a period of anger after my quit because I wanted mine to do whatever he needed to do to fix his own shit. Yeah, that didn't happen. He was so overwhelmed he just walked out. Is this what I deserved after everything I had been thru & sticking by him for nearly 40 years? NO, it wasn't. I decided right then & there I was going to keep my focus on myself & what I needed. We need to remember that they also have a choice to make every day, stay & be happy or take their miserableness & go. He eventually got over his MAN POUT but it took four years. I didn't consider drinking thru all that, not even once. Why would I? I drank AT him for nearly 10 years when he started his pout & it didn't help the situation one bit. I still say focus on yourselves, do what is best for you. You can't change them, they have to do that themselves.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest - getting chilly here once again.

Lav

[MossRose]

Very depressing night. I won't bore you all with the details, but it has really sucked. I hate cancer.

[Hanna]

OMG Moss are you ok? Just worried sick based on your post

[MossRose]

Thanks, Hanna. I'm ok, but people I love are not ok. I won't drink, but I'm quite upset right now. My brother is barely hanging on. I talked to him tonight, and while he doesn't sound the way he used to, I understand him, and we can communicate. That's an improvement. My SIL is probably in worse shape. I stopped by there tonight to drop off some food. It's all awful. She has gone downhill in less than a week. My parents are nearing bankruptcy because they are very nice people and are helping both of them, without the means to do so. I don't even know where to go with this.

[Overit-still]

MossRose-that does suck! Stay strong! But yes, this sucks! It's just plain crappy!

[Hanna]

Oh Moss rose, I so sorry, that is really hard. I have only one sister, and she had two girls, and lost one to cancer about 7 years ago. I became, and still am, her best friend/confidant. The connection with her is great, and we have had some conversations abut my dinking, but most of or converations are about me helping her. So that makes it tough.

OK night guus

[LilBit]

MossR, I'll add one more hug to the pile for you. Lost my brother-in-law two years ago to cancer. Very hard. But SOOO glad to hear that you're dealing with it without the AL. Hang in there.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Ava and Mossy - big hugs to you both. Stay strong through this, and good on you for reaching out.

Dutch - I hope you had fun. Those firsts were stressful for me, too, but I have learned to adjust and just go with the flow sober. Sometimes my anxiety kicks in and I just say no - I got sick or something. Do what feels right to you.

Put a fork in me, I'm done. Off to bed.

Pav

[enzo'smom]

MossRose….the worst part of cancer is being powerless. I am so sorry.